Past Teen-Age Loves

They met outdoors, where the sun shines and trees blossom in the spring 

huge in the park unhindered by man. It was a sweet relationship that didn’t’ last

all that long but had its moments of bliss, moments sealed with a kiss and a few tiffs.  There even was a special time sharing hopes and dreams on the telephone, just two young high school kids in love, in love with being in love.

The funny thing about being young is you see what you want to see.  You talk about things teens talk about, looking at the world through the eyes of youth and innocence.  This is part of the beauty of youth, the imaginary mind of seeing all things possible, of believing in fairy tale endings. 

We grow up and meet some of those past love interests that slipped through the grasps of our fingertips in the past.  And as adults, through the trials and tribulations of experiences, we have matured and changed, some of us anyways. Our value systems may have changed. Some people, no doubt, change more than others, some develop more character, fine tune their value systems and become more compassionate.  Adults we knew as children can become catalysts for change in our world; champions for causes for helping fellow human beings have opportunities to advance their lives so that there is no semblance of a caste system anywhere. Some adults are content just existing, enjoying moment by moment. The range of ways we approach our lives is as diverse as people are unique. But what we evolved into is quite often not what any of us envisioned as teens.

Thus teen love interests were usually not meant to last. Connecting with these old love interests can be precious and can be disheartening. Waking up to the realities that, when you were young and innocent, you were like so many youth today, only seeing people through the eyes of idealism and not realism is a hard fact to face. You were human!  You were fallible to wanting to believe something that was not true. Age truly does sharpen your intuition and make you a better judge of character and what matters to you and yes, to those other potential long ago ‘love interests.”  Seeing that those people you thought were so wonderful are on quite different paths of how they define happiness from you and right and wrong is important so you do not live with regret.    The kid that was arrogant may still be or not be at all. The one that seemed insecure may have grown into a man quite full of himself. The girl that was the prettiest may now be someone who is focused on more important things.  Seeing these changes can impact us in positive ways.

Someone told me awhile back that I saw them through youthful eyes still. Looking back, they were right; I see them through idealist eyes, the way I wanted to see them, not for who they are.  I thought they had changed, maybe they had or maybe they were that way all along and my innocence never picked up the signs.  I wanted my value system today to be theirs so that a bond would still exist and we could be friends. When the morality and character are so vastly different, the odds of having a friendship dissipate.   Relationships don’t work that way. People are meant to move in and out of your life, not everyone can stay.  Learn what you can about past relationships and how you viewed those people as a youth but let go of those innocent eyes, of looking at past lovers through dream-struck visions because the reality is they are flawed individuals too. Their paths may have been meant to cross over yours again but may not be meant to stay.

Tessie's Back

Okay, here it goes an update from the woman who will never win Puppy Owner of the Year Award but also, the most honest!  Bet you are wondering what life has been like in my world with Tessie. Suffice it to say, a bitch of an adventure!

It hardly seems like there is a minute’s peace unless she is napping. Those afternoon naps are the best time of the day to get things done, until she hears movement, ouch,  then she is up and ready to

rumble.  However, one day, we were out and about in the house and no sound of the scraggly rug rat underfoot. As we said her name after about 15 minutes, there was no response. We searched all the usual sleeping places calling her name to no avail. Finally, the only door closed in the house I slipped open. Staring back at me was Tessie, still as a mouse, ready to pounce.

She had found her way in the walk-in closet which allowed her to walk in but, once entering, the door has to be pushed back out to open. Miss Smarty Pants doesn’t have that trick down yet. Note to self, great place to put puppy on a time-out!

Why is it that our puppy prefers wrapping herself around the base of the toilet to sleep rather than the comfy places in the house? Though the bathrooms are cleaned religiously, it seems rather uncleanly to be sleeping here. Every time I catch her, it is fight against her will power and mine to pull her out from around it. The one good thing I will say about the struggle, by the time I am done, the bottom of the bowl is extra shiny!

Puppies are so cute, to everyone else but their owner!  When we take her somewhere, like to the vet’s, she is so demure and innocent. She is cooed over and told she is one of the best puppies they see. I brush off the compliments about the cutest knowing full well that is said to every puppy owner. What her like kids grow up to be teenagers, ugh!)

Some of my closer friends have had the privilege or rather disadvantage of seeing Tessie in her

normal stage, hell on four paws, or rather none!  She prefers flying at you like a Frisbee and has no breaking power because you are it, your body, wherever she hits! ‘ No’ means you want more of whatever she is doing wrong!  Nipping is her way of saying hello and she loves repeating greetings.  She is the hostess that has to be the center of attention and makes us look like first time dog owners, which neither of us are!  We frequently get asked “Are you putting her in dog training?” Yes is the answer and we have been in it before, numerous times,  but have never had a Tessie before. Can I stop here?

