Grandma's Prizes

I haven't written in awhile as, like most of us, feeling in a funk. This piece was easy and rewarding to write. Please feel free to add comments to anything I have missed or your own observations. 

What being a grandma means to me:

·             Seeing the circle of life unfold right before my very eyes

·             Watching the growth of an individual knowing the child wouldn’t be there without me giving         birth to their parent

·            Having the chance to see my child develop into a loving caring nurturing parent

·             Finding the laughter of a child and the tears forever change me and melt my heart

·             Finding that the depth of love has no bounds

·             Being able to play with a child I love and give them back when I tire!

·             Hearing the nickname you are given (grandma, gammie, nana, etc) and it never getting old

·             Possessing the wisdom of years and having an attentive ear to your lessons

·             Being able to step back when discipline is needed and forward for all the accomplishments

·            Adoring eyes are mutual

fja    Learning some of the best things in life come in small packages

        Seeing seeds take root again with lots of love and acts of kindness

·            Knowing I am leaving a lovely legacy of my life behind

A Gift of a Grandma

On a recent trip to Nashville to see my grandchildren, my grandson was asking me to buy him toys. Thus began a talk I wanted to have about my own grandmother. The value of my relationship with her was built on her unconditional love for me.

Grandma Gliatti was born in Italy and moved to America in her twenties.  She and my grandpa were poor. I am sure they lived on pasta and homemade bread for many meals.  She used to tell me stories of hiding under the kitchen table when bill collectors came.

Even when I was a small child, toys were prized, getting any kind of gift or money. And yet, Grandma never had much money so gifts were limited to Christmas and were very small items.. At that time, she bought all of her grandchildren (which were many) a little something each, frequently we all got the same thing.

The delight in getting a gift from Grandma Gliatti was more special because of who it came from than any item. Infact, as good as my memory is of my childhood, I can only recall one gift from her, a Barbie type doll that was Italian so she said!

Her reaction to seeing her grandkids happy was the best gift of all. When Grandma smiled, her face lit up and at times, she would move to tears of joy. How can you put a price tag on a gift like that? 

I was raised by my Grandma’s son, who was the only one of 4 siblings not living  in Toledo, Ohio. Thus my time spent with her was limited to weekend trips to see her and the rest of the family. The drive to Grandma’s didn’t matter; it was too big of a thrill to see her to care. She was worth the boring drive. Her and Grandpa I felt the moon and stars were over their head.

Kindness in a relative is not measured in terms of material possessions but more out of love. Grandma use to sit up late with my sister and me, talking about whatever we wanted to talk about until my father pulled in the driveway. As soon as she saw those headlights, she would yell and laugh telling us to run up to our bed we shared and pretend to be asleep.  We did exactly as we were told, never letting on what Grandma had done.

Looking back, perhaps our parents knew it and chose to not say a word. The late night chats seemed to be as important and special to Grandma as they were to me. Her white powdered cookies she hid in the cabinet from Grandpa would come out and we would sit munching cookies and laughing with her for hours.

Those days gone by, of watching her make her Italian dishes and kneed bread may be over with but in my mind, they never ended. She was an important part of my youth and the realization that what she gave was priceless hits me hard when I look at my own grandchildren.

I asked my grandson what his best memory was of being with me. Not surprising he 

mentioned something he had done with me. I then began rattling off, with my husband, his

Grandpa, a multitude of experiences we have shared with him over the years. The list is endless, baking cookies, attending a Christmas show, playing at the park, swimming in our backyard, reading books before bed at our house, watching him laugh with delight at our Christmas train!

I told him about my grandmother who has gone to heaven. It was important to me that he understand that what I miss about Grandma is not an item I opened or her slipping me a quarter at the store. My memories of all the fun times I laughed with her and she told me how much she loved me is what I remember best and loved the most.

My grandson seemed to understand because he asked me if I miss her much. I told him yes, but that is why I try to be as good of a grandmother to him as she was

to me. When I die, I asked my grandson always remember what we did together and how I made him feel. I then had to ask if he knows how much I love him. When he said yes, I told him than he too, when he grows up, won't remember me for a truck, a bug or a train. Infact, I went on to say I don't want you to remember anything I bought you. I want you only to think of all the laughter we shared and all the wonderful memories of the time we have spent together, just like I do with my Grandma! 

Now I know how grandma felt towards me and how she missed a grandchild when she didn't see them. But, I also know, as she said, we carry them in our heart so they are never truly far away. 

And So She Dances....

And so she dances….

Every grandmother dreams that her granddaughter will have all her dreams come true. Every grandma wants her granddaughter’s life to be picture perfect from start to finish, so it was on Dec. 1^st 2007 with Ava Alysee Glasmeier, my second oldest grandchild, only granddaughter.

