Pink Matters Because Breast Cancer Still Kills

“No more pinkness” was heard from someone working with me on a breast cancer event.  Even with 1 out of 8 women getting a diagnosis, some people still see breast cancer as getting too

St.Senator Simpson, CEO/Pres. Amanda Maggard FL Hospital, FHZ Foundation Chair Linda Hauz

much attention. Even with 13% of these women dying and some men also.  Within 2 weeks of this comment, a woman recovering from surgery in our community fell. She is now in a rehab facility, unable to travel while learning that her dearly loved daughter, living out of state, was diagnosed with breast cancer. I received the news, at the same time, that a friend with Stage 4 has tumor markers that have suddenly gone back up. My girlfriend has had a re-occurrence of breast cancer and is in the 87% survival rate, for now.

I reflect back to when breast cancer didn’t matter to me. I have a twofold case of guilt forever. First, I use to think this issue wasn’t worthy of my time or money.  Now I realize and reflect on how I survived and some dear friends have long gone from the disease. So I work, for the cause, in many ways. And find, now, hearing disenfranchised comments only makes my passion stronger. I fight for them, the not interested parties, for they were me, long ago, before I was diagnosed and fighting for my life.

This year, I am coordinating a breast cancer walk at the Active 55+ Community where I live, Southport Springs Golf & Country Club in Zephyrhills, Florida. All of the money raised will be going to such an exciting piece of equipment locally.  Florida Hospital in Zephyrhills is purchasing the GE Senographe Pristina 3D Mammography System and will be one of only 3 hospitals in the state of Florida to have this finely tuned newest mammography technology.

This equipment has 3D capabilities and the system has the patient’s comfort issues at the forefront. Truly this is revolutionary. Perhaps that is why the name of Florida Hospital’s funding drive is Vision for the Future. This campaign’s goal is $500,000 but the cost of this equipment far exceeds this amount thus, the hospital will pay the balance. They are willing to because early detection saves lives and they feel this is a priceless endeavor for the community.

As a survivor, I have to applaud Simpson Breast Health Center at FL Hospital for being proactive in finding ways to not only improve the quality of the experience of getting a mammogram (soft LED lights, heated surfaces) but make results more reliable. Linda Hauff, Chairman of the Board, Florida Hospital Zephyrhills Foundation has been a fountain of information about this evolving development. This equipment would have prevented many late diagnoses not caught by traditional mammograms, such as mine. 

I was unsure who to work with at Southport Springs. There is a great deal of planning involved to pull off something this large with a lot of pieces to coordinate and my style is different than others around here. They had something for cancer several years ago by a member well known who fits right in. I march to my own drum,  too old to change honestly, though I am sure criticism will come my way, possibly even by the previous staff. Conformity is not in my nature.😂 I have to take from some of my experiences of what worked and try to tweak it to this environment and my new forming friendships. We all have different strengths and gifts. I believe some in this community will value mine and like, any place, some won't. 

The best place to start was investigating to find out who were some folks that were known for great follow-through and working hard. It was a gamble because I really didn't know them well as far as working on a project together.  Life is a gamble, hell cancer certainly is! Oh and the first one I asked was a woman that suggested the main event, the walk, someone I barely knew!  I included a few friends but actually not all I have made here.  I wanted diversity. 

Subcommittees were further formed.  All in all, 35-45 people are entrenched in the effort in some capacity.  I hope they register as team members and raise sponsorship monies.  Otherwise, not much money will be raised but again, that, this year, is not the primary goal! This community needs everyone that can walk to walk or cheer.  Our Head Committee is outstanding! It's became close and is excited to not only increase awareness but raise donations to help offset the costs for a life-saving purchase locally. To get folks excited about activities around cancer before the events happen makes it a win for me already. 

Working at the American Cancer Society, I knew the sentiment was always going to be positive, encouraging and the majority of the public was going to embrace the event. We all were hellbent on the wish to eradicate cancer and in the process,  promoting catching it early, developing better treatments and better drugs.  Here, I sit on the edge of my seat, there are so many other worthy causes competing for attention. And when you hear feedback like "too much pinkness already" and "I am sick of hearing about breast cancer, " or "why isn't she doing it like the lady did it in the past" and even criticism of my style. I remind myself of Julie Naberhaus! 👼 Julie was originally diagnosed the same time as me. When it came back a year later, she fought breast cancer hard,  in tremendous pain and I realize, no matter what adversity I face,  my battle is nothing compared to hers. She pushes me forward, as always. 

My work in the field of cancer is God driven and survivor driven.  I am hoping to show you can bring laughter in the name of yes, cancer to my new neighbors. Celebrating  survivorship and medical advances is good stuff.  Raising awareness and reflecting on the high value of life and living in the moment is what life is about!  I hope our committees can make our aging population here completely comfortable saying "I've had my mammogram and got it done at Florida Hospital Zephyrhills." This piece of equipment will significantly reduce false negatives, especially on the 20-25% that have been receiving them.  How wonderful to know that all the money raised is going specifically to funding equipment in the state of Florida that will guarantee saving lives? 

This blog today matters to me as  much as all of you,  regular followers. So many of you have stayed with me from the days post-treatment.   Some of you have written me, some as far away as outside of the US.  If you get cancer, know you are in my prayers, daily. Which is why I fight, care and give. I hate the disease with as much passion as I fight it.  It doesn't matter what the event is, I try to give it my all. 

Please pray that the residents here are open enough to a newcomer with her ideas and quirks to  support the cause. So many committee members are working tirelessly to make this happen, to bring this to fruition.  These excellent leaders deserve this.  Florida Medical Hospital Board talked to me at their Kick Off and is forming teams to attend the Walk. May this community realize this is for them and for the greater good.  I have been a part of successes at huge events, with 15,000 walkers, over million dollars. Now I live here, in  Zephyrhills at  Southport Springs and want another great accomplishment for them, a wonderful turn-out, response and support for the local hospital.  At the end of the day, this is God's work though and in God's hands. . 