This puppy is not an eater. In fact, it is a wonder she puts on weight. We switched dog foods, tried watering the food down. Cut back the times she was fed to see if she got hungrier, pet her while she was eating, and finally gave up. We suppose she will eat when she is hungry and she does, but not nearly what the vet said she should eat. But she grows and eats some.

And like the other day, finds other things on the ground she prefers to dog food, like other dog’s poop. Unfortunately, I did not pull the lead hard enough to get her away before it hit her mouth. So here I am, with Miss Tessie, her pretty pink lead with hearts on it, my puppy just having been brushed all pretty walking through the front yard with a large turd half in her mouth and half hanging out. As she is chewing I am trying to retain my composure. As I battle internally telling myself yes, I must do the unthinkable, I remember I have baby carrots in my pocket. I had brought them out to give her not realizing someone else left her something disgusting to munch on.

So I bent over, with carrot in hand and yelled at her to drop it, spit it out as if she would understand

and waved that damn carrot as if it were the best damn thing on earth to no avail. She was not letting go of that turd, no way no how. I was not getting out of this easy!  I saw she was chewing it which made my stomach turn and thought I saw her start swallowing part of it and pull the other part in her mouth. Okay, I told myself, just go for it so I stuck my finger in her mouth and flicked it out yelling all the while thinking hell, I will take a bite from her but darn is she is chomping on someone else’s dirty deed. I flipped that turd as high and hard as I could and silently wished death on the person who did not pick up after their dog! Thank you very much!

Playing on the floor with Tessie requires the utmost attention. One evening, as I was messing around with her, she was climbing up my back. She was getting abit rough and I held her off. I should have known to stop the play right there.  I learned a second too late, puppies don’t have brakes on play time and sometimes go too far. My ear let me know, as she bit it. I held my hand to it, and when I pulled it away, it was full of blood. Yelling for my husband, I couldn’t help but wonder if I lost part of my ear flap. Lucky for her I didn’t or I would have had to retaliate!  Puppy’s mouths are danger zones sometimes.

Drama seems to abound with Tessie. Even when I am leaving her and putting her in her zipper cage. I zip one way and out pops her head the other. Having a smart puppy makes the owner feel stupid. I

swear she is laughing half the time saying “Gotcha!” Even throwing in a treat in the back of it, she grabs it much quicker than you can zip it up or says, “Hell with the treat, I am coming out” and heads for the door regardless leaving me with an empty crate looking at a dog treat left behind.  When I finally get her in the darn thing, she creates a racket to let me know how ticked off she is. And darn if I don’t  feel guilty. How do puppies do that? Give you that puppy face and make you fall in love with them all over again like the first time you saw them and they said “Take me home!”

Well suffice it to say, as many times as I say “You love her, you can have her” I think I will hang on to her awhile longer. We seem to be getting a grove going now but sure have our bumps along the way.  She is a lover at times and those cuddles make all the other things fade at the end of the day from memory.  And then, the sun comes up……. Tessie’s awake!

Why Ask Why

Some people ask me why I get political. Some people ask me why I got involved in the American Cancer Society after working as a Director of Corporate Development and then resigning my role after the stress of the position. Some people ask, why, after being a survivor of breast cancer, do I continue having the stress of being involved in either. I say I value life.

Getting the opportunity to work at the American Cancer Society (ACS) post cancer was an eye opening experience. I found myself the only staff member in Nashville that was a cancer survivor at the time.  It was a blessing and a curse to work for a mission after having a bird’s eye view of the devastation it wrecks in one’s life mentally, spiritually and physically. I thought the very least I could do is give back.

Thus, after forming a team for Making Strides for Breast Cancer while in treatment gave me a fresh start on my path to my work with ACS.  I was given the opportunity to be a headliner speaker at their annual Kick-off Breakfast at the Wild Horse Saloon that year in downtown Nashville.  I then made it my mission to not only work diligently for them but to learn all I could about what is being done to combat cancer in America. What I learned is that, next to the Federal government, ACS is the number one agency funding cancer research in our country. 

I discovered that the research that was done on herceptin, the drug that combats HER+ breast cancer, was funded by ACS. This type of cancer affects 20-25% of breast cancer patients. Prior to 2005, there was no known cure for this type of pathology. I had Her2+ so ACS was indirectly responsible for my survival.