She was born perfect, all five toes and fingers on each hand and foot.  She had no health issues at birth, an adorable smile, a perfect shaped head and a loving mommy and daddy. She grew and progressed according to all the norms set by pediatricians all those growth charts new parents go by, and grandparents follow closely too. 

But her little life, with the passage of time, has seen its own little set of challenges but not one has set her back.  She has seen her daddy work very hard to get not one but two dental practices thriving. Two brothers

were born and then diagnosed with autism.  This meant Ava had to be extra loving and caring to both her brothers. It also made her diligently watch her  mommy make more sacrifices than most moms to care for both boys and balance that with a  marriage and her, Ava’s needs. This has not always been easy, not on any of them, but no one complains in the household and they fully embrace their lifestyle and each other. 

All through this there remains this happy good natured little girl just as perfect in Grandma’s eyes as can be. Never has she varied from the little newborn, the toddler and the now second-grader that is smiling, cracking me up with personality plus.

When Ava first went into school and she found she had a few challenges there.  She approached each with spirit and fiestiness and her can do

attitude just like she does everything else in her life.  Not much gets my granddaughter down in the dumps, not for long anyways.  She is too up on life, if there is such a thing as being too positive!    Her spirit soars, Ava makes lemonade somehow without lemons.    

When her mother put her in dance classes, she laughed with excitement. As soon as Ava could walk it seems she was twirling, bypassing walking to dancing. I can still hear her mom asking to stop dancing all around the house!  Actually Ava danced anywhere, she did not care who was around.  She was the little girl with free abandonment, with her movement and her ability to let you know what she was thinking. So refreshing in a world full of repression where families forbid each other to say what their feelings truly are and people criticize each other for not saying “the right thing.”  Ava is being raised to speak her mind, respectfully and being allowed to be herself at all times, uniquely her.

It is amazing how someone so young can feel so free from the world’s

critical eyes.   This young girl could care less what you think of her dancing, of her family too. She loves them dearly, loves dancing and enjoys life.  She doesn’t want what others have; she is satisfied with what God has given her. This young girl can care less what others think and dance. 

Too often people don’t listen to children.  Too often adults think children are expendable and that they are the teachers, they impart knowledge to children.  It is often times forgotten there is a child in all of us and we lose touch with that innocence we once had, that ability to dream, to be free and yes, to even dance. Being with Ava is a lesson in letting go, in being grateful for what you have and in living passionately without caring what others think. 

With a love of being free to express her inner spirit and fire, yes my granddaughter loves to dance.  She likes moving her body and does it well. Ava is unlike most people I know, children or adults. She has no fear or concern whether her dancing is the best or perfect. She does the best she can do and that pleases her.  Her love and passion is what matters when she steps on the stage. She is doing something fun, that makes her smile and gives her joy.  The lesson in life she can teach us all is life live with choices that give you that, joy, smiles and laughter. Don’t worry what others think, let them wallow in their own worries, you concentrate on your passion, your dance in life.   

My granddaughter roots others on with a sincerity I seldom see in others. Most little girls are jealous of other people that dance better and watch with sorta of a nasty undertone of envy. Not my Ava, she watches with song in her heart and pure adoration.  Yes, she acts proud of their accomplishments. She says to me “Grandma watch how great she is!” with as much glee in her voice as she can muster! She continues to improve and tries to get better but seems to evaluate her progress on herself. 

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder and reality does not exist. We simply try to strive for it though shouldn’t.  Grandparents are given the luxury of sitting back and being permitted to call their grandkids beyond reproach, damn near perfect and thus it is with my dear Ava. My  granddaughter comes pretty darn close.

 Being able to accept others and cheer them on without a thread of jealous is a gift. She has that.  Living your life without being confined by the

judgment of others is a blessing.  This blessing shows that a life may be guided by passion and confidence given by God and family is a hallmark of someone who will succeed in always finding happiness at the end of the road. Having compassion for others innately inside yourself and continually exhibiting it is a true sign of someone who understands actions speak louder than words.   Success means nothing if not shared. My granddaughter, even at her tender age, is truly caring for her two younger brothers already and carries that compassion over to those that she meets that are hurting.  I don’t just believe I know the signs are there, she will set the world on fire.  But I also believe you can.  As long as you are never afraid to close your eyes, throw back your head and dance, nomatter who is watching!

And so she continues to dances, even in the darkness of her bedroom, when no one is watching with the same joy on her face as she has on the stage…..

