The Friendship Net

 

Friendships on social media are like no others. You reach across the worldwide web and become connected to people you would otherwise never know.  Several I would surely miss if the internet permanently broke!

 I have found wonderful friends in various states across America and Canada over the past several years. Sharing our views on everything from politics to child-rearing, cooking to other outside interests has been challenging, at times, and invigorating. It has taken me through the best of times and the worst of them. And through it all, it restores my faith in people. We need to reach outside our comfort zone and connect with others, even ones with opposing views. How boring is life if all you see in others is a direct reflection of exactly you? Hearing once strangers share pieces of their life is inspiring and leads to personal growth. 

It constantly amazes me that there is a commonality of all God’s people from the farthest reaches of the world. So many goals, hopes and dreams are intertwined with the same expectation across the gamut. We are alike as much as we differ.  Surely everyone should learn to appreciate that.

I say thank you in this short blog to those friendships that occurred simply because you too were looking for a bit more depth in your life. Thank you for being on social media so I could meet you, digitally. I hope I bring more to your circle because you all, most certainly, add to mine!

Life Just Keeps Getting Better!

Birthday celebrations, oh yes,

Provide the backdrop of snapshots

Of what we were back then,

Little snots, tiny tots.

And the mirror with our friends today,

Provides a dead giveaway

We have lost some of our youthful look,

Our past grace, there is just a very small trace!

We celebrate other’s birthdays, laugh as they age,

And relish it’s not ours!

Celebrating each moment

We get to enjoy under the stars.

I hope you know I am feeling melancholy

About the days that have come and gone

So many trials and tribulations

The letters wrote starting, Dear John.

Missed opportunities for me

But I’d not change a thing

Because through it all

Faith always rings

To celebrate another year

Sometimes feels like a punch in the gut

Especially when I realize

I am doing it with a bunch of nuts!

But I remind myself that God

He always shows me the way,

People are brought together,

And some are meant to stay, to play,

And be there for my birthday!

Vacation Bliss - Friends Make it Sweeter

If I packed a body in my suitcase, it would not have been any heavier than my suitcase

was from my recent one week cruise. Yes, you read that right, one week cruise pack job by moi! Everything was in there but the kitchen sink, the puppy, and the corner drug store. Oh and dental floss. But I vow never again will I pack that much again as long as I live no matter who is on the ship!

This trip was pretty special though seeing as how it was on my Bucket List. Always have I wanted to go on a cruise with a group, preferably friends. Oh I know every cruise ship has hundreds of passengers on it but I wanted folks I knew going onto the boat. Many find it hard to believe but I can be shy, every once in a while. It is said you make lifelong friends over vacation but I have never really stayed in touch with anyone I have met over a vacation, except my first husband. Oh and I did have two children with him so I guess he did play a pretty dominate place in my life.

So the ship chosen was NCL Bliss, the largest ship they have out on the high seas.  And wow, it is an eyeful, like walking a small neighborhood on the ocean from end to end. The

first few days, it was easy to lose your bearings, especially if you are directionally

challenged like me. So much to do on that boat, if you get bored, there is only one person to blame; check out the mirror!

Being on a boat with a group of folks I really don’t hang out with that much was interesting to see how the week would play out. One of the neighbors, as we all live in an active 55+ Community, is a travel agent who planned the trip,

made the arrangements and was our Julie from the Love Boat. So wonderful how meals, shows and even extra fun things on the ship were scheduled for everyone. She left nothing to chance, planning around ports and everyone’s needs and wants. Betcha her past clients were left crying when she moved south and left her business up north. Sorry ‘bout their luck, our gain!

What a group of fun people, and competitive too!  Four folks played Laser Tag with us along with 3 other young kids and may I proudly say “We kicked butt!”  Losing by one point when one on our team had a gun not working half of the game time is not bad at all. Next game we tied!  And having a cop on the team and two vets on our team, even with three kids, we were dynamite and put SWAT teams to shame! And yes, I and one other woman even had falls to prove we were seriously into the game to win!  Don’t let it be said women are wimps!

It didn’t matter whether it was race car driving, watching Jersey Boys, dancing while music groups were playing at the Atrium, this group threw caution to the wind so I fit

right in. When they threw their hands up and said join in, I did. Life’s motto, “Live it up like each day is your last” was the mantra for the cruise for bliss on Bliss and we all did it up right and proudly.

The warmth of friendship makes the sun of the Caribbean pale in comparison. Whether on an excursion or just killing time on the ship by the pool or various activities with friends from the group, knowing each day ended with time with new friends made each day special like all of them.  And if I packed a body in a suitcase, it would certainly be, on a future vacation, one of them!

Click Here for a Video of Some Highlights

Friendships can be Fleeting

Friendships can be fleeting,                     

They may simmer and be hot,

Sharing highs and lows

Helps one mature a lot.