If you would like to donate to breast cancer in October, or prior, to help increase the total donation from our Walk, The Ta Ta Trot & the other activities we have planned,  the information is below. Please do donate to something in Oct. if not Southport Springs.  All our proceeds will be going to Florida Hospital Zephyrhills Foundation for this equipment so that many others in the surrounding areas can utilize this mammography technology.  See below for how to make out checks. We welcome gifts of all sizes and everyone in our community thanks you for your support! 😉

What I wish for is a world free of the need to say pinkness. 

Mail donations to:

Ta Ta Trot 

c/o Jim Bronold

4009 Russian Olive Lane

Zephyrhills, FL  33541 

See check below please:

      I made this video a few years ago during my tenure with the American Cancer Society after attending various St. Thomas Camp Bluebird Camps for Survivors of Cancer, ACS events & Susan G Komen Walks. Most images are either breast cancer survivors, deceased of the disease or those currently in treatment.  Some pictures have other forms of cancer. NOTE: A few images, people have since deceased.  😢 Cick Here

Facing Death Taught Me...

1) Big Girls Do Cry and sometimes it is okay to be damn proud of it. Holding in feelings can destroy

you. It’s so cathartic to let them out and it’s very healing. We don’t have to wear our emotions on our

sleeve but we have a right, men and women to express our emotions. Passion and sensitivity is a gift. My older sister use to tell me when I was a little girl that I was blessed with sensitivity. Most of my life, I saw it as a curse. Many times, even my kids, have teased me for it unless they needed it tapped into towards them, their hurts and hurdles through life. Crying is part of life, Jesus cried. Let the tears flow, happy tears, sad tears, and moving tears.

2) As Milton Berle said and the first thing I saw on my first day of chemo on a sign next to my chair, “Laughter is an instant vacation” and we all need an escape. You can’t laugh without smiling and smiling puts you in a happy mood and others. Smile frequently and laugh as well. If you find yourself with others that can’t take smiles and laughter, maybe you are in a down crowd. Life is meant to be enjoyed not dreaded.

3) Little moments in life are those to be cherished the most. When you are flat on your back, your goals are simple, walk to the mailbox at the end of the driveway. Be able to eat a meal. Watch a movie from start to finish without falling asleep. Too often we are so busy and so easily disappointed because we can’t travel to Europe, buy the hot car, or put the kids in everything they want to be involved in that we forget about simple things that truly matter. I was reminded of the joy of decorating cookies for Christmas, you are never too old to use colored icing on cookies and have bragging rights! Kids love it so try doing this instead of taking kids shopping for new toys. Sit on the porch with a new book instead of going on a shopping spree. Take the kids out to feed the ducks crackers and watch your kids go from being scared to you being frightened by how close the children go to the wild animals!

4). Forgive those that have trespassed against us. Harboring ill feelings and not letting go of what you can’t control is like a cancer growing inside of you. However, give yourself permission to divorce drama from your life. I learned to take a personal inventory of those around me. Evaluate who is bringing value to you, who is building you up and accepting you for who you are and making you feel good as a person. If they are not, as much as you may love them and cherish them, you need to consider letting them go. Life is about loving others, but also about loving you. If someone is constantly badgering you or subtly putting you down and making you feel less of yourself, this is not a good way to finish out your life. You must be whole and be able to give to those who love you the love you have for yourself. That love won’t be complete without wholeness inside.

5) Hold to your belief system. If others shun you for staying true, perhaps they are not meant in your inner circle. God created us uniquely but with a goal for us to attempt to follow in his footsteps. Our perception of those footsteps may vary and we may be at different steps in the journey than others. If others are lagging behind, don’t allow yourself to be pulled back into an unhealthy unjust unholy place. Evil and contempt breeds unhappiness and resentment. Always maintain your character, integrity and values. Christianity and faith must be your stronghold and foundation.

6) Life leads to death. And death leads to life, life everlasting. It is imperative that you stay on the path of faith, prayer and development of your Christian journey for you know not when it ends. It is so much easier to accept your death and others that will die before you if you have reached some sort of acceptance and understanding of the passage of this life to the next. It also aids in helping those

around you to accept yours. Peace will come with our crossing over if we have faith in God, in Jesus’s words. But to truly comprehend we must continue and be committed to a higher level of our spiritual development. This is defined by each of us differently. But in each of us, it must be a higher priority. I have faced the reality of my mortality and accepted it.

  

Post Breast Cancer Folks Like Me

Funny little thing about breast cancer so many don’t want to talk

about, the post-treatment, as in life after cancer. It is, for so many, never quite the same. Some women luck out and it is. Stars and happy shouts to all of you!  But for those of us not too lucky, reality bites.  I write this for those, those that need the support that those that have never walked down the path don’t quite understand.

Long after treatment, no one is asking how you are doing. It is assumed, you beat it, and therefore, you are now doing fine, back to you. Oh, you may have a different outlook on life, maybe live more healthy, and maybe have new boobs or no boobs at all but life is relatively normal. 

Feeling blessed is a given many days, living on the other side of cancer, being a survivor is a nice title. It has an awesome ring to it. However, attached to it, for many women, are long-term side effects that are just not issues women knew they signed up for or ‘expected’ after treatment.  Once it was out of your system, some of us ran for cover.  This was me, heading for the circle of friends that never had cancer to get as far away from the disease as possible. Unfortunately, it is as if the long-term side effects hunted us out of hiding, wrecking a new kind of havoc on our lives. 

Good-bye life without doctor appointments and health worries, and hello feeling like a hypochondriac and kids and friends that look at you like you are a freak of nature.  The multitude of issues varies but support groups show a vast similarity among women survivors.  There is a mixed benefit of sharing in these groups. It aids in understanding and support. And then, on the flipside, it is depressing to hear others suffering more than you. However, I always recommend keeping a few survivors in your circle of support, in your close knit of friends. Without them, you are left with an outside world that does not totally understand life post cancer.

