Facing Death Taught Me...

1) Big Girls Do Cry and sometimes it is okay to be damn proud of it. Holding in feelings can destroy

you. It’s so cathartic to let them out and it’s very healing. We don’t have to wear our emotions on our

sleeve but we have a right, men and women to express our emotions. Passion and sensitivity is a gift. My older sister use to tell me when I was a little girl that I was blessed with sensitivity. Most of my life, I saw it as a curse. Many times, even my kids, have teased me for it unless they needed it tapped into towards them, their hurts and hurdles through life. Crying is part of life, Jesus cried. Let the tears flow, happy tears, sad tears, and moving tears.

2) As Milton Berle said and the first thing I saw on my first day of chemo on a sign next to my chair, “Laughter is an instant vacation” and we all need an escape. You can’t laugh without smiling and smiling puts you in a happy mood and others. Smile frequently and laugh as well. If you find yourself with others that can’t take smiles and laughter, maybe you are in a down crowd. Life is meant to be enjoyed not dreaded.

3) Little moments in life are those to be cherished the most. When you are flat on your back, your goals are simple, walk to the mailbox at the end of the driveway. Be able to eat a meal. Watch a movie from start to finish without falling asleep. Too often we are so busy and so easily disappointed because we can’t travel to Europe, buy the hot car, or put the kids in everything they want to be involved in that we forget about simple things that truly matter. I was reminded of the joy of decorating cookies for Christmas, you are never too old to use colored icing on cookies and have bragging rights! Kids love it so try doing this instead of taking kids shopping for new toys. Sit on the porch with a new book instead of going on a shopping spree. Take the kids out to feed the ducks crackers and watch your kids go from being scared to you being frightened by how close the children go to the wild animals!

4). Forgive those that have trespassed against us. Harboring ill feelings and not letting go of what you can’t control is like a cancer growing inside of you. However, give yourself permission to divorce drama from your life. I learned to take a personal inventory of those around me. Evaluate who is bringing value to you, who is building you up and accepting you for who you are and making you feel good as a person. If they are not, as much as you may love them and cherish them, you need to consider letting them go. Life is about loving others, but also about loving you. If someone is constantly badgering you or subtly putting you down and making you feel less of yourself, this is not a good way to finish out your life. You must be whole and be able to give to those who love you the love you have for yourself. That love won’t be complete without wholeness inside.

5) Hold to your belief system. If others shun you for staying true, perhaps they are not meant in your inner circle. God created us uniquely but with a goal for us to attempt to follow in his footsteps. Our perception of those footsteps may vary and we may be at different steps in the journey than others. If others are lagging behind, don’t allow yourself to be pulled back into an unhealthy unjust unholy place. Evil and contempt breeds unhappiness and resentment. Always maintain your character, integrity and values. Christianity and faith must be your stronghold and foundation.

6) Life leads to death. And death leads to life, life everlasting. It is imperative that you stay on the path of faith, prayer and development of your Christian journey for you know not when it ends. It is so much easier to accept your death and others that will die before you if you have reached some sort of acceptance and understanding of the passage of this life to the next. It also aids in helping those

around you to accept yours. Peace will come with our crossing over if we have faith in God, in Jesus’s words. But to truly comprehend we must continue and be committed to a higher level of our spiritual development. This is defined by each of us differently. But in each of us, it must be a higher priority. I have faced the reality of my mortality and accepted it.

  

And So She Dances....

And so she dances….

Every grandmother dreams that her granddaughter will have all her dreams come true. Every grandma wants her granddaughter’s life to be picture perfect from start to finish, so it was on Dec. 1^st 2007 with Ava Alysee Glasmeier, my second oldest grandchild, only granddaughter.

She was born perfect, all five toes and fingers on each hand and foot.  She had no health issues at birth, an adorable smile, a perfect shaped head and a loving mommy and daddy. She grew and progressed according to all the norms set by pediatricians all those growth charts new parents go by, and grandparents follow closely too. 

