Darlin'

There are notes from darling and darling notes from darlin’. Both hit me in the heart. My husband’s notes are few and far between because men are like that. Short on words but big on actions. But granddaughters, they put their feelings right out there to their grandmas and my Ava is no exception! Priceless are her notes.

As I look through my keepsake collections, one thing that keeps reappearing are some of the notes throughout the years from Ava. Her well-crafted messages with heartfelt statements in her own handwriting are beautiful pieces of literature to me. Each with a special memory attached.

They started from the day she could write and the first few are barely legible but to me it is a strong reminder the bond between us was already concrete in its foundation.  As soon as Ava could express I love you, I heard it verbally and then later, in writing as if to solidify it. She wanted to be certain, when she wasn’t near me, I never forgot it.

The messages from my granddaughter are on coloring pages, painted pictures, birthday

cards, handmade pictures and even scraps of paper. One of my all-time favorites is the one she left at our home in Florida on her last visit.  She wrote it on a cute notepad I keep for decoration in the bedroom she and her brother slept in while they visited. I came back home, after driving her back to Tennessee, to find the note in the bedroom  telling me she was sorry she had to leave now with a sad face drawn. She said she missed me already and that she would hurry back and loved me very much. And then it is followed by all those stars and exclamation points kids are notorious for putting on the end of everything for added emphasis. She hasn't been back to visit since but the note is here and perhaps that is all that matters.  That piece of Ava is priceless! Just darling from sweet precious one-of-a-kind Ava.

May you find the short sweet notes written in love from a spouse, grandchildren or a friend a great reminder to you of how you are bringing sunshine to someone’s life and more importantly, the blessing they bring to yours!!!⭐⭐⭐!!!🌟🌟🌟

Beach Time

The beauty of the beach was all around her. The seagulls dove quickly and deftly on the crest of an ocean wave. While the woman dug her toes deeper into the wet sand, having stopped walking for a moment, she soaked in the smell of salt air. Gazing down the shoreline at this early hour, she saw the athleticism of a jogger on full display.

There were no signs of children now at the wee hours of the day. Nor was anyone in the ocean besides a lone avid swimmer further out in the waves with his masterful strokes conditioning for what must be a future race.  Her eyes glazed over watching him battle nothing but the elements and his own self driven motives, his passion. 

The peace of the morning was invigorating and refreshing; she inhaled it deeply and let it become part of her being. As she raised her arms to the sky, palms stretched outward she let all the tension of her life absolve with that one stretch and one deep cleansing breathe originating from the diaphragm moving its way slowly upward.

She turned, kicked her feet into the rising tide water feeling the coolness on her toes, laughing as if a child once again in love with the ocean.  The peace of the morning was invigorating and refreshing. She let these moments become part of her being, inhaling it and committing it to her deepest memory banks.  

Passing by condos on her one side and the ocean on the other side, she saw chairs with various colored umbrellas, marking locations for each condominium complex. It was a

seascape much like looking out at the ocean where colorful sails can sometimes be seen. Umbrellas of red, green, and shades of blues. These empty chairs were ready and waiting for rent for the non-sun-bathers who want a prime seat for ocean viewing while vacationing. The one thing that draws everyone to the beach, the vision that drew her here this early, the beauty of the ocean.. Some say it’s magical.

Her foot almost grazes a sandcastle as she gazes down and admires its details. Memories come flooding back of her moments as a parent with her children sitting with sand in the seat of her bathing suit with no care in the world trying to build the biggest and best sand towers to the delight of her kids. Buckets of water were carried, years later by her grandchildren to create wet sand to help pound the walls of the fortress. And, at the same time, the littlest one was hunting for prized shells to place on the outside to add décor to the final creation.

With a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye, she looked with admiring eyes at the one

before her. What a masterpiece she saw made with as much love and attention to detail as all the ones she had created. It was apparent someone had joy in their heart when they created this vision in the sand and left it here for those who passed by to enjoy its creation. She walked away reflecting on the memories of castles that had been washed away with the sand and passage of time but never far from the mind.

She was drawn to the water, to walk into the ocean now. The coolness of the salt water further up her body, hitting her knees then her waist, refreshing her from the heat of the walk, the glare of the

sun that had warmed her body. She saw glimpses of schools of fish fluttering by barely visible.  Sure signs of God’s masterpiece, designed with care. She breathed deeply again, stretched again throwing her arms backwards saying aloud “This is peace.  This is serenity.”  She stood there for what seemed like an eternity, then, slowly turned to the shoreline to head home with a slight smile.

To take the beauty of the beach with her only required her carrying the treasured moments in her mind. Perhaps that is why she took the time to soak them up. Then, they would be etched in her memory forever….. the morning ocean walk.

A Novel Reflection for Christmas

T’was the last time A Novel Bunch met before Christmas,

All here was full of holiday cheer

As they sat around the table sharing stories

They laughed, inspired and teared.

And were reminded of all they hold dear.

At the closing of the year with our Book Club we spent quite abit of time talking about Christmas memories and what has stood out in our minds. It is always so revealing and fun to learn what each person finds as their best gift or the one that left an indelible impression on our lives.

We also shared some of our favorite holiday books and movies. With abundance to choice from, many had to pass. As other women spoke up, much agreement was heard when familiar titles were stated.

With such a positive group, it was not surprising that so many of the selections were indeed comedy selections. It sort of epitomizes this club. Though the book selections are across all genres of literary works, the heart of the personality of the women is fun-loving and easy to laughter individuals.