The medical issues that creep up do not always occur immediately afterward, some come in time, and some, such as lymphedema can occur at virtually anytime. There are far too many and I don’t even know them all. Just to list a few though for those that are wondering what could possibly occur with someone medically after cancer treatment: estrogen-related issues due to sudden onset of menopause, bone density issues, neuropathy, chemo brain which can also cause issues with multi-tasking, immune deficiency issues. In my case and a few friends I have since met, we experience extreme chronic migraines. I never had this diagnosis or issue pre-cancer. Make no mistake, we all feel blessed to be here, even on a bitchy day.

Recently I was with a few survivors. One in the group who has been dealing with Stage 4 for many years made an interesting statement. She said she felt sorry for her significant other.  Too much of the care-taking falls on one person, doctor appointments, dealing with her mood swings, etc. making her feel the relationship was very one-sided. She told us her mate would be better off without her.  We all can relate, life isn’t fair and the relationships we have from cancer aren’t either. None of us signed up for cancer or the side effects afterwards. When you are a survivor with continual health issues, just like any chronic illness, it is a drain on a relationship and it takes take a toll.  It is hard, at times, as a survivor, not to feel resentful of a disease that has stolen more than just breast tissue, more than just the months or years of treatment but has altered your life, lifestyle, etc. significantly. For some of us, financially we are never the same. Medical insurance does not cover everything. The same thing is true of the post-cancer issues and many of us find ourselves in a position where we have enough issues we can no longer work.

Emotionally, going through facing death can be one of the biggest wake-up calls many of us face. It will force some women to take a good hard look at their life and initiate changes, first with themselves and then with everyone around them.  Make no mistake, not everyone is going to like these changes but they must be made. Living healthy is important, not just physically but emotionally. Health begins in the head and then settles in the body.   If people walk away from you because you are trying to get it right by God, you must trust your faith in the person that saved you ultimately and let go of the distrust to move forward.

If you are reading this and are one of those survivors frustrated because family or friends are not getting it, your health and emotional dilemmas, post-cancer, know you are not alone. Also, if you have tried to get folks to understand, it may be a fruitless effort. Some of us have cried, wrote letters, and tried everything under the sun to no avail.  

The harder you try the more loony you look!  Wasted energy is energy that could be spent working towards staying healthy, being proactive in warding off disease, one less doctor appointment and building a network of friends and family that are open to understanding the new you, post cancer. What you need in your life is acceptance of who you are now, compromise in your relationships and not settling for unhealthy manners of living, be it physically or emotionally. 

I believe a network of cancer friends is important. I also believe it is important to have a mix of friends that are not. I am blessed to have some dear friends that are not cancer survivors and really do seem to understand my health issues and changes I have gone through emotionally and 100% accept me and support me. If you don’t have that in your relationship, as I use to tell my daughter, dump them. Cancer can return its ugly head at any time and stress increases the odds. Unhealthy relationships have no place in your life anymore. They simply increase the number of doctor appointments on your calendar. 

Please know you are blessed to have survived breast cancer or to be here, still fighting.  Those of us, in that crowd, support you for all the changes you have made and all the continued issues you are dealing with. We have compassion for your sad days, joy over the happy ones and above all, celebrate your life! 

Sister Girlz Make Getting Pinked Cooler

It is so cool to see other teams take the time, after Making Strides Nashville, to be creative and create some lasting memories to look back on the days event! So many that could not attend would like to know what they missed, especially those in treatment that need to know and see what others were doing the street to show their support or those at home hurting because of the lost of a loved one to breast cancer.

Those of us that attended love having the chance to relive the moments through another team's eyes.  It was impossible, with 35,000 people in attendance to capture it all. Thus, seeing it through another Team's eyes, Sister Girlz's Team is just wonderful and shows you the heart of this team.

They have spent the majority of their time just getting ready for the event and doing what they do, giving do causes that matter. Take a few minutes, if you

enjoy the video and believe in the group, to consider visiting their page and perhaps donating at Great video made was memories of Making Strides for Breast Cancer by Team Sister Girlz out of Nashville, TN! Team Captain Melanie Burnett and all her team members did a fabulous job spreading the word around. If enjoy this, please consider donating to this team. They decide with all the work they did increasing awareness! Go to www.makingstrideswalk.org/nashvilletn, search on the team name & select Donate. Give a donation, whatever you can give,  to their team. At least, share the video to others affected by Breast Cancer. I think you will find, like me, a Survivor, it is very uplifting!

Click here 4 Sister Girlz Video

Making Major Strides in Nashville!

Most of us are alone when we are told we have cancer. We are scared because we never envisioned hearing that word said to us. How do you prepare for being told you have breast cancer?  Where do you get a handbook on what to do if you are told this kind of information? If it existed, who would want to read it? It would feel like a death wish or a self-fulfilling prophesy of sorts.   Thus, it is one of the most isolating moments in your life.

Afterwards, you can be in a room full of caring friends and have moments when you feel alone, isolated, as if no one else truly understands how you feel.  This feeling, even while in treatment, while in surgery, recovery will come and go.  It varies from person to person but cancer is unique to each and every individual. But one thing remains constant, the day you are diagnosed, the moment, is never forgotten and at that slice in time, you are alone.  Your world is surrounded by only your own thoughts and feelings for a few moments in time while you try to absorb the enormity of what was just said.

Because of this, one of the most beautiful things about Making Strides Against Breast Cancer sponsored by the American Cancer Society (ACS) to me is the concept of togetherness. We are not alone. We are in this together.  Breast cancer, beating it, ultimately, is everyone’s responsibility. Yes, individually we need to take treatment and try to overcome our individual pathology case, the side effects, if a re-occurrence occurs, metastatic breast cancer, etc…  But the community at large has a responsibility to help prevent others from getting the diagnosis to begin with, continuing doing research to find better methods of prevention, easier treatment plans and cures so that women and men are not dying from this disease. 

