Grandma's Church is Mine Too

I have been asked many times why I practice Catholicism. The question must stem because I am an independent thinker and there is a conception that being Catholic is rigid in believes which is really not founded in truth.  All churches have foundations but the people that practice their faiths have their own individuality. Mine is grounded in my grandmother’s love of the church and in me.

My Grandma Gliatti, as I called her, was as devoted to the Church as anyone I ever met in my life. She was Italian, coming to the United States after marrying. One of the things she retained is her Roman Catholic faith. That aspect of her life never changed till the day she died.

One weekend a month, my dad would load up the car and off we would go to Toledo, Ohio to head to Point Place to see Grandma and Grandpa.  All of those visits were always welcome trips at a time when many kids hated being away from their friends. My joy was being around my grandma. She was and is the purest form of love to me. 

When Dad would leave us alone with her to go out at night, she would talk to my sister Terri and me about God and her faith. She explained to us about faith and about the Catholic Church, how much she loved it and her devotion to it, from the time she was a little girl. We, at the time, were not practicing Catholics.  My sister was a few years older and remembers the content more than I do but I remember her Catholic prayers at that time.

When Grandma got too sick to go to Mass, she would sit on Sundays in front of the TV and turn on Mass. She would go through the entire Mass reciting all the responsorials as if she was attending. If we interrupted her or were too loud, she would shush us. This was important to her and we all knew it.  It made quite an impression on me and stayed with me. Mass was a must for Grandma.

In my life, no one seemed to love me like Grandma Gliatti. She was the unconditional love person God put in my life. No one had that kind of unconditional regard for me and I believed some of that came from her love and faith in God.  She thought I was loveable for just being me. 

I remembered her faith and chose to raise my children in the Catholic Church. I taught my children the same lessons my grandmother taught me. “No matter what happens to me, God will always be with you and his love is far greater than mine. He will also see that I will be watching over you.”  

I wanted my kids to know that faith mattered, keep the lines open to God I would reinterate. I wanted them to know I unconditionally loved them so told them every night. I even gave them the sign of the cross on their forehead when they were asleep before I went to bed, even when they got older. This was something done to me when I was confirmed in the Catholic church. I wanted God to always bless them and watch over them, part of my Catholic faith.

Now I have stayed with the Catholic Church because every time I attend, I sit in Mass andI  am at home with Grandma. I feel her there with me, smiling knowing I am following the faith she told me was such an integral part of her. I feel God’s love there too. I feel it other places also, like when I’m outside in the yard, or in front of the ocean or in a park,  but in the church is definitely different. Grandma taught me that the cross means that God so loved me that he gave me/us his only son.  She also said that she would always watch over me. I love the feeling in my church because I get a sense she is attending it with me.

I love the ritual of Catholic Mass, the routine where I can depend on a format I can follow just like Grandma did over and over again in her living room. I know what each part means, each has a significance that relates back to faith and Christian growth. I see Grandma smiling all the while.  I am grateful Masses are said in English and much more contemporary, especially the churches I chose to attend, so it is relatable.  We all need to feel we are sitting at a table with friends and not being talked down to when at Church.

So, yes I am open-minded and progressive but I am Catholic and proud of it. I am Grandma Gliatti’s protégé even now.  I will continue to be till I die and she will continue to smile. I will continue to grow and love in faith. May you find the peace and love of God in your heart in whatever works for you! 

Christmas with Grandma G

Living in a community for Active 55+ residents has given me a different view of Christmas.  These residents are teaching me more about living in the later stages of my life and what the holidays are about, celebrating being here to enjoy it, pure and simply. 

The way it is celebrated by our neighbors is as varied as they are. There is the neighbor next door who like so many of us, lives on a tight limited income so didn’t really have enough money to travel home to see the kids and grand-kids after making the trip twice in the last 6 months. 3 weeks before Christmas the kids called and said airline tickets were purchased in their name, they would be flying to their kids in PA for Christmas!

We also know there are many with no children or family to spend holidays with so invite others to a holiday party at their home. Christmas Eve they host a huge dinner and it is a family affair for those who need an adopted family for Christmas. We are told it is such a beautiful affair that even some with family sometimes attend!