I complied a video to share the selections of this group, one of my favorite clubs to be a part of for sure!  This year I feel I have grown with this group and look forward to continuing this journey with them in 2019.  May you find yourself laughing at some of the selections and memories. Interspersed within the video of the choices they made. Interspersed in the video are some gifts that stood out in members’ minds in Christmas’ long past. Note, none are the high ticketed items that so many have on their wish lists but the small ones given with love. May we all be less focused on the dollar value of the gift this Christmas and more focused on the value of giving. 

Merry Christmas

Our Club's Memories in Video Format

Grandma Charge

One of the best parts about being a little girl was my grandma, Grandma Gliatti. She was my dad’s mother and was everything a grandma should be! I have to say that all of her grandchildren universally felt exactly the same as me, Grandma G was the bomb! My goal was to one day be that kind of grandma to a little girl if I ever had a granddaughter because she made such a wonderful impression on my life!

When I was a kid, once a month off we would go to Grandma’s house for a weekend. These times were some of the best times of my childhood. Where some kids hated the trips to their grandparents finding them boring, mine were sheer delightful. Grandma Gliatti laughed, cried when you told her a sad story of someone hurting your feelings and gave you undivided attention.  It never mattered to us what she had for us, toys were not a concern at her house, just spending time with her.

Grandma was a cook who spent a lot of time in the kitchen. When she cooked, it was never an issue for us to be in there with her. And sampling her Italian cooking was allowed, in fact, encouraged!  Being a great cook, wow, was that awesome! In that kitchen, I heard stories about her life, Grandpa’s and my dad’s growing up years.  I so loved her story-telling.

When she died, it felt like a little piece of my childhood died within me because she was the sunshine of my childhood, my favorite person in the world. And then, before too long, my son and daughter in law had a daughter!  I found myself in the grandma role!

By this time, I had switched back to my maiden name so I, in fact, was a Grandma Gliatti too, as my grandmother, Josephine Gliatti. History repeated itself sort-of.  And I was overjoyed from the minute I saw her, Ava Glasmeier, and held her. She was a button of joy and smiles!

When I looked at Ava, as she was growing, I felt inside the love my grandma had for me. I put the same passion in being a grandmother in my relationship with my granddaughter so she would feel the same unconditional love. When she came over, I gave her the undivided attention I got from my grandma. I really don’t think a grandma can spoil their grandkids!

When Ava was younger, we baked cookies, cakes, brownies, oh anything we could think of. She learned how to clean because she loved to role play. We did all kinds of things like my Grandma Gliatti did with me. I even talked to her a few times about my grandma so she would know I had a role model to follow, I was not winging it in the grandma role.

The bond between us started very young and still is so strong. We laugh at each other

often and cuddle even at her age now, ten years old.  Her parents foster this special relationship and without their support, our relationship would not exist. For this, I am grateful and I know my Grandma Gliatti is happy and proud. Yes, I feel blessed to have had my Grandma and doubly blessed to have my Ava! 

Porch Time

It seems like yesterday, poof!  I was out on the street playing kickball with my friends. We would finish and run up the front step porch of someone’s house and be handed

Popsicles and feel like the luckiest kids in the world. We would see parents up and down the street peeking out windows while they were busy doing whatever adults do, making sure we were staying out of trouble. Then there were the older ones, aged, who would sit on the porch smiling with not a care in the world either, watching us. Back in those days, trouble was not playing breaking rules in kick ball, fighting over whether a ball was out or if a kid got hurt.  Life was easy as we played out there in the street. We had a whole lifetime ahead of us. In those days, we didn’t even think about it. Nothing seemed impossible.

I remember sitting on the roof top, in a few years later, as my dad fixed the antennae on weekend mornings.  In those days, there was no cable, no digital internet, just a big old tower hooked to our house.  The easiest way to the roof was through my bedroom window so I often went out there with him. What a view of the street from up there. I would sit on the shingles and get a bird’s eye view of the street while he worked away.

 I remember the day I was in my pajamas and pink curlers and accidentally closed the window!  It was locked when closed and no one heard me knocking from inside. I was stuck out there for hours!  In fear someone would see me, I hid on the backside of the roof. Three guys my age lived across the street, I was petrified that would catch a glimpse of me in my not so cool looking pjs.   My dad found it funny and was right, I had two choices, deal with it or take the 8 foot jump!  

Gone are those days of me being the one in the street, me being the one on the roof. Now I am the one on the porch.  I am not the one you would catch on a roof top either. My balance is not so great that I would feel safe up there that high anymore. I even wonder now, looking back, how my dad withstood that height and the heat so many times those days. I can swim laps and ride a bike but running around bases playing kickball would certainly lead me to serious joint pain!

Initially, it was a sad realization I am getting old and that I will never again be the one playing in the street.  I can’t play be the one playing kickball.  I won’t ever again have a future that is a blank slate.  None of us older do. But, with that said, a lifetime comes with all the turbulence, all the choices, decisions, hurdles, and sacrifices one has to make. The heart breaks a thousand times over as the years create opportunities for people to come and go in your life.  Joy and heartbreak also.

