Growing Traffic on Your Site the Smart Way

“Every website must have online traffic if it expects profits and benefits. Driving substantial traffic to a website or blog is a critical factor in any successful business plan."  Krohn Media is one of the best in the business at driving massive online traffic to websites and blogs.”

It gives me great pleasure to give my followers information on Steven Krohn for your individual or business use.  Any that you know who would benefit from his expertise, please share his information as an invaluable resource. In this

business, it is hard to segment the shysters from the experts.   I have known Steven for a few years and have found him to be one of the premier sources of this type of work. His work is top-notch, his pricing competitive and can attest to the fact he is results-driven.  Steven is always on the cutting edge of the newest technology in this field.

Wondering how big of an impact it makes to have a heavy steady traffic flow to your website?  Read the article below from Krohn Media that explains in  depth reasons why this traffic is critical to your success and growth. 

There are millions of business owners that know they have to be on the Internet in order to both survive as well as to out-market their competition. Chances are that your competitors have invested heavily online. Why? Your prospects will always look online for a solution to their problems.

The running joke in the search engine optimization (SEO) community is that Page 2 on the search engine for a particular keyword is considered a graveyard, since only a small percentage search for solutions outside of the first page. People are too busy nowadays to spend a lot of time searching, right?

All business owners hear that their website must get a lot of traffic in order to get traction in the marketplace. However, they don’t really understand how it benefits them and can significantly impact their bottom line one way or another.

Top 5 Reasons Why Your Website Needs Traffic

1.    Charge More Money For Advertising
When serious advertisers choose websites to extend their brand message, one of the sites they look at is Alexa.com. The more traffic your website receives the more you can charge for advertising.

2.   Improved SEO
As long as you properly keyword optimize certain pages, search engines will consider that particular page popular and will immediately list it higher.  

In general, the public believes if something is listed higher in the search engines, it is deemed more credible and will enhance your reputation. Even better that once a visitor hits your page that is listed higher in the search engine, they will check out your other content and you may pick up lots of subscribers over time, if you have a compelling offer.

3.   You Become The Cool Kid
Let’s face it, everyone wanted to hang with the cool kids in high school. The same holds true in real life. Nothing creates more for free traffic than other people that shares your cool content. This will lead back to additional traffic being driven to your website. The more people sharing your content, the cooler you will become.

4.   Enhance Marketplace Domination
This may be an unintended benefit of increased website traffic. You are taking valuable virtual real estate from your competitors.  Prospects are always looking for solutions to their problems. Either they will seek a solution from you or to your competitors and will spend money to do it. Be their logical choice.

5.   Ninja-Like Keyword Magic

Part of any legitimate digital marketing campaign is a daily viewing of your Google

Analytics. You will be able to see not only where you traffic came from and also the

keywords in which they found you in the search engines. Once you find extremely popular keywords, it would be wise to create additional content with those keywords.  Feed the beast! 

Obviously, these reasons can quickly catapult your website from an unknown to quickly becoming the resource prospects will turn to in order to solve their problems.

The sooner you can drive a massive amount of traffic to your website, the sooner your bottom line will love you!

Contact Information for Krohn Media: 

 steven.krohn@att.net or (682) 593-3430

***I welcome your feedback once working with Steven of Krohn Media though I know you won't be disappointed! 

Get Politically Savvy

I use to think politics were for only smart people.  As I got more interested in it, I realized politics is about understanding and being involved in what is going on in government at the different levels be it city, state or the nation. As American citizens, we have a responsibility to be involved at some degree.

Voting is the main responsibility. However, how can you make an informed vote if you are not educated on the candidates? Simply watching an ad or listening to your friends is not a sound reason to vote for someone. Name recognition is not good logic either. Everyone has heard of the Sandman and yet if he appeared on a ballot, would you endorse him?

It does take abit of homework on a voter’s part. Research is easy, simply get on the internet and google the candidates and read up on their views. Compare and contrast each statement. Also, read their bios and see whom seems to be capable of best representing the people of your area and devoted to meeting the needs of your area. The issues you are struggling with are the needs that matter so definitely make those the priority.