During the time I worked at ACS, the Affordable Care Act had not been enacted. This was a time when I saw firsthand the effect of not having access to care for cancer patients. The effects were devastating and stories I heard and experienced first-hand have forever affected my attitudes, passion and compassion. I cannot abandon those that have died and suffered due to this lack of humanity.

I hear the claims of those without insurance are lazy, out of work and undeserving. I read the claims that they are without foresight of the possibility of having cancer and do not plan according. I also have heard voters say it is not their responsibility to pay for the sick that is until they are afflicted with the disease and suddenly struck with the realities of the healthcare system that bankrupts more people, medical bills, than any other cause. I too was hit with cancer prior to changes in the system.

Let me share some of my realities as I have been accused of living in utopia and not in the real world.  I have lived in the real world. Cancer is real. Treatment is hell, and sitting next to folks suffering without insurance is anything but utopia. Getting chemotherapy next to someone with limited insurance vomiting next to you because their coverage doesn’t include nausea medication is not pretty.  Having a younger brother opt out of treatment and going instead for radical surgery to avoid costs of lengthy treatment is very disheartening. Draining  portions of your limited retirement account is not a fantasy or a dream come true for anyone fighting cancer and we certainly were not expecting it to happen to ours. But that was our reality too. Cancer is costly, without insurance, deadly unless you are rich. 

So my involvement in cancer, in many forms, most notably ACS  is paying it forward and also paying it back. It is trying to prevent further tragedies of our country going backwards in terms of legislation.  I do not want anyone to experience what I saw and heard on the phone and in person, treatable cancer patients dying, patients suffering through treatment that could be avoided with the right kind of drugs and half-ass treatment due to limited insurance.  Children losing limbs and then also not getting prosthetics so spending a lifetime in a wheelchair. Or a single mother who had an 18 month old child survive cancer but because of the pre-existing condition was denied healthcare coverage for most of his entire life so had to pay all medical for him out of pocket! 

It is a misnomer that minorities are at higher risk for cancer. In the days when insurance was not as widespread as it is now, many got diagnosed at later stages. This is because they waited to go to the doctor till they were very symptomatic. At the later stages, cancer is harder to treat and more costly. With insurance, cancer is cheaper to treat because people go to doctors and cancer is caught earlier. It is also able to be treated more effectively. If you remove insurance, as it was when I was on the payroll at ACS, the amount of deaths from cancer will quickly rise and the amount of people that will be willing to enter clinical trials will diminish as side effects are not covered by trials but by your primary insurance so you need to be insured.  

My political activism wasn’t a choice in my mind.  During my time at ACS we were all encouraged, somewhat pushed,  to be involved with another branch of ACS called ACS CAN, CAN standing for Cancer Action Network. This organization is a cancer advocacy organization dedicated to making cancer a top national priority in issues, policies and laws in the fight against cancer.  I have been accused of looking at politics through high school eyes because I agree with the attitudes of this organization, which, incidentally are bipartisan.

Is this political or humanity?  Ask someone who has survived cancer, especially someone who knows someone who did not because of a lack of insurance.  Ask a woman who had breast cancer and could not get reconstruction prior to the law requiring insurance companies to cover it how they feel about politics getting involved in healthcare decisions and making mandatory coverage for all on issues like this.

None of us will live forever. None of us, I suppose, wants to. But we all deserve to live with a responsibly decent quality of life.  I live in a 55+ Active Community with 600 homes, most of which are Republicans supporting the GOP healthcare suggested changes. I am political for all of them.  The majority of the neighbors I have met in the past 18 months have pre-existing health conditions. If these conditions are not covered or are covered with exorbitant rates, these neighbors and myself will be lost in the system.  Their votes will backfire. I don’t want that for them, whether they realize it or not I am fighting for them, not against them or anyone else. Accessible affordable healthcare with changes made is a reasonable expectation in America. And since I survived cancer, I must continue fighting for it.

If you value something, you fight for it. I value the breaths I take, the moments in a day. Hence, I fight to live. I believe others have that right too. I am limited in what I can do but I will use my voice in the small capacity I can to make noise to stand up for cancer and issues that affect human lives. To not do so is to be self-absorbed and only care about my life and no one else’s. 

Call me a dreamer, but I’m awake now, no longer flat on my back in treatment. Call me an idealist but we are a rich country with a rich government making decisions for millions of Americans that can’t nearly afford what they can and seemingly having little say over something as significant as affordable healthcare.  There are solutions, there should be options and it should be inclusive not exclusive.  Cancer is greatly impacted by the decisions that are made in this area and this disease is like a domino in how it affects families, schools, communities, workplaces, finances, and the future. So yes, why ask me why?