I remember learning about a dear friend Michelle Bell I grew up with dying, in her forties.  When she died, I remembered the times we spent at the park simply swinging as kids, riding in her first car (a Javelin, with a muffler tied up with a coat hanger!) , and sewing halter tops and switching tops because we wore the same size. All the silly simplest times became so much more meaningful when she was suddenly gone.  And then it seemed like 10 years was one week and then another close high school friend,  James Green,  was gone suddenly.  He had been on the waiting list for a kidney but that wasn’t even what killed him, it was a freak fall where he hit his head and didn’t recover. And there I was sitting at his funeral remembering all our notes, all our walks and talks and fast forward, we were adults and would have no more memories to share.

Not everyone you care about will be there till the end of your time. I have some dear ones that have fallen by the wayside, some from death, and some by choice, theirs or mine.   Life is like that, change is inevitable. Kickball is unpredictable too but it sure doesn’t seem so heart-breaking.  In life, you will be judged, evaluated and make a difference in some lives and in others, nothing you do will make a dent in their persona.  In kickball, it was way easier to make a difference with the kids you played with on a team. We all just wanted to get along and have success together. Don’t you wish your life had worked out so simply?

The freedom of aging and some of the peace is in knowing that you have made your path. You have lived. You have created your own unique journey that no one else can quite replicate. In one sense it does remind me of those days gone by, as a kid, you were the only one in the street that looked just like you.  And now, currently, aged, if you are like

me, sitting on the porch, you have a story to tell that is unlike anyone else’s.  It doesn’t matter, at the end of the day, whether anyone believes all of it or not,  or even hears it, you have lived it and you know it by heart. God shared in every piece of it. The reality of you and your memories are the moments that took you around the bases of your life to lead you right to where you are, now, sitting on the porch, looking back. Rest easy in the rocker. 

As I reflect on my life, I realize my blessings.  Mistakes and successes, but through it all, I survived. If you focus on those that judge you for all you did not become, did not achieve or what they expected of you,  you are left forgetting who you are and what you were given in God’s Master Plan. Create your own vision of the world and of yourself.  Aging truly has its rewards when you empower yourself to let yourself go and just be you, be real.

You made it, you got the hard work done and got the privilege of sitting on the porch.  You get to watch the game of kickball and watch others run around the bases.  Enjoy the view and reflect on the path you took to get there.  You made the circle back home.

Looking Back at the Earliest Days - Daughter's Birthday

My daughter and I are nothing alike.  She is headstrong, outspoken and a true extrovert. She is driven, passionate and has a real command of

communication skills that she can use to her advantage in almost any situation good or bad. And so today, her birthday, it seems fitting that I would take a moment to write a memories of the early days as a small child of how this personality first exhibited itself to the world.  You can judge for yourself how easy or difficult it was to be a young mom to this precious lady. Do know, without a doubt, I was never short of moments of unexpected laughter!

As a toddler, my little girl enjoyed masterminding new tricks.  She quickly learned how to jump out of her crib by using the mattress as springboard. She also knew it upset me to no end so learned to climb back into as soon as she heard my steps coming down the hallway. To make matters even worse, she hated dirty diapers as much as me. So, prior to potty training, baby girl took to removing them anywhere and everywhere! How did I know this? I would turn around after yelling at her seeing her mess with her diaper telling her to not take it off and there she would be walking in it. However, the dead giveaway was she was walking leaning sideways; kind off cockeyed as she never quite mastered getting her legs in the right holes so was trying to keep it upright on her hips.

My little girl was frequently ill, just a multitude of health issues from Day I. Going to the pediatrician was often on the to do list.  And she could be a handful in the itty bitty room with not much for her to do besides open every drawer, find the trash can, flip the lights, roll on the floor, turn the sink on, until I got tired of listening to myself say no and threatened her with bodily harm. By the time the doctor walked in, she would promptly tell him, when he apologized for being long, “I was good or Mommy would beat my butt.” That was Christina, not mincing words or holding back.

Then there was the time we arrived at Vacation Bible School late. The church’s hall was very quiet as classes had already started. Most of the nuns were busy except for the one performing check in. She approached and I apologized for being late. I said I got delayed by a phone call. My daughter jumped in to correct me loudly so everyone in the hall heard “No, it was because my brother said a bad word and needed to get soap in his mouth.”  All eyes in the hall were on us and I could feel my son falling back behind my legs.  Christina did not always have a filter, lol!

As I took her shopping, so many times things came out unexpected that I began to be well-versed at coming up with responses back to strangers. I also learned to get the hell out of lines quickly. Her voice projected well like mine. There were the times she asked me things like “Why does that person ahead of us smell so bad?” or “Mister, why are you staring at me? Don’t you know that is rude?”  Or getting to the front of the register and asking for me to buy her candy. I would say no and she would say with annoyance “You promised if I was good you would buy me candy, I was good. You lied Mommy!” I could feel all eyes staring at me like I was the worst mother of the year. 

Even when it came to eating, my daughter could outsmart me. The rules were that if you didn’t eat the main course there were no deserts or treats, like cookies. I wasn’t good, initially, at checking to see if she stashed food away, assuming if her plate was empty, she ate it so praising her.

Over a period of about 6 months, she got rid of food in so many ways, eating up praise left and right. Before being potty-trained, I would find food stuffed in her diaper from dinner! She would put food bites in the bottom of her juice cup. She had hand signals for the dog under the table and would feed it to him. No wonder the dog loved her!  I suppose, one day, I gave up. No treats right after dinner because her ingenuity was just too creative. 