If you feel strongly about an issue or a candidate, get outside your comfort zone and make some noise. Sitting at home complaining does no good. It does not encourage others to vote, to sound alarms or donate money to make a campaign for a good candidate successful. In my District, one man sat in the House Position for 24 years, Michael Bilirakis. His son Gus Michael Bilirakis has been in the seat ever since, 2007.  Consequently, the opponent, Mark Tager is finding it extremely hard to break through as the name recognition is so strong.  Tager has new ideas, fresh blood and creative solutions.

When a representative is in the same position for such a long period of time, it is easy for them to get credit for everything positive that happens whether or not they had anything to do with it. Look behind the photo ops and the media lines to determine, were they instrumental or not? Is their webpage merely tagging on to their party’s successes or are they standing on solid ground with accomplishments that have truly impacted their region?  If this is the case, it is time to vote them out and let someone you feel is competent step in.

Make certain you are pushing everyone to not only register to vote but show up on election day. This is a civic responsibility. There is no excuse not to take the time to pull a few levers. If you live here, you need to make the time just as surely as understanding who you are voting for and what they are standing for and against.  Your opinions matter as much as theirs do!

Transpose Me God

Today at church our priest asked a question. "What are the moments in our lives that

transpose us?"  What events occur that make us change significantly in ways we can never return back to who we were before?  Are they happy or sad events or both?

Reflecting on this, initially no one reacted.  He had to pump ideas into the congregation"s head. "Surely someone has had a child."  That got the wheels turning and the ideas flowing, shouts began one after another.

When something happens in our life very good, it is easy, initially, to assume it had something to do with us. However, upon reflection, we must recognize it is by divine grace of God we are given blessings, much as we are given life. Many babies are never born, dying in the womb not seeing the light of day. You being here is a miracle.  Thus that is transposing to all those that know you and whose lives you touch. Are you making the most of those experiences, impacting others lives in a positive way, lifting people up so as to help them achieve their greatness?

We are also transposed when we commit to relationships, such as marriage and deep abiding friendships.  Honoring relationships is keeping them sacred, prime importance in your life above all else. Do you protect other’s love, trying to minimize pain or do you take it for granted? We are to cherish each other's love and feelings as if they were our own.  We should be a shoulder to cry on for each other and be there in times of sorrow and need, in good times and in bad. Can we not celebrate and cheer each other on as we are all children of God? In doing so, our lives and others should and would forever be changed.

We are also transposed, as Father pointed out, very much by sad events, such as the death of a child. It truly tests  our faith. Hearing the word cancer, said in relation to us, or any life limiting disease transposes us as we now face our own mortality firsthand. We must face the inevitable and deal with it in a real way. With this realization comes the process of acceptance of  God as our savior if we are to have peace and serenity approaching death. Understanding that the path of Jesus's resurrection leads to life will help not only us but the loved ones we leave behind.

Being shut out of loved ones lives is the reality of many Christians, such as in divorce or families falling apart. It is never easy to let go of ones you love but sometimes the signs are there that you are no longer wanted.  Fighting it will not change the outcome.  Transposition is not always something we want to embrace but with God's help, we can successfully. 

As Christians we do not create our own life’s plans, we walk in God’s divine plan and make the best choices we can with our daily steps. Accept defeat with grace and those that persecute you, let them be. You must be right with God in the end, that is what matters most. The Lord is with you always, keep an open heart to those that love you unconditionally.  

As our Priest said today, only with transposing oneself can a Christian truly grow. We need moments that stop us in our tracks, both good and bad episodes, that affect us in a way we will never be the same. That is called living a rich full life.  The price of this is that you will have times that will shake you to the core and bring you to your knees in sorrow.

Anything less than this, though, is half living. And wishing it weren't is taking the miracle of life for granted. So don’t be frightened when you find yourself looking in the mirror and seeing yourself change. That simply means you have lived, you have embraced and you have allowed God to work through you!  Amen. 

------------

After communion, I looked around and bent my head down, reflecting on how blessed I am to be at such a beautiful loving church. Inspite of all that I miss in my life, I can feel, every single time I attend Mass every week here my Grandmother in heaven watching me. She was a devout Catholic, who I use to watch pray the rosary and talk to me about her faith. I know she is proud of me for converting to Catholism and practicing the faith that was so much a part of who she was. 

