Gift of Ty's 7th Birthday

No flowers  

   But so much joy

       Loves to laugh
           But not into toys


               Always so loving
                   A special little boy


                                         Stands a        part
                                             Steals your heart

                                                      His name   it's Ty
                                                      I know he can fly
                                                           No way his autism will hold him 
                                                                                                                down
                                                           Ty will always stand his ground


            He is wanting more
                                        and seeks and tries opening doors
                                                   
      
          Our God watches him from above
          And me, just grandma, wants to always  
                                                              s
                                                               h
                                                                 o
                                                                   w
                                                                      e
                                                                        r
                                                                         him with my love. 
Click for YouTube Video

God's greatest gifts are the mysteries in life that we seek to understand and that grow learning from, in the process. 

                                                         
                           

Happy Birthday Grandson Ty!

As more and more children get diagnosed with autism, the field opens up to continued

hypothesizes of what causes it and the best ways to treat it. These include the practical to the outrageous.  I am astounded by the reactions of the public, in particular by those untouched by the diagnoses directly. And I must admit, frankly I was in that class as of 4 years ago. That was until the advent of my darling grandson Ty Ryan’s diagnosis in 2011.  Now, as he celebrates tomorrow his sixth birthday, May 29^th, we honor not only his birth but his advances with his therapy.

Herein lies a boy whose parents were told he would never speak. And yet, one day I will never forget, his mother proudly called me to tell me she had placed him in his car seat. As she was driving down the road and dodging traffic, she clearly heard him say Mommy, not once but twice. 

This is a boy, who though autistic children are often times incredibly difficult if not impossible to potty train at a reasonable age, has been trained at an appropriate age.

Most autistic children will not make eye contact with strangers. Ty will most definitely do this and in addition to smiling says hello when prompted.

The list goes on and on of accomplishments of this astounding little boy.  I think it is due to parents that are steadfast in their devotion to pushing him the extra mile, getting him the best therapists and also getting great therapy. And I also believe he is gifted. 

The last but the single most important element in this soon to be six year old’s life is the presence of God.  He is surrounded, at all times by Christians, friends that believe in the power of prayer.  They believe in prayers for him, his family and for praying for continued progress on his journey.  His milestones show that the prayers and faith are working.  Also we all know that due diligence and positivity matter.

As a grandmother of one of these very special chosen children of God, please no longer ask me what is wrong with my grandson.  Refrain from asking me if my children did something to provoke this condition I  find this question offensive actually.  God makes things in life happen for a reason. I did nothing to provoke cancer and they did nothing to create the condition of autism. Let us celebrate his life! 

Do not look at my grandson with anything but joy.  Do not reflect on him sadly. He enjoys his life and so should you. Children pick up on others perceptions of them. It is wrong to label him anything but a child.

 If you see me, my children or anyone else struggling to control a smaller child, do not stare, nor be judgmental.  Kindly look away.   You are not always aware of the child’s condition, what the parameters are. 

I recall being at the Zoo Easter Hunt in line to enter the event and my grandson was upset. Everyone in the line was staring at him. This does nothing to aid the situation, not for him or any child for that matter.  What is the purpose of staring?  It simply embarrasses the child and he is receptive to feelings also. Please don’t embarrass autistic children; they have feelings just like everyone else. Give them their privacy when they are uncomfortable. 

I am in awe of the progress Ty has made and of all the hurdles he has climbed. It feels like he is continuing to defy the odds set before him.  Please continue to pray that better forms of therapy will arise and more research dollars are funded to continue the effort for this special population. May the next 6 years of young Ty’s life be even better than the first 6! 

Love,

Your proud beaming Grandma

Birthday Video for Ty Click here to View

The Sun Will Shine Again

I always thought time went by quickly with my own kids But I am finding, with grandchildren, it truly is accelerated.  It seems like it jumped from diapers to school in no time!  Maybe it is what the kids eat these days, too many hormones in their food.  It is hard on us older adults as we want to be able to hold the little ones in our arms as long as we can.  We don’t have the responsibility of the harder tasks associated with child-rearing! How unfair that the time slips by even quicker.

This month is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  Back in 2007, we thought our 125 lbs. lab Charley was obsessed with breasts, notably mine! 
 Well, actually, just my right one for some

reason. Many of you have heard this story but it bears repeating.  One day in early Sept.  I leaned over to pet him, and bam, he charged into my chest with his rock hard head.  This time, he knocked the wind out of me and the pain was intense. I had bruised horribly and did a self-exam for anything suspicious. And yes, I admit it; I was one of those back-sliders, women who did not faithfully perform self-exams.  