Many parents believe in Time Out. It was even popular back when she was a youngster. But it was a useless proposition at my house with my little girl. About the time I would tell her she could come out of it, she would tell me she would prefer to stay in it! Her communication skills were always extremely advanced for her age. So even if company was over, she’d say things when time was up for time out, “I am enjoying using my imagination, I think I will sit here a bit longer but thank you anyways.”   And sit she would until I had to make her get up!

Answering the telephone became something she enjoyed from the moment she could start putting sentences together, about 2 1/2 years old. Even then, her speed was incredible. She could beat almost all of us to the phone if she had a running start, though she was always the shortest in the house.  It was quite comical to hear someone so tiny give complete answers in sentence structure and hear their reaction on the other end of the phone! When the call was for her dad and he was working, she gave the funniest answers. My favorites she came up with were: “Daddy working. He’s making money to buy me shoes.” And this classic, “Daddy’s gone.  He doesn’t want to talk to you now.”  Guess they got the message from her! 

Nobody, but nobody loved Snicker bars like my girl!  And yet, due to migraines induced by nuts, they were a serious No No for her! So, somehow she sneaked them. How did I know?  Well, in cleaning her room and pulling out her bed one day, I discovered a stash of snicker wrappers under her bed.  After this repeatedly happening, she got wiser! She then began squishing them between that space in the wall and the side of the bed it lays up against.   All of this was going on in the lower grades and to this day, I have no idea who was feeding my kid candy bars and in that quantity. But she was probably outsmarting them like she did me to get them!  And there is a part of me that admires her ingenuity for doing such a damn good job at doing it! At times, there were so many of those candy wrappers, it was like a child addicted to them who needed to go to Snickers Anonymous. 

That fact that someone this small could pull one over on me so many times and create so much material is astounding when you think about it!  Seriously, I was a single mom with a dual degree, well-read and written.  I am outspoken, passionate, driven and headstrong, nothing like her! No way a little twerp like that could get the best of me, but she did, many times!  And through it all, I knew that one day she would grow up and make something of herself. And in spite of the highs and lows of raising her, I am proud to say, she has.  She brought me tears, nights of fears, laughter, heartbreak and some of the best moments of my life. And today, on her birthday, I remember a little girl who changed the world with her wit, charm and uniqueness.  And yes, life was never the same, nor will it ever be, 37 years later. 

It's Been A Year Charley

What do I miss most about Charley since it has been one year today since he has been gone?  

This is a toss-up since there are so many things I use to write about. He is the dog that everyone seemed to fall in love with, even those that never met him! At the end of the day, I would have to say the crazy way he had of making every day begin and end with laughter and love!

From the moment we picked up Charley he was commotion in motion!  I followed the breeder down to where he was at with the puppies in the litter all scurrying around a baby pool. Naturally the one I was taking home was literally climbing up everyone’s back as she is telling me “He is such a sweetie!”  I am thinking “He looks like a royal mess, a little bear who needs obedience training for toddlers.”

As she tried to give us all the information, he kept running away, another trait we became all too

familiar with over time. Charley was the escape artist as the neighborhood was well aware of.

Luckily all of them loved him, the big galoot. That is, except for the foul-mouthed man in the back-end of the subdivision who had lots of guns who threatened to shoot him if he ever laid another paw in his yard,  He even pounded on our door one night at 10:30 to tell us he thought Charley had been up there earlier that night while he was gone. We have no idea how when we were home all night and avoided his place like the plague!  I think, by then, Charley didn't even want to pee in his yard! I think he just hated labs or me because nobody hated Charley!  Maybe I should have let Charley get close enough to lick his face when he was outside our front door screaming. But maybe not, maybe that would have been the one time in Charley's life he'd have acted like a guard dog! God knows, at no other time did he!

Charley started the day like a little kid, bugging us to get up. If it was just me home, he literally bumped my head. If I ignored him, he jumped on the bed, and began pulling the covers off of me. Next he pulled the pillow out from under my head. Then became the face washing. Anyone that knew the size of Charley’s head, more precisely his tongue, knows you can’t stand this for any length of time!  Morning has broken, Charley style!

Taking a walk was more fun with Charley on a leash. You couldn’t help but notice every critter that moved by, even fly by leaves or plastic bags that appeared, to him, to be potential prey.  He had enough of the hunting field dog in him to want to impress us. But we had to keep it real and tell him he wasn’t all that smart and was lucky we adopted him because living on leaves and roadkill wasn’t nearly as luxurious as what we were feeding him.

One of the highlights of every summer day was watching him swim in our pool. I have seen dogs jump off a landings into pools. Charley flew!  It was incredible but not a picture of grace.  And if you didn’t want to get wet, you couldn’t be standing anywhere on the deck! We threw Frisbees and he would catch it in his mouth, he could carry it back, he could retrieve it under water. Charley was halftime entertainment for neighbors. 

Charley would swim with us and play with my granddaughter in the pool. What a joy to have a big 125 lb. moving toy in the pool who just loved being there and was interactive!  If we tried to keep him out, he sat at the window or at the patio doors barking his head off like there were burglars outside.

Speaking off security, Jim always said he was a poor excuse for protection for our home!  Jim could walk in at lunchtime or at the end of the day and find Charley sprawled out on our bed.  He walks in to where he found Charley and asks him accusingly “What if I was a burglar Charley, would you just lay there and do nothing?”  Thank God we never had to find out! I think the answer is that as long as they weren’t going for his treats, they were okay to come in to his house!