But life is full of challenges.

And relationships can unfold,

When feelings aren’t reciprocated,

The end of the story should be told.

It is hard when there are memories,

That fill your heart with joy,

But over time those moments

Can become a decoy.   

Our lives are enriched,

Just by having friends,

But it is important to recognize

When the time has come for it to end.

Not every friend is there forever,

For our standards do go up,

One must ask themselves,

Is the quality filling my cup.

There is no goodbye spoken,

No words from the lips will pass,

But distance grows insipidly

And the feelings are gone alas.

Do not look with sadness,                    

For the goodness was worth the pain,

Losing time with one friend,

Opens windows for future gain.

The thinner we spread ourselves,       

By hanging on to unreliable friends,

Translates to less energy,

To the dear friends that will bend.

So when you evaluate a friendship,

A word of strong advice,

Ones to truly value,

Are friends who always treat you nice.

Proverb 18:24

One who has unreliable friends  soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. 

Compassion for Everyone

Talking to some friends online I learned that many people like to hide their

ailments. Society puts so much pressure on everyone to be perfect that it has

become socially unacceptable to expose your flaws. Any flaws are seen as a weakness. It does not matter whether you are running for the Presidency, head of your neighborhood HOA, coaching a kid’s team or just being an in-law, the expectation is nothing less than perfect in every way.

Unfortunately, some of us are not hardwired that way. We come with not only defects of character but some physical issues as well. These are not by choice, not because of poor health and nutrition but simply it is what it is. We don’t blame our parents, pollution and society, we accept. However, those without health issues, those that profess to have it all together feel they are built without flaws. They see themselves as beautiful beings, infallible to chronic illness, mentally sound at all times and incapable of making blunders. They hold others to a much higher standard in life than they hold themselves.

The end result is a split society, those that endure challenges and those that do not.  Growth occurs to those who learn to deal with life as if they are on a sailboat having to navigate against strong winds not going in their favor.  The other parts of society, those with blinders on, go through life oblivious to others maladies. They are quick to judge, slow to respond, alienate themselves from anyone they see that has shown poor decision-making skills ever because it shows a total lack of character in them, unlike themselves.

So as we chatted yesterday, we learned that we each have survived and are surviving with several things in common. But, in sharing we helped each other grow more. One person in the conversation did not have a medical issue going on, but had a deep compassion for others. Her contribution to the conversation was just as meaningful. She experienced that we all learn from each other, and we learned from her, her heart of gold. There is no such thing as a weak link when we are sharing provided it is with an open heart and mind.

We keep our confidences quiet, mostly.  We we know when people ask how you are they really want to hear a trite answer back. All canned answers will do nicely.  We wonder why folks condemn others when they have never walked in their shoes.  We find a bit of sadness that many that suffer would feel much better if others would show abit more compassion and not use energy either avoiding them or putting them down. But, it is what it is.

At the end of the conversation, we knew it was time well-spent.  4 strangers who became lasting friends.  Caring and sharing creates understanding and bonds, when people let down the walls and truly open up.  That is supposed to be how life plays out. Imperfection is reality, anything else is fabrication.  Some people's flaws may be more obvious because of who they are, what position they have held, how they look, what they are willing to share, etc... But, everyone has these bumps, so to speak.  If you didn't, you aren't human.  Find time to be real, if not with others, with yourself. 

Moments like yesterday, one conversation and the world shines a little bit brighter, not just for the four of us, but possibly, for everyone.  

Tomorrow may you start,

To find it in your heart,

Accept people for who they are,

Quit raising up the bar.

Compassion goes a long long way,

And makes our future brighter every day.

The Magic Trick

Sometimes in life you meet someone and know it was perhaps a chance meeting but it leaves an indelible mark on your life.  Such was the case with our dinner partners on our recent cruise.  What started out as a meeting of strangers grew into a quick close friendship that we will be bonded forever in a very special way.

Dinner time seems to be one of the highlights of any cruise.  Everyone seems to dress well, especially on the formal nights, which on our cruise was two evenings.  The waiters are so service minded, they literally place dinner napkins on the lap of everyone seated for the meal. The service received is beyond compare anywhere frankly. 

Since we were traveling alone, we were anxious to see who we would seated at our table. We wondered how many would there be, would it be people that we would have anything in common with, couples or families, etc.  Much to our delight, on the first night, we discovered it was a table for four and the other couple had the same questions we had, reservations about who they would be seated with at meals.

Quickly conversation ensued between us after they arrived and sat down on the first night.  Each evening, thereafter, we found ourselves looking forward to dinnertime.  We discovered our rooms were literally a few doors down from each other.  Thus, over the seven days, we began seeing each other over other meals and running into each other off and on.  We even went on an excursion together and shopping in a port also.   Sharing stories of our lives during this together time was a wonderful part of our vacation with both of them.