And yes, Grandma, my faith, your beautiful Catholic Church has transposed me too!

Loving Watermelons - Is it Bad?

How exciting to find out watermelon is great for you because I love eating it! For

years I avoided indulging on this favorite because I thought it was consuming way too much sugary water. Now I feel completely justified in eating away and s will you. 

Do you know more people get sick in the summer from dehydration than about anything?  Watermelon is 94% water!  And if you love it, stay hydrated by eating it!

There is so much vitamin content in this fruit, also classified as a vegetable. It is loaded with Vitamins A, B6 and C.

It also contains lycopene, more than in raw tomatoes. Of the produce family, it has one of the highest levels.  This little know nutrient, lycopene,  is taken by people who want to prevent hardening of the arteries, and cancer prevention, specifically prostate, breast, lung, bladder, ovaries, colon and pancreas! . It’s benefit in reducing risks of cancer is because it helps fight the formation of “radicals” that are known to be strongly linked to cancer. Lycopene is also used to treat some HPV infections which can be a cause of uterine cancer

Lycopene has anti-inflammatory properties too. Watermelon is known to help with muscle soreness.  It is even linked with bone health.

Watermelon has antioxidants, amino acids and a small amount of potassium in it. The benefits of these three are more widely known by the general population. This is why it has a distinction of being classification a Super Food. The benefits of eating watermelon are an extensive list indeed.  

Over the years, so many spit out the watermelon seeds, perhaps afraid one

would grow internally! LOL!  Actually the seeds are quite beneficial to eat.

 Vitamins contained in them are B, potassium, magnesium and zinc. Also, it is known for being a good source of healthy fats, protein and fiber.

It is a misnomer that there is such a thing as a watermelon diet. However, eating it cleanses your body and helps you lose weight at the same time. It contains only 6% sugar. One cup of watermelon is 47 calories.

Watermelon is the #1 consumed melon in the country. If you aren’t on the bandwagon eating watermelon now, you are short changing your body!  Eat up and spit out the guilt! 

Friendships can be Fleeting

Friendships can be fleeting,                     

They may simmer and be hot,

Sharing highs and lows

Helps one mature a lot.

But life is full of challenges.

And relationships can unfold,

When feelings aren’t reciprocated,

The end of the story should be told.

It is hard when there are memories,

That fill your heart with joy,

But over time those moments

Can become a decoy.   

Our lives are enriched,

Just by having friends,

But it is important to recognize

When the time has come for it to end.

Not every friend is there forever,

For our standards do go up,

One must ask themselves,

Is the quality filling my cup.

There is no goodbye spoken,

No words from the lips will pass,

But distance grows insipidly

And the feelings are gone alas.

Do not look with sadness,                    

For the goodness was worth the pain,

Losing time with one friend,

Opens windows for future gain.

The thinner we spread ourselves,       

By hanging on to unreliable friends,

Translates to less energy,

To the dear friends that will bend.

So when you evaluate a friendship,

A word of strong advice,

Ones to truly value,

Are friends who always treat you nice.

Proverb 18:24

One who has unreliable friends  soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. 

A Gift of a Grandma

On a recent trip to Nashville to see my grandchildren, my grandson was asking me to buy him toys. Thus began a talk I wanted to have about my own grandmother. The value of my relationship with her was built on her unconditional love for me.

Grandma Gliatti was born in Italy and moved to America in her twenties.  She and my grandpa were poor. I am sure they lived on pasta and homemade bread for many meals.  She used to tell me stories of hiding under the kitchen table when bill collectors came.

Even when I was a small child, toys were prized, getting any kind of gift or money. And yet, Grandma never had much money so gifts were limited to Christmas and were very small items.. At that time, she bought all of her grandchildren (which were many) a little something each, frequently we all got the same thing.

The delight in getting a gift from Grandma Gliatti was more special because of who it came from than any item. Infact, as good as my memory is of my childhood, I can only recall one gift from her, a Barbie type doll that was Italian so she said!