There are those that go vacationing in groups with other members here or with longtime friends from Florida or elsewhere.  As you age, no Christmas should be taken for advantage as each could be your last. Also some relatives break from their families and unconditional love doesn’t exist so residents, for the most part. Many here refuse to be sorrowful, they are reminded by our community, you are loved by God and accepted as you are by everyone here.  Instead they adopt an attitude that their family may eventually come around and love and miss them. If not, God wants them to be happy not wither in self-pity for what was or was not. Life is not to wasted but cherished for the blessings bestowed on us.

My Christmas was preceded by a brief overnight-er in the hospital.  It was

discovered my main artery was almost completely blocked to my heart. A stint

was put in and I am fine, one week to the day of Christmas Eve.  Those are the times God lets you know whose lives you touched, who you matter to and who

you does not care whether you live or die. And, this lead to a change for the holidays! Sad on one front because our plans for flying to NYC to spend with my husband’s wonderful family were canceled. It opened an opportunity for us to spend with my son’s family in TN as that was driving only 2 states away. And both him and my daughter-in-law opened the door wide! So, God saw fit I saw my son, daughter-in-law and three of my grandchildren this year for Christmas!  Lost one blessing and gained another!

Everyone has prized memories of childhood memories of Christmas. Mine were of going to Toledo, Ohio and spending them with my Grandma Gliatti. So, when I arrived home yesterday, I received the best Christmas gift of all.  To explain, I have to back up; my older sister had traveled to Italy this fall. While in Italy, Terri traveled to the city where Grandma was raised, Bovino. Bovino is a small hilltop t9own in southern Italy at the foot of the Irpinia mountains located in the province of Foggia. She wanted to bring me back something from the city so I had a connection from where Grandma was from. Unknown at the time about the heart issue to her (or me!) but thinking she wanted some item symbolic of our tie to the city, Terri bought a beautiful heart necklace from a shop in Bovino.

Hearing the story in a letter with the gift box when I got home the other day, I knew inside this is a Grandma Gliatti thing, the heart that drew Terri to buy it. Grandma was always prayerful and led by God's word and love of family. When unable to attend Mass, she would sit and watch it on TV going through all the steps as if she were in attendance in accordance with her Catholic faith.  She was watching over me when I prayed in the hospital making sure everything was okay because she was that kind of grandma to all her grand-kids.

Inside the heart emblem is an item that swirls in a circular motion, just like the circle of love she had hoped for our family. Terri took that trip that took her back to where Grandma Gliatti started, Bovino, and Terri brought back a piece Grandma Gliatti wanted me to know was symboic of her heart showing me her love has never really left me. When others may leave my life Grandma's love is always there, uncconditional, watching over me, from heaven. Terri also bought me a pair of 

earrings from another shop keeper who knew grandma’s family, another connection to hold onto and pass on to my beloved Granddaughter who I love as much as Grandma loved me.   When the day comes and I pass into heaven where my Grandma Gliatti resides, I will have let my granddaughter know of my Grandma Gliatti’s unending unconditional love for her grandchildren.  

I had Christmas with my Grandma Gliatti again, in 2016 and my heart is full of thanksgiving.  I got my soft heart from her.  Grandma is with me always on my path of life.  I am who I am, give what I can give and accept there are those who will judge me and feel they are justified in doing so. But I chose to live as my Grandma Gliatti lived, simple, lovingly and trying to live in God's teachings the best I can, though I may stumble and fall from time to time I am ever prayful as she taught me.

Christmas is more than just about Jesus’s birth and giving gifts, it is a time to renew our commitment to living out His word.   Grandma’s heart reminds me true love is everlasting. She has been with me all these Christmases, not just 2016, in spirit.  Love endures.  It is the non-pure type that doesn’t, perhaps that type never truly exists.  Maybe that is why 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (“ Love is patient, love is kind…) was written, it has to be defined for so many weak withe ability to love, shallow in faith.  Grandma wanted Terri and I to stay connected regardless of our differences, to hold on to our bond, because that is what families do. Perhaps that is why, everytime she visits Italy she feels compelled to bring me back something and it is always something that reminds her of Grandma Gliatti for she knows how much she meant to me. 