Making Strides is the coming together of all types of people, young, old, various religions and walks of life just to support this one cause that affects so many lives, breast cancer. In a world full of hate and violence, to see a symbol of love and life in a sea of pink is precious.  To see children and men wearing a color that to a cancer survivor means I lived another day to wear pink reminds me I am not alone ever, I never was and never will be as long as I live.    

This Strides season began this summer with Montgomery Gentry starting a Band of Pink, a commitment to donate $1,000 and promote their loyalty to the cause. When Tory Gentry’s wife Angie got diagnosed with it, rather than let the news come out through the media, he broke the news to his fans himself.  Troy and Angie then decided to do something positive about the disease choosing this venue, Making Strides for Breast Cancer. They challenged others to hop on board the Pink Band and donate too. This added incentive made me particularly proud of be an integral part of the social media piece this year. I thought this year could be, potentially, a huge year for Nashville.  

At the event, there were over 35,000 registered walkers this year on Oct. 10^th.  We know that many

walkers simply showed up without registering so we are not sure of the exact count.  The donations at the close of the day totaled more than $900,000 but with October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month more donations are rolling in for teams and individuals to ACS the entire month of October so that number is rising.  But what is so different and so cool about the Strides event that some folks don’t get without knowing it inside out is there is little overhead.  

Making Strides budget doesn't allow for much money on promotion at all. That is perhaps why social

media is done often times by people like me, a volunteer, as in unpaid.  This way donors can be assured as much as possible the majority of donations  go to what is promoted.  There is not vendor booths held to have giveaways because that is not the focus of the Strides event for ACS. This is simply about Breast Cancer only. It is not a health fair, not a convention, not a buyers paradise, just exactly what it is called a show of support for Breast Cancer, a way to Make Strides towards the mission of obliterating breast cancer.  And it works, ask the 35,000 in attendance.

Walking with them all, standing in a sea of people, all smiling, none of us are alone in caring about breast cancer and the issues surrounding it. So remember, if you are ever faced with the diagnosis, the one moment in time you feel alone, it will pass and you will soon feel the love of us all, all of us that come in pink to the streets in October to Make Strides!    Video Link Here

To donate, visit makingstrideswalk.org/nashvilletn

For additional information about breast cancer or any form of cancer, visit ACS's website at cancer.org or call the 24/7 hotline# at 800-227-2345.

You Are Beautiful

So much emphasis is put on women to be beautiful that it is becoming important to understand where true beauty originates, from within.  We all are created equal, by God.  In His eyes, we are all beautiful, made exactly how he destined us each to be. 

However, once outside the womb, in the real world, society puts these unreal

expectations on females of what the standards should be.  Most cannot hit that mark, that goddess image that marketing agencies seem to push on the make-up ads, the perfume commercials, the women laying on the beach wearing skimpy bathing suits that many women can’t fit in.  These benchmarks are traits that women are either born with or without, having no control over the later.  This is simply an unfair stick of measurement to evaluate the true beauty of a girl or woman.   

The definition of beauty for a woman needs to begin at home, in the confines of your family. This essence should be discussed with children, of both sexes, as they are developing. The topic will help formulate ideas forcing current and future generations to be more open-minded to those school aged girls and women that are not the epitome of a marketing firm’s idea of ‘beauty.’ 

This is more important than ever with bullying reaching epidemic proportions. 

Children must learn early on to not judge based on looks and that girls and women that do not have long flowing hair or thin figures can still be beautiful as beauty comes from within.  Emphasizing this now, at a young age or at any age, affects all women in a positive manner. We all benefit from this change in paradigm. Basing opinions of people on superficiality is nonsense and harmful to us all.  

Too often I am asked by recently diagnosed breast cancer women how losing a breast will affect their femininity.  Will their mate find them desirable?  Is it not unfortunate enough that they have to fight off cancer but compound it now with fears of their essence of being a woman questioned?  So many feel their beauty is fleeting.  Large breasts or any breasts do not make a woman.  Appendages on one's body do not make a woman more or less beautiful much as a penis does not make a men attractive or unattractive. Women are attractive to real men because of what lies within and radiates outward. Character, integrity and sensuality does not come from physical looks.   

Please consider coming up with your own definition of beauty and share it with others.Make it based on controllable factors and recognize we are all created as part of God's perfect plan You may be saving many other women from heart ache without even realizing it and people from persecution.  

Please click on link if interested in my video on the diversity of beauty in my small world of women I see:  Click Here

The Sun Will Shine Again

I always thought time went by quickly with my own kids But I am finding, with grandchildren, it truly is accelerated.  It seems like it jumped from diapers to school in no time!  Maybe it is what the kids eat these days, too many hormones in their food.  It is hard on us older adults as we want to be able to hold the little ones in our arms as long as we can.  We don’t have the responsibility of the harder tasks associated with child-rearing! How unfair that the time slips by even quicker.

This month is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  Back in 2007, we thought our 125 lbs. lab Charley was obsessed with breasts, notably mine! 
 Well, actually, just my right one for some

reason. Many of you have heard this story but it bears repeating.  One day in early Sept.  I leaned over to pet him, and bam, he charged into my chest with his rock hard head.  This time, he knocked the wind out of me and the pain was intense. I had bruised horribly and did a self-exam for anything suspicious. And yes, I admit it; I was one of those back-sliders, women who did not faithfully perform self-exams.  

There was no mistake, something was there but it didn’t feel like a pea, so I am assumed it was tissue damage.  The rest of the story is, short version, I received a cancer diagnosis within weeks.  Charley saved my life.  And yes, I love my dog now so very much and I think he is King most of the time! (Please don’t tell him I said that. He is spoiled enough.)

 The other two little people that were critical to my cancer battle were my two grandchildren, first Kaleb, and then Ava to follow in December 2007.  September, the month I was diagnosed, was when my daughter was due with my first grandchild. I remember coming home after being diagnosed, staring at the mirror above my dresser and thinking about the fact that I had cancer and now I was going to be a grandmother. 


