Things a Mother Should Say to a Daughter

I had a very open relationship with my children and talked very frankly. Below are things I think should not go unsaid between a mother and a daughter. I covered this pretty well with mine. I hope you agree with my list!

Christina Lynn Glasmeier-Lewis

 

1. Your beauty inside is more important than the outside
2. Never let someone else define you
3. Always keep your eyes and ears open to God
4. Be diligent with your goals you have set for yourself if you are truly passionate about achieving them.  Worthwhile achievements seldom come easily.
5. Each child you bear will not come with a cookie cutter instruction book so do not expect to ace parenting. Do the best you can do and trust your instincts. God gave them to you, not somebody else.
6. Sex does not equate to love. Know the difference between a one night stand and a lover & friend that's committed for life.
7. Boys can be rude but girls can be flat out mean, at any age. Know it and expect it so you aren’t caught off guard. Don’t take it to heart. Just be selective with your inner circle of friends. Less is more.
8. Society will try to tell you what makes a woman. You need to decide that for yourself and not be held back by labels and everyone else’s expectations or you will always fall short or satisfy everyone but you.
9. It’s okay to cry. Tears are cathartic and can be healing, at any age.
10. Be forgiving of others. Grudges create hate in the heart. This will hurt you more.
11. Do not fear using your voice. It was given to you for a reason.
12. There is no such thing as too much education. Never stop learning new things.
13. Be happy in whatever you choice to do, in your choices. Being happy and positive is healthy.
14. Be self-accepting and have self-love. Without them, you can't truly reach your potential or love someone else unconditionally. 
15. I will always love you for you.

Looking Back at the Earliest Days - Daughter's Birthday

My daughter and I are nothing alike.  She is headstrong, outspoken and a true extrovert. She is driven, passionate and has a real command of

communication skills that she can use to her advantage in almost any situation good or bad. And so today, her birthday, it seems fitting that I would take a moment to write a memories of the early days as a small child of how this personality first exhibited itself to the world.  You can judge for yourself how easy or difficult it was to be a young mom to this precious lady. Do know, without a doubt, I was never short of moments of unexpected laughter!

As a toddler, my little girl enjoyed masterminding new tricks.  She quickly learned how to jump out of her crib by using the mattress as springboard. She also knew it upset me to no end so learned to climb back into as soon as she heard my steps coming down the hallway. To make matters even worse, she hated dirty diapers as much as me. So, prior to potty training, baby girl took to removing them anywhere and everywhere! How did I know this? I would turn around after yelling at her seeing her mess with her diaper telling her to not take it off and there she would be walking in it. However, the dead giveaway was she was walking leaning sideways; kind off cockeyed as she never quite mastered getting her legs in the right holes so was trying to keep it upright on her hips.

My little girl was frequently ill, just a multitude of health issues from Day I. Going to the pediatrician was often on the to do list.  And she could be a handful in the itty bitty room with not much for her to do besides open every drawer, find the trash can, flip the lights, roll on the floor, turn the sink on, until I got tired of listening to myself say no and threatened her with bodily harm. By the time the doctor walked in, she would promptly tell him, when he apologized for being long, “I was good or Mommy would beat my butt.” That was Christina, not mincing words or holding back.

Then there was the time we arrived at Vacation Bible School late. The church’s hall was very quiet as classes had already started. Most of the nuns were busy except for the one performing check in. She approached and I apologized for being late. I said I got delayed by a phone call. My daughter jumped in to correct me loudly so everyone in the hall heard “No, it was because my brother said a bad word and needed to get soap in his mouth.”  All eyes in the hall were on us and I could feel my son falling back behind my legs.  Christina did not always have a filter, lol!

As I took her shopping, so many times things came out unexpected that I began to be well-versed at coming up with responses back to strangers. I also learned to get the hell out of lines quickly. Her voice projected well like mine. There were the times she asked me things like “Why does that person ahead of us smell so bad?” or “Mister, why are you staring at me? Don’t you know that is rude?”  Or getting to the front of the register and asking for me to buy her candy. I would say no and she would say with annoyance “You promised if I was good you would buy me candy, I was good. You lied Mommy!” I could feel all eyes staring at me like I was the worst mother of the year. 

Even when it came to eating, my daughter could outsmart me. The rules were that if you didn’t eat the main course there were no deserts or treats, like cookies. I wasn’t good, initially, at checking to see if she stashed food away, assuming if her plate was empty, she ate it so praising her.