                                          Images of Ava dancing this year - Click Here

Love is as Bright as the North Star

One of the most precious questions I hear these days when I spend time with my granddaughter are the ones she asks me about my son, her daddy.  They are filled with so much wonder over the fact her grandma is the mommy of her daddy and her daddy was once a little boy! She has just a hard time picturing the big strong protector over her and her momma and her little brothers was once a little guy himself in need of protection.

The funny questions that arise over his baby years just make her giggle to no end! What did he eat, vegetables, French fries, etc.  I hope God forgives me when I get there because I sometimes tell little white lies hoping some of the good habits I say he had over some things he wouldn’t touch will rub off on her. I did do what psychologists say you perhaps shouldn’t do, try to make him eat them. Forcing a child to eat something by making them sit there at the table is a fruitless effort indeed. I found I suffered not him. He found ways to amuse himself! I counted down the minutes, not him, so gave that idea up quickly!

She always wants to know how her daddy did in school Fortunately for me, and him, he was excellent.  He had to work hard at it, at times, but other times, it

came so easily.  I feel badly sometimes over these questions. Though she is quite good in school, she has a tendency to put herself down telling me it is hard for her and she isn't very good. I know from her mother this is not quite true. 

When she tells me she wishes she was as smart as her daddy and would not has as much trouble in school as he did, it is like a punch in the heart to me. I just encourage her and naturally, run to my cell, texting her dad!  See, even grandmas embrace technology.  I still find myself wanting to protect every aching heart-ache she has, nomatter how small.  I know full well this is impossible to do, perhaps that is why older folks are allowed to bear children anymore! She is like her dad in that she is, by nature, a perfectionist, a bright student but good is never quite good enough for her!

Her mother is called her momma, as she has been born and raised in the south,  a true southern belle. Momma has already forewarned me, any question on behavior issues, be cautious on responses! LOL! These are not to be thrown back in their faces, e.g. daddy wasn’t always good or daddy didn't listen to his mommy and clean up his room!  However, daddy was usually good except possibly that last example. But honestly, what boy is a clean freak? My granddaughter is such a silly girl, she doesn’t believe me on the daddy did no wrong anyways!  She says her daddy is way too funny to have always been good. No way!  She says she thinks he had to have made me mad. Heck, he makes her mad and momma!  

She is very much into princesses and Disney that she wants to know all about f her parents love story.  Did her parents kiss as kissing, at her age, is a big deal!  What did I think when he met his princess, her momma?  Did he think she was beautiful?  She watches my face very closely as this is about her mother, her role model.  I speak very slowly because I think this is so critical to her development even though it seems like childish questions.  It is not really, underneath she is formulating her ideas of marriage, family and the love between her parents. I want  her to hear from me nothing but the same messages she hears at home, love is unconditional in her family.  She also needs to know, in grandma's opinion,  her momma took her time picking a man that was going to treat her well and take good care of her. And that her daddy fell in love with her momma for lots of reasons not just because she was beautiful. 

I think it is adorable that she understands how much I love her daddy and cares about who he fell in love with, even at her age. She asked if he asked me before he married her. I told her he was no longer a boy but a man and did not need to ask a mommy to make decisions. He followed his heart just like her momma did when she said yes.  Her face lights up!  It is not like a Disney story I have told her because family's argue, kids get in trouble and learn and parents disagree and then work out their problems. I know she sees households are work.  Her house has lots of activities going on, dealing with autism, three kids on different school schedules, a daddy running two dental practices and a momma trying to put all their lives in order!  

I find, for an 8 year old, her questions very deep and thought-provoking on her part.  It also shows her putting the pieces together of life and her future.

 All these lessons are learned in the family but getting a reaffirmation in your extended family is so reassuring to a child.  We all benefit from support systems. She is blessed to have parents that care about developing that. 

Parents sometimes can get so caught up in life that all the sudden kids can be around the wrong kind of people until red flags go off and  some damage is done. I am so blessed my grandchildren are in a home where all their questions and lives are monitored carefully.  They are put in places where their questions are asked of the right kinds of people.   If I am not sure how to answer,  I pass on the question and turn it back to her parents, as everyone should! To me, this is not passing the buck, this is allowing the parents to do what they are given the chance to do, and they do it so well with her!

She wonders and asks me a lot how much I miss her when she is not with me and with my son.  This is a cute endearing habit she has picked up for late.  She slips into asking questions about her daddy calling him 'your son" smiling and somehow still finding it funny! I tell her to me it is and was part of my life.  

  I did the things her momma does for her and her brothers, held him when he was sad, took him to school, cared for him when he was sick,put him to bed each night telling him I loved him.  I remind her love is not about being with someone, it is about caring about someone when you are with them and not with them. God loves us always and we don’t even see Him but He always loves us. Not being near a Grandma, cousin, aunt or uncle doesn’t mean that they aren’t loving and missing you. She seems to get a real sense of this I think from attending church and again, discussion with her parents from relatives outside of town.  

