Beautiful Boys

Sometimes boys get a bad rap. All the little girls get showered with praise full of the compliments on their girly looks, the clothes, gifts of doll babies.  Left out of all these stereo type cultures we live in are the little boys in the world with their trucks and blue jeans. I will never forget reading Cinderella Ate my Daughter by Peggy Orenstein who was bound and determined when she had a girl, she would fall not fall into that trap. Lo and behold, she did.

Having grandchildren it is different. Each and every child is so special, there is no chance of being smitten by the girls are sweeter and pink is more fun to shop for, at least in my mind. I have gotten past that as I have aged because each little individual brings their own uniqueness to the world and to my life; I love them all beyond words.

Recently, on a trip to my son’s house, my husband and I took two of our grandsons to the park for an afternoon. It was a beautiful day, and as I watched them play, I noticed how much they had grown. It was one of those epiphany moments where you sit back, as a grandmother, and have pride in that your little ones are beginning to be more independent. Yet, as they adventured about, we had to follow them steadfast because they wanted us right behind them to share in each and every adventure! So refreshing to know, even with independence, we fill a spot in their hearts even as they grow up. I hope, long after we are gone, they remember afternoons like this, memories at the park.

I told my husband I wanted to attempt to capture that afternoon, somewhat, in pictures. One can truly never really get the feeling in a digital image, not the emotion but I was going to try.  Truly the boys are beautiful.  Jake and Ty look quite alike in many ways and yet, personality wise, could not be more different! Attached is a video if you care to watch it, done to John Lennon’s song Beautiful Boy. He wrote it for his own son whom he was never fortune enough to see grow up.

May you find those moments in your life when you can sit outside or venture to a park and watch children play. There is such beauty in all young people’s faces and passion for discovery. I am forever grateful for the moments I too can sit and observe the beautiful boys in my life.

Click Here for the Video Link

Grandpa Jim and Jake

Losing a child is something one never really gets over.  When a child is brought into your home, whether is it biologically, through adoption or foster care, it is a full-time 24/7 job.  The ultimate goal is trying to make that child turn into the best parts of you.   Your hope is that, as they develop, they can bypass some of the mistakes that you made along the way so as not to stumble as much and get quite as many bruises. Unfortunately, many children are resistant to listen and do not appreciate unasked for advice!   

It is hard to stand back and watch them fall but life has taught most parents that loving is also letting go. Sure, when they are little,  parents can jump right in with both feet. But as they age, more restraint must be used to hold back with intervening.  This is one of the hardest parts of parenting and it causes more alienation in relationships than just about anything.  Watching children fail is not only hard but hurtful, especially if a parent thinks they could have helped prevent it.   But each individual has a right to learn to make those choices, right or wrong, on their own. Those lessons, the hard knock kind, may stick with them the longest.  

Being a grandparent is another phase of development for many adults.  This is the time in life to let go of the worrisome parts of being a parent and embrace simply the child.  The only requirement, so to speak, is loving a child for who they are, where they are and not having to try to contain them much.  It is a joyful time as the responsibilities fall to everyone else in their life but the grandparents. It is kind of like being a Disneyland parent in a divorce!  Discipline is only needed if they are a threat to themselves or someone else.  Other than that, simply stand back and enjoy the life before you in those eyes. 

In my husband’s case, he has lost his son prematurely, when his son was only in his thirties.  I, for the longest time, had no idea how painful this was, losing your only child as

his son was my stepson.    I had gotten to know my stepson as he was an adult.  As time has gone by, the pain has become more apparent to me, what it feels like to lose a child that has been an integral part of your life.  But seeing that tear in his eye, that comes up without any warning, has been hard. Not knowing how to help him deal with the pain has been particularly difficult for me.  But I have seen him learn how to move beyond the pain and once again, embrace his life.

One of the best healers of his pain of the loss of his son was his grandson.  Not long after losing his son, my husband lost the ability to see another grandson he cared deeply about also. That served as a secondary blow that set him back one more time just like the death of his son.  Very few realized the impact it had on him but it was similar to another death in his life.  He loved that child like his own son.  But as loving as God is, he provides. 

Our other grandson Jake, who lives in the same town we do, Nashville,  all the sudden started drawing incredibly close to his grandpa Jim. It was almost spontaneous that this started to occur, with the loss of one grandson in his life the other one stepped right up to the plate and became extremely attached to him.  

Jim is so far from Michigan, where his son lived, that  he seldom gets to see or hear from his son’s children who both live there.  So here comes Jake, with a personality larger than life and the uncanny ability to brighten up even the sourest adult in a room. And yet, he is not as embraceable as some children, preferring to be his own little man, all at the age of 4! Yet, when it comes to his Grandpa Jim, he wants to be held, embraced and yes even loved on.   Only God knows what lies ahead for Jake but it is bound to be something everyone will be talking about, in a positive light!And oh, something he will want his Grandpa to be proud of!