There was no mistake, something was there but it didn’t feel like a pea, so I am assumed it was tissue damage.  The rest of the story is, short version, I received a cancer diagnosis within weeks.  Charley saved my life.  And yes, I love my dog now so very much and I think he is King most of the time! (Please don’t tell him I said that. He is spoiled enough.)

 The other two little people that were critical to my cancer battle were my two grandchildren, first Kaleb, and then Ava to follow in December 2007.  September, the month I was diagnosed, was when my daughter was due with my first grandchild. I remember coming home after being diagnosed, staring at the mirror above my dresser and thinking about the fact that I had cancer and now I was going to be a grandmother. 


 I guess it was a God thing, because the week I had my first breast surgery was the same week my grandson was born.  When my daughter called to tell me she was in labor late one evening, my chest was bandaged up, I was still bleeding under the bandaging and was wishy-washy on whether I should leave and drive from Nashville, TN to Northern Kentucky. I had a follow up visit the following week with my breast surgeon but my daughter wanted me there.  Your mother gene kicks in and against my husband’s concern, I threw things in a suitcase and off I went.  Did I call my surgeon to check in first?  Well, no but in my defense, it was after hours.

 Driving up north, I cried quite often.  It was a good 4 ½ to 5 hour drive if you maintain the speed limit.  I was somewhat worried about bonding with my grandson because of having a cancer diagnosis.  Something told me to not get too attached to my grandbaby.  If I didn’t make it, I didn’t want this baby hurt. And I was worried about getting there in time for my daughter also. I wanted to be there for this critical time in her life if she wanted me there. I was trying to respect her space with her husband but when she called, I was super-charged!  I drove fast, half afraid of dying from driving too fast and then, the other half of the time, I was worried of dying of cancer, reflecting on the thought there was a cancerous tumor in me. 

  
When I was half way there, my son-in-law Scott called to say they had to do a C section.   Christina was and the baby were going to be okay but he would be born before I got there. A grandson was coming into the world as I drove up north on that lonely dark highway.   Wow, a precious new life from my bloodline.  It is amazing when it happens, a real miracle.  How odd, it struck me, that I would be fighting for mine and he, would be beginning his. 

When I got to the hospital, I was so relieved to see my daughter there resting.  An adorable baby boy was close by, Kaleb, who made it impossible to look anywhere else.  Christina kept trying to get me to pick him up and I kept refusing. Finally, she asked someone in the room to pick him up and put Kaleb in my arms. I think I felt like I had died and gone to heaven when I held my grandson that first time and looked down at his little face.  He was so tiny, so precious and reminded me of her, my daughter. It is funny how we mothers have flashbacks when our children have children.  

Christina asked me to walk over close to her at the bedside with Kaleb in my arms. When I did, she began to speak. I distinctly remember her saying “Mom look at his face. Then she

began to talk, choking up as she explained she partially wanted me to come up to see her so I would see him and hold him and know Kaleb needed me as a grandmother.  She wanted me to remember his face when I was going through treatment and whenever I struggled so I would always know there was this precious little boy who needed me as a grandmother. She said she knew I would be a fantastic grandmother to him. That would keep me fighting, she knew it, and so did I. It was a special moment, a powerful one that I will never forget. 

Shortly thereafter, Ava, his cousin was born; my first grand-daughter and she was an additional motivator.  I thought of Kaleb and Ava during treatment often.   I know God

blessed me with both of them to help me get through the long course of treatment, the complications and the fear that goes hand in hand with cancer.  It also was a great investment of my time, when I had the chance to spend time with either of them.  It literally re-energized me. 

Last month, Sept., I hit my seven year anniversary. I have hit a few mile stones in my recovery from the aggressive type of cancer I had. The next one I am shooting for is the 10 year mark.  Last month was also my grandson Kaleb’s birthday.  He turned 7; obviously, it always coincides with my cancer anniversary.  The memories of my cancer treatment I have left behind. They are blurred by all the wonderful memories I have instead of Kaleb and my other grandchildren. I prefer focusing on those. 

I hope you will pray for cancer patients that they will have a little person in their life like Kaleb or Ava. These children have a thirst for living life which helps keep a patient dealing with a life-threatening disease reminded life is worth fighting for, even on those days you feel sicker than a dog and every inch of your body feels blah. Every day new things are on the horizon.  You simply must open the window and let the sun shine in.   