I would have to say one of my favorite questions of all is asking me if it was hard to "give up your son to me and to mommy?"  She gets her serious look like she feels badly for me. Actually this time of year, it drives home the point of Christmas. Do we ever truly  understand the pain God felt seeing his son Jesus endure the agony  everyone reject Him for doing nothing but bringing goodwill to men? Trying to bring eternal salvation is astounding and then, to in response His son was met  with screams of crucify Him.  This is unimaginable to moms everywhere.  How appropriate that on Good Friday most churches have us, kneel in forgiveness when re-enacting that scene for that horrendous sin. And here we are in December, far before that wicked day,  getting ready to celebrate the birthday of the most sacred of all births. Jesus, son of God. 

And then, back to my granddaughter’s question, I raised my son to move forward and bring a token, in comparison to Jesus, to new family he would establish and

lead. He was ordained, in my eyes, to be the head of a new household, a new family, create a new legacy.  And he has, in my mind, better than the old one I tried to create. 

I try hard to help a little girl understand my joy, not pain.  Trying to capture this in the context of an eight year old that I have not lost something but done what God expected me to do. I look at my flaws and realize there are things I could have done better, forgiveness I have asked for those defects of character of both God and my children and blessings I bestowed on them as well. But in my granddaughter's eyes, I do no wrong. Perhaps that is part of the joy of grand-parenting.  

My happiness over my son’s success and her happiness and pride in her daddy and family make the mission complete. I think she somehow understands this in a small way. I know, one day, she will completely see the circle of life. She certainly understands that without her daddy moving on, falling in love with her mommy and having her, there would be no us, no grandma and granddaughter to bond together.  

And so at Christmas, as families gather around the tree, may little girls everywhere remember that the love they share for those around  their tree, is one of the most beautiful lights in the universe.  Just as Jesus brought people together on His time on earth to spread God’s love and light, they are meant to do the same with their time on earth with their families.  May you all shine the light of Christmas in your homes and beyond like the star of my granddaughter and how her daddy still shines bright all these years to me!    

Children in a Safe House, Their World Should be One

When I was a kid things were just as bad is a line I use to hear often. Then when I was a parent, I am certain I said it myself. Well, times they are a changing, as I heard on old reruns many times growing up. In this day and age, it is true. I am not 100% sure history completely repeats itself.  We did not initially inhabit this country we live in now called the United States so we should not take our freedom and civil rights liberties for granted.

Children these days face many challenges none of us have ever had to deal with. The reality of violence in schools is more real than ever. We may have had our share of bullying.  We may have been talked about at a party, or over the phone.  This day, due to the advent of the internet, being picked on and ridiculed happens 24/7. It has become the new norm.  It is inescapable to its victims.

Studies have shown time and time again that words are very harmful, mentally and verbally.  The abuse these young people suffer can lead to feelings of anger, depression, lack of confidence, withdrawal of feelings, even mental illness in extreme cases.  In some instances, it can lead to drug abuse, shootings, runaways, rebellion, and delinquent behavior that parents can’t control.  We did not have to deal with having our classmates ruin our entire lives 24/7.

The violence that is happening all over our country in schools is nothing less than unacceptable. Having teachers concerned when hateful students that are full of animosity threaten them is making it harder to recruit good teachers and students to be concentrating on what they are there for, to learn.  Worse yet, the elusive student who is aloof and seems disturbed and is being picked on can be the child that can turn on his classmates on a dime.  How do you safeguard your child from the possibility of this happening in school?  You can’t obviously so then what is the best way to instruct them what to do if it what seems utterly insane to me occurs, a mass shooting in their school, a place that should be safe?  Being a grandparent, I simply shake my head in shock that such a conversation would have to occur at all ever happen in America.

Watching my grandchildren this past weekend, I was even more so affected by hearing the news in Paris than I would have been sitting in my own home.  Something about this particular situation really hit a nerve in me. Here I was, in my son’s home, with darling innocent 5, 6 and 7 year old children that could be representative of children anywhere in the country.  They thrive on living, playing and learning.  They love smiling, laughing and living each and every day.

They had gone in the other room to play in their rooms abit and their grandpa turns on CNN to get the world news.  What we are met with is shocking images of Paris violence.  This is in sharp contract to the beautiful mantel below the tv screen all decked out for the holiday season, complete with angels in gold.  We are both spellbound watching the news and reading the tickertape line at the bottom of the screen. Then we snap into reality and flip the channel and within minutes the youngest grandson walks in the room with his armful of boxcars for his beloved train.  While are worrying about the safety of the world, he is gathering his train pieces so he can put his train together in the family room and begin his long journey around the countryside. 