Her reaction to seeing her grandkids happy was the best gift of all. When Grandma smiled, her face lit up and at times, she would move to tears of joy. How can you put a price tag on a gift like that? 

I was raised by my Grandma’s son, who was the only one of 4 siblings not living  in Toledo, Ohio. Thus my time spent with her was limited to weekend trips to see her and the rest of the family. The drive to Grandma’s didn’t matter; it was too big of a thrill to see her to care. She was worth the boring drive. Her and Grandpa I felt the moon and stars were over their head.

Kindness in a relative is not measured in terms of material possessions but more out of love. Grandma use to sit up late with my sister and me, talking about whatever we wanted to talk about until my father pulled in the driveway. As soon as she saw those headlights, she would yell and laugh telling us to run up to our bed we shared and pretend to be asleep.  We did exactly as we were told, never letting on what Grandma had done.

Looking back, perhaps our parents knew it and chose to not say a word. The late night chats seemed to be as important and special to Grandma as they were to me. Her white powdered cookies she hid in the cabinet from Grandpa would come out and we would sit munching cookies and laughing with her for hours.

Those days gone by, of watching her make her Italian dishes and kneed bread may be over with but in my mind, they never ended. She was an important part of my youth and the realization that what she gave was priceless hits me hard when I look at my own grandchildren.

I asked my grandson what his best memory was of being with me. Not surprising he 

mentioned something he had done with me. I then began rattling off, with my husband, his

Grandpa, a multitude of experiences we have shared with him over the years. The list is endless, baking cookies, attending a Christmas show, playing at the park, swimming in our backyard, reading books before bed at our house, watching him laugh with delight at our Christmas train!

I told him about my grandmother who has gone to heaven. It was important to me that he understand that what I miss about Grandma is not an item I opened or her slipping me a quarter at the store. My memories of all the fun times I laughed with her and she told me how much she loved me is what I remember best and loved the most.

My grandson seemed to understand because he asked me if I miss her much. I told him yes, but that is why I try to be as good of a grandmother to him as she was

to me. When I die, I asked my grandson always remember what we did together and how I made him feel. I then had to ask if he knows how much I love him. When he said yes, I told him than he too, when he grows up, won't remember me for a truck, a bug or a train. Infact, I went on to say I don't want you to remember anything I bought you. I want you only to think of all the laughter we shared and all the wonderful memories of the time we have spent together, just like I do with my Grandma! 

Now I know how grandma felt towards me and how she missed a grandchild when she didn't see them. But, I also know, as she said, we carry them in our heart so they are never truly far away. 

Out of Touch Blogger!

Author: Jeanette Lynn Dundas

Attending a Book Signing show recently reminded me of how negligent I have been in writing my blogs. I apologize wholeheartedly to those that follow me. It is a matter of making the time, not finding it as time is there if you make any task a priority.

Writing is a passion of mine, though I lack the list of credentials I see on many bloggers page. At times it shocks me that so many follow me but then again, I am not impressed by

college educations, what someone’s title is. No, I am impressed by who they are now, how they give to others and what lessons they can teach me on my growth journey. So perhaps I touch a few of those qualities in you, the reader.

Finding material is only hard when you have a mental block.  The world is full of exciting things to write about and most of us live high on emotions so that generates plenty of dialogue to capture on paper.  And, lately for me, I have been scrutinizing every topic I want to blog about wondering if it will hold anyone’s interest but mine.

The answer is yes. Many times the articles I have written that I have put the most thought

Dan Alatorre - Author

and energy into do not net the greatest statistics of readers. It is usually that impulse write that comes straight from the heart that seems to spread over social media much quicker and to a larger audience.

So, with that said, I will try to stay back in touch! 

Veronica Gliatti

Innermost Thoughts,Your Life as it Happens....Dear Diary & such...

Being a journal writer is an uphill battle for me. I have a tendency to go through dry spells. I seem more motivated when things aren’t going smooth, when I feel like I need to hit my knees and pray. Then, I have more to say, require more of a therapy session and thus, want to grab my journal book and get one for free. And, what does journaling actually do but force you to think and reflect. It is a stop and listen to yourself moment that hopefully creates an aha moment for free! 