Grandma Gliatti taught me how to be a Grandma by example. I know I have made her tremendously proud in that I have passed that type of love onto my granddaughter and to my other grandchildren I have been allowed to bond with. I love all my grandkids as she loved all of hers, freely, with all of my being. Daily, I pray for them all,so that God and Grandma G watch over them. 

The heart was telling, the text message I got from my granddaughter's new cell phone the very next day was too "Grandma, I miss you now" I hadn't been gone a full day yet.  And it made me sad and happy to see her words on my screen, isn't that part of the dichotomy of love? My son and daughter-in-law's children for sure will always know that Grandma Ronni will always be with them at Christmas because part of my heart will always reside with them.  Grandma Gliatti taught me to love like that.   Even in heaven, I will be celebrating Christmas with those I love "thee" most....

Dedicated to my sister Theresa Marie

Video Link to My Christmas

Lessons of Love

Writing about emotions is hard. It is allowing others to see inside of your heart. However, I have learned that the more confident you are as a person, the less you have to fear. Rejection can only hurt if you are not sure of yourself. You are only threatened by others if you have not accepted yourself, with all your blessings and short-comings. With age, this is a must if you are to find happiness and peace. 

And so, with that in mind, I have no misgivings with sharing with those that follow my blog what I am most pleased to celebrate tomorrow, my anniversary with my husband Jim. There is no other person in my life that has had a larger effect on me or impacted my journey to self-discovery, self-love and self-acceptance more than my husband.

I began my “adulthood” getting pregnant at age 17, still a child at heart, unsure what being a parent and a spouse even meant.  I immediately got married to a man I had only known since July of 1977, we wed Oct. 8^th after learning I was pregnant. I had refused to get an abortion feeling the life inside of me was not going to be rejected by me no matter how hard it was to raise a baby on my own.  I felt inside a kinship with my baby, a love that was like nothing I had ever felt.  But it wasn’t really what I felt for the man I was marrying.  Nor did I have that in marriage number two. That story isn’t what this is about.

Fast-forward to my husband now. When I met him, I was down on marriage all together.  I met him through my younger sister and really thought of him as nothing more than a friend, and wanted simply that, a friendship.  He wanted nothing more than the same, neither of us needed a commitment or a relationship at the point in time. I suppose it is true that when you are aren’t looking, have no hidden agenda, God brings what you need in your life and not what you ask for.  And looking back, I suppose we both needed an unconditional loving support system, someone to hold hands with and build each other up and be lifelong friends, lovers and playmates.

That is what I got with my sister’s friend AND a man with character, humor and compassion.  I have had years of challenges, we have been through so much in the last 15 years.  Wow, have we had our share of ups and downs but through it all, we have never once questioned our love for each other.  This may not seem odd to anyone reading this but for someone twice divorced, I was not really sure this type of love existed, at least for me. 

I saw that the common denominator was me.  There always seem to be a provisional acceptance of me with every member in my family. My children seemed to always evaluate and judge me on my mothering skills, the type of person I am, even on my mental state as I got older just like my second husband. My daughter forever found fault in my as a parent.  In her eyes, I never measured up so I began to seriously doubt my abilities as a parent. If I couldn’t make her happy, what was wrong with me? When my husband met me, he recognized immediately as did his family the signs of someone who was beating their head against a brick wall much too quick to take blame for things they had no control over. 

 In my husband, I found someone who loved me unconditionally.  This made me really take a hard look at me and begin to see rays of sunshine in myself, that hey, I must not be such a bad person afterall.  I began seeing a counselor, who I still see to this day.  I did the down and dirty work of delving into all of my life and my thoughts and dreams of who I am and not who others want me to be or who I use to project to be. I have come to know me intimately and deeply and embrace that woman and love her.

