Things a Mother Should Say to a Daughter

I had a very open relationship with my children and talked very frankly. Below are things I think should not go unsaid between a mother and a daughter. I covered this pretty well with mine. I hope you agree with my list!

Christina Lynn Glasmeier-Lewis

 

1. Your beauty inside is more important than the outside
2. Never let someone else define you
3. Always keep your eyes and ears open to God
4. Be diligent with your goals you have set for yourself if you are truly passionate about achieving them.  Worthwhile achievements seldom come easily.
5. Each child you bear will not come with a cookie cutter instruction book so do not expect to ace parenting. Do the best you can do and trust your instincts. God gave them to you, not somebody else.
6. Sex does not equate to love. Know the difference between a one night stand and a lover & friend that's committed for life.
7. Boys can be rude but girls can be flat out mean, at any age. Know it and expect it so you aren’t caught off guard. Don’t take it to heart. Just be selective with your inner circle of friends. Less is more.
8. Society will try to tell you what makes a woman. You need to decide that for yourself and not be held back by labels and everyone else’s expectations or you will always fall short or satisfy everyone but you.
9. It’s okay to cry. Tears are cathartic and can be healing, at any age.
10. Be forgiving of others. Grudges create hate in the heart. This will hurt you more.
11. Do not fear using your voice. It was given to you for a reason.
12. There is no such thing as too much education. Never stop learning new things.
13. Be happy in whatever you choice to do, in your choices. Being happy and positive is healthy.
14. Be self-accepting and have self-love. Without them, you can't truly reach your potential or love someone else unconditionally. 
15. I will always love you for you.

Your Inner Kid

I never get tired of seeing kids playing in the mud. See mud piles are the one thing I make

best! It is the one recipe I can’t mess up! Personally I think they even look good. And it is so refreshing to see how a child can be so content making them over and over again. They can dump them over and over again without feeling stress. Adults freak out over a pie spilling and yell nasty words. Why aren’t we more like kids?

Remember the days when making an apple pie only involved picking the apples from the tree?  Wow, the work was done by somebody else. I think we should still do that. Find one of those women on Facebook who loves posting all the recipes and lives to bake. Pick apples to our hearts delight and leave a note that says “You don’t need to thank me, just bake me!”  And don’t forget to leave your address!

Ice cream and watermelon, even as an adult we are allowed to enjoy both but not with the same gusto. We would be laughed at for spitting seeds and having contests for seeing who can spit them the farthest. Such a shame when the cost of competitiveness is nothing I do not remember one fist fight, snarly word or any bullying over watermelon seed spitting. And somehow I think if I suggested it to my female friends they would think my slice had been soaking in alcohol. And when the ice cream truck comes by, I miss screaming. I am not afraid to admit I love it and why not shout about it?  Repression is a bad thing.

The fascination with bugs, clouds, outer space and wild animals seems to fade. Why? The wonders of nature should hold our fascination always.  God’s miracles are reminders we are not in control and something is much bigger than us that is good and beautiful. For some reason we get colored and start seeing the world more musty instead of in living color. This is something that should never be lost.

Does society force you to fit in to some norm of what an adult is when in God’s eyes we are all his children? If you lived only one day, would you be concerned if the actions you took were mature enough to fit adult norms or would you just let go of expected standards and have fun?    I hope that the answer is you would seek the freedom to let your inner child shine through.

The reality is there is a way to balance being an adult and still allow your childhood to be an active part of your life. Joy is ingrained in freedom to be you and not be so caught up in fitting in and losing the ability to express yourself and discovery. You can set the stage for others to follow. If they don’t, let them wonder why you are different and live in their straight jacket of conformity of adulthood. You were, perhaps, born to make mud pies, like me!   

For the Birthday of My Son

It was cloth diapers and tiny toes,

It was pacifiers with yawns so big they would fall out.

It was a wrapped child in toilet paper screaming with pride,

It was a child with hurt feelings with a blanket over his head trying to hide.

It was hands covered with mud that went straight to the mouth,

Pockets with bugs and coffee cans with all sorts of icky things,

It was handmade cards with dinosaurs and cartoon characters with poems

that would melt the heart.

It was birthday parties that brought joy to his face.

It was trips to the park feeding the ducks, watching him learn to kick a ball, ride a bike and chase a dog that ran loose in the neighborhood.

It was cheering him on at a soccer games. Seeing him sad when a girl broke his heart. Seeing him in his room studying and dreaming of a future career. 

It was hearing his yells in the night with growing pains in his legs.  

It was watching him plan his college years.  It was sneaking in his room at night,

even as he aged, to be able to give him the sign of the cross on his forehead like I did when he was young. I wanted God to watch him closely all the days of his life and to tell him I loved him while he lay sleeping, no matter his age.

It was watching him run around a track as hard and fast as he could. It was knowing after he ran, he would come up just to check on me and afterwards

thank me for just being there to support him. It was watching him graduate and become the fine man I knew through all those 2 a.m. feedings he would be.