But her little life, with the passage of time, has seen its own little set of challenges but not one has set her back.  She has seen her daddy work very hard to get not one but two dental practices thriving. Two brothers

were born and then diagnosed with autism.  This meant Ava had to be extra loving and caring to both her brothers. It also made her diligently watch her  mommy make more sacrifices than most moms to care for both boys and balance that with a  marriage and her, Ava’s needs. This has not always been easy, not on any of them, but no one complains in the household and they fully embrace their lifestyle and each other. 

All through this there remains this happy good natured little girl just as perfect in Grandma’s eyes as can be. Never has she varied from the little newborn, the toddler and the now second-grader that is smiling, cracking me up with personality plus.

When Ava first went into school and she found she had a few challenges there.  She approached each with spirit and fiestiness and her can do

attitude just like she does everything else in her life.  Not much gets my granddaughter down in the dumps, not for long anyways.  She is too up on life, if there is such a thing as being too positive!    Her spirit soars, Ava makes lemonade somehow without lemons.    

When her mother put her in dance classes, she laughed with excitement. As soon as Ava could walk it seems she was twirling, bypassing walking to dancing. I can still hear her mom asking to stop dancing all around the house!  Actually Ava danced anywhere, she did not care who was around.  She was the little girl with free abandonment, with her movement and her ability to let you know what she was thinking. So refreshing in a world full of repression where families forbid each other to say what their feelings truly are and people criticize each other for not saying “the right thing.”  Ava is being raised to speak her mind, respectfully and being allowed to be herself at all times, uniquely her.

It is amazing how someone so young can feel so free from the world’s

critical eyes.   This young girl could care less what you think of her dancing, of her family too. She loves them dearly, loves dancing and enjoys life.  She doesn’t want what others have; she is satisfied with what God has given her. This young girl can care less what others think and dance. 

Too often people don’t listen to children.  Too often adults think children are expendable and that they are the teachers, they impart knowledge to children.  It is often times forgotten there is a child in all of us and we lose touch with that innocence we once had, that ability to dream, to be free and yes, to even dance. Being with Ava is a lesson in letting go, in being grateful for what you have and in living passionately without caring what others think. 

With a love of being free to express her inner spirit and fire, yes my granddaughter loves to dance.  She likes moving her body and does it well. Ava is unlike most people I know, children or adults. She has no fear or concern whether her dancing is the best or perfect. She does the best she can do and that pleases her.  Her love and passion is what matters when she steps on the stage. She is doing something fun, that makes her smile and gives her joy.  The lesson in life she can teach us all is life live with choices that give you that, joy, smiles and laughter. Don’t worry what others think, let them wallow in their own worries, you concentrate on your passion, your dance in life.   

My granddaughter roots others on with a sincerity I seldom see in others. Most little girls are jealous of other people that dance better and watch with sorta of a nasty undertone of envy. Not my Ava, she watches with song in her heart and pure adoration.  Yes, she acts proud of their accomplishments. She says to me “Grandma watch how great she is!” with as much glee in her voice as she can muster! She continues to improve and tries to get better but seems to evaluate her progress on herself. 

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder and reality does not exist. We simply try to strive for it though shouldn’t.  Grandparents are given the luxury of sitting back and being permitted to call their grandkids beyond reproach, damn near perfect and thus it is with my dear Ava. My  granddaughter comes pretty darn close.

 Being able to accept others and cheer them on without a thread of jealous is a gift. She has that.  Living your life without being confined by the

judgment of others is a blessing.  This blessing shows that a life may be guided by passion and confidence given by God and family is a hallmark of someone who will succeed in always finding happiness at the end of the road. Having compassion for others innately inside yourself and continually exhibiting it is a true sign of someone who understands actions speak louder than words.   Success means nothing if not shared. My granddaughter, even at her tender age, is truly caring for her two younger brothers already and carries that compassion over to those that she meets that are hurting.  I don’t just believe I know the signs are there, she will set the world on fire.  But I also believe you can.  As long as you are never afraid to close your eyes, throw back your head and dance, nomatter who is watching!

And so she continues to dances, even in the darkness of her bedroom, when no one is watching with the same joy on her face as she has on the stage…..