Len and Sylvia had been dating for a few years.  Sylvia had met Len not long after her husband had died in the line of a duty. Tony, her deceased husband, was a police officer who worked undercover often.  He was recognized one day on a motorcycle and killed, ran over by one of the drug rings he had busted.  Sylvia had been devastated but known his occupation put him at high risk.  Her children helped her move on and that, combined with her job, and her circle of friends was a major step in recovering from the loss of her beloved husband.

She met Len partially because they had so many shared interests and had mutual friends. Dating seemed to naturally evolve and progressed into traveling together as they both shared a passion for that as well. Over time, they became familiar with each other’s grown children and life’s stories.  Len was a retired police officer who had moved into detective work and worked high level assignments prior to retiring from the force.  This background really aided his understanding in Sylvia’s sense of loss over her husband.  Their relationship was very cozy, fun and they were just easy to be around.  Both are good people, kind-hearted and interesting lives.

Over our time spent together, we all four shared so many stories of our experiences over the years as we were all close in age.  Sylvia, like me, was a cancer survivor.  After losing her husband and then, soon after starting her relationship with Len, she had been diagnosed with cancer.  Thus, she began aggressive treatment.  Both of them had their share of hardships in life as most of us have as we have lived our lives.  The longer you live, the more experiences you garnish, some good, some bad but all stepping stones to who we become as we age.

Two days before the cruise was over, Len asked us to join them for a special dinner the last night of the cruise at an exclusive restaurant on the ship.  That night, dinner was outstanding and at the conclusion, a magician came to our table.   He put down a small black box and said he wanted to show us a magic trick.  He then lifted the lid to show a numbered die and so, the trick proceeded from there.

At the conclusion of this magic trick with the box, which he had used Len as the participant; we all were amazed at the trickery!   When he left the table, Len made a surprise announcement to us.  He told us that he also performed magic tricks on occasion. He asked Sylvia to affirm this which she readily did with a head nod.  Then he told us he was going to perform one right there on the spot.

He turned to Sylvia and told her she had never seen this one yet. He said he was saving this for a special night.  He went on to say that with new friends they both were so fond of; it seemed a perfect setting to show it.  He pulled out a black box, and said that before he would make anything disappear, he wanted to let her see what was in it.  With that, he bent on one knee beside Sylvia, where he was seated, opened the box and we all gasped. There was a breath-taking sparkling diamond engagement ring!  

Yes, it was magical!  Sylvia began to cry.  Len told her that he loved her so much and wanted to marry her. He said it was important to him that he do it in a special way that was magical and with special witnesses that she would always remember.  

We were speechless.  Waitresses came up with champagne glasses as Sylvia pulled the ring out of the box and kissed Len saying yes through tears! He looked at us asking us how we liked his magic trick.   Pretty impressive I think one of us uttered.

Sometimes on a vacation you meet strangers and experience life changing moments that you will never forget. Our trip was one of them. As we told both of them that night, we were honored to be a part of their story!  And we will never ever worry again about who we might meet at dinner. Sylvia and Len were the best part of the meal and they weren’t listed on the menu!

God Bless their future nuptials!  

Ordinary Extraordinary Man, James R. Green III

Years ago, I had a very dear friend. We went to the same high school, Walter E. Stebbins in Dayton, Ohio. He was in marching bank and I was on a marching/ dancing drill team. I can’t even remember where we met or how we developed our relationship to be so close, but it was special. When I think back to that time in my life, those teenage days, the ‘challenging years’, never do I reflect on them and not think of him, my dear friend James. I think we found in each other soul mates.

James was a Christian, and proud of it. He was different in so many ways than other young men his age. He had principles and integrity, even at that tender age. I knew he was destined to be something bigger and better than many of the other boys I knew from school. He was honest, compassionate and a great listener. I can’t even guess how many times we spent outside the driveway of his house, just a stone’s throw away from Spinning Road, or outside my house chatting…about life, about religion, about hypocrisy and yep, even about love interests we each had. Those love interests were never for each other, mind you, that never entered the picture as the friendship was too precious to us to ever want to risk ruining it. Once we crossed that bridge, there would have been no turning back. Some friends are just too priceless to risk losing.

I lived in what was referred to the rich kids’ neighborhood at the time, Saville Estates. James grew up in the meager neighborhood with a small house with lots of siblings to feed. He held a job, in addition to his school activities. Most of us that did school functions did not work but he did and never once complained about it. I remember seeing him at Krogers any day school was not in session and there was nothing going on with school functions, there he was, working. He even seemed to enjoy it!


