Why Ask Why

Some people ask me why I get political. Some people ask me why I got involved in the American Cancer Society after working as a Director of Corporate Development and then resigning my role after the stress of the position. Some people ask, why, after being a survivor of breast cancer, do I continue having the stress of being involved in either. I say I value life.

Getting the opportunity to work at the American Cancer Society (ACS) post cancer was an eye opening experience. I found myself the only staff member in Nashville that was a cancer survivor at the time.  It was a blessing and a curse to work for a mission after having a bird’s eye view of the devastation it wrecks in one’s life mentally, spiritually and physically. I thought the very least I could do is give back.

Thus, after forming a team for Making Strides for Breast Cancer while in treatment gave me a fresh start on my path to my work with ACS.  I was given the opportunity to be a headliner speaker at their annual Kick-off Breakfast at the Wild Horse Saloon that year in downtown Nashville.  I then made it my mission to not only work diligently for them but to learn all I could about what is being done to combat cancer in America. What I learned is that, next to the Federal government, ACS is the number one agency funding cancer research in our country. 

I discovered that the research that was done on herceptin, the drug that combats HER+ breast cancer, was funded by ACS. This type of cancer affects 20-25% of breast cancer patients. Prior to 2005, there was no known cure for this type of pathology. I had Her2+ so ACS was indirectly responsible for my survival.

During the time I worked at ACS, the Affordable Care Act had not been enacted. This was a time when I saw firsthand the effect of not having access to care for cancer patients. The effects were devastating and stories I heard and experienced first-hand have forever affected my attitudes, passion and compassion. I cannot abandon those that have died and suffered due to this lack of humanity.

I hear the claims of those without insurance are lazy, out of work and undeserving. I read the claims that they are without foresight of the possibility of having cancer and do not plan according. I also have heard voters say it is not their responsibility to pay for the sick that is until they are afflicted with the disease and suddenly struck with the realities of the healthcare system that bankrupts more people, medical bills, than any other cause. I too was hit with cancer prior to changes in the system.

Let me share some of my realities as I have been accused of living in utopia and not in the real world.  I have lived in the real world. Cancer is real. Treatment is hell, and sitting next to folks suffering without insurance is anything but utopia. Getting chemotherapy next to someone with limited insurance vomiting next to you because their coverage doesn’t include nausea medication is not pretty.  Having a younger brother opt out of treatment and going instead for radical surgery to avoid costs of lengthy treatment is very disheartening. Draining  portions of your limited retirement account is not a fantasy or a dream come true for anyone fighting cancer and we certainly were not expecting it to happen to ours. But that was our reality too. Cancer is costly, without insurance, deadly unless you are rich. 

So my involvement in cancer, in many forms, most notably ACS  is paying it forward and also paying it back. It is trying to prevent further tragedies of our country going backwards in terms of legislation.  I do not want anyone to experience what I saw and heard on the phone and in person, treatable cancer patients dying, patients suffering through treatment that could be avoided with the right kind of drugs and half-ass treatment due to limited insurance.  Children losing limbs and then also not getting prosthetics so spending a lifetime in a wheelchair. Or a single mother who had an 18 month old child survive cancer but because of the pre-existing condition was denied healthcare coverage for most of his entire life so had to pay all medical for him out of pocket! 

It is a misnomer that minorities are at higher risk for cancer. In the days when insurance was not as widespread as it is now, many got diagnosed at later stages. This is because they waited to go to the doctor till they were very symptomatic. At the later stages, cancer is harder to treat and more costly. With insurance, cancer is cheaper to treat because people go to doctors and cancer is caught earlier. It is also able to be treated more effectively. If you remove insurance, as it was when I was on the payroll at ACS, the amount of deaths from cancer will quickly rise and the amount of people that will be willing to enter clinical trials will diminish as side effects are not covered by trials but by your primary insurance so you need to be insured.  

My political activism wasn’t a choice in my mind.  During my time at ACS we were all encouraged, somewhat pushed,  to be involved with another branch of ACS called ACS CAN, CAN standing for Cancer Action Network. This organization is a cancer advocacy organization dedicated to making cancer a top national priority in issues, policies and laws in the fight against cancer.  I have been accused of looking at politics through high school eyes because I agree with the attitudes of this organization, which, incidentally are bipartisan.