 The experience of journaling is the cathartic act of allowing oneself to free flow think and capture it in writing. Communicating to yourself with no fear of judgement is liberating. It is not worrying about punctuation, grammar or spelling also. That slow can frequently slow down the process and interfere with your train of thought.  It is letting the hostility out without having the ugly confrontation that can often backfire.  It is telling someone where to go without mincing words but in a private safe place. It is having the great comeback that is never really said, days or maybe even years after the fact.  It is wrapping up the torn pieces possibly of your broken heart, a fragmented life and dysfunctional relationship.

Too many times, words get in the way of moving forward in your life. Once said, uttered by you or someone near, they can’t be erased nor their initial impact. Putting them down in a journal and releasing the feelings and your thoughts gets them out in a visual mirror and forces you to somewhat listen to yourself also. It is kinda like taking out the garbage and lightening the backpack of life’s stressors.  

Journaling can be as as simple as having coffee with a friend kind of conversation and catching up with the day. It is answering “How am I?”  It is “What did I do today” and “What is making my life incomplete?”  It is the mundane in other people’s lives perhaps but the stuff that makes you wonder makes me feel down or just day dream. Work it out awake, with all your senses in the solution.  Detail how you are changing.  

Family secrets can often be found in a journal’s pages. Put words to horrors, to discoveries, to missed opportunities, to tragedies. This is liberating for the soul and creates a history of life, of the life and times we live in. Your story may be someone else’s and it may, one day, help someone else get through.    Don’t carry the past into tomorrow so release it in a way you aren’t forgetting it, are documenting it if you need to reflect on it but are working through it. You are freeing up your energy and spiritual life to live in the now. The entries on pages of a journal ensure the legacy is left of once was.

  

 Giving praise to God through a journal is an incredible way to devote our prayers also. Many times prayer at the end of the day eludes people because the minute they hit the pillow sleep overcomes them.  A quick visit with a pen and paper is a super easy way to create your blessing list.  What are your top attributes as these are gifts to not only you but to the world.  Don’t ever let God think you take these blessings for granted. Let him know what you are trying to do to develop them and share them with others.

Soul searching is often most sincere when it is done alone. What are the riches that define your life?  Write them down so those that follow you know what you set out to do.  Prayer is communication; writing is a form of effective communication, even to God, thus the Bible. Document your thoughts, your questions, fears and faith issues. You may discover they are answered, simply in the writing process!

Time is slipping away. You are one of the millions of stars God gazes at daily. You are tasked with living fully this life you are given with all its ups and downs and curves along the way. Make sure your life experiences are captured in some way for others to learn or experience part of you.  So many things in life go left unsaid, unknown and when you are gone, they are buried.  Your life can’t be defined by a tombstone. Take pictures, journal or find some other way to make your statement about your life. Just maybe it will be a new beginning, starting with a “ Dear Diary. “  The rest of us can’t wait to hear about it, about you!

Motherhood Lessons

Motherhood is not for the faint at heart. It is not for those that believe being a mommy is fun and games. It is for those that are willing to put their hearts on the line only to have it broken time and time again but find the overall rewards worth it. It is for the women who find giving life and planting seeds for the world rewarding.

As Mother’s Day comes, I reflect on lessons. Expect nothing in return and then, when you get it, you will be pleasantly surprised. Kids think the world revolves around them and mothers are there to serve. When you are given attention, you are to thank them for their time, at any age.

There will be plenty of excuses. There are busy playing with their toys, then with their friends, then driving somewhere, anywhere! Next comes a focus on college (which you are helping with odds and ends anyways!), dating, marriage, kids and life. There appears to always be something more important than you. It is like “Cat’s in the Cradle Song”, even when you have made the time, and still do. Many adult children simply won’t make the time for you. Accept this truth and you will be much happier. Just savor the time you are given.  You can’t change them so don’t try. With acceptance comes peace.

You are the number one cheerleader for your child. Have a "you can do it" attitude. Nobody cares more about your child than you, no other parent or teacher. They may not acknowledge you on the sideline and any yell may be met with extreme embarrassment.  You may be forbidden to wave but trust me, your being there is an esteem builder, it shows they matter. At the end of the game, they may run off to their friends but it registered and you saw what you created put forth effort. It is a win-win!