Literally a minute later, in walks my grandson with an armload of trains in his hand, lining them up on the floor in front of the fireplace by his hand-made Santa to pretend he is the conductor.  His innocence of his face, his smile and his simple play in sharp contrast to the horror of the images that had just played out on the large screen television over his head just minutes before.  I had an urge to pick him up and wrap him in my arms to protect him from anyone evil out there hurting him.  I wanted to pick up the phone and call my son, his daddy, and say I love you quickly lest anything happen to him. 

I can only imagine how his parents must feel inside with all this violence in the world, balancing the need to protect your child with the knowledge that there is only so much you can do.  And so you pray, you vote and you stand up and make your voice count. And you live, live without living in fear for we all deserve that. 

One thing for certain there is to learn from all this chaos going on in the world that is truly inhumane and crossing borders of all countries, take time to love on those worth loving.  Recognize our world can be harsh and don’t be so quick to say we had it just as bad; we did not have some of these things hanging over our heads children have to deal with.  Older children have a sense of the world’s conditions too. How unfair to be raised in this environment for them.

 These images being shown of violence domestically and internationally are atrocious.  We never know, when we turn on television sets to local channels, what images we will be confronted with next and where it will be taking place.   But we know we can’t live our lives in fear, nor can or should our children.  They must and deserve a future, one full of hope, promise and not flooded with nothing but evil images of mankind. 

My grandsons love trains like all little boys.  My granddaughter loves dressing up like most little girl.  All children deserve adults fighting for a safer world for them to play in, learn and grow up so they can take over and be the parents and grandparents one day.   

This holiday season, let’s make a point of changing channels in our home and not feed the propaganda wagon.  Why create  additional PR for bad news bandits. I still believe in good over evil. I know everyone enjoys hearing happy-ever-after stories as it instills faith.  And yes, I still believe my grandchildren, and yours, will prevail and make a more peaceful beautiful future for our world.  Click Here

Letting Go is Being Real

Our world is so convoluted with messages of having to look this way, beautiful beyond possible for most of us and having to be perfect in every way, the immaculate homemaker, always thoughtful spouse, thrifty shopper, most marketable employee, etc.   It makes it almost impossible to just do a reality check and accept yourself for who you are, letting all expectations of society by the wayside and be you!

Perhaps that is the message in the song Let It Go from Disney’s movie Frozen. When I read the lyrics and saw the video, it was a beautiful example of how someone who had to hide her non-conformity began to accept it.  In the video, the star character, embraced her individuality. What an inspirational message for all ages actually. 

When I am with my grand-daughter, who, coincidentally is in love with not only the movie but the theme song, I am always reminded of freedom of expression.  Ava does not hide behind a wall of shame for how she feels.  She does not fear retaliation for who she is and what she is becoming.  She, like the Elsa, wraps her tiny arms around herself as she is, at any given moment and celebrates the thrill of life. She will laugh throwing her head back and let out a laugh that comes from her toes. Her celebration of good humor is simply something to listen to because it causes everyone within earshot to split at the seams into laughter just from the musical sound of her laughing, with no reservation. She will laugh at herself as easily as at anyone. 

The messages consumers get, especially women, to always look your best are pounded in from an early age.  Commercial marketing is powerful. Ava is a party to this already, praising and loving little princesses. But, what is different about her is the gentle acceptance of herself. She can throw herself into a beautiful gown her mom can buy her and then, in the blink of any eye, tear it off and run around in the most unbecoming of items in the house without a single care in the world!  If anyone were to walk in, which has happened when I have been over visiting, does she react like most girls and run for cover?  Well, here she not in her girly best, pink or purple, matching clothes with a closet full of beautiful outfits but Ava has no concern whatsoever to greet anyone with whatever she happens to have on. Not for one minute would she hesitate to make a guest wait!  Ava is front and center with a friend or anyone that is a guest in her home. You must like her and accept her for who she is in the same way she will accept you, no labels allowed by this little lady! And she will greet everyone as friendly as the next person no matter who they are or what they have on!

Living in the moment is something too many of us do not do. I think it probably took having cancer for me to get a much better handle on this. My grand-daughter came of it naturally. I am not sure if having two autistic brothers has played a part or not but she treasures time spent with others.  If she gets a minute of your time, she inhales it like it is the best gift she has ever received.  Most children take it for granted. Not Ava, she will let you know in her own unique way that you made her day.  She will be engaging, entertaining and create a memory that will be everlasting. Why can’t we, as adults, embrace our interactions with others with this same passion?  We always seem to assume there will be another time, another visit, and another day.  We have no guarantees that this is going to happen. We should seize the moments as they come. Languish the time we have with each other. Give undivided attention when we are with someone we want to share out time with so that we are not wasting our moments or those.