Puppy For Hire

Who wants a Tessie for trial to see what it is like to own a puppy?  Have I got a deal for you, no charges involved!  She is a character and will give you the full gamut of experiences of what it is like to be a pet-owner with all the pluses and minuses all wrapped up in a ball of fur.  Thus continues my life with Tessie, the labradoodle I just had to have!

Tessie has progressed to taking walks to the dog park. How is it that moving along in weight to 14 lbs

from 7 lbs in 3 weeks can make the leash pull go from nothing to a challenge?  And the misnomer to

the neighbors is her prance makes her look like Cinderella at times. Unknown to them she is a She-

Devil in disguise at the house.  That beautiful high step in the home is a massive black blur at home as she literally runs so fast she slides on the wood floors coming into contact at times with walls, furniture, and yes, my feet!

I have found useful purposes you will enjoy of Tessie being in your home, listed below: 

•       The dust bunnies are gone under the bed as she frequently goes underneath the bed refusing to come out when I need her to, hiding in the very center where she is unreachable
•      It will be easy to remember to rotate washing various rugs around the house as she is inconsistent about having accidents in the house showing no preference where she pees
•      Regular exercise will easily be accomplished with Tessie as you will find yourself frequently taking long walks to wear her little butt out so she won’t be so energetic in the house

There are dog experts all over for training purposes. I have taken all kinds of training classes before with dogs I have owned. Most techniques do not work with this pup. She is one who needs a child expert on the strong-willed child. She is hell-bent on getting her own way. We need Cesar Millan in the worst way.  However, I refuse to be on the show and have cute little Tessie make me look like I am an incompetent owner.  Having had two Rotties that were huge and could even walk off lead and heel, have food on their noses without budging I now find myself with a wrist that looks like I was attacked by sharks.

The vet suggested adding in healthy treats for training to curb bad habits. Quickly we found

carrots are a passion with Tessie. She learned carrots come from the refrigerator.  Now guess Tessie’s favorite place to sit, lay and whine?  She is an excellent example of Pavlov’s dog experiment. Train a dog where food comes from and there they lay, except that is where our food comes from too!  And every time we attempt to open the door  a little She-Devil comes like a bat out of hell and manages to squeeze through my legs. 

Now, instead of looking for my intended item, I am contending with a puppy climbing up the side door, biting the lip on the drawers or trying to literally take food off of the shelves right at nose height, how convenient for Tessie.  I can even hear her thoughts, "This seems a helluva lot better than dog food. Why are you holding out on me Momma? "  I am trying to reach for items, push her out with the other hand and have paws everywhere. Sometimes it is just plain not worth it and close the door. Maybe take out is easier!  Carrots have turned her into a food thief!  Next suggestion….

My past training involved taking pop cans, putting pennies in them and taping the top to cover the hole. Simply shaking the can will annoy the dog so much they will stop jumping or biting.  So two girlfriends come over the other day and each is given a can. This seems like an excellent idea with the thought behind it, one shake and it won’t happen again. This has worked like a charm with every dog I have ever had before.

Here comes Tessie, like a flying Frisbee at them, full speed ahead, jumping with her mouth wide open, all baby teeth exposed. Up goes the can in their hands, shaking it with gusto like Morocco’s. The sound is obnoxious to all of us, so loud and clanging. Tessie jumps back, scared out of her mind. So she runs to the other friend, who promptly lifts her can once Tessie jumps up her legs and, once the friend bends to pet her, my darling bundle of joy clamps down on her wrist. It works. Tessie lays down all of 3 minutes. Then back she comes to the other friend. This goes on for about 20 minutes till, luckily my husband comes home and removes her from the room. By then, we all three are holding our heads with pounding headaches.  Agreeable, the cans got Tessie down on the ground but the noise was atrocious and the cans were in constant use. This is not how this correction is supposed to work!

So I sit here writing, looking at a lovable puppy that is sleeping at my feet wondering how I can write such a sarcastic blog about her.  Look at her precious pictures posted on the blog. Oh, but what you don’t see are the ones that will never get posted, the blurs of black because, prior to the picture being snapped, she shot past me and headed into Trouble going to bite furniture, jump on me or attempt to urinate. She keeps me on my toes, one of which is broken so I wear a boot, a boot which she loves to chew on, blatantly right in-front of me. A correction will lead to her giving me a sharp bark until she gets the “dreaded look” that translated means “Don’t mess with me” and quiets her down. Mamma Bear has her limits.