                                          Images of Ava dancing this year - Click Here

The Good Ole Cheek

Something happened yesterday that reminded me of my grandpa. I was at lunch with my grand-daughter and she kept reaching over and pinching my cheeks with her hands.  In her excitement to see me, she could not contain herself, nor find a way to express it other than just busting out this tight huge smile and squeezing just as hard as she could.  Yep, she had some of the Italian blood in her. I knew then and there, my Grandpa was smiling with joy at his great-great grand-daughter!

When I was a little girl, every time we were met at the door to walk into Grandma Gliatt’s house, Grandpa was always right there behind her all smiles.  The next thing to come was the dreaded cheek pinching.  It was Grandpa’s way of being endearing and no one had the heart to tell him it hurt like hell.   We loved him just the same. His face always had the kindest smile on it with a twinkle in his eye but when he grabbed your cheek and shook it, you prayed the minute went quickly.  When Ava did that yesterday, if I closed my eyes, I could have swore it was Grandpa again coming back to cheek on me again!

 It makes me reflect on just how much time has truly gone by since he passed away, both of my grandparents. They were from Italy and when they died, a rich history went with them.  The stories they would tell us of their life, when we could understand their dialect, which could be a challenge, were fascinating.  I wish I had more time with them to hear more stories.   It helps me understand where I came from, part of who I am today.

An integral part of growing up should be listening to older generations tell stories of days gone by.  These are the best history lessons of life.   Children need exposure to many role models and thrive on adult attention from more than just their parents.  I remember one older senior citizen named Louise that lived next to one of my grandparents.  She was an invalid with no legs.   I use to go over and visit her every time we saw those particular grandparents. She would weave on her big loom and also tell me elaborate stories of her years where she was courted and attending galas and enjoying life to the fullest.  These visits were treasured by both her and me.  It gave Louise an opportunity to share a glimpse back over the wonderful life that she had led.  This mutual time gave me a chance to peak into a world I would never know existed.  

I sometimes wonder, if in this world of modern media, technology and competitive sports for children of all ages is there time or an effort to have children be told stories?  Are they encouraged to bond with elders anymore?  The richness of history can really be found much more in the spirit and stories of those that have lived it.  Young people need to find the time to spend with those that have those experiences while they are here. 

My neighbor in Kettering, Ohio baked apple pies and told me about her children, husband and her years as a school teacher.  I was in grade school but she wanted me to know what life held for me in my future.  She died while we still lived in that house but I knew what kind of woman she was and I admired her.  I aspired to have the kind of heart she had and have the depth of love she had for her kids and her husband.( She was also a great baker! )  

I write my blogs for many reasons.  One of the motivations though is as a legacy. I want the opportunity to leave stories about me behind. I remember so many older people that cared enough about me, as a child, to sit and tell me their thoughts.   They shared their lives with me and I feel I am a better person because of it, their selfless sharing, and their openness.   

We live in a different reality.  There is a fear in society about talking to strangers. In my neighborhood, most of the folks don’t even know each other’s names much less talk to each other.  It is hard to even talk to a child unless the parents are friends for safety reasons these days.   Hence, never would a child come knocking on a door just to talk.

Society also tends to be quite a bit more judgmental.  I think more people are afraid to express these feelings due to the tendency to be categorized as this or that.   I understand that concern, however, I suppose I am a risk taker of sorts.   These women taught me that life is about risk taking.   Leaving my stories and reflections behind is like the old lady who weaved on the loom and sat alone in the retirement home.  If she never talked to anyone, her stories would have died with her.   Silence is not always welcome.  Blessed are those that share and more blessed are those that listen.   Please know, as you read this, I am squeezing your cheek…ever so slightly…      Grandpa Tell Me Bout The Good Old Days by the Judds

                                       YouTube Video Link Above

Life Changes Us; Or Does It?

I sometimes find it funny how some things in life never truly do change. The bond we have with some people, even after years and years of being part, remains intact. A high school friend that was one of those special folks you had a connection with and knew you could trust with your innermost secrets, is still someone you can, in adulthood, confide in freely. And, in the same vein, that girl you went to high school with who was so busy trying to convince others of her importance, later in life, is still trying. You can sense it, not so much in what they say and do, but in what they don’t do and don’t say. Somehow it is baffling that life has not changed them.