Jim and Jake have been developing a special kind of bond, the kind of bond you hear about in a song.  Their admiration of each other, for different reasons, is beautiful to see.  No one can replace Jim’s lost son nor the grandchildren he doesn’t get to see but his grandson Jake is helping fill a void.  There is a light in Jim’s eye, a loss of that tear these days and a lift in his step. Most of this is due to his grandson Jake.  God has found a  to bring into his life a blessed little boy who gives unconditionally to his grandpa.  And in return these isn’t much Jim wouldn’t do for his grandson. 

I am always amazed when I see God’s plan rolling out so perfectly.  Standing graveside at Jim’s son burial, it didn’t seem that way.  Other issues that have arose over the past year certainly didn’t leave either of us feeling blessed either.  But we both do believe in the power of prayer.  Also, sacrifice pays off in the end. 

My husband’s prayer and sacrifices he has made all his life is being rewarded by a little boy named Jake, a gift from God.  Someone who expects nothing out of Jim but to be near him and his attention from time to time all wrapped in a little boy!  It is something that was amiss in Jim also, a piece of his heart. 

With that in mind, I made a video that is a reminder of the joy one child can bring to a parent that has lost their child, to a grandparent who don’t see their grandkids and anyone else who is just hurting due to a miscarriage or some other tragedy. May Jake’s smile and his bond with his Grandpa Jim lighten your load and make it clearly visible that God does send signs you are loved!   It just takes believing in a power greater than you.   Click for Video of Grandpa Jim & Jake

Grandsons' Growth Spurts

I sometimes forget how much my grandsons are growing up.  Having them overnight this weekend, I am overjoyed at their changes. It is as if every time we see them, there is something new to uncover in their development. And yet we fully know the next time, there will be more to discover.   

What a joy to be able to still see the pure happiness as simply getting attention from us,

their grandparents! Nobody else, but our dog, reacts quite that way to being around us. It so reminds me of the love and happiness I felt so many years ago on those nights I spent with my Grandma Gliatti.  She gave such undivided attention to her grand kids that it made each of us feels, at times, as if we were her favorite.   

The two boys, just like my cousins, Ty and Jake are as different as day and night.  And their preferences of which of my husband and I’s attention they lean towards are too.  The younger one is all about his Grandpa Jim.  Jake will try to taste anything on his grandpa’s plate, wants him sitting next to him every minute of the day and just can’t seem to get enough of his attention.   The admiration is adorable to watch.  Jim is so mild mannered and this little boy is so exuberant around him! With grandpa, the answer always seems to be yes, he can’t easily say no to someone so darn cute!  Jake wants on his lap and wants him laughing all the time and proud of who he is.  And his grandpa is, extremely proud of who Jake is developing into! When he comes to grandma, I take the backseat. 

 Ty, the older of the two, seems more sensitive- natured, like my son was as a young child.  He is attuned to Grandma.  He will listen to pretty much anything I say if he needs corrected. If Grandpa wants him to do anything, he will listen but his preference is always me. He will come up on a whim and love on me, make me put my arms around him and smile his engaging way that melts my heart.  He listens so well, obeys instructions one time stated and wants to always check on where I am at in the house.


  One of the biggest changes we saw is the sibling rivalry, the boys tufts.  As grandparents, it should be rather annoying, the arguing.  For some reason, it is somewhat amusing.  We

know, from watching their parents, they don’t always intervene.  How amazing that already we are seeing their ability to work some issues out on their own.  We looked at each other as if to ask, how did that happen?  Mind you, this was not an occurrence every time!   Watching a 4 and 5 year old argue is educational as their verbal and reasoning skills are not quite up to par. But it is a reminder of the importance of conflict resolution and how it is experimented first at home as a youngster, so normal that we all go through it.   


At times, they can fight and be unrelenting in their demands. Other times, they totally acquiesce to each other.  And in the middle is our 115 lb. dog who had no idea what to make of it.  He backs away so as not to get caught up in the battle.  We think Charley was afraid to take sides because he just loves them both so much.   But he stays close by because he does not want anyone to get hurt or see anyone cry.


  We have no idea why but at this stage in our grandson’s development, they can ward off our

dog fine on their own.  We are baffled at how that happened.  It seems like just yesterday we were still yelling at Charley go leave them alone or locking him in the bedroom as their food is within his snout’s reach. 


 This visit, both boys let him have it if he got near their food.  Charley even seemed to he sense these big boys were not going to take it from him.  They each have their own style but they reprimanded him themselves and he acted as if he was shamed and would quietly retreat, eventually laying down.   His disappointment over our grandsons calling the shots was evident in his demeanor.   No more easy fixings on food.

  No matter what goes on in our lives, their laughter makes the world seem brighter.  There really is nothing more rewarding than being around children that you know come from a loving home and are getting fostered in a way that lets their personality shine through. Jake and Ty have that, all that and more.  The joy they feel in living is contagious and shows in every move they make.  Children need and thrive in loving homes and environments.  All of us can affect children and the future by helping stimulate that vibe in children we come in contact with whether we are related to them or not.   Do your part, be attentive to a child. 

  
P.S. Surviving cancer gave me this opportunity, to be a grandmother.  Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for that blessing.  I hope I leave my grandchildren with wonderful memories like my grandmother gave me. 

Two Sometimes is Better Than One

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