Bonds with children are a funny thing.  They never really quite break.  Kaleb and I don’t live close to each other.  We don’t see each other anymore either.  But I had the joy of being an active part of his childhood up until early this year. I discovered, with grandchildren, as with your own children, your love only continues to grow with each stage of development.  Yes, I love him more now than even that first day he was born and I held him in my arms.   

 And so, I retain my memories, my pictures and the love I have in my heart for adorable Kaleb. I recall our conversations, the sound of his laughter when he made me laugh, the look on his face when he was sad, mad and full of sheer joy!  Kaleb could make his grandfather laugh like no other. He used to call Kaleb Mr. Personality!   I miss the “I love you Grandma’s” but I know God has us bonded where it matters the most.     And I know this is also true for anyone that was a part of his life that is no longer.  He was and is sunshine to us. We are grateful that we were able to touch his life and he ours. 

He will learn one day that it was not by our choice that we are not a part of his world.  God

will let him know he has one of the keys to my heart always.  And when he gets to heaven, I know my loving Father will let me greet Kaleb, my grandson with his big beautiful dark eyes, with open arms to cradle him once more. Until then…….grow little boy, find your place in the big world!


Attached to this blog on a link is a video of some of Jim and I's most prized memories of Kaleb. How to capture 6 1/2 years in a song, impossible.  This is our best try.  Click here & see why we know we have been blessed!

 And, in closing, a special thank you to many of you reading this. You know who you are, several in Northern Kentucky, New York, Michigan, Ohio, Florida and Tennessee. If I have left someone out, I apologize. Your support for Jim and I these past few months has been incredible and the compassion, I really can’t say how meaningful it has been to both of us. We have drawn so much strength from those of you who wanted to share, listen, support and encourage.  May God bless you and know too that our door works both ways.

Ty Advances at Four

Not every day is a good day for Ty, it can’t be. It isn’t for any of us. But his life has rolled out different than just about anyone I have ever known.  He came into this world like so many other little boys, naked and screaming.

I can still remember standing at the nursery window with my son and his uncles, my daughter-in-law’s brothers, one being his middle name, Ryan.  As we watched at the window, moments after his birth, his chest was caving in and out as he yelled.  We  could see his rib cage expanding with each scream. We knew the newest member of our family was going to be a strong contributor who would make his presence known.   Little did we know, at the time, he would be so silent.

I had never known anyone autistic. My children were both fairly normal. I guess a better term for them is children with no special needs. I still can’t say I know how it feels to be a parent to a special needs child, only to being a grandmother to one.  I am a strong supporter to my children, and am now very cognizant of this topic and very supportive of the cause. I wish had been more in tune sooner. I waited till it was a reality for our family and only then became informed.  I took the same road with cancer.

 I think we are all like that somewhat.  Only when we are directly touched do we step up to the issues that seem insurmountable and take them on headfirst.  Sad though that we tend to wait to get involved when our involvement, confronting issues, helps things change.  We need to be more proactive as a society and as Christians.

Ty has only been around for four short years.  In that time frame, he has shown me that

every day that goes by there are signs of hope.  His growth, over the years, astounds me. He has gone from being a reclusive boy who never smiled to what you will see in the video. He is coming out of his shell. He is learning to interact with the world and with people.  He is a reminder that people can change, minds can be touched even when it involves neurology that we don’t completely understand. Given enough energy, love, repetition and support, battles can be won and Ty is winning them.

I still don’t understand why him. Why my grandson had to be chosen to have autism.  I no longer question God over this and no longer pray for it to go away overnight. I believe he will continue to fight his way over the hurdles. I know God has Ty in his sight, has a plan and Ty is living it.  We are part of that plan, all of us, his family and perhaps all of you, reading and watching this. I wonder what part you play?  He is one small boy but God created him to have an impact.   Little by little he is making strides towards some imaginary finish line to continue a race and continue making advances.

As Ty hit his four year old birthday, we all were amazed looking back at last year’s birthday to see the growth and development from the last 365 days. No longer is he a boy who flees to his own bedroom when company comes over.  He now will interact more with the world than before, is hitting a growth spurt and continues on the learning curve.  

I recently heard my dear Rebekah question herself, “I wonder sometimes in my zest to have him be the best he can be if I push my son into too much therapy.”  I told her, “You are only guilty of loving your son as much as you can possibly can. Amen God gave Ty to you!”

Click for Video for Year in Review for Ty

The Grandma Mommy Connection

I am astounded my grandchildren are growing up so quickly! I am wondering what my children are feeding them. I am beginning to think it is some kind of aging juice that is the opposite of the fountain of youth, that I still have not found. Just a few days ago, they were slobbering all over me, cooing and allowing me to change their diapers. Infact, they loved laying still while I sang to them.