 I guess it was a God thing, because the week I had my first breast surgery was the same week my grandson was born.  When my daughter called to tell me she was in labor late one evening, my chest was bandaged up, I was still bleeding under the bandaging and was wishy-washy on whether I should leave and drive from Nashville, TN to Northern Kentucky. I had a follow up visit the following week with my breast surgeon but my daughter wanted me there.  Your mother gene kicks in and against my husband’s concern, I threw things in a suitcase and off I went.  Did I call my surgeon to check in first?  Well, no but in my defense, it was after hours.

 Driving up north, I cried quite often.  It was a good 4 ½ to 5 hour drive if you maintain the speed limit.  I was somewhat worried about bonding with my grandson because of having a cancer diagnosis.  Something told me to not get too attached to my grandbaby.  If I didn’t make it, I didn’t want this baby hurt. And I was worried about getting there in time for my daughter also. I wanted to be there for this critical time in her life if she wanted me there. I was trying to respect her space with her husband but when she called, I was super-charged!  I drove fast, half afraid of dying from driving too fast and then, the other half of the time, I was worried of dying of cancer, reflecting on the thought there was a cancerous tumor in me. 

  
When I was half way there, my son-in-law Scott called to say they had to do a C section.   Christina was and the baby were going to be okay but he would be born before I got there. A grandson was coming into the world as I drove up north on that lonely dark highway.   Wow, a precious new life from my bloodline.  It is amazing when it happens, a real miracle.  How odd, it struck me, that I would be fighting for mine and he, would be beginning his. 

When I got to the hospital, I was so relieved to see my daughter there resting.  An adorable baby boy was close by, Kaleb, who made it impossible to look anywhere else.  Christina kept trying to get me to pick him up and I kept refusing. Finally, she asked someone in the room to pick him up and put Kaleb in my arms. I think I felt like I had died and gone to heaven when I held my grandson that first time and looked down at his little face.  He was so tiny, so precious and reminded me of her, my daughter. It is funny how we mothers have flashbacks when our children have children.  

Christina asked me to walk over close to her at the bedside with Kaleb in my arms. When I did, she began to speak. I distinctly remember her saying “Mom look at his face. Then she

began to talk, choking up as she explained she partially wanted me to come up to see her so I would see him and hold him and know Kaleb needed me as a grandmother.  She wanted me to remember his face when I was going through treatment and whenever I struggled so I would always know there was this precious little boy who needed me as a grandmother. She said she knew I would be a fantastic grandmother to him. That would keep me fighting, she knew it, and so did I. It was a special moment, a powerful one that I will never forget. 

Shortly thereafter, Ava, his cousin was born; my first grand-daughter and she was an additional motivator.  I thought of Kaleb and Ava during treatment often.   I know God

blessed me with both of them to help me get through the long course of treatment, the complications and the fear that goes hand in hand with cancer.  It also was a great investment of my time, when I had the chance to spend time with either of them.  It literally re-energized me. 

Last month, Sept., I hit my seven year anniversary. I have hit a few mile stones in my recovery from the aggressive type of cancer I had. The next one I am shooting for is the 10 year mark.  Last month was also my grandson Kaleb’s birthday.  He turned 7; obviously, it always coincides with my cancer anniversary.  The memories of my cancer treatment I have left behind. They are blurred by all the wonderful memories I have instead of Kaleb and my other grandchildren. I prefer focusing on those. 

I hope you will pray for cancer patients that they will have a little person in their life like Kaleb or Ava. These children have a thirst for living life which helps keep a patient dealing with a life-threatening disease reminded life is worth fighting for, even on those days you feel sicker than a dog and every inch of your body feels blah. Every day new things are on the horizon.  You simply must open the window and let the sun shine in.   


Bonds with children are a funny thing.  They never really quite break.  Kaleb and I don’t live close to each other.  We don’t see each other anymore either.  But I had the joy of being an active part of his childhood up until early this year. I discovered, with grandchildren, as with your own children, your love only continues to grow with each stage of development.  Yes, I love him more now than even that first day he was born and I held him in my arms.   

 And so, I retain my memories, my pictures and the love I have in my heart for adorable Kaleb. I recall our conversations, the sound of his laughter when he made me laugh, the look on his face when he was sad, mad and full of sheer joy!  Kaleb could make his grandfather laugh like no other. He used to call Kaleb Mr. Personality!   I miss the “I love you Grandma’s” but I know God has us bonded where it matters the most.     And I know this is also true for anyone that was a part of his life that is no longer.  He was and is sunshine to us. We are grateful that we were able to touch his life and he ours. 

He will learn one day that it was not by our choice that we are not a part of his world.  God

will let him know he has one of the keys to my heart always.  And when he gets to heaven, I know my loving Father will let me greet Kaleb, my grandson with his big beautiful dark eyes, with open arms to cradle him once more. Until then…….grow little boy, find your place in the big world!


Attached to this blog on a link is a video of some of Jim and I's most prized memories of Kaleb. How to capture 6 1/2 years in a song, impossible.  This is our best try.  Click here & see why we know we have been blessed!

 And, in closing, a special thank you to many of you reading this. You know who you are, several in Northern Kentucky, New York, Michigan, Ohio, Florida and Tennessee. If I have left someone out, I apologize. Your support for Jim and I these past few months has been incredible and the compassion, I really can’t say how meaningful it has been to both of us. We have drawn so much strength from those of you who wanted to share, listen, support and encourage.  May God bless you and know too that our door works both ways.

Strides for Life

This week has been a blur for me, in many ways. My mother had a stroke at the beginning of the week. I live out of state from her, actually a few states over to be more precise. Consequently, I have spent a great deal of time on the telephone talking to doctors and nurses to keep abreast of her situation. Then when you throw in the relative calls on her side of the family, there adds a deeper dimension to the week, a more emotional component.