Over a period of about 6 months, she got rid of food in so many ways, eating up praise left and right. Before being potty-trained, I would find food stuffed in her diaper from dinner! She would put food bites in the bottom of her juice cup. She had hand signals for the dog under the table and would feed it to him. No wonder the dog loved her!  I suppose, one day, I gave up. No treats right after dinner because her ingenuity was just too creative. 

Many parents believe in Time Out. It was even popular back when she was a youngster. But it was a useless proposition at my house with my little girl. About the time I would tell her she could come out of it, she would tell me she would prefer to stay in it! Her communication skills were always extremely advanced for her age. So even if company was over, she’d say things when time was up for time out, “I am enjoying using my imagination, I think I will sit here a bit longer but thank you anyways.”   And sit she would until I had to make her get up!

Answering the telephone became something she enjoyed from the moment she could start putting sentences together, about 2 1/2 years old. Even then, her speed was incredible. She could beat almost all of us to the phone if she had a running start, though she was always the shortest in the house.  It was quite comical to hear someone so tiny give complete answers in sentence structure and hear their reaction on the other end of the phone! When the call was for her dad and he was working, she gave the funniest answers. My favorites she came up with were: “Daddy working. He’s making money to buy me shoes.” And this classic, “Daddy’s gone.  He doesn’t want to talk to you now.”  Guess they got the message from her! 

Nobody, but nobody loved Snicker bars like my girl!  And yet, due to migraines induced by nuts, they were a serious No No for her! So, somehow she sneaked them. How did I know?  Well, in cleaning her room and pulling out her bed one day, I discovered a stash of snicker wrappers under her bed.  After this repeatedly happening, she got wiser! She then began squishing them between that space in the wall and the side of the bed it lays up against.   All of this was going on in the lower grades and to this day, I have no idea who was feeding my kid candy bars and in that quantity. But she was probably outsmarting them like she did me to get them!  And there is a part of me that admires her ingenuity for doing such a damn good job at doing it! At times, there were so many of those candy wrappers, it was like a child addicted to them who needed to go to Snickers Anonymous. 

That fact that someone this small could pull one over on me so many times and create so much material is astounding when you think about it!  Seriously, I was a single mom with a dual degree, well-read and written.  I am outspoken, passionate, driven and headstrong, nothing like her! No way a little twerp like that could get the best of me, but she did, many times!  And through it all, I knew that one day she would grow up and make something of herself. And in spite of the highs and lows of raising her, I am proud to say, she has.  She brought me tears, nights of fears, laughter, heartbreak and some of the best moments of my life. And today, on her birthday, I remember a little girl who changed the world with her wit, charm and uniqueness.  And yes, life was never the same, nor will it ever be, 37 years later. 

Boo

I am not sure I remember the date, the time or the place of the special pet name I created for my bundle of energy, mystery and surprises but I do know the why and how! I was going thru my merry little life having had my son Michael and pregnant again with what I thought was going to be another boy to our family. Infact, this one was due so close to Christmas that the name we decided on was Christopher because I so liked the name Chris.

No test was ever done to find out, back in those days, what the sex was to predetermine if pink or blue should be bought so at the birth, early in Jan. it was a total surprise. And when the baby came out, screaming loudly for everyone in the delivery room and within earshot to hear, it was apparent, she had lungs that were operational! And note, it was a she, as the male parts were remiss, when I glanced down at the newborn baby, when she was placed on my belly right after the birth.

With no prepared name, her daddy and I felt we had to hurry up and come up with a name or take home are little pink identification tab-no name baby from the hospital. Easy choice, we went with something close to Christopher, Christina, figuring we could still use Chris as a nickname. So home we went with the baby girl neither of us were ready for. We had not bought anything girly at all.

From the first days home to the last days of her at home, Christina was a spitfire. She did everything full speed ahead. She was advanced at development in every aspect. Her temper was beyond compare, her laughter infectious, and Chris had musical giggles and more personality in her tiny body that is humanly possible! Yep, my little girl was a charmer and was double dosed with an adventurous spirit. Infact, nothing frightened her; she could dive in, head first, to the water, bathtub or swimming pool without a moment’s hesitation or jump off the back of a couch in blink of an eye. She had battle scars everywhere on her body. She looked like she had been beaten up repeatedly by the neighborhood bully or had countless encounters with the floors, the doors, the drawers, etc…so there was an ever ending amount of boo boo’s. Her slightly tomboyish personality was mixed with the coyest charm I have ever seen in a little girl what a sheer delight! I made up a nick name for her, Boo Boo Precious; my name for my little girl. It started - just like that.