Some of the negative persona's, the bad seeds in our life, will usually remain so. Perhaps that is why Dr. Phil is fond of saying “Kick a loser in your life to the curb.” He knows history does repeat itself. Unhealthy personalities that take advantage of your goodness and want only for themselves are users for their own gain. These people are not worthy of our graces. These people do not change. Do not put your time and energy into what my cousin’s girlfriend Levaughn calls “People that are two faced.” She is right, they do make you feel as if they need a smack of the backhand, but even that will not change the nature of who they are users of others. Good people, likewise, are true of heart and remain so.

Having come from a divorced family, as there are so many broken homes these days that it is becoming common place, I see all around me signs of broken marriages. Marriages that in spite of being together, they are broken. People going through the rigors of life and in one sense, growing and changing but the bonding between husband and wife, the commitment seems to either be there or, in general, not. Those of us with someone who is committed to us from the start are indeed the lucky ones. That is something that never quite seems to change. Those marriages, those couples find the work they put towards the courtship, towards planning a wedding and a future; they use to forge through issues and continually keep the marriage alive and well. Even with the setbacks, they always come back to each other with the same goal in mind.

Changes in our life seem to never really effect the healthy bonds that we have with the people in our lives that make us better people. This is definitely true with the bond with the siblings that love us unconditionally. My sisters can pick up the phone and call me and we are right back to ten or twenty years ago, sharing all our thoughts and dreams with abandonment knowing the intimacy we share is special and priceless. That will never change, not with age. When I battled cancer and my sister told me she could not imagine life without talking to me, I assured her God would not, could not allow me to be in heaven without our gabbing sessions because those were heaven sent moments to me. Heaven is a place that is euphoria and those talks are simply that; food for my soul and I think for hers also. No matter how our life changes, this bond remains the same.

We change but our faith in God is always there, inside our soul. We wander away from the closeness of this relationship throughout our life as we convince ourselves subconsciously we are fearless, invincible, and need no help. There are even times when we are angry for all we are not, what we do not have, for the things we have lost and the lot we have been handed in life. But in our hour of need, in the wee hours of the morning, when our heart is breaking, when our souls our hurting, we visually or physically reflect on the past, as if we are children saying our faithful prayers to God. We ask in our adult voices for the same thing we asked for as children, for His angels to descend on us and bring us what we need to get through our modern day crisis knowing we need His help, his intervention. We may grow old, we may grow weary, and we may deny God from time to time, but those of us with true faith in Him will always carry Him inside no matter how much we change and will always find ourselves stepping back into prayer along the way.

I have met many people facing cancer. I have met folks with Stage 1 and folks with Stage 4. I have talked with people on their death bed. I find that who they are, when they are entering heaven, is undoubtedly who they came into the world being, someone wide eyed, full of innocence in a sense about the wonderment of heaven and being in the presence of God much as they were as when they were an infant coming into this temporary place. The sense of peace they feel as they approach dying is much like the sense of calm they felt in their mother’s arms as they know they are going back to their Father, the one that truly did create them. All the years we spend on earth, all the roads traveled and yet, here at the end, we land on the very same stepping stone of emotion. It is as if all the years fade into oblivion. Yes, life has been a journey, a passing and yet, at the end, we are still in our infancy entering a new wondrous place…………………..as it was in the Beginning.

A Still Moment

I once worked with such a wonderful young spirited girl named Carrie. We quickly bonded and, in spite of our age differences, found we had so much in common, especially a love of laughter in our lives! We both worked in the high pressure business of printing and promotional products working with large corporations that wanted everything yesterday. We worked diligently, long hours and lots of stress and yet, still found time to share parts of our lives with one another.

Carrie had grown up in Middle Tennessee where I was a northern girl. When we started working together, she was a newlywed. Yes, she had just come back from her honeymoon and within weeks was interviewing and then offered the position. She worked as my customer service/project manager/back up sales person and did everything needed to help me be successful from making collection calls, to invoicing, trouble shooting, etc… I lost count of how many times I said to her “I would not want your job if it was the last job on earth!”

When I left that position, we remained in contact with each other. We kept communicating so we would know what was going on in each other’s lives. Never did a phone call or email slip between us without the words I miss you and I love you expressed.