Many of you who have followed my blog know that my mother and I only reconnected a few years ago. Therefore, most members of her family have only came into my life recently, as in the last few months, some in the last few years. Funny though, some I feel I have known for a lifetime, in a good way. This past week was a reminder of how blessed I am to know and be a part of this family. I am amazed at the out pouring of these wonderful people towards my mother, who has made her share of mistakes in life and towards me, someone new to the family picture. It is a humbling experience to know that this extended family, just introduced to me recently, could already feel so connected to me quickly.


Within twenty four hours after the first stroke, my mother suffered a second one that appears to be, if not more devastating than the first, than equally so. The stroke was in the right side of her brain so the left side of her body is affected. I researched the short and long term effects of that side of the brain, after strokes, to better understand her condition. I discovered all the changes my mother is experiencing and will experience, if God continues to give her more time. And yes, I have prayed humbly that the plan for my mom allows for more days. The memories, thus far, have been few. I would like to make a few more good memories with my mother, God willing.

I was proud of myself that most of the week, I kept pretty stoic. On Friday, I let my feelings surface as the reality of losing the opportunity to ever walk somewhere with my mother hit me. To date, she cannot walk unaided. The wonderment of what her future might look like and if she could be happy with it concerns me. My mom lives life to the fullest. That has been part of her problem, part of her weakness. Yet, at times, part of the wonderment of knowing and being around my mother.

Today, I was scheduled to volunteer for an event downtown for the annual Making Strides against Breast Cancer Walk. This event is very heartfelt to me. I first learned of it when I was diagnosed with cancer in Sept. 2007. My mastectomy was scheduled for early in Oct. so I knew walking was out of the question that year. But after I saw the news coverage, post event, I vowed to have a team the following year.

Exactly one year later, while still in chemo treatment, I pushed up my sleeves and formed a team called Make Some Noise with a group of my strong supporters. This was comprised of the folks that were there for me during my long battle to get well and stay on the ‘other side’ of the dreaded disease. I walked that walk with my head held high. I felt tears sting my eyes as I walked across the bridge into the downtown area by LP Field and saw 10,000 people all walking for the same cause, a cure for breast cancer.

Now today, after a week of fielding phone calls and praying my mother would live, I found myself back at the very same place I was at in 2008, just 3 years ago. This time, I am sitting close to two very dear friends that have volunteered with me. One is a breast cancer survivor herself and married to a cancer survivor. The other friend has a mother who just recovered from breast cancer. Both are extremely dear to me and I think understand my pain and turmoil about my mother. I sit and register folks for this walk and watch others do the same. Scores of folks come and go, families, young and old just to take a stand for cancer, just to let it be known they care about life.

I think about my mother a lot during the time I am sitting there. I reflected on my own journey, on how each donor dollar that was given to this event, prior to me being diagnosed, helped fund the drugs that were discovered that cured me. I again feel humbled and blessed. This feels good, unlike many of the emotions I have felt this past week. I watch someone full of life having fun with others there, possibly looking for a new soul mate. Yes, he is full of life and seems void of any sense of the pain and mixed emotions I feel. I am somewhat envious of the new promise he finds in anther's eyes and wonder if the following year they will be here together. But I see others wearing shirts to commemorate their mothers, their wives, their friends that have passed away from breast cancer and I am touched by their dedication. I then feel the warmth of happiness inside my soul that I have found meaning in my life also. It took me getting cancer and surviving it, but after that battle, I found the person that gave me my life, I found my mom.


I walk away from today, from the Making Strides against Breast Cancer, a survivor but a great deal more than that. I walk away a proud daughter of a woman in Michigan fighting to survive a stroke. I walk away as a girl who found her mom. I am also a grandmother who found compassion in her heart to forgive her true mother for not being all the things we have come to expect from a maternal mother in our lives. Yes, I walk away from the event feeling whole and better than before I got there, just like I did in 2008. Funny how this one event, since 2007, has impacted my life so much.


To commemorate this day, I arranged to have my mother, who is finally sitting up, alert, in bed talk to her husband. He, Wade, is a long past stroke victim and fighting Stage 4 cancer himself with a trachea and feeding tube in him from a traumatic surgery months ago. I call my mother's nurse in Michigan and tell her my plan. I then speak to my mother, who is beside herself with worry, heart ache, head pain and missing her husband. I ask Mom if she would like a little surprise. I tell her to hang up the phone and wait a minute and then pick it back up when it rings. I tell her to promise me to pick it up and someone who wants to talk to her will be on the phone. She understands and says she will but it is clear she thinks it is me that is calling back. I let her think that.


I then call Wade and practically yell at him to get a pen quickly. He is hard of hearing and moves slowly. Apparently he has trouble finding one and is telling me so, as I am saying hurriedly, please Wade, go faster! He is probably looking at the receiver thinking I am as demanding as my mother can be! Apparently he locates one and starts writing the numbers down, each one, as I shout each one out to be certain he hears it. We go through this routine several times before he gets it right. In fact, I am not at all sure he has it correct. With his titanium tongue, his speech is extremely difficult to comprehend but it sounded pretty close to the number anyways. He yells back, at one point, asking who's number am I writing? Whoops, I forgot to tell him! I tell him it is his wife, my mom, who is missing him horribly. I know Wade, he loves my mom and is sick with worry. She also was his primary care taker. He starts to choke up and I tell him there is no time for that, “She is waiting for you Wade, you have to call in just a couple minutes.” And I hang up.


I waited about fifteen minutes and called him back to ensure he got through to her. As soon as he picked up the phone, I could tell he was smiling. I could feel it coming off the receiver. I immediately said to him, “You talked to Mom right?” He was laughing when he replied that oh yes he had. He told me she cried. When he said this, he cried. My day ended with a little glimpse of heaven.

Campside Heroes

I attended a wonderful camp this weekend for cancer survivors and was spell bound with what I witnessed! It was called Camp Bluebird and was held at Lakeshore Campgrounds in Eva, TN. The surroundings were beautiful and peaceful, even amidst rain storms and clouds.

Heros were everywhere, each with a special unique story to tell. Folks from all walks of life in and around the area came to celebrate life after having been diagnosed with cancer. The venue gave a voice to the disease ‘cancer’ spoken purposely by its victims.