In doing so, it has allowed me to love and embrace my husband more fully. I

owe this, in large part, to Jim, my husband. As I have traveled through this path, the last 15 years, going through cancer, side effects, chronic migraines and other health issues, he has remained steadfast in supporting me.  He has allowed me to be his confidant on all that he is and thinks without reservation showing me that I am worthy of being trusted, respected and loved unconditionally. 

Jim, my husband, has provided the missing pieces of my life and my heart. I don’t think I quite ever really saw myself as a whole person. Perhaps I felt like a broken puzzle with missing puzzle pieces. I came from a divorced home and felt like the outsider at times being raised by a step-mother and my dad. I felt like I never measured up to their blood children together.  It made me feel inadequate and hurt inside deeply.  It is irrelevant anymore whether it was right or wrong because feelings just are, our perception is our reality.  Children are very sensitive and I picked up on things that upset me.  I carried those around for a long time.

Through my marriage and my husband, I am the woman I am today, someone who has found their place in the world. I have become someone who is okay being rejected by others and recognizes I don’t need to be accepted by everyone anymore. We all have agendas and I do not need to focus moments in my life on issues I can’t solve. 

  

Meeting Jim and having him introduced to my family and to my children has allowed me to free myself from all those weights I had been carrying. I allowed

myself to be scrutinized by everyone. And accepted all the criticism and stressed about it too, willingly.  It took a man as strong as him, to love me perhaps more than I loved myself to make me realize I needed to love myself enough to let it go.  Allow others to continue judging me and doing things that were hurtful to me and not take it personally. 

I recently read a book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.  One of the main agreements is about this above, not taking things personally; everyone is coming at life according to their own interests, consciously or unconsciously. Therefore, we expend far too much energy on what others are thinking, feeling and saying.  Wasted life, wasted energy.

One of the greatest joys I get from writing my blogs is the comments I hear back from folks about how something in it touches them or makes them think about the topic. If this inspires any of you to reflect on your self-worth, even one of you, and learn to hug yourself a bit more, than it has done its job.

And for me, this was my long-winded way of saying, living a life with a lot of heart-ache was worth it if it meant having a man like Jim to call my husband. I dearly love him and am blessed beyond measure. He has made me closer to God’s image of me.    Video of some Images over the years, Click Here

Teresa Marie - You Did It On Your Own!

Sometimes real people are as inspiring as super heroes. It depends on what they do with their life, with their special skills, with their blessings.   There are those that do nothing with them. There are those that make riches, quite literally.  There are those that weave a web of fame or power.  And then there are those that create history, working hard for mankind.   Then there are those that inspire others simply by their human frailty, by their humbleness.   Those special folks that are not looking for accolades from anyone for what they do, they simply give out of the pure goodness of their heart because they love and care about others and believe God’s word says we are to love unselfishly and be there for each other, even when others forsake us.

I remember years ago meeting such a little girl. I was only about 4.  She was beautiful, and had a gorgeous white veil on and a dress that made her look like a mini bride to me. She was singing songs and dancing outside of a Catholic church around a serene image, a concrete statue of Mary that was adorned with flowers.   She was the type of child you knew,  with a glance,  would one day make Mary proud. She would certainly grow up to be  a loving kind happy mother.  She had that look in her eyes that showed a maturity beyond her years.   There was always an intensity about her, a deep passion and yet a need to care for others.  

It took many years before she actually did conceive a daughter.  She did not complain, during all those years in between,  as she had her son. A  second child seemed like something that would never happen in her lifetime. Getting pregnant was not easy anymore.   And the thought of a daughter, not in the cards.  What did she even know of mother - daughter relationships anyways?  Her life had been void of a real stable mother figure anyways how who would be the role model for her? She would have to totally wing it on her own.

One day, the news came that she was indeed pregnant. Not long afterward, I learned that the baby was indeed a girl, a

precious daughter for the little girl with a veil with flowers stuck in her hair and a bride dress on at age six,  with no mommy.   She was now going to be her own little’s girl’s mother.  God wanted her to have a chance to see what she missed. Now she would capture the joy of the experiences from the other side of the relationship she never had!   Her eyes lit up and her heart began to sing, just like they did when she six and went round and around the statue of Mary, singing her songs of praise……