Having a dog everyone talks about because he is like a big Marmaduke is really hard to replace and get over losing. But the stories I have are endless and so many friends that knew him and of him keep our special Charley as much alive in many ways as he was for 13 years.  He was so loyal to me that during my chemotherapy, I am not sure anyone was with me as much as him next to Jim. He never left my side no matter where I was at, even hanging by the bathroom door if I was sick, whining if he heard me till I was well and back in bed or in another room and okay.

I miss him horribly but knowing, at the end, he was suffering I am so relieved he was out of pain. He deserved to be free again, at peace, in heaven running and jumping and harassing all the other dogs up there before him.  I know that I won’t have to look for him when I get up there. All I will have to do is say his name and he will come running and I need to remember to not lock my knees…..  Some things about Charley won’t change, not even in heaven!   My loveable angel Charley, love and miss you! Momma

A Gift of a Grandma

On a recent trip to Nashville to see my grandchildren, my grandson was asking me to buy him toys. Thus began a talk I wanted to have about my own grandmother. The value of my relationship with her was built on her unconditional love for me.

Grandma Gliatti was born in Italy and moved to America in her twenties.  She and my grandpa were poor. I am sure they lived on pasta and homemade bread for many meals.  She used to tell me stories of hiding under the kitchen table when bill collectors came.

Even when I was a small child, toys were prized, getting any kind of gift or money. And yet, Grandma never had much money so gifts were limited to Christmas and were very small items.. At that time, she bought all of her grandchildren (which were many) a little something each, frequently we all got the same thing.

The delight in getting a gift from Grandma Gliatti was more special because of who it came from than any item. Infact, as good as my memory is of my childhood, I can only recall one gift from her, a Barbie type doll that was Italian so she said!

Her reaction to seeing her grandkids happy was the best gift of all. When Grandma smiled, her face lit up and at times, she would move to tears of joy. How can you put a price tag on a gift like that? 

I was raised by my Grandma’s son, who was the only one of 4 siblings not living  in Toledo, Ohio. Thus my time spent with her was limited to weekend trips to see her and the rest of the family. The drive to Grandma’s didn’t matter; it was too big of a thrill to see her to care. She was worth the boring drive. Her and Grandpa I felt the moon and stars were over their head.

Kindness in a relative is not measured in terms of material possessions but more out of love. Grandma use to sit up late with my sister and me, talking about whatever we wanted to talk about until my father pulled in the driveway. As soon as she saw those headlights, she would yell and laugh telling us to run up to our bed we shared and pretend to be asleep.  We did exactly as we were told, never letting on what Grandma had done.

Looking back, perhaps our parents knew it and chose to not say a word. The late night chats seemed to be as important and special to Grandma as they were to me. Her white powdered cookies she hid in the cabinet from Grandpa would come out and we would sit munching cookies and laughing with her for hours.

Those days gone by, of watching her make her Italian dishes and kneed bread may be over with but in my mind, they never ended. She was an important part of my youth and the realization that what she gave was priceless hits me hard when I look at my own grandchildren.

I asked my grandson what his best memory was of being with me. Not surprising he 

mentioned something he had done with me. I then began rattling off, with my husband, his

Grandpa, a multitude of experiences we have shared with him over the years. The list is endless, baking cookies, attending a Christmas show, playing at the park, swimming in our backyard, reading books before bed at our house, watching him laugh with delight at our Christmas train!

I told him about my grandmother who has gone to heaven. It was important to me that he understand that what I miss about Grandma is not an item I opened or her slipping me a quarter at the store. My memories of all the fun times I laughed with her and she told me how much she loved me is what I remember best and loved the most.

My grandson seemed to understand because he asked me if I miss her much. I told him yes, but that is why I try to be as good of a grandmother to him as she was

to me. When I die, I asked my grandson always remember what we did together and how I made him feel. I then had to ask if he knows how much I love him. When he said yes, I told him than he too, when he grows up, won't remember me for a truck, a bug or a train. Infact, I went on to say I don't want you to remember anything I bought you. I want you only to think of all the laughter we shared and all the wonderful memories of the time we have spent together, just like I do with my Grandma! 

Now I know how grandma felt towards me and how she missed a grandchild when she didn't see them. But, I also know, as she said, we carry them in our heart so they are never truly far away. 

Motherhood Lessons

Motherhood is not for the faint at heart. It is not for those that believe being a mommy is fun and games. It is for those that are willing to put their hearts on the line only to have it broken time and time again but find the overall rewards worth it. It is for the women who find giving life and planting seeds for the world rewarding.

As Mother’s Day comes, I reflect on lessons. Expect nothing in return and then, when you get it, you will be pleasantly surprised. Kids think the world revolves around them and mothers are there to serve. When you are given attention, you are to thank them for their time, at any age.

There will be plenty of excuses. There are busy playing with their toys, then with their friends, then driving somewhere, anywhere! Next comes a focus on college (which you are helping with odds and ends anyways!), dating, marriage, kids and life. There appears to always be something more important than you. It is like “Cat’s in the Cradle Song”, even when you have made the time, and still do. Many adult children simply won’t make the time for you. Accept this truth and you will be much happier. Just savor the time you are given.  You can’t change them so don’t try. With acceptance comes peace.

You are the number one cheerleader for your child. Have a "you can do it" attitude. Nobody cares more about your child than you, no other parent or teacher. They may not acknowledge you on the sideline and any yell may be met with extreme embarrassment.  You may be forbidden to wave but trust me, your being there is an esteem builder, it shows they matter. At the end of the game, they may run off to their friends but it registered and you saw what you created put forth effort. It is a win-win!