So I suppose I won’t rent her out. I am afraid you just might not bring her back in after taking her out for potty breaks. You might accidentally on purpose leave her in her cage one time too long. You

might correct her too much and hurt her feelings. Or you might get too use to have no dust bunnies under your bed or on the floor. I can’t run the risk, either, me hiring Tessie to you, getting use to a pup and falling in love with my Tessie! 

Where Have All the Good Role Models Gone?

Where have all the good role models gone for our children?  I really could care less for the adults, they can have their opinions and mentors or not. But when we grew up, we had those we admired, those our parents told us to look up to and aspire to be. With what is going on in America, right now, before our eyes, who do children today get to watch, listen to and say “That is who I want to be and sound like?”

As a parent, the people parents teach their children to talk like are well-educated English speaking Americans that represent our country well. We want our children to show respect for other human beings like those running our country. We use to look to politicians like JFK, Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan to exemplify speaking as American Presidents that used diplomacy in talking to other countries and on the airwaves with grace and humility. We no longer have that with our current leader. This is not the kind of language we expect or accept our children to use, infact they get punished for using defamatory terms. Adults lose their jobs over this comments that current President has said. So why is it acceptable for our children to hear this and isn't it sad they no longer have a President that is a role model of decency? 

Sports figures are not achievable for most in America. It is the few that can attain that level of success. How many children actually get that opportunity? However, once given that chance and those outrageously large salaries most of us will never experience in a lifetime, why not use it for the betterment of society?  So many don't and are teaching youth the complete waste of wealth. Many, in years past, have had a sense of responsibility to be a role model for children, to exemplify a great citizen of this country.

As a strong Democrat, I respect the right of speech. I believe anyone who has studied American history understands this is one basic reason our founding fathers decided to break from England. Anyone speaking out was thrown in jail. We deserve the right to speak out and if our government or individuals do not like it, they need to recognize we live in the land of the free, at least up till now. 

Having said that, athletes taking a knee when the American flag is hailed on the football field to protest racism in our country and police brutality aimed at racial profiling must be given a second glance.  Yes, they deserve to make a statement but is this the place?  I worry , with children watching, they will see athletes they admire bowing down to the American flag and perhaps interpret it the wrong way, as if it is not worthy of raising up in pride of America. I really could care less of what adults think, feel or say. My concern is children of America, they are the future.  Is this the right message?  How are they processing this?  Can we be better as a society in resolving our conflicts and how we speak about and solve our differences so that we don’t negatively impact children? 

Daily we are bombarded with teachers having sexual relationships with kids. What happened to the times we were supposed to tell kids to run to teachers with problems they were having and confide in them?  How the heck are kids suppose to be comfortable doing that when parents now have to forewarn children to be careful if teachers get too close to them? Any responsible parent will teach their children that any adult, teachers included, that gets in their safe zone, is a red flag. That makes it even harder for a child to feel comfortable looking up to a teacher. Gone, another person to really want to aspire to be as they have to look at them with a screening eye.

Coaching children has become so competitive that some parents are refraining from even putting their children in sports. The few games I have gone to over the last several years, I am not sure who is worse, the coaches or the parents.  No longer is the focus on fun but on flat out winning or getting even with the child or children that perform the best. It has become a video game of taking out players with shouts that use to be grounds for removing parents for shouting such unsportsmen like comments as “Take him out!” or “You don’t have to take that shit!” Not only are the coaches becoming horrible examples of fair play but the parents are encouraging foul play. Really, is this what we want children to learn? How will this help them in the work environment where hard work is how you get ahead,  not knocking others down to succeed?

The real irony is taking children to Church and thinking that will teach children how to be caring and compassionate and then not living it. Saying you are a Christian and then approving  adults that bully and being horribly upset with children for harassing other children and not seeing any correlation. 

Supporting athletes for years to the exclusion of your family, buying their jerseys, missing children’s events and then screaming at them for being foul because they don’t agree with your views instead of listening to theirs.  Hearing feed the poor at church and putting money in the basket and then being okay with Medicaid being cut when so many depend on this for healthcare for chronic illness. There is a direct connect. Be a role model for children of consistent behavior or you are sending mixed messages and not a role model that is worthy of respect. 

I love America. I love children more. I believe the differences that separate parties are less than the media and the leaders make them out to be. I believe people want solutions but more importantly I believe children need role models.  I believe, as my friend, a stark Republican said, average Americans can be great representatives in government if given a chance. I believe they can and are good role models for children or can be if the effort is put forth. I believe all of us can but we must hold ourselves to a higher standard than so many in society are currently doing. But it starts with you.  Are you up for the challenge?  If so, start today.  Put a kid ahead of yourself!