You were not put in the world to be a parent in order to be their best friend. Wait till you utter these words and watch their faces switch to creatures you don’t recognize. All the sudden, you swear you

never bore this hateful creature. But yet, being a mom means putting boundary lines in place, that means saying no, grounding, and saying uncomplimentary things at times, the things their friends wouldn’t dare say. You say it because you love them and they need to hear it. They won’t see it as love. They will hate you and swear you are mean and put up a wall of disbelief and anger towards you. It will break your heart but if not you, who will do this necessary step to growth? No one will tell you motherhood is easy.

Getting thrown up, pooped, and bled on is no fun but shit happens, again and again!  Be ready and muster through.  You also become a semi-paramedic yet never feel quite adequate to answer questions like do I take them to the ER, to the doctor, does it require stitches, is this temperature too high, will you throw up again, and are you contagious?  Get a Magic 8 ball.  It will help!

Talk about the stuff that makes your kids uncomfortable. Sound strange?  Talk about porn, sex, safe sex, birth control, Christian values, faith, child molesters, unsafe people, politics, drugs, divorce, etc.…  Better at home to bring them up, don’t leave it to school, the internet, strangers, peers, etc. Your belief system is a far better teacher. They will squirm and you may too but it gives them a chance to ask you and create a safe channel of communication lines. Make the world safer for your children and for our community, our world.

Be willing to understand you will make mistakes, plenty of them. You must own up to them for not doing so sends a message to your children that you are perfect, arrogant or unwilling to admit you’re wrong. None of us is expected to be a perfect mom; we are only expected to try our best with what we are given. If your kids love you, they will appreciate what they are given. If they can’t accept that, you must let them struggle with why. God placed them with you for a reason.

Walking into motherhood requires prayer. Some children you can’t survive with without it.  Your miracle didn’t get here without God. It will certainly go better for all if you continue to allow God’s miracles to happen in your life and theirs by asking for a little help!  

Some children, as they move on with their lives, may move completely out of your life. This is hard

as you age because, though the memories may forever make you feel young at heart, your body gives your age away.  They may put the priority of you in their life on a backburner more than ever just as you realize your life is coming closer to the end. Know in your heart that many mothers have shared this fate.  You are not alone.  As when your children slammed the door after screaming they hate you, you must leave the door closed much as it hurts. Continue to love them and continue to pray. You have been a mom and will continue to be till the end of your life but it is their choice to make. You planted the seed and showed them what unconditional love was. Now is the time to reflect on the precious memories if no more are created.

Though motherhood is full of heart aches, drama and trauma, it is also full of laughter, joy and pride. It is a time of celebration and a lifetime of memories. It is reminder of our Christian faith in that Mary, mother of Jesus showed how one so kindhearted and loving could raise a king meaning each and every one of us is capable of turning a single baby into someone who can change the world! 

Children & The Impact of Divorce

After the “I dos” of marriage comes the “I don’ts” many weren’t expecting!  After a wedding, it seems like the start of something big, and beautiful but marriage can be far from that. Like any relationship it takes work. But the diligent work doesn’t get done half the time for various reasons. Thus, many in America are divorced and its effects are felt on the little people who don’t have a say in the decision.

 For the third year in a row, divorce rates have dropped. That is the good news, the bad news is we still had, in 2016, a 40-50% divorce rate in America. With second time marriages, it is much higher.  It is interesting to know, we use to have the highest divorce rate of all the nations and have dropped in our standing! However, this still leave so many children in broken homes in our country. 23% are living with single mothers and most of the rest in blended families. It is estimated by U.S. Consensus Bureau in 2016 there are 73.7 million children affected and living in divorced homes in some type of different home situation than the nuclear family.

The effects of divorce on children is overwhelming profound anxiety. Much more in-depth effects is available on Focus on the Family’s website.  Parents are supposed to be problem solvers and a safety net for children. Divorce is change, failure, loss and a fear of conflict meaning no stability again.