You were not put in the world to be a parent in order to be their best friend. Wait till you utter these words and watch their faces switch to creatures you don’t recognize. All the sudden, you swear you

never bore this hateful creature. But yet, being a mom means putting boundary lines in place, that means saying no, grounding, and saying uncomplimentary things at times, the things their friends wouldn’t dare say. You say it because you love them and they need to hear it. They won’t see it as love. They will hate you and swear you are mean and put up a wall of disbelief and anger towards you. It will break your heart but if not you, who will do this necessary step to growth? No one will tell you motherhood is easy.

Getting thrown up, pooped, and bled on is no fun but shit happens, again and again!  Be ready and muster through.  You also become a semi-paramedic yet never feel quite adequate to answer questions like do I take them to the ER, to the doctor, does it require stitches, is this temperature too high, will you throw up again, and are you contagious?  Get a Magic 8 ball.  It will help!

Talk about the stuff that makes your kids uncomfortable. Sound strange?  Talk about porn, sex, safe sex, birth control, Christian values, faith, child molesters, unsafe people, politics, drugs, divorce, etc.…  Better at home to bring them up, don’t leave it to school, the internet, strangers, peers, etc. Your belief system is a far better teacher. They will squirm and you may too but it gives them a chance to ask you and create a safe channel of communication lines. Make the world safer for your children and for our community, our world.

Be willing to understand you will make mistakes, plenty of them. You must own up to them for not doing so sends a message to your children that you are perfect, arrogant or unwilling to admit you’re wrong. None of us is expected to be a perfect mom; we are only expected to try our best with what we are given. If your kids love you, they will appreciate what they are given. If they can’t accept that, you must let them struggle with why. God placed them with you for a reason.

Walking into motherhood requires prayer. Some children you can’t survive with without it.  Your miracle didn’t get here without God. It will certainly go better for all if you continue to allow God’s miracles to happen in your life and theirs by asking for a little help!  

Some children, as they move on with their lives, may move completely out of your life. This is hard

as you age because, though the memories may forever make you feel young at heart, your body gives your age away.  They may put the priority of you in their life on a backburner more than ever just as you realize your life is coming closer to the end. Know in your heart that many mothers have shared this fate.  You are not alone.  As when your children slammed the door after screaming they hate you, you must leave the door closed much as it hurts. Continue to love them and continue to pray. You have been a mom and will continue to be till the end of your life but it is their choice to make. You planted the seed and showed them what unconditional love was. Now is the time to reflect on the precious memories if no more are created.

Though motherhood is full of heart aches, drama and trauma, it is also full of laughter, joy and pride. It is a time of celebration and a lifetime of memories. It is reminder of our Christian faith in that Mary, mother of Jesus showed how one so kindhearted and loving could raise a king meaning each and every one of us is capable of turning a single baby into someone who can change the world! 

One Year Anniversary in Florida!

Anniversary of a year in Florida! Hard to believe it has been that long that we have lived here, it seems like yesterday that a decision was made by my husband overnight, we needed a new chapter

and it should include a move. I felt like I came kicking and screaming to some extent but with unbridled anticipation of excitement, afraid I would be disappointed so hanging on to fear of change. This was a reversal of roles in our marriage! And after one year, the rewards were plentiful and the time has been enlightening.

The fear was that with Jim’s retirement and limited income, we would not be busy. Moving to Florida, closer to new sights and an active 55+ community felt like that might invite activity on our calendar.  Leaving behind three grandchildren in Nashville was heart-breaking but also realizing we cannot plan a life around them while we still have our health was vital to our decision.  Their life is not planned around ours, nor should it be.

So with the move has come opportunities to spend Thanksgiving with my cousin Scottie and his wife Levaughn, my Aunt Nancy and my cousin Renee! I still have a few family and friends I have yet to catch up with down here, unbelievable as it sounds!  Janis, Patty and another Renee are on my list!

We have had company come down to stay with us that has been a wonderful opportunity to spend uninterrupted fun time. These trips are vacation trips for others that allow us time to share in their fun so as thankful as they are for free lodging and company we are just as grateful for the priceless moments and sharing of life’s moments!  Truly a treasure and we know, if not living in Florida, guests would not abound!  Everyone seems to love the beach and Disneyworld!

It has not been all fun and smiles. During this year, we have lost our most beloved family member, Charley. We had to say goodbye, in our home here. Watching him quickly deteriorate before our eyes was heart-breaking and the aftermath seemed as bad. We have his ashes in our room, reminders in our yard and home and speak of him still pretty regularly but with smiles once again.

We have seen an election come and ago that has been quite upsetting to us and troubling as we are both on Medicare and are starch Democrats living in a Republican county, for the most part. Being called Libtards and having family subtly support views that affect you directly and are in direct contrast to your Christian morality have been unsettling but seem to have drawn us closer and more prayerful at our church. We have been blessed to have priests that support all sides that show compassion towards people.

I never realized that Florida had so many beaches with such varied personalities? I suppose you have

to live here to truly see the magnitude of it but it is astounding! The parks are plentiful and several have much more than alligators lurking in murky areas including tropical birds walking around freely. Our community has three “mates “of sand cranes.  We still stop and stare whenever we see them, whether driving in a golf cart, walking or riding a bike as it is so odd for us to see large tropical birds walking down the street!