Funny, looking back, that name took on a live of its own. It got shortened to Boo Boo Pez Pez because she loved to repeat everything I said and she could not pronounce the word precious correctly. When she said it, it came out sounding like those candies called Pez and that sounded way cuter than precious so it struck a chord with me and I used that terminology too and started calling her that, Boo Boo Pez Pez. The name didn’t just stick with me but with her dad, with her brother and with all of my family, before too long. I think she knew her name as Boo Boo long before she knew it as Christina!

When she got older, in the teen years, I shortened the nickname to simply Boo, and so others followed suit. She seemed not to mind, though I am not sure she had much of a say. There were those occasional times, though, when I think it embarrassed her, like when her little 9 year old cousin came to the hospital she works. Nic was in the ER for a broken foot and told the staff there that his Aunt Boo Boo worked there and it got back to her floor who found it quite amusing that Christina was none other than Aunt Boo Boo! But most of the time, she has taken it in good stride. Even when shopping for wedding dresses, she came out in one gorgeous gown after another so we could both decide which one looked absolutely the best on her and matched her perfectly. Her goal was to look like a princess and naturally I referred to her as Princess Boo Boo. We laughed when I said it, many times that day, but we both knew it was a very special day. This was something we had waited for a long time and were anxious to do together, and the name Boo said so much about how I felt about her as a little baby girl that is only seemed fitting to call her Princess Boo Boo in those wedding gowns. What kind of mommy would I be if I let that moment slip by?

The word Boo is simple, but the love behind it is deep, complex and so full of meaning. All the years growing up, she was Christy to some, Christina to most and to those of us that love her dearly and have known her for years; she is and will always be Boo Boo Precious.

A Single Twenty Dollar Bill

A lot of years went by with no dialogue between the two. Many years had passed since they had seen each other, hugged each other or even made eye contact. Their relationship, whatever it was, however you defined it, was a thing of the past.

These two, mother and daughter, shared very little memories. There was a faint glimpse of laughter at a hotel during a weekend visit to town, a memory of a home shared where the two had resided in many moons ago and a connection via the usual exchanged cards, birthday and Christmas. Mother’s Days have came and went with a simple card mailed that said “Thinking of you with love.” There was even a phone call here and there made, with a gasp of surprise on either end to know they were, all these years later, connected, the bond somehow not totally broken.

Choices were made by the mother that led her life in a new direction, one that did not include her daughter. Choices were made by the daughter that excluded having the mother a part of her life, a part of her joys and her sorrows. She found others to confide in, to offer solace and to share memories of life with. These two lived, as if on separate continents but yet knew, in side, the bond of mother and daughter is never really broken. The years had been unkind to them both in many of the same ways and in different ways. But they both knew, in spite of it, their prayers were always inclusive of the other.

This mother grew up poor in money and rich in laughter. The daughter grew up much richer in money and short on laughter. Both had abusive husband experiences, hurt feelings from children disappointments, and health issues. Both shared vulnerability towards life and a sensitivity that lead to hurt feelings and wondering why life had dealt such a hard hand to them.

Then there was a twenty that is a twenty dollar bill in the mail. It was carefully tucked and folded inside of a birthday card that read ‘To daughter with love.” And this birthday, indeed, was special; it was one year out from a cancer diagnosis. This birthday left this daughter feeling grateful she was alive.

Cards had poured in the entire year from a mom besot with sadness that her daughter was going thru such a tough battle and she was powerless to do anything but say I love you in cards and letters to her daughter and remind her that she continued to pray for her healing from this battle. No phone calls were exchanged between the two, just an occasional update thru others to say ‘Your mom had more heart problems’ and a ‘Your daughter is quite sick from chemo.’

But that all changed, that day the twenty dollar bill came. It was a huge sacrifice from the mother to send that kind of money to her daughter, the one she had not seen in well over 37 years. She lived in a one bedroom apartment and struggled to make ends meet. In the midst of all this, she took and gathered up enough money to send her daughter that money with a note that said how very proud she was her daughter had fought the battle and won. It spoke in very few words of the love she felt brimming over for her daughter. Her daughter knew that day unlike every before; she was blessed indeed with a mother that loved her beyond words. She knew the twenty dollar bill would never ever be forgotten. It had arrived late because the mother had to wait to get paid to come up with the money. She told her daughter she wanted this birthday to be the most special one in her life. It was, because of this mother. It represented a token of her mother’s love. It proved without a shadow of a doubt that no number of years could take away the bond this mother and this daughter shared.