It was planting a seed and trying to nurture it and standing back, as he became an adult and watching it grow.

It was watching him become a father and seeing new little lives like the one he had once been. It was seeing the things I saw in him in the ones he created. It was watching me leave a part of his life and feeling as if a part of him was gone forever. It was seeing him embrace a new chapter in his life I had raised him to foster.  

It was and is a beautiful ride today, on his birthday, and every day that God blessed me to be a part of. May he always know God intended him to be placed with me and I with him for this sole purpose.  May he age with grace, love and happiness. May he one day be able to write and feel exactly how I feel towards him towards his children. 

Happy Birthday Mike

With all my love,

Mom

Jakob's Time to be Heard

He walked to the front of the church. He stepped on the altar with slow deliberate steps. Just a lone young man, dressed in black, from head to foot, distinguished, good looking with a solemn look on his face which conveyed much more maturity than a teenager should have.  As he approached the podium where the microphone stood, all eyes in the congregation focused on him and he confidently approached the Bible that lay open to the passage he would read aloud to all present.

He leaned forward and began speaking softly at first and then picking up intensity with each word:
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven;A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted;A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and time to dance;A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embraces, and a time to refrain from embracing;A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;A time to rend, and a time to sow; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. 

With every few lines, he viewed his audience, as if willing everyone present to pay heed to God’s word. He seemed to avoid looking at the coffin laying right within his eyesight, almost within an arm’s grasp, perhaps to not let a tear escape his eye.  Those present knew he had a special bond with his grandmother. It was important to this young man, Jakob Coad, his grandmother, Clarice Coad Memorial Mass touch all those present.  They were to be forever changed as her live had forever changed him.

His story was in sharp contrast to his grandmother’s.  Jakob was born in the picturesque  

captivating islands of Hawaii.  Jakob’s parents met, fell in love in a place that is easy to fall

in love and quickly get married on the beach.   Family lived far away so the wedding was small, quaint.   Both parents were from cold climates, his father from Buffalo, NY and his mother from Norway.  Kevin, papa and Mom, Camilla’s live was forever changed on October 22. 1997.  Jakob was to be front and center in both of their lives forever more.

It did not take long, after his birth for both of his parents to feel a sense of longing to be near family so as to share their dear son with kin.  Hence, in 2000, their family of three up and moved to Buffalo, leaving sun and waves for snow and frigid temperatures to be closer to family.   

Jakob never forgot his love of the ocean, the love of

being in  the water in any capacity.   He has taken that love to spending summers fishing and boating in Kokelv,Norway on summer breaks with his maternal grandfather every summer.  He spends this special time with his entire mother's family in Norway in the town she grew up in.  He is multicultural speaking both languages fluently.  This is a special time to bond and acclimate to a completely different culture, a part of his mother’s history. This is important because this is part of who Jakob is.  

What makes this young man unique is his ability to be passive in one sense, quiet and then, when enthralled with something, put everything he has into it. When he took up skate boarding, he is not like most boys, taking up a slight fancy to it. Not Jakob, he put many hours into the sport, trying to be the best he can, and becoming a champion at it.   If he enjoys something, there is nothing that will stop him from pushing himself to the limit.  That trait is admirable and that confidence is what helps make him unique. 

When his parents divorced, he became one of the millions of children that gets transitioned from one home to another.  However, he even seemed to handle this with ease. There was no real conflict in his mind or attitude.  He loves them both  and simply said, enjoys the relationship and the bonding experience with them each individually.  It is almost as if he is mature beyond his years. Yes, it seems as if he always has been, as far back as I can remember. 

He seems to have this innate way of adjusting to both parenting styles with ease.   He draws strength from both parent’s strengths. He tells me he hopes to one day to make something of himself that will make both of his parents proud. I have no doubt that he will succeed in this mission, if his heart is set on it.  He can do the unthinkable if his heart is set on it.  He is just at the age where he is trying still to figure out what that is!  

Summers are spent outdoors in Norway.  Fishing, camping, and enjoying a lifestyle with grandparents that farm is part of the joy of summers spent there. They make a living raising goats and other things different from the culture here in sharp contrast to his grandma in Buffalo that has a career at the University of Buffalo Medical Center. Both exposures are showing him diversities of opportunities in life.   Thus life is full of options.   He is well equipped to know he has choices. 

His grandmother in Norway describes Jakob as kind, caring, funny and helpful.  In a household where she raised nothing but girls, she is touched to find her grandson so

compassionate about other people, interested, and easy going.  He has a natural way and love of animals.  His other grandmother says he is spirited when it comes to sports, fearless and is a great athlete, very determined young man. 