Experiencing tropical storms wasn’t all fun but we were aware this was an issue so were strategic in picking Zephyrhills knowing it was not close enough to the beaches to be affected as much. However, we had no idea, when mail came, people would misspell it so much, mispronounce it and an hour and 15 minutes to the beach in rush hour traffic down here equates to, whelp, it varies….not good!

 

Our home in Tennessee was hard to leave but as a friend, Tammy Ratliff said to me, before moving, only take with you the pieces you love to Florida. She suggested make your home look like the new chapter in your life, all new and Floridian. She was right, being frugal with money is easier in Florida and the new look suits us perfectly here.  Everyone that has seen our new ‘digs’ raves about the look. I am so proud of the outcome, honestly, as I went outside of my comfort zone and went for a totally new color scheme and peaceful easy feeling look that is Florida Tammy!  And the smaller size home doesn’t seem small actually once we were living here either. It is plenty for us and accommodates visitors great. Love the fact it is so much easier to keep clean and I got to competely redecorate with all new colors and new scheme!  The end result, well, I am quite proud and the compliments roll in for someone who is not known for being remotely close to Martha Stewart! 

Our community is full of fun things to do so in a nutshell, hot tubs, pool tables, pool (heated in the winter), new clubhouse that now has coffee bar inside, dance floor, library, newer restaurant opening

inside it in June, all sorts of clubs and activities, on and on….you can’t get bored unless you stay in bed. There are the bunch here into golf, as we sit on a golf course, hence Southport Golf Course Community, lol, but nope, we are not planning on taking it up!  With too many issues the entire time I have been here with both shoulders, not a chance!

Thomas Promise has become part of my non-profit passion, a program helping feed hungry children over the weekend in the county. I not only help pack several days a week, with Jim when he is free, but handle their Twitter account now opting to bypass Breast Cancer work for now. This seems a greater need here. I find it exhilarating and am meeting some wonderful people and making some great connections in local business and government.

Tampa is very cool. Busch Gardens is a regular for us as there are concert series two times a year for season ticket holders and we live only 20 minutes away.  We have seen so many sites in and around Florida but still have items added to our bucket list regularly.  Being close to cruise ship ports is an added benefit for last minute cruise deals, yes we love cruising!

Perhaps a video is in order with pictures of some of the moments we treasure.  The hardest part though has still been being further away from some we treasure and not being able to see the

grandkids on a whim.   We definitely feel detached from their lives but it was beginning to feel that way when we lived in Nashville already.  Many had encouraged us to leave the area and quit looking over our shoulders for more time when less was the norm as the kids got older and the parents busier. We realized, too, as we aged, we are less of a priority to our children that are left.   Jim’s son passed away, my daughter and I have no relationship and my son is immersed in his own life.   He and I had talked so he knew well in advance that we were considering moving and that I also respected the fact I was no longer needed in his life as much and that his schedule was super busy.

Learning which of you have stayed in touch has also been valuable indeed!  We will always find time in our lives for you and be there if you need us as you have been this past year for us during our   

transition.    Know that taking steps towards major change is possible, it’s hard but rewarding.  You will find bumps along the way but inner strength you never knew you had.  In some ways, I felt I left much of what I had behind. In hindsight, perhaps there wasn’t as much there as I thought and I have found more anew.  May you always find, with each new page of your life, you will discover that too!

                                  

                                                 Pictures of a Year in Review

Beautiful Boys

Sometimes boys get a bad rap. All the little girls get showered with praise full of the compliments on their girly looks, the clothes, gifts of doll babies.  Left out of all these stereo type cultures we live in are the little boys in the world with their trucks and blue jeans. I will never forget reading Cinderella Ate my Daughter by Peggy Orenstein who was bound and determined when she had a girl, she would fall not fall into that trap. Lo and behold, she did.

Having grandchildren it is different. Each and every child is so special, there is no chance of being smitten by the girls are sweeter and pink is more fun to shop for, at least in my mind. I have gotten past that as I have aged because each little individual brings their own uniqueness to the world and to my life; I love them all beyond words.

Recently, on a trip to my son’s house, my husband and I took two of our grandsons to the park for an afternoon. It was a beautiful day, and as I watched them play, I noticed how much they had grown. It was one of those epiphany moments where you sit back, as a grandmother, and have pride in that your little ones are beginning to be more independent. Yet, as they adventured about, we had to follow them steadfast because they wanted us right behind them to share in each and every adventure! So refreshing to know, even with independence, we fill a spot in their hearts even as they grow up. I hope, long after we are gone, they remember afternoons like this, memories at the park.

I told my husband I wanted to attempt to capture that afternoon, somewhat, in pictures. One can truly never really get the feeling in a digital image, not the emotion but I was going to try.  Truly the boys are beautiful.  Jake and Ty look quite alike in many ways and yet, personality wise, could not be more different! Attached is a video if you care to watch it, done to John Lennon’s song Beautiful Boy. He wrote it for his own son whom he was never fortune enough to see grow up.

May you find those moments in your life when you can sit outside or venture to a park and watch children play. There is such beauty in all young people’s faces and passion for discovery. I am forever grateful for the moments I too can sit and observe the beautiful boys in my life.

Click Here for the Video Link

Christmas with Grandma G

Living in a community for Active 55+ residents has given me a different view of Christmas.  These residents are teaching me more about living in the later stages of my life and what the holidays are about, celebrating being here to enjoy it, pure and simply. 