Looking Back at the Earliest Days - Daughter's Birthday

My daughter and I are nothing alike.  She is headstrong, outspoken and a true extrovert. She is driven, passionate and has a real command of

communication skills that she can use to her advantage in almost any situation good or bad. And so today, her birthday, it seems fitting that I would take a moment to write a memories of the early days as a small child of how this personality first exhibited itself to the world.  You can judge for yourself how easy or difficult it was to be a young mom to this precious lady. Do know, without a doubt, I was never short of moments of unexpected laughter!

As a toddler, my little girl enjoyed masterminding new tricks.  She quickly learned how to jump out of her crib by using the mattress as springboard. She also knew it upset me to no end so learned to climb back into as soon as she heard my steps coming down the hallway. To make matters even worse, she hated dirty diapers as much as me. So, prior to potty training, baby girl took to removing them anywhere and everywhere! How did I know this? I would turn around after yelling at her seeing her mess with her diaper telling her to not take it off and there she would be walking in it. However, the dead giveaway was she was walking leaning sideways; kind off cockeyed as she never quite mastered getting her legs in the right holes so was trying to keep it upright on her hips.

My little girl was frequently ill, just a multitude of health issues from Day I. Going to the pediatrician was often on the to do list.  And she could be a handful in the itty bitty room with not much for her to do besides open every drawer, find the trash can, flip the lights, roll on the floor, turn the sink on, until I got tired of listening to myself say no and threatened her with bodily harm. By the time the doctor walked in, she would promptly tell him, when he apologized for being long, “I was good or Mommy would beat my butt.” That was Christina, not mincing words or holding back.

Then there was the time we arrived at Vacation Bible School late. The church’s hall was very quiet as classes had already started. Most of the nuns were busy except for the one performing check in. She approached and I apologized for being late. I said I got delayed by a phone call. My daughter jumped in to correct me loudly so everyone in the hall heard “No, it was because my brother said a bad word and needed to get soap in his mouth.”  All eyes in the hall were on us and I could feel my son falling back behind my legs.  Christina did not always have a filter, lol!

As I took her shopping, so many times things came out unexpected that I began to be well-versed at coming up with responses back to strangers. I also learned to get the hell out of lines quickly. Her voice projected well like mine. There were the times she asked me things like “Why does that person ahead of us smell so bad?” or “Mister, why are you staring at me? Don’t you know that is rude?”  Or getting to the front of the register and asking for me to buy her candy. I would say no and she would say with annoyance “You promised if I was good you would buy me candy, I was good. You lied Mommy!” I could feel all eyes staring at me like I was the worst mother of the year. 

Even when it came to eating, my daughter could outsmart me. The rules were that if you didn’t eat the main course there were no deserts or treats, like cookies. I wasn’t good, initially, at checking to see if she stashed food away, assuming if her plate was empty, she ate it so praising her.

Over a period of about 6 months, she got rid of food in so many ways, eating up praise left and right. Before being potty-trained, I would find food stuffed in her diaper from dinner! She would put food bites in the bottom of her juice cup. She had hand signals for the dog under the table and would feed it to him. No wonder the dog loved her!  I suppose, one day, I gave up. No treats right after dinner because her ingenuity was just too creative. 

Many parents believe in Time Out. It was even popular back when she was a youngster. But it was a useless proposition at my house with my little girl. About the time I would tell her she could come out of it, she would tell me she would prefer to stay in it! Her communication skills were always extremely advanced for her age. So even if company was over, she’d say things when time was up for time out, “I am enjoying using my imagination, I think I will sit here a bit longer but thank you anyways.”   And sit she would until I had to make her get up!

Answering the telephone became something she enjoyed from the moment she could start putting sentences together, about 2 1/2 years old. Even then, her speed was incredible. She could beat almost all of us to the phone if she had a running start, though she was always the shortest in the house.  It was quite comical to hear someone so tiny give complete answers in sentence structure and hear their reaction on the other end of the phone! When the call was for her dad and he was working, she gave the funniest answers. My favorites she came up with were: “Daddy working. He’s making money to buy me shoes.” And this classic, “Daddy’s gone.  He doesn’t want to talk to you now.”  Guess they got the message from her! 