So many people have thoughts running through their head that get in the way of listening.  These internal tapes also disallow people to sometimes take down their walls and be open to each other about who they are.   Conformity seems to be a top priority and the fear of rejection overrides being real with others.  Thus too often others put up a façade of who they are to project an image to gain acceptance. This is stress inducing, unhealthy and self-limiting.  You are who you are and should be proud of it!  Society needs to stimulate an environment more often than not that promotes this.  Once you celebrate your acceptance and openness of who you are, your own uniqueness, you open the door for others to be unrestricted as well.  Let go of your preconceived notions and the negative tape of others programming you.  This also means allow your children to be different to some extent.

I pray my grand-daughter can continue to accept her independence her entire life.  May she always have no self-consciousness about hugging herself for exactly who she is.  I know those of us that surround her are constantly reminded by her of the importance of staying true to living in the moment with Ava around, she will never let us forget it. 

We can see through her eyes a world filled with joy,things to celebrate! We can learn from her to forget what it is not.  With Ava, we celebrate little things that give color to the world, even weeds that look like flowers instead of complaining about all the 'have nots' in our lives, the people that won’t play with her, the brothers that have autism and can’t talk well to her.  She loves them dearly and would not trade them for anything or change one hair on their head.   From Ava we see a new way to laugh at the world, finding humor in the smallest of things, instead of being miserable when things don’t look right.  Yes, a little girl who's immediate reaction is always to smile followed by a laugh.

Most importantly of all, Ava is like the character Elsa at her tender age of 6. She is learning to take her image of being a little girl and letting it go.  She can be and is, whatever she wants to be. Stereo-types don't mean much to Ava.  She is modeling her mother and her father and all the other people in the world she comes in contact.    And she is being real about it.  And she doesn’t hide who she is but is right there, in your face.  I can run faster than boys, dance great with girls, and get over disappointments quickly.  

So are you?  Are you able to let go of preconceived notions of what the world wants you to be?  Are you able to be real with yourself, real honest, and throw out the old tapes in your head of other's expectations and accept yourself and be true to you?   Only when you can, can you find that inner sense of peace, love and happiness.  

Here is a slideshow of Ava to her current favorite song. Subject to change! Click here to view.

A Lesson from Two Six Year Olds

2 wise old souls at 6 years old!

They say that our role as adults is to teach our children. 
I am constantly amazed at what they can teach us, about ourselves, if we stop and listen.

Some grandparents are called other names, nanny, pappy, Mamey, Granpop, etc… Our grandkids have stuck with just ordinary grandma and grandpa.  We are happy with that as it fits.  We are just ordinary folks with no real tradition of names or habits of doing things.  Sometimes we wish we did but then again, life is simpler this way.  

Little things from our grandkids mean so much to both of us. The thoughtfulness of even the smallest thing melts our hearts as it does to most any grandparent. Getting a Starbucks travel cup from my grand-daughter Ava, after she told her Mommy she must buy that for Grandma Ronni, was precious! She has already duly noted my obsession for Chai tea from SB.

The winter hat from Kaleb that Grandpa Jim proudly wears on display for all the neighbors to see when he walks Charley.  It not only keeps his head warm but his heart because it was from Kaleb. 

At this stage in our life, anything from any of them means so much. I have fought a battle with cancer, and won. There is no guarantee it won’t return. Several of my friends have fought or are fighting it again.  Some had diagnosis dates close to mine. My husband has lost his only son.  Again, having grandchildren is special, they will outlive us.  We do what we can when we can to let them know they are forever locked in our hearts. Their gifts of any kind, even a gentle kiss remind us that we too are loved back by kind innocent hearts.

I co-wrote a research paper in college on the “Use of Art in Therapy.”  I quickly discovered that since the beginnings of time, humans have used art as a form of expression.   Recently, both of my six year old grandchildren have drawn pictures of Grandpa Jim and I.  They wanted us to display their artwork. Rather than hoard it to ourselves, I thought I would share it on my blog page.  Also, I have included some of what their insights are of us that I have drawn from these pictures.  Pure speculation of course …

Ava A. Glasmeier's Drawing of Grandma & Grandpa

Ava:

1. Apparently, in Ava’s eyes we have very colorful personalities. This could be biased by her ‘colorful lively ‘perception of the world.
2. We have large feet and mine rarely stay on the ground. I think the implication here is that I have my head above the clouds. This may not be altogether wrong, at least some of the time.
3. Grandpa Jim was born with antennas on top of his head.   I can only surmise this implies he is aware of everything going on at all times.  Thus, it is hard to keep a secret from him and also he is a good one to ask about what is around the corner.  I suppose we should nick name him the Family Radar in Ava’s eyes.
4. There is a large M on this drawing, much like the Golden Arch at McDonalds, so apparently she equates us with that fast food chain.  This could be explained away easily by our desire to spoil her and get her happy meals there. I wouldn’t dare think it was because either of us reminded her of Ronald McDonald. 
5. Grandma Ronni needs to be on the TV Show What Not to Wear or come to one of her princess tea parties to learn how to dress pretty.  She did put me in my favorite color purple and a dress but I am far from stylish.  I really think that my red leggings clash somewhat with my purple dress!
6. This next observation is a self-serving one. Grandpa Jim does not help Grandma Ronni enough.  Well actually, I am just analyzing my grand-daughter’s picture.  Grandpa is minus his right-hand on her image. He is right-handed so how much help can he be to me or anyone without it?
7. I noticed she has a zigzag line across the front of my face. This could be a worry line, a sign of a migraine or, God –forbid, she is already noticing my wrinkles!  (Please tell me no)
8. There appears to be wings, red in color, coming off of Grandpa. For some reason, there are three wings!  She must feel he needs to be on a diet.  Two wings are not enough to lift him off of the ground.
9. Our grass is orange as in dead on the bottom of her picture. She is right-on, we live in the south and she knew not to pick green!
10. The overall comment about this picture is that Ava picked each of our favorite colors to use on us for clothing and put a huge smile on both of us as if we were thinking of her!  That is something we do all the time! 

Kaleb Bolon's Drawing of Grandpa Jim

Drawing by K. Bolon of Grandma Ronni

Kaleb drew a picture of us individually. I am not sure why, perhaps he thought it was important to show our individuality.  Just a guess, who knows?

Kaleb:

1. Compared to living in Northern Kentucky, the sun is always shining in Nashville, Tennessee!
2. Going hand in hand with that, the sun smiles down on us southerners!
3. Grandpa Jim has his hands on his head.  He must be getting frustrated with Grandma Ronni, again or it is just a good resting place.
4. Grandma Ronni has no clothes on. I guess it doesn’t matter what I wear around him, the furthest thing from his mind is fashion! Grandpa Jim is naked too.
5. Grandpa has shading around his head which can imply, in these types of drawings, anxiety.  Now this is interesting to me because most folks would call Grandpa Jim laid back but I know he has some underlying anxiety. From this pic, I think his little six year old grandson knows it too!
6. Grandma Ronni has eyes but no eyeballs.  Does that imply, at times, I can be clueless? Possibly my six year old grandson has been ‘clued’ in!
7. Kaleb told me that the blue lines represent a train track. Grandpa is walking towards it. I am not sure if this is a good thing or not.  It is interesting he choose this because, as a small boy, his grandpa loved to play on train tracks. Kaleb never knew that and yet drew tracks on a picture of his grandpa.  Ironic or intuitive?
8. I think our grandson thinks our house is small. He has it drawn coming up to about my waist. Either that or my personality is way bigger than our house.
9. Folks we have the most well-manicured lawn in the world according to Kaleb! Look at that line and eat your heart out. Looks like a fairway on a golf course.
10. Grandpa Jim is going to be bald in the future and my hair is going to go from short to very funky, possibly only growing on one side. But since Kaleb had a big smile on when he gave me the pictures, I know he would love us bald, toothless and feeble!

 I challenge you to do what these two six year olds do when they look at us. Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Life is too short not to laugh at the image in the mirror sometimes.  Walk away and carry that humor with you for the rest of the day.  Oh, what the heck, how about for the rest of your life?

Priceless Songs From Children

The wheels on the bus go round and round and the song goes on in the same vein.  My grand-kids  sang this song over and over on our way to Michigan this past weekend.  It was such sweet music to my ears, no matter how off key they sang it or Itsy Bitsy Spider or some silly song about an alligator.   My husband and I laughed till our stomachs hurt as they performed for hours on end in the long car ride.  The children derived such delight from our continued praise and adoration of their musical talent and our uncontrollable laughter. 

This is the stuff that makes life so wonderful.  In spite of all the wrinkles looking back at me in the mirror, I am glad I am here and aging. If I weren't I would not be a grandma and have these kids in my life.  Who cares about varicose veins, fat deposits on the legs and elsewhere.  Kids that look at me with adoration make the world look like nothing but blue skies.  My grand-kids are like the best tasting chocolate I have ever tasted; my heart literally melts around them.   Their trust is so complete, and their love so unconditional that is instills in me that faith I once had and lost in the human race.  It is so easy in your early thirties and forties to lose it. They also are keen at manipulating me so utterly and easily at the drop of their head and tear from an eye. As my daughter” I am so whipped.”