There were also several nurses, care takers and volunteers to help with the weekend’s activities, including crafts as well as a good old fashion costume contest. Each activity was embraced with smiles and joy to be alive and have one more precious memory.

This crowd was one that was grounded, one where friends are made for life. The wall of secrecy is down at all times and folks talk openly, honestly and with heartfelt thanks. The listening skills of all that attended were at full tilt as we took turns talking and telling our story, what we still struggle with and how our lives have changed.

I heard the story of the beautiful marketing director who survived a horrendous marriage only to be confronted with a cancer diagnosis. There was the lady who survived horrible child abuse to grow up, regain personal strength and then triumphantly beat cancer. There were men in attendance too, each unique but with one common thread ..cancer. One newcomer had survived cancer only to have his wife diagnosed and in less than two years, die. There were more tears for the woman who is now fighting her fourth or fifth battle with a different type of cancer and she just remains strong. She is like a batter that strikes out every time at bat and yet walks up to the plate with the same level determination as if it is the first at bat. She is just waiting for that big swing that makes others simply stand back and watch her ball sail out of the ballpark. Those of us who met her pray that hit comes soon.

The sharing and caring was more than just about cancer, it was about humanity. I met a young woman, close to my daughter’s age, that was from another country and had not completely mastered the English language. She was there to give back, because she cared about others hurting. She felt cancer was an unfairly given, life changing diagnosis. She had her share of hard knocks in her own life, including a childhood were she was made to feel less than everyone else, simply because she was different. Why is it the world does not embrace diversity anymore? Everyone is quick to judge and point out differences of others verses celebrate them. This girl should not have been overlooked as a child. She has so much to offer, and in time, she will continue to touch so many lives with her kind gentle nature and loving heart. Those that never gave her a chance missed out on truly seeing that blessing.

I had been asked to attend this several times and never felt I really had the time to spare. After having gone, I now giggle inside that I ever thought something else on my plate was more important than this. My weekend was filled with memories to sustain a lifetime. I met one hero after another. Each one was willing to be real,with no pretense or reservations about sharing their successes, failures and struggles. I learned so much from listening. I was provided an opportunity to share as well and offer some advice to others. This experience was, as someone there said, life altering.

Heroes come in all sizes and shapes. Truly take the time to learn other’s stories. You may find the differences you once thought you had are minor compared to the similarities. Learning from each other is more what God had in mind for us all. Let down your wall, open your ears and ask for the story behind the person. Then sit back, take it in and thank God for another blessing brought in your life! Heroes want to share. Heroes persevere. Heroes are among us all. May their strength and determination light a path for us all!

Grace for Julie

Wow, another friend dies of breast cancer! The phone call came and when I heard the news I didn't really react. Though I expected it, it just didn't sound right, and I felt shocked. I took the news, at first well but as the evening wore up, and the finality of it hit me, I was speechless.

Today, at home with her husband by her side and her two sons, both in their early 20’s to say their final good byes, Julie passed over. The three men's final good bye’s were said and felt on this earth to a wonderful wife and loving mother. But, it was not a good bye forever. They will unite again, in another place…

I can’t help but reflect on the timing of this death. How fitting, God took Julie out of her pain during Lent. With Lent being a Christian time to remember Jesus’ death for our sins and thus, giving us eternal salvation, he took Julie out of her misery. Her body has been raging with pain as her incurable cancer spread through out all of her bones causing her increasing chronic pain with no end in sight. God to the rescue, she is now free of pain. Heaven frees her from the misery, the sorrow and the hurt. Such a good kind loving woman that brought so many happy memories to those of us that knew her well is now at the final destination. She believed in God and in good and now has what she deserves. Yet, those of us left behind are filled with heavy hearts. We shall miss our friend, until the day comes when we see her again.

In facing death, we are all reminded of how short life truly is. And also of God’s promise to us.

I am so grateful I had the chance to tell Julie what was in my heart, when I sensed her passing was inevitable. I sat with her one day not long ago, while she was in the chemotherapy treatment room, a place somber and sterile, void of personality. I swallowed hard and quit worrying about if it was the right time to say it or not. I then started to slowly talk to her about how she had touched my life, how I felt about our friendship. I will never forget the sparkle in her eyes as I espounded on my feelings. I told her just how much she meant to me.

I reflected with her about how, when our hair had came back after being out of treatment, we both felt alive again. I told Julie that day I saw her with her beautiful curly redish hair, I saw the beauty in her face, the life that had seemed lacking in both of us when we met years before in treatment. I told Julie that, no matter what, I will never forget her. A piece of her will remain in my heart as she has deeply touched my life. I meant it when I said it to her and she knew it too. I think she felt likewise.

I had not a clue that would be the last time I would see my friend. Oh, how many times we hear life is short and pay little credence to it.

Don’t wait to say what is in your heart to others. Trust me, tomorrow doesn't always come. Don't wait till the very last day on earth to recognize the best healer of all - Faith. Get some now and plenty of it!

The Necklace

A few years back, I met a very special lady. It was at my husband’s family reunion. We spoke briefly but I could sense the warmth in her eyes. She was on of those women you just know were born with a golden heart that has no limits. She continually lives to do unto others in ways that only she can. Her uniqueness of giving and her thoughtfulness with her words show her spirit.

She started writing me as soon as I was diagnosed with breast cancer in the fall of 2007. She wrote as if we were best friends. We have communicated religiously since that time. It did not matter what was going on in her life, including her dad’s health deteriorating, her house not selling, building a new house in a new state, health issues of her own, she was always there for me. Other friends have come and gone, finding my journey too long to stay the path with me.

It did not matter how well received her emails, notes and cards were, she kept writing them asking for nothing in return. She wrote words of inspiration, messages of sadness for my suffering, gifts of hope for my future and above all, she shared a deep abiding faith that good truly does come from evil, if we work thru it. Thus, her guidance was one of those lights that shined so brightly in my darkest days reminding me that I can and will be a survivor.