When I moved away, my senior year, we lost touch. I thought about him often, wondering what bridges he was building in the world and what ones needed tore down he was trying to destroy. He was a man who cared too much about his fellow men to sit idly by and not be a vocal piece for change and provide the leg work, if needed.

I got connected to facebook and through a high school friend, found out where James lived and worked. We began to recently communicate again. It truly was no surprise to me to learn he was an attorney in Dayton, Ohio and made a career out of injustices.

James always did represent the hard working man, the man that went to church on Sunday and provided for his wife and kids Monday through Friday (Saturdays if needed). He went on to law school and eventually made a career out of representing the ‘everybodys’ in our towns that nobody wanted or cared about, regular people that need to work. Some of his clients are the ones that companies foolishly throw by the wayside, without a second thought, not honoring their rights as an employee when they either dismiss them or discriminate against them. He is concerned with the law and with everyone’s entitled legal rights.

In years gone by, James was behind a new law in Ohio that had to do with cracking down on ‘crack houses’ as he wanted the community to be a better place for our young people to live. James eventually opened his own legal practice, all the while, supporting a family and dealing with health issues of his own. It did not matter what James was faced with, be it the death of his beloved mother, the cut backs of a company forcing him to lose his job, being flat on his back with health matters, he remained true to the young man I remember, a man with a fierce spirit and a strong powerful faith in God.

My parents still live in the town where James lives, to this day, and I grew up in, Dayton, Ohio. This town has been affected, as every town in the US has, by a downward economy. Without the multitude of choices a big city offers, Dayton relies even more heavily on the success of its business partners. They too are being affected by the economy. It is discerning that there is a pervasive feeling in this city by many ordinary folks that the city truly does need a change. Much as Washington DC needed one and it passed like wild flower through our country, this same ‘fever’ and need for change is felt in Dayton, Ohio.

It was with happiness, but not great surprise that I recently learned my dear friend has chosen to run for Mayor of Dayton. He has many folks that know him and can vouch for his sincerity and his record towards improvement and instituting changes. James represents a working man’s son, the eldest of many siblings that grew up poor in bank funds and rich in love and spirit. He grew up and stay inspired towards common good for mankind. I feel the city is blessed to have an opportunity to put him on the ballot, that James R. Greene III. (Click on title to link to his blog page)

James represents the American Dream, reaching down deep, having a hard work ethic and pushing to be all that you can be. He was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth and asked for no hand outs. James did not ask for sympathy for any set back that has befallen him in life, he just met them each, one at a time, head on. He is that rare breed that we do not have the opportunity to vote for often in political elections, a genuine man with integrity. I pray he makes it in to office as, not only will this do great things for my home town of Dayton, but once the word gets out, it may help pave the way for a new breed of politicians. Is this not long overdue? He is one of us, as he would say. But I personally feel he is more than most!

I am so inspired to learn of his political aspirations. I ask all of you that read this, please offer him your praise and prayer. He can do so much good for the city, if given the chance. Dayton needs a change; we all do in our cities. What he is trying to do in his town is something we all hunger for. Ordinary people can rise above and impact policy! If a man like James can make it into office, there is hope alive and well in the world; God surely must be smiling!

Signed,

Dear everlasting friend

Women to Women: 10 Traits of Best Female Friends

10 – A good friend is loyal. She stands by your side when others walk away.

9- A good friend has a wonderful sense of humor, she can take it as well as she can give it. She knows not to take herself too seriously ..or you!

8-She is trustworthy. When you say “Don’t tell anyone” you just know, even if you didn’t say it, she wouldn’t. She guards your words like her own.

7-A good friend pumps you up, gives you encouragement to be all that you can be. She also knows how to take a compliment when you give her one. She knows the importance of this also; taking positive reinforcement is important and lets the giver feel blessed you took it!

6-She knows how to shop. Good female friends shop together, this is a given. Like men bond on the golf course, women bond at the mall, at a good clothing store like nothing else!

5-She puts time into the relationship, not taking it for granted. Even with the hustle and bustle of life, she makes you one of her priorities in life so you stay connected. You mutually share your lives.

4-A good friend is like a good marriage partner, they grow with you. The experiences that shape you shape her as well.

3-A good friend is honest. When you ask her opinion, she freely gives it. She handles her honesty with respect but values the relationship too much to just tell you what you want to hear.

2-A good friend practices good communication skills. She listens, attentively, responds accordingly and shares the gamut of the conversation. She does not need to constantly be the center of the conversation or the talker.

1- A good friend knows how to love another woman, like a sister loves a sister, unconditionally and accepts you, the good, the bad and the ugly. She knows that God is seen thru those around us and feels her friendship with you is another side of the face of God.

Blessed are those of us with a good female friend or two in our lives. Truly God is somersaulting in heaven with delight in our joy!