Is this political or humanity?  Ask someone who has survived cancer, especially someone who knows someone who did not because of a lack of insurance.  Ask a woman who had breast cancer and could not get reconstruction prior to the law requiring insurance companies to cover it how they feel about politics getting involved in healthcare decisions and making mandatory coverage for all on issues like this.

None of us will live forever. None of us, I suppose, wants to. But we all deserve to live with a responsibly decent quality of life.  I live in a 55+ Active Community with 600 homes, most of which are Republicans supporting the GOP healthcare suggested changes. I am political for all of them.  The majority of the neighbors I have met in the past 18 months have pre-existing health conditions. If these conditions are not covered or are covered with exorbitant rates, these neighbors and myself will be lost in the system.  Their votes will backfire. I don’t want that for them, whether they realize it or not I am fighting for them, not against them or anyone else. Accessible affordable healthcare with changes made is a reasonable expectation in America. And since I survived cancer, I must continue fighting for it.

If you value something, you fight for it. I value the breaths I take, the moments in a day. Hence, I fight to live. I believe others have that right too. I am limited in what I can do but I will use my voice in the small capacity I can to make noise to stand up for cancer and issues that affect human lives. To not do so is to be self-absorbed and only care about my life and no one else’s. 

Call me a dreamer, but I’m awake now, no longer flat on my back in treatment. Call me an idealist but we are a rich country with a rich government making decisions for millions of Americans that can’t nearly afford what they can and seemingly having little say over something as significant as affordable healthcare.  There are solutions, there should be options and it should be inclusive not exclusive.  Cancer is greatly impacted by the decisions that are made in this area and this disease is like a domino in how it affects families, schools, communities, workplaces, finances, and the future. So yes, why ask me why?

Puppy For Hire

Who wants a Tessie for trial to see what it is like to own a puppy?  Have I got a deal for you, no charges involved!  She is a character and will give you the full gamut of experiences of what it is like to be a pet-owner with all the pluses and minuses all wrapped up in a ball of fur.  Thus continues my life with Tessie, the labradoodle I just had to have!

Tessie has progressed to taking walks to the dog park. How is it that moving along in weight to 14 lbs

from 7 lbs in 3 weeks can make the leash pull go from nothing to a challenge?  And the misnomer to

the neighbors is her prance makes her look like Cinderella at times. Unknown to them she is a She-

Devil in disguise at the house.  That beautiful high step in the home is a massive black blur at home as she literally runs so fast she slides on the wood floors coming into contact at times with walls, furniture, and yes, my feet!

I have found useful purposes you will enjoy of Tessie being in your home, listed below: 

•       The dust bunnies are gone under the bed as she frequently goes underneath the bed refusing to come out when I need her to, hiding in the very center where she is unreachable
•      It will be easy to remember to rotate washing various rugs around the house as she is inconsistent about having accidents in the house showing no preference where she pees
•      Regular exercise will easily be accomplished with Tessie as you will find yourself frequently taking long walks to wear her little butt out so she won’t be so energetic in the house

There are dog experts all over for training purposes. I have taken all kinds of training classes before with dogs I have owned. Most techniques do not work with this pup. She is one who needs a child expert on the strong-willed child. She is hell-bent on getting her own way. We need Cesar Millan in the worst way.  However, I refuse to be on the show and have cute little Tessie make me look like I am an incompetent owner.  Having had two Rotties that were huge and could even walk off lead and heel, have food on their noses without budging I now find myself with a wrist that looks like I was attacked by sharks.

The vet suggested adding in healthy treats for training to curb bad habits. Quickly we found

carrots are a passion with Tessie. She learned carrots come from the refrigerator.  Now guess Tessie’s favorite place to sit, lay and whine?  She is an excellent example of Pavlov’s dog experiment. Train a dog where food comes from and there they lay, except that is where our food comes from too!  And every time we attempt to open the door  a little She-Devil comes like a bat out of hell and manages to squeeze through my legs. 