I look back with fondness remembering the stories she shared, her husband’s surprise Christmas gift their first married holiday together, her first purchase for the new home. A beautiful couch she agonized on the perfect color combination to get and then went on to trying to decide what color she should use for throw pillows. She put her decorating questions to the test by asking each of us in the office our thoughts. Naturally, all being women, none of us agreed which only served to add more stress to Carrie’s decision! Her husband Greg was not into this sort of thing. I think his only requirement was to not incorporate pink!

The marriage had its usual share of ups and downs, misunderstandings, joy, laughter and tears. But over time this couple built a strong solid foundation upon which they were excited to bring a child into the picture. Greg had an adorable son from a previous marriage that Carrie spoke so fondly of also. She knew, after watching Greg’s parental skills with this young son, he would indeed make a wonderful partner for raising a child with her in the future.

Fast forward to present day. Carrie is eight months pregnant with a little boy soon to come and add laughter and mischief to the household. Baby showers are happening, friends are talking and getting excited. The world is waiting for that special moment, the miracle of birth.

In the real world, dreams sometimes get shattered in a way only God truly understands the whys. This story indeed has a major fork in the road. Greg went on a motorcycle ride the other night and did not make it home alive. His spirit will live on in his son and the son due in a month. His love will live on in his darling Carrie and all of us that are blessed to know Carrie, our wonderful spirited bubbly friend. But for a moment, the world will stop just long enough tomorrow and on Thursday to reflect on this young man’s live and family.

Greg, we thank you for your contribution to this world. We thank you for making our friend Carrie spill over with delight at your presence in her life. You had the ability to make her eyes light up with excitement and the rest of us were slightly envious with what we saw in Carrie. Thank you Greg for the love you bought into this world and may God keep you in the light of his presence. May God’s love be overflowing in you.

A moment will indeed come, in time, when you will be joined in heaven with your beloved Carrie and your two boys for all of eternity.

Click on title for link to obituary for Greg Van Dette.

Lunch Date With Destiny

The first time I was invited to a luncheon with a group of women who were cancer survivors was in April 2008. I was reluctant to say yes as I feared it would indeed be a dismal conversation. It seemed awkward to say no, though, since a survivor of Breast Cancer had asked me. The only time in the past I had spoken with fellow survivors was when I met them in the chemotherapy room. But I said yes and went.
To date, I have not missed a single lunch outing with this group. It was my destiny to attend these.

This group epitomizes diversity. They represent the educated to uneducated, poor to wealthy, young moms to old grandmothers, professionals to stay at home moms, but all with one thing in common. The commonality that bonds this group is a past diagnosis of cancer that has forever changed their lives. All these differences fade into oblivion when the group meets, in the blink of an eye. We are one and the same, compassionate women that care about each other and about live. Cancer is a reality check we all passed with flying colors!

Our vanity is not called into question when we meet. It is not uncommon to comment on someone’s hair to ask whom their stylist is only to find out their new style is a wig. That always brings up laughter from us! Losing hair is just part of the process of getting back to healthy.

We reveille in each other’s successes whether it is Linda who had a wonderful time swimming with the dolphins in Hawaii last month or another Linda who is just grateful for another day alive. Her prayer is that each day puts her one step closer to a cure for her abnormal type of cancer. She is part of a test study and we are thankful she is willing to participate because her involvement may one day save us or another loved one we know. Patty has just recovered from surgery and Becky is extremely pleased her children are back for another round of school! Yes, we simply delight in each other and the small steps. We understand the small steps add up to walking the journey of life.

Gone from this group are the normal tedious issues that abound women’s groups elsewhere. We leave egos at the door, refuse to cat fight and have no jealousy towards each other’s accomplishments, only pride in being together and hearing of successes. We grief for those that have passed on from cancer but we also know they are present in spirit.

The cancer diagnosis has humbled us. We recognize we are vulnerable and feel blessed to be labeled 'survivor'. We have an understanding of life that comes from confronting death, our own mortality. We have deepened our faith commitment and learned to delight in the small steps that makes up life.

To put it bluntly, we get it, the big picture. That is, life is precious. Life can be fleeting. Enjoy every moment of it!