Nobody, but nobody loved Snicker bars like my girl!  And yet, due to migraines induced by nuts, they were a serious No No for her! So, somehow she sneaked them. How did I know?  Well, in cleaning her room and pulling out her bed one day, I discovered a stash of snicker wrappers under her bed.  After this repeatedly happening, she got wiser! She then began squishing them between that space in the wall and the side of the bed it lays up against.   All of this was going on in the lower grades and to this day, I have no idea who was feeding my kid candy bars and in that quantity. But she was probably outsmarting them like she did me to get them!  And there is a part of me that admires her ingenuity for doing such a damn good job at doing it! At times, there were so many of those candy wrappers, it was like a child addicted to them who needed to go to Snickers Anonymous. 

That fact that someone this small could pull one over on me so many times and create so much material is astounding when you think about it!  Seriously, I was a single mom with a dual degree, well-read and written.  I am outspoken, passionate, driven and headstrong, nothing like her! No way a little twerp like that could get the best of me, but she did, many times!  And through it all, I knew that one day she would grow up and make something of herself. And in spite of the highs and lows of raising her, I am proud to say, she has.  She brought me tears, nights of fears, laughter, heartbreak and some of the best moments of my life. And today, on her birthday, I remember a little girl who changed the world with her wit, charm and uniqueness.  And yes, life was never the same, nor will it ever be, 37 years later. 

Final Reflections for 2017

On New Year’s Eve Eve it seems fitting to put together some last minute thoughts for this past year:

• Never believe something that sounds fishy.  Some people tell you what you want to hear because they think you are gullible. Don’t be. Only a blind man misses red flags.
•  Quit slamming people for living differently than you, for their actions. So what if they post more pictures of themselves on Facebook. They are happy with themselves!  If they talk about their giving nature, they are trying to motivate others to get involved. Are you motivating anyone whiner? Selfies are for those that get a kick out of seeing themselves, some eat it up. If you don’t like them don’t look at them. Freewill is a beautiful thing.
•  Don’t talk about losing weight and do nothing about it. Your body is a temple and depends upon it. Without action, you will be enticed to eat more anticipating cutting back.
•  Inaction is a choice. Seeing wrong and using it as an excuse to shake your head is the wrong reaction. Step up and be a catalyst. Living in darkness is a choice. When you see someone struggling, as my dear friend says, lead them to a healer or learn to be one. Don’t be confused and be an enabler but simply be a resource between helpful aids so they can take valued steps forward to get quit destructing and construct. 
• Don’t use being busy as an excuse not to reach out to say hello to those that matter. When they are gone, you won’t hear them say “It’s good to hear your voice” or read “Thanks for reaching out. “ 
• Use laughter as self-therapy. It doesn’t require filing a claim, setting an appointment and sets an excellent example to those around you. And, as Milton Berle says “It’s an instant vacation.” 
• Quit using the phrase “It’s on my bucket list” and just start doing that shit! What the hell are you waiting for? Leaving the money to your kids won’t work. They aren’t interesting in doing the things on your list.
• Money won’t make you happy. Pick goals that are rooted in friendship, growth and love. If you don’t know what those are read and ask someone older. They have gone through the hard knock school of life, the best class there is. 
• Your legacy is the lives you touch, every day. It does not have to be simply those in your inner circle; it can be the smiles you give strangers. Kindness to others is the best verbiage you can leave on your tombstone. 
• Jesus had a short time on earth. Perhaps that is why he only had 12 disciples. We have an extended time. Make the most of yours to be a disciple of Christ by how you live your life. Walk into the light and guide others towards it. 

Whatever you have learned in this past year, challenge yourself to bring it forward to the New Year and use it. Become a better person, brighter. What good is it to repeat the mistakes of the past and leave loved ones, treasured friends behind simply because you are too busy and putting your life in automatic pilot. Share your experiences and insights with those outside your inner circle. Make the most of every moment of every single day. 

And here's to wishing all of my wonderful followers who give me far more than I could ever give any of you an adventurous New Year!        
                                                                 Veronica Gliatti

Testy Tessie

And so it goes, my luck with dogs, I get the puppy that is one of the largest in the litter, untold till I

bring her home. Two days later, I get a text from the owners letting me know my test to see if female

Tess & me

dogs are really more gentle-natured is really more of a lively Brut compared to her 6 brothers in the litter of 7. Thus, begins the life with Tessie, testing my patience.

Okay, I admit I forgot the trials and tribulations of potty-training. My kids were much easier and so were ALL other dogs I owned. This little bitch is a challenge. She is smart being a labradoodle the poodle seems to be quite dominate making her extremely intelligent.  Thus her norm is outside is playtime, inside is peetime. And thank God the vet suggested giving her treats as a reward for going to the bathroom outdoors. However now she seems to think going anywhere is worthy of a treat. Who is smarter, her or me? 