Now, instead of looking for my intended item, I am contending with a puppy climbing up the side door, biting the lip on the drawers or trying to literally take food off of the shelves right at nose height, how convenient for Tessie.  I can even hear her thoughts, "This seems a helluva lot better than dog food. Why are you holding out on me Momma? "  I am trying to reach for items, push her out with the other hand and have paws everywhere. Sometimes it is just plain not worth it and close the door. Maybe take out is easier!  Carrots have turned her into a food thief!  Next suggestion….

My past training involved taking pop cans, putting pennies in them and taping the top to cover the hole. Simply shaking the can will annoy the dog so much they will stop jumping or biting.  So two girlfriends come over the other day and each is given a can. This seems like an excellent idea with the thought behind it, one shake and it won’t happen again. This has worked like a charm with every dog I have ever had before.

Here comes Tessie, like a flying Frisbee at them, full speed ahead, jumping with her mouth wide open, all baby teeth exposed. Up goes the can in their hands, shaking it with gusto like Morocco’s. The sound is obnoxious to all of us, so loud and clanging. Tessie jumps back, scared out of her mind. So she runs to the other friend, who promptly lifts her can once Tessie jumps up her legs and, once the friend bends to pet her, my darling bundle of joy clamps down on her wrist. It works. Tessie lays down all of 3 minutes. Then back she comes to the other friend. This goes on for about 20 minutes till, luckily my husband comes home and removes her from the room. By then, we all three are holding our heads with pounding headaches.  Agreeable, the cans got Tessie down on the ground but the noise was atrocious and the cans were in constant use. This is not how this correction is supposed to work!

So I sit here writing, looking at a lovable puppy that is sleeping at my feet wondering how I can write such a sarcastic blog about her.  Look at her precious pictures posted on the blog. Oh, but what you don’t see are the ones that will never get posted, the blurs of black because, prior to the picture being snapped, she shot past me and headed into Trouble going to bite furniture, jump on me or attempt to urinate. She keeps me on my toes, one of which is broken so I wear a boot, a boot which she loves to chew on, blatantly right in-front of me. A correction will lead to her giving me a sharp bark until she gets the “dreaded look” that translated means “Don’t mess with me” and quiets her down. Mamma Bear has her limits.

So I suppose I won’t rent her out. I am afraid you just might not bring her back in after taking her out for potty breaks. You might accidentally on purpose leave her in her cage one time too long. You

might correct her too much and hurt her feelings. Or you might get too use to have no dust bunnies under your bed or on the floor. I can’t run the risk, either, me hiring Tessie to you, getting use to a pup and falling in love with my Tessie! 

Where Have All the Good Role Models Gone?

Where have all the good role models gone for our children?  I really could care less for the adults, they can have their opinions and mentors or not. But when we grew up, we had those we admired, those our parents told us to look up to and aspire to be. With what is going on in America, right now, before our eyes, who do children today get to watch, listen to and say “That is who I want to be and sound like?”

As a parent, the people parents teach their children to talk like are well-educated English speaking Americans that represent our country well. We want our children to show respect for other human beings like those running our country. We use to look to politicians like JFK, Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan to exemplify speaking as American Presidents that used diplomacy in talking to other countries and on the airwaves with grace and humility. We no longer have that with our current leader. This is not the kind of language we expect or accept our children to use, infact they get punished for using defamatory terms. Adults lose their jobs over this comments that current President has said. So why is it acceptable for our children to hear this and isn't it sad they no longer have a President that is a role model of decency? 

Sports figures are not achievable for most in America. It is the few that can attain that level of success. How many children actually get that opportunity? However, once given that chance and those outrageously large salaries most of us will never experience in a lifetime, why not use it for the betterment of society?  So many don't and are teaching youth the complete waste of wealth. Many, in years past, have had a sense of responsibility to be a role model for children, to exemplify a great citizen of this country.

As a strong Democrat, I respect the right of speech. I believe anyone who has studied American history understands this is one basic reason our founding fathers decided to break from England. Anyone speaking out was thrown in jail. We deserve the right to speak out and if our government or individuals do not like it, they need to recognize we live in the land of the free, at least up till now. 