This weekend, I had both of my older two grandkids, Ava and Kaleb over night. Needless to say, I was quickly reminded just how different the two of them have become, having them together. Gone are the joy of changing diapers, replaced by toilet duties with two children who, once pants are removed for potty duty , prefer, at Grandma’s house, to leave the pants off and go around with naked bottoms to the dog’s delight running through the house to Grandma’s dismay. They screamed with delight at the sound of my voice yelling “Come back here naked bottoms and put your pants on!”

The slobbering has been replaced with repeated requests for drinks, of one sort or another. And of course, each child has their own individual preferences and at no time, did either child want the same drink. Oh, until the other one had it, then the other one, out of pure envy, insisted on having it. Cousin rivalry was much like sibling rivalry. It was funny to sit back and watch it play out. Thankfully they kissed and made up rather quickly, realizing that hurt feelings are no fun.

As far as baby coo sounds, Ava’s coos have been replaced with high shrills sounds that little girls seem to thrive on making. I daresay the sound of her scream literally made our glasses rattle in the cupboards! And Kaleb, being a typical boy, detested her screams and let it be known. He would yell “bad’ and strongly suggest she go in a “time out ‘ to learn to be quiet like him. Ironic and somewhat amusing as he was yelling these words and not being quiet. As he barked out these orders, I wondered if this dawned on him? Children never see their own faults, but then again, do adults either?

There were moments of sheer joy when little baby smiles were replaced with “Grandma, I love you's” that melt the heart. No longer are they babies, but little personalities capable of expressing their feelings in their own words. The three little words, said with no prompting, make the world a better place. And how can a Grandma say no to little ones when hearing this? I know their parents don't agree but I find it excuses just about everything that could possibly do wrong!

We decorated treats and we made crafts and it gave me time to see their individuality and their uniqueness come out. I knew, from research I had done in college, that art and craft work, lowers defense mechanisms. Thus, true personalities and uncensored thoughts come out. As Grandpa and I interacted with both of them, they become so open. They expressed every thought that came to mind, what colors they liked, what they wanted to do, and which color ribbon they wanted on their plate. We let them do exactly what they wanted to do too. It was funny to watch as they kept waiting to put kept in check, to be told no to this color, or to using the glue or to not use so many sprinkles. It was actually funny to see their faces when they realized there was no bars hold on their craft project. Grandpa and I worked with them, guiding them but letting them make their own decisions and we all laughed and had a wonderful time. There was plenty of I love you's in the air during the couse of these projects too. That was the best part!

I almost hated to put the crafts away and as I looked at my husband across the table I could tell he felt the same way. We both knew, this little moment in time, this would pass. One day, we would have them back at our house and they would be into something totally different. No longer would it be Rice Krispie Treats and paper plates to decorate. It would be something more exotic, and the conversation would be more mature. Our Ava and Kaleb would not be giggly, silly little three year olds. That day would come as quickly as the time had passed from their infant
stage to now.

I knew inside, with God’s grace and also with the blessing that they both had of loving parents, that they would continue to be very special children. I would love them just as deeply as I did now and when they were born, no matter what stage of life my two darling grandchildren were. I know that Grandpa and I will always find the greatest joy in sitting back, watching and listening to them. They light up our world. And never ever will “I love you Grandma” get old.

Is that not what mommies live for?

Ty Ry

There is a little boy
Who is shy and demure
He has innocent eyes
And a kindred soul so pure.

He is usually very quiet
Content to let others steal the light.
He is the middle child, so, even in his innocence
He knows how to fight…and bite!

Once he gets over his shyness
He loves to explore
He literally gets lost in his curiosity,
Going room to room, door to drawer!

And he opens his mouth
And laughs with glee
He usually emits a little scream
That sounds totally off key.

When he dances he smiles
Rolling his hands to the beat of his feet,
He rocks to and fro repeatedly
Till he falls with a kerplunk to his seat.

Oh, this one is a cutie,
God sent him Special Delivery,
My grandson is like no other,
Yes, Ty Ry, you are a star to me.

As I wrote this, I could not help but wonder what the meaning of my grandson’s name, Ty, was, so I researched it. I was surprised to find out that the biblical meaning is, honorable. What a wonderful meaning behind the name for such a delightful little boy. Those of us that have come to know Ty and cherish him will find it fitting his name has such a special meaning. I hope, in reading my little rant, you have to come to know some of what makes Ty so special to us. I also hope you remember that, often times, the quietest child may have just as much to say and share!