Jakob’s sport of choice right now is wrestling.  His quiet nature and ability to be self-contained and stay focused lends itself to this sport. His outstanding physique is an asset as well.  Intensity on the mat makes him a worthy opponent for anyone. I doubt he is obsessed with always winning. I think Jakob understands more the importance, at the end of the day, of training, physical fitness, and how you play the game.  He admires worthy athletes, the kind that train hard, play fair and have outstanding skill sets.   He is a true sportsman with a fantastic attitude.  Somehow he seems to have had this instilled in his being from a very small age.  

A day before his grandmother died, Jakob came to visit her.  I know it must have been extremely had to stand there and hold himself together. He had spent many days and nights with her at her house while she had been watching him. Many times, she babysat him growing up when his father had him.   Over the years, they had shared so many memories.  Now he stood at the foot of a bed at the hospital, not knowing if she was coming home, probably unsure what to say.  

Being the strong silent type, he did, rise to the challenge and make us all proud.  Beaming from ear to ear as if he had no cares in the world, he gave her his biggest smile and practically shouted "Hello Grandma!"  He told her he missed her and asked how she was.  Yes, he was so friendly, at ease and charming. Bear in mind how hard this was for a young man his age, knowing the state she was in.  How many boys at his age could pull this off?   I think he may possibly be in a class by himself.   She gleamed.   Here was the boy she watched grow up. I recall her looking at him and saying outloud what a good looking boy he was and how proud she was of him.  She smiled so large her eyes literally twinkled. Jakob made her light up.  He has that effect on you when he smiles at you. He is a special person indeed.   

He stayed for awhile with his girlfriend there and we all chatted. I know he didn't want to leave somehow sensing it might be a final good bye but yet knowing it must be done. She needed his rest and he must move on with his life.  Yet, somehow I think he wanted to prolong the visit.  But even Jakob knows all good things some times have to come to an end. But I do believe he knows good things follow also.   And he had given her what she needed, the peace of knowing he was happy and his love.   To her, that was priceless!   She will be on her perch in heaven smiling down on Jakob, I have no doubt, till he joins her one day.   

And Jakob, his future I am joyful to see it unfold over the upcoming years.  It is in his hands.  He is the only thing that will hold himself back. We are all watching, and cheering Jakob on. As they say in wrestling, win the match Jakob, we know  you can.  For truly,  “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”  Your time, Jakob, is now. Make the most of it!  The rest of us will be watching, cheering you on. including your Great Grandmother Clarice.

To Dream Like a Child Again

Funny how when you are a kid you can lay on your back and almost feel as if, if you stretch up just as hard as you possibly can with your arms towards the sky you can touch the clouds rolling by.   And on those summer nights, when you are camping outside with friends, and the night sky is filled with stars, you do the same exercise with those beautiful blinking lights.  In your child’s mind, you are not entirely convinced, it can’t be done so you reach out and attempt each time you think of it, just one more try. 

And remember those first few concerts you went to when you were a young teenager? There was that hot young star singing on the stage that you finally got to see live in person that was plastered all over the posters in your room.  Even from the back seat of a stadium, you have yourself convinced he looks the same. And then, there was that moment in the concert, when he looked your way, and locked eyes with you during that one slow love song. Wow, what are the odds of that happening? How did he pick you out of that crowd of female gawkers, you are amazed and yet touched. Maybe it was just pure destiny.  

Why is it that the one boy so many of us have that huge crush on is the one that doesn’t know we exist, much less care?  You know the one, the high school football or basketball star. The guy that is a cutie, popular with all the girls, all except for you.  Yet, you continually fantasize that one day he will wake up and see that he belongs with you.   You are worthy.   And so, you hang in there with your undying devotion, each time getting hurt over and over again with each break up he has as he just picks up another new girlfriend overlooking you.

Sometimes, as an adult, I miss the childhood innocence of wishing for the impossible.  Logic, as a child, is not nearly as apparent as it is when you are an adult. Thus, the land of make believe seems like a real possibility.  It allows for more hope, more chances of change and more wishing. You believe, as a child, wishes can and will come true, if you wish hard enough.  

I think we all need to work at getting that wishing ability back. The ability to dream the impossible dream is a gift, part of living life to the fullest. It does not mean we have to believe the impossible but what is the harm in trying to catch a butterfly with our bare hands as we did as children, or lie on our backs and assess what the shape of a cloud looks like if it were an object.  Why not wish upon a star? What do we have to lose?    

The innocence somehow gets replaced with a cynicism of life.   With the rejection and the maturing comes responsibility and this overriding sense of anything remotely childlike is irresponsible and immature.  I beg to differ.   Giving in occasionally to the child within is freeing. It is an important part of who you are.   Allowing it to come out is allowing you to be free of some of the constraints, within reason of course.  We are allowed, even as adults, to swing, to go down slides, to blow bubbles, or do other activities that use to fill our summer vacation days; passing time aimlessly laughing without a care in the world. 

Those days go by so quickly and yet are a small portion of our life span.   Life is way too serious sometimes, most of the time.  We need breathers, emotional breaks.   We need to be children sometimes and just chill and dream.   Besides, why should kids have all the fun anyways? To Dream .......