A few weeks ago, while swimming in our pool at our Clubhouse I noticed two young girls swimming in the shallow end. They turned out to be 8 years old and 10 years old when they swam over and introduced themselves to me. They asked if they could talk to me. I was surprised by the question and told them sure. I then asked who they were there with and why would they want to talk to an adult, me, when they can play in the pool. The answer stunned me.  They wanted to just talk.

The older child, 10, explained she was there with her grandmother, whom she pointed out laying in a chair by the pool texting on her cellphone. They enjoy coming over to the grandmother’s house together, one was a friend of the other.  The 10 year old went on to say that her parents were divorced and her friend repeated this about her home also. They both went on to tell me, in very unemotional voice that they don’t get much of a chance to talk to adults. They thought I looked like someone who would talk and listen to them. I told them I was a grandma too and they were very excited. By now, I had their undivided attention, whether I wanted it or not.

I explained to them I came from a divorce home too and understood it can be hard to adjust. It takes time. The 10 year old (I am intentionally leaving out names) shocked me with her next comments. She said that it had been a couple years now since her parents divorced. Her father left the area and now never has any contact with her.  She said “I will probably never see my real dad again.” Her mother had a new boyfriend again and she didn’t even know his name but he was living with them.  I questioned why she didn’t know his name. She said it is not worth worrying about, he will leave sooner or later like all the others.  They get along, they fight and then they break up so I try not to care about any new boyfriends, besides they really don’t care much about me.” The 8 year old said, basically the same thing. I asked the girls how are you feeling about all this change in their life?

Listen to the response:  “It doesn’t bother me anymore, we are used to it. See, we figured it out. People get married to have kids and then get divorced. So a lot of kids don’t really have a mom and

dad  anymore. I wish I was one that did. Mine moved far away, to get away from us I guess.”  The 8 year old looked at the 10 year old and said “I never get much attention anymore, my mom is too busy with her latest boyfriend. It has changed so much.” Her older friend, her mentor, assured her that this was normal. “Don’t feel bad, it is life,” she said. She explained to her friend that the time was over for both her parents to care about her, she was practically grown now and in school.  She likes meeting new men and then bringing them home to live with her.  She said that is why friends are so good for us. She then looked at her friend who looked quite sad, and said “Try to learn to accept it. It really is okay, it won’t change just because you are sad.”

I was silent for a few moments, unsure what to say. No one wants to add more confusion into a child’s life so I simply said you are valued and loved children for being children, never ever forget that. I suggested they talk to their parents but was met with, we tried, and she never has time for us anymore. It really is okay, we are fine, the older one proclaimed with a smile, but alittle on the forced side.  Underneath, below the surface, was the adult sadness in both girls’ eyes.

This is simply two girls, a sampling of the millions of children living in broken homes in America. But it clearly shows that, when getting divorced, do not make the mistake of divorcing your children’s needs. Your children were created, not by choice, and should have a right to getting attention and love.  This conversation was much deeper below the surface.

Parents are role models, they will follow the patterns you establish. Don’t invite other partners into your home without explaining to your children who they are and giving them a few chances to catch their breath, especially if you are bringing in people like a revolving door. This affects children for life, decreasing their chances of having a successful happy, fulfilled marriage.  They think this is the norm, not the exception and will not take commitment seriously. Because yours didn’t work, don’t condemn them to failure.

But, I think the biggest lesson I learned and was reminded of in my own life is the importance of talking to your children. Open communication lines, by the way, goes in two directions. You use interpersonal communication skills to talk to them and then allow them, make the time, the biological parent! Listen, not just to what your kids say but what they do and how they do it. Try to keep both parents an active part or some small part of their lives. Failing grades, health issues or restless sleeping are all signs of maladjustment. Seek a therapist for both your child and you if there are issues and don’t just leave it to chance. They are worth more than that.

There is nothing worse than feeling, like these girls went on to tell me, an old tire, long forgotten and pulled off the car when the divorce happened. They felt, as many do, there really was no purpose for them in their parents’ life anymore.  They deserve more love, attention and respect than that. Freedom from a bad marriage comes at a cost. Don’t make your children the ones that have to pay the heaviest price.