This past month Jim and I have spent some extended time with our grand-kids.This has led to some special memories.  I tried to capture them in pictures but it never really does it justice.  Film does not capture audio, the sound of their young voices, their non-verbal’s, the lilt when they speak, the fluttering of their eye lashes when they are questioning life, the excitement in their voice and face when they are excited about something as small as catching a firefly for the first time.   Especially priceless to me are the Grandma I love you’s, or as my grandson Kaleb says “Grandma you are so beautiful” translated to  “Thank you for loving me so completely Grandma.” They let me know, if I die tomorrow, I have accomplished my mission, which I firmly believe was part of God’s wish for me.  Passing out love and leaving it behind for others.   My grand-kids will be givers of goodwill and love to others.   I hope that is part of my legacy.  I sometimes feel it is not coincidental both of my children choose careers in the healthcare profession as well for that very reason. I like to think their main motivation was to do what they can to help others. They often tell me stories of how, in their roles, as Nurse Practitioner and Dentist, they do just that.  

Jim and I would not get this time with our grandchildren if it were not for our adult children allowing and entrusting us with their care.   We are blessed in that way for the faith, love and fostering of the relationship and the bonding they encourage.   We are always permitted to be an active integral part of their lives.  This matters so much to us.  Having had cancer and having lost an adult child, we both know life can be gone with one puff of a candle.   Tomorrow is not promised.  Sometimes adult children can make it hard to get close to grandchildren.  We have a few were we know far too little about.  My children allow us to know everything up to the littlest minute detail of their life.  I think this also helps their children feel more secure knowing someone else knows and has their backside besides their parents. 

It also, as we age, keeps us young at heart and lets us impart some of our wisdom and love onto their young hearts and minds.  And our love for them is beyond words, beyond anything we can even attempt to express.   It adds a new dimension to getting older which is indeed beautiful and precious. As a friend of mine said when she adopted her grandson, having a child when you are older is indeed different, the wisdom of being older makes your relationship with children indeed different. It is a benefit in some ways to a child. Thus, the relationship with a grandparent is an important one too, for both sides!

The video I put together is a few of the images we took of with the kids.  A few of them are actually ones the kids took with our camera or cell phone!   When we are gone, I hope they will always remember both of us with a smile. I hope these images remind them of our feelings towards them. Then they will surely know our love was a love without end.   And then they may just possibly hear, if they sit real still and reflect, the sound of us singing from heaven, those priceless songs of their youth!  Then they can sit and laugh with glee like we did when they were young and singing to us, all those years gone by. 

Click Here for Link to Video for this Blog

Treasured Little Moments

It seems like so far this year, Jim and I have experienced more than our share of deaths.  We also had to deal with the one year anniversary of my step-son's death. Jim’s only son’s died in March of 2012.  Sometimes it seems like yesterday and other times, it seems like a lifetime ago.

 I wish I had kept one of his voice messages on our recorder  so we could listen to him, every now and then.  Those days when we miss him the most, it'd be nice to hear his voice.   Occasionally, Dan will appear in Jim's dreams. I am somewhat envious as he hears his son calling or talking to him.   I guess that's Dan's way of letting Jim know his spirit is alive and well.  Little moments in the middle of the night, priceless. 

Death should renew our commitment to experience the little things in life more fully.   It is too easy to get caught up in the drama of life and forget to literally smell the coffee, roses  or whatever smell that pleases your senses. 

I heard this song, years ago, by Brad Paisley when it first was released. I thought it was just another love song. Now when I hear it, I realize it is much more than a love song. It is a song about life. It is applicable to us all. 

The song that follows is about living in the moment, the present.  Don't waste time thinking about yesterday or tomorrow; enjoy right now, where you are at, who you are, and who are with.  You are living God's plan, you just may not know it! Rejoice in the day, it will be gone in the blink of an eye.  Be grateful for who you are, God made you the way he wanted you to be.  The little things you have been given are special and are sacred blessings, enjoy them, treasure them.  You are blessed to be here. You will be blessed when you leave. 

My video is simple to this beautiful song.  Simple images.  Simply photos of little moments  of life.  Photo shots that I live for that everyone can relate to if you just switch out the faces in the video for loved ones you know. 

  Take the time to focus on your Little Moments and treasure them. They are indeed what make life beautiful!

Click here for Little Moments YouTube Video link