I am now approaching my last infusion and lo and behold, I get a package in the mail. Just like all the others, no fanfare, no notes telling me it is coming. I open it, like all the others, with wonder on what inspiration this one is and inside is a little box with an inscription on a necklace.

“Just when the caterpillar thought that the world was over, it became a butterfly.” (Author unknown)


Yes, indeed I am blessed because she is a living breathing butterfly to me.

Stand Tall

And as far as the eye could see, people were lined up to cross the bridge in downtown Nashville, Tennessee one crispy day in October 2008. The crowd was full of young women, children, fathers, brothers, older women, disabled individuals in wheel chairs, and even babies in strollers. Everyone walked with a purpose to their step; to make a statement they want a cure for breast cancer.

This year was a record breaking number, 15,000 walkers! Cheerleaders were lining the streets as the masses walked towards LP Field to begin the historic American Cancer Society’s Making Strides against Breast Cancer annual walk. Even the young high school cheerleaders seemed to understand the importance of this walk as they yelled encouraging words to everyone passing by. Their voices were loud and clear. They were yelling as if we were a team fighting for a victory. We were.

Each step of this walk represented the battle a woman or man must face when diagnosed with breast cancer. As I crossed the bridge, being a breast cancer survivor myself, I could not help but be reminded of the bridges I had to cross to get to the other side of recovery, to be called ‘a survivor.’ I was blessed to be here, walking, when so many others had fallen from this disease and were no longer with us. They were not given the chance to walk.

On this day, all around me, periodically, through the 5 mile walk, I would hear some grumbling about sore feet and sore backs. Many were asking repeatedly “How much further till we reach the end?” It reminded me of the countless times I had asked my husband during treatment, “How much longer before this is over?” With each grumbling, I would laugh to myself enjoying the air, the noise and the sounds of live around me. I knew the pain of sore feet was nothing compared to a broken spirit when dealing with the side effects of chemotherapy. I knew those that had passed from this horrible disease were watching, from the best seat in heaven that day, urging all of us on. They knew this walk was a divine one with a purpose.

I recognized many survivors on this walk. I did not know them all personally, but I could sense who they were. They held their head high, their stance proud and their lips could hardly conceal a smile. They were proud; they were happy. These women were the ones that wondered if they would ever be okay enough to make this walk. They were like me; fighters who had fought the tough battle of breast cancer. They were now using their energy to fight for others.

The money raised this year in Nashville from this event was well over $600,000. The team I was a part of, Make Some Noise, contributed over $5,000 to that total. We knew the mission of the walk was not complete without funds raised to help support further research. We need a cure and to do that, we need the money to find it.

Please take a step towards making that happen. Find a way to help support research for a cure for breast cancer. This is not a pink issue, an issue that only affects women. It affects us all. Take a step with me.

Stand tall, be proud and care.

Bring Color to Breast Cancer Patients

As a cancer survivor, I can look back at my experiences and see small things in the year of treatment that made a huge difference in me. That change impacted others around me, positively, as well. My goal is to one day, bearing this in mind, to run my own non-profit organization devoted to this aim. I would enjoy helping breast cancer patients have some small comforts that help aid them in feeling good about themselves.

I became known to my oncology center as The Scarves Lady. After purchasing two different wigs, I found the one thing in common they both had, they were horribly uncomfortable. When a wig is placed on a bald head, it is very itchy and does not stay in place well. Plus, when I looked in the mirror I felt like a kid playing dress up. It did not look like me or my hair. Each hair was perfectly in place which is not me!

So I decided I was going to wear scarves, go for comfort. Thus I became the cancer patient that had countless colorful scarves. I loved the color they brought to my world! As my face was losing its color, I added color to my bald head to offset the ill look I saw on my face. Family and friends were always excited to see what combination I came up with next. I tried to mix and match scarves to both coordinate perfectly with my outfits and also to offset my clothing to give a fashion statement.

This attitude helped me feel back in control of my life, of my appearance. I needed that as; I was going through that period where patients feel a loss of control and unattractive. I needed to do something to put me back in the driver’s seat. The scarves did it and attracted positive attention from others, even fellow chemo patients in the treatment room!

Thus my dream company would be to have funding and run an organization that would do this, give color to breast cancer women. I would love to be able to provide scarves I would have sewn from fabrics that I would pick out. It would be a small cozy place where women and their support system could sit, have a quiet cup of tea and be helped choosing which colors or patterns would look best on them.

This would be a place where women would not have the glare of others in a department store noticing their bald head when they pull off a scarf or wig and try on another. They would not be rushed either. If they came in, felt nauseated and needed a cup of ginger tea and to just sit for a few moments and relax, it would be accommodating. They could experiment with colors they do not normally wear and just enjoy the moment and take some control back into their lives in a safe supportive place. I might even entertain having a make up expert on hand to teach them how to apply make up. I also would like to be able to allow those that could not afford the purchase to get items for free, at least 2 or 3 from funding. It is a small ticket item that can potentially make a huge difference in someone’s attitude. The make up expert could help bring live back to their face and remind them cancer is but one small part of who they are and not the defining feature!

To do this, I need a philanthropist or corporate sponsors. A winning lotto ticket would do as well! This is my passion, helping other women that are going to follow this path. Cancer should not be the definer of who these women are, they all deserve someplace to go to be reminded their outer beauty can match their inner beauty. It would be something family members can bring their loved ones too or buy them a few to give them back the feeling of control of their live, of choices. Which scarf to wear was, at times in my treatment, the only choice I was able to make on my own and it was empowering. I want to impart that to others. I believe giving this empowerment back to these women would help them build strength to fight for a new day!

If you read this and are so inclined to do so, please pass this on to someone who can help me make this dream a reality. The numbers of breast cancer diagnoses are staggering so the number of women that could benefit from this is limitless. Perhaps, if one organization was started locally here, it could be a building block for many others. We are world of color; help me bring it to the breast cancer women that lose their spirit when they lose their hair.