Having said that, athletes taking a knee when the American flag is hailed on the football field to protest racism in our country and police brutality aimed at racial profiling must be given a second glance.  Yes, they deserve to make a statement but is this the place?  I worry , with children watching, they will see athletes they admire bowing down to the American flag and perhaps interpret it the wrong way, as if it is not worthy of raising up in pride of America. I really could care less of what adults think, feel or say. My concern is children of America, they are the future.  Is this the right message?  How are they processing this?  Can we be better as a society in resolving our conflicts and how we speak about and solve our differences so that we don’t negatively impact children? 

Daily we are bombarded with teachers having sexual relationships with kids. What happened to the times we were supposed to tell kids to run to teachers with problems they were having and confide in them?  How the heck are kids suppose to be comfortable doing that when parents now have to forewarn children to be careful if teachers get too close to them? Any responsible parent will teach their children that any adult, teachers included, that gets in their safe zone, is a red flag. That makes it even harder for a child to feel comfortable looking up to a teacher. Gone, another person to really want to aspire to be as they have to look at them with a screening eye.

Coaching children has become so competitive that some parents are refraining from even putting their children in sports. The few games I have gone to over the last several years, I am not sure who is worse, the coaches or the parents.  No longer is the focus on fun but on flat out winning or getting even with the child or children that perform the best. It has become a video game of taking out players with shouts that use to be grounds for removing parents for shouting such unsportsmen like comments as “Take him out!” or “You don’t have to take that shit!” Not only are the coaches becoming horrible examples of fair play but the parents are encouraging foul play. Really, is this what we want children to learn? How will this help them in the work environment where hard work is how you get ahead,  not knocking others down to succeed?

The real irony is taking children to Church and thinking that will teach children how to be caring and compassionate and then not living it. Saying you are a Christian and then approving  adults that bully and being horribly upset with children for harassing other children and not seeing any correlation. 

Supporting athletes for years to the exclusion of your family, buying their jerseys, missing children’s events and then screaming at them for being foul because they don’t agree with your views instead of listening to theirs.  Hearing feed the poor at church and putting money in the basket and then being okay with Medicaid being cut when so many depend on this for healthcare for chronic illness. There is a direct connect. Be a role model for children of consistent behavior or you are sending mixed messages and not a role model that is worthy of respect. 

I love America. I love children more. I believe the differences that separate parties are less than the media and the leaders make them out to be. I believe people want solutions but more importantly I believe children need role models.  I believe, as my friend, a stark Republican said, average Americans can be great representatives in government if given a chance. I believe they can and are good role models for children or can be if the effort is put forth. I believe all of us can but we must hold ourselves to a higher standard than so many in society are currently doing. But it starts with you.  Are you up for the challenge?  If so, start today.  Put a kid ahead of yourself!

Looking Back at the Earliest Days - Daughter's Birthday

My daughter and I are nothing alike.  She is headstrong, outspoken and a true extrovert. She is driven, passionate and has a real command of

communication skills that she can use to her advantage in almost any situation good or bad. And so today, her birthday, it seems fitting that I would take a moment to write a memories of the early days as a small child of how this personality first exhibited itself to the world.  You can judge for yourself how easy or difficult it was to be a young mom to this precious lady. Do know, without a doubt, I was never short of moments of unexpected laughter!

As a toddler, my little girl enjoyed masterminding new tricks.  She quickly learned how to jump out of her crib by using the mattress as springboard. She also knew it upset me to no end so learned to climb back into as soon as she heard my steps coming down the hallway. To make matters even worse, she hated dirty diapers as much as me. So, prior to potty training, baby girl took to removing them anywhere and everywhere! How did I know this? I would turn around after yelling at her seeing her mess with her diaper telling her to not take it off and there she would be walking in it. However, the dead giveaway was she was walking leaning sideways; kind off cockeyed as she never quite mastered getting her legs in the right holes so was trying to keep it upright on her hips.

My little girl was frequently ill, just a multitude of health issues from Day I. Going to the pediatrician was often on the to do list.  And she could be a handful in the itty bitty room with not much for her to do besides open every drawer, find the trash can, flip the lights, roll on the floor, turn the sink on, until I got tired of listening to myself say no and threatened her with bodily harm. By the time the doctor walked in, she would promptly tell him, when he apologized for being long, “I was good or Mommy would beat my butt.” That was Christina, not mincing words or holding back.