The way it is celebrated by our neighbors is as varied as they are. There is the neighbor next door who like so many of us, lives on a tight limited income so didn’t really have enough money to travel home to see the kids and grand-kids after making the trip twice in the last 6 months. 3 weeks before Christmas the kids called and said airline tickets were purchased in their name, they would be flying to their kids in PA for Christmas!

We also know there are many with no children or family to spend holidays with so invite others to a holiday party at their home. Christmas Eve they host a huge dinner and it is a family affair for those who need an adopted family for Christmas. We are told it is such a beautiful affair that even some with family sometimes attend!

There are those that go vacationing in groups with other members here or with longtime friends from Florida or elsewhere.  As you age, no Christmas should be taken for advantage as each could be your last. Also some relatives break from their families and unconditional love doesn’t exist so residents, for the most part. Many here refuse to be sorrowful, they are reminded by our community, you are loved by God and accepted as you are by everyone here.  Instead they adopt an attitude that their family may eventually come around and love and miss them. If not, God wants them to be happy not wither in self-pity for what was or was not. Life is not to wasted but cherished for the blessings bestowed on us.

My Christmas was preceded by a brief overnight-er in the hospital.  It was

discovered my main artery was almost completely blocked to my heart. A stint

was put in and I am fine, one week to the day of Christmas Eve.  Those are the times God lets you know whose lives you touched, who you matter to and who

you does not care whether you live or die. And, this lead to a change for the holidays! Sad on one front because our plans for flying to NYC to spend with my husband’s wonderful family were canceled. It opened an opportunity for us to spend with my son’s family in TN as that was driving only 2 states away. And both him and my daughter-in-law opened the door wide! So, God saw fit I saw my son, daughter-in-law and three of my grandchildren this year for Christmas!  Lost one blessing and gained another!

Everyone has prized memories of childhood memories of Christmas. Mine were of going to Toledo, Ohio and spending them with my Grandma Gliatti. So, when I arrived home yesterday, I received the best Christmas gift of all.  To explain, I have to back up; my older sister had traveled to Italy this fall. While in Italy, Terri traveled to the city where Grandma was raised, Bovino. Bovino is a small hilltop t9own in southern Italy at the foot of the Irpinia mountains located in the province of Foggia. She wanted to bring me back something from the city so I had a connection from where Grandma was from. Unknown at the time about the heart issue to her (or me!) but thinking she wanted some item symbolic of our tie to the city, Terri bought a beautiful heart necklace from a shop in Bovino.

Hearing the story in a letter with the gift box when I got home the other day, I knew inside this is a Grandma Gliatti thing, the heart that drew Terri to buy it. Grandma was always prayerful and led by God's word and love of family. When unable to attend Mass, she would sit and watch it on TV going through all the steps as if she were in attendance in accordance with her Catholic faith.  She was watching over me when I prayed in the hospital making sure everything was okay because she was that kind of grandma to all her grand-kids.

Inside the heart emblem is an item that swirls in a circular motion, just like the circle of love she had hoped for our family. Terri took that trip that took her back to where Grandma Gliatti started, Bovino, and Terri brought back a piece Grandma Gliatti wanted me to know was symboic of her heart showing me her love has never really left me. When others may leave my life Grandma's love is always there, uncconditional, watching over me, from heaven. Terri also bought me a pair of 

earrings from another shop keeper who knew grandma’s family, another connection to hold onto and pass on to my beloved Granddaughter who I love as much as Grandma loved me.   When the day comes and I pass into heaven where my Grandma Gliatti resides, I will have let my granddaughter know of my Grandma Gliatti’s unending unconditional love for her grandchildren.  

I had Christmas with my Grandma Gliatti again, in 2016 and my heart is full of thanksgiving.  I got my soft heart from her.  Grandma is with me always on my path of life.  I am who I am, give what I can give and accept there are those who will judge me and feel they are justified in doing so. But I chose to live as my Grandma Gliatti lived, simple, lovingly and trying to live in God's teachings the best I can, though I may stumble and fall from time to time I am ever prayful as she taught me.

Christmas is more than just about Jesus’s birth and giving gifts, it is a time to renew our commitment to living out His word.   Grandma’s heart reminds me true love is everlasting. She has been with me all these Christmases, not just 2016, in spirit.  Love endures.  It is the non-pure type that doesn’t, perhaps that type never truly exists.  Maybe that is why 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (“ Love is patient, love is kind…) was written, it has to be defined for so many weak withe ability to love, shallow in faith.  Grandma wanted Terri and I to stay connected regardless of our differences, to hold on to our bond, because that is what families do. Perhaps that is why, everytime she visits Italy she feels compelled to bring me back something and it is always something that reminds her of Grandma Gliatti for she knows how much she meant to me. 

Grandma Gliatti taught me how to be a Grandma by example. I know I have made her tremendously proud in that I have passed that type of love onto my granddaughter and to my other grandchildren I have been allowed to bond with. I love all my grandkids as she loved all of hers, freely, with all of my being. Daily, I pray for them all,so that God and Grandma G watch over them. 

The heart was telling, the text message I got from my granddaughter's new cell phone the very next day was too "Grandma, I miss you now" I hadn't been gone a full day yet.  And it made me sad and happy to see her words on my screen, isn't that part of the dichotomy of love? My son and daughter-in-law's children for sure will always know that Grandma Ronni will always be with them at Christmas because part of my heart will always reside with them.  Grandma Gliatti taught me to love like that.   Even in heaven, I will be celebrating Christmas with those I love "thee" most....

Dedicated to my sister Theresa Marie

Video Link to My Christmas