Then there was the time we arrived at Vacation Bible School late. The church’s hall was very quiet as classes had already started. Most of the nuns were busy except for the one performing check in. She approached and I apologized for being late. I said I got delayed by a phone call. My daughter jumped in to correct me loudly so everyone in the hall heard “No, it was because my brother said a bad word and needed to get soap in his mouth.”  All eyes in the hall were on us and I could feel my son falling back behind my legs.  Christina did not always have a filter, lol!

As I took her shopping, so many times things came out unexpected that I began to be well-versed at coming up with responses back to strangers. I also learned to get the hell out of lines quickly. Her voice projected well like mine. There were the times she asked me things like “Why does that person ahead of us smell so bad?” or “Mister, why are you staring at me? Don’t you know that is rude?”  Or getting to the front of the register and asking for me to buy her candy. I would say no and she would say with annoyance “You promised if I was good you would buy me candy, I was good. You lied Mommy!” I could feel all eyes staring at me like I was the worst mother of the year. 

Even when it came to eating, my daughter could outsmart me. The rules were that if you didn’t eat the main course there were no deserts or treats, like cookies. I wasn’t good, initially, at checking to see if she stashed food away, assuming if her plate was empty, she ate it so praising her.

Over a period of about 6 months, she got rid of food in so many ways, eating up praise left and right. Before being potty-trained, I would find food stuffed in her diaper from dinner! She would put food bites in the bottom of her juice cup. She had hand signals for the dog under the table and would feed it to him. No wonder the dog loved her!  I suppose, one day, I gave up. No treats right after dinner because her ingenuity was just too creative. 

Many parents believe in Time Out. It was even popular back when she was a youngster. But it was a useless proposition at my house with my little girl. About the time I would tell her she could come out of it, she would tell me she would prefer to stay in it! Her communication skills were always extremely advanced for her age. So even if company was over, she’d say things when time was up for time out, “I am enjoying using my imagination, I think I will sit here a bit longer but thank you anyways.”   And sit she would until I had to make her get up!

Answering the telephone became something she enjoyed from the moment she could start putting sentences together, about 2 1/2 years old. Even then, her speed was incredible. She could beat almost all of us to the phone if she had a running start, though she was always the shortest in the house.  It was quite comical to hear someone so tiny give complete answers in sentence structure and hear their reaction on the other end of the phone! When the call was for her dad and he was working, she gave the funniest answers. My favorites she came up with were: “Daddy working. He’s making money to buy me shoes.” And this classic, “Daddy’s gone.  He doesn’t want to talk to you now.”  Guess they got the message from her! 

Nobody, but nobody loved Snicker bars like my girl!  And yet, due to migraines induced by nuts, they were a serious No No for her! So, somehow she sneaked them. How did I know?  Well, in cleaning her room and pulling out her bed one day, I discovered a stash of snicker wrappers under her bed.  After this repeatedly happening, she got wiser! She then began squishing them between that space in the wall and the side of the bed it lays up against.   All of this was going on in the lower grades and to this day, I have no idea who was feeding my kid candy bars and in that quantity. But she was probably outsmarting them like she did me to get them!  And there is a part of me that admires her ingenuity for doing such a damn good job at doing it! At times, there were so many of those candy wrappers, it was like a child addicted to them who needed to go to Snickers Anonymous. 

That fact that someone this small could pull one over on me so many times and create so much material is astounding when you think about it!  Seriously, I was a single mom with a dual degree, well-read and written.  I am outspoken, passionate, driven and headstrong, nothing like her! No way a little twerp like that could get the best of me, but she did, many times!  And through it all, I knew that one day she would grow up and make something of herself. And in spite of the highs and lows of raising her, I am proud to say, she has.  She brought me tears, nights of fears, laughter, heartbreak and some of the best moments of my life. And today, on her birthday, I remember a little girl who changed the world with her wit, charm and uniqueness.  And yes, life was never the same, nor will it ever be, 37 years later.