Everything in the house is a play toy, except the doggie items I bought in the rip-off section of the store! You know the section, where the sign says Pet Toys and are simply kids toys made small with baby squeezers in them the size of your thumb but inflated prices by 75%.  Today, Tess discovered toilet paper. So glad I buy it bulk at Sams because it is going to have to still remain in reach of the john inspite of her penchant for unrolling it. Oh, don’t tell me our puppy is not talented. She can unroll it in a mere 30 seconds flat!

So Busted!
Better than doggie toys! 

Do you know what it is like to take a shower with a small puppy with long legs at your feet?  I do.  The only time Tessie does not mind being in the water is when I am taking a shower. The very minute I hop in the shower to take the quickest showers in my life she begins whimpering like she has been attacked by another dog, right there in the bathroom!  As she cries by the glass doors, scratching “Mommy I want in” I relent and let her in.

Thus begins my, what use to be, chill serene showers, long gone, now invaded by a four legged animal weaving figure-eights around my feet. Once she gets done feeling as if she is tangled and me being cautious of not losing my balance, she does the unthinkable at my feet. I blink and there comes the squat. I watch as she proudly does #1 and thank God it is not #2. And nope, no treat this time for Tessie.

Tessie now wants out. She has her bladder unloaded and has had enough! Out goes the wet mangled puppy looking like a black rat. All I see is too beady eyes looking back at me silently saying dry me

off. I look back with mine saying Hell no, I am not getting out right now when I have a moment’s peace and the shower finally is to myself. You can wait, you black rat!  She retreats to the rug to wait patiently knowing sometimes I win the battle.

After showers, I dry her off.  I then head to the backdoor to grab her leash to take her out. Good routine, because it’s all about catching the time for #2. I want that number always done in its proper place, I mean this dog will be a lady! One day, as I am putting the leash on, struggling to find the darn loop, she starts tooting. Okay, I tell her, I am hurrying. Her squirming is not making it any easier. Whodathought more would come with the toot?  Isn't she a female?  

Right there on the floor, thank God not the carpet, she starts dumping a load! I am shocked beyond belief, I am holding her and she starts her business. For the love of God, what puppy does this?  I swear she is simply being defiant to me. I make a mad dash out the door as if she has anymore left in her little butt!  By the time I put her down in the grass, she is hopping all over the place, literally giddy with laughter at what she left me to clean up inside.  Don't dare make excuses for her because she is cute or a puppy, she does this shit on purpose to punish me for being a disciplinary in the house.  We played outside longer than usual so I could put off cleaning up dirty diapers, I mean poopy floors! 

The Spoiler, Daddy! 

As my friends tell me, puppies need routine, they need structure. And just like with my kids, I am the one that does it. And just like with my children, she rebels. She does to her daddy, Mr. Softie.  Can we just say, with puppies rebelling  and everyone telling you she is so sweet you are left speechless?  Why do people so easily forget what little teeth feel like buried in your feet and how many chords lay on the floor? 

Well, in all seriousness, she is a bundle of life, with its ups, downs, full of laughter, frustration and happiness and love. She fills a void in my life that my dog Charley left and still is there. I love her already  inspite of her testing me, at times to the limit. And truth be told, if she could talk, she would say I test her!

Chance or Miracle

On Christmas Eve Day, reflecting on the miracle of Christmas magic all around us seems quite fitting. Are you cognizant of God’s handy work in your life or just moving around in automatic pilot as if things happen by your design, poor luck with no rhyme or reason and no divine intervention?  If that were the case, what would be the point in having faith, praying or celebrating the birth of a newborn King every year?

As I reflect on several ‘chance’ meetings I can see a plan unfold in my life that has led to tremendous growth and blessings in my own life. Through my own sufferings I have grown and developed into who I am today.  Just to share a few…

Years ago, on a trip home from New York, we were on the expressway and the traffic was barely moving. We were in Cleveland and stopped at a rest area to take a break. We had replayed CD music over and over and even that was getting old. As we walked up the walkway a huge crowd was gathered outside.  It was September 11, 2011 and we were told what was going on. 

As the crowd grew larger, we all bonded there, from all walks of live over an American tragedy that we all knew, forever would change our lives, our country.  Fellow Americans had died while we had sat in our cars bitching about backed up traffic. We had all noticed no airplanes flying overhead and thought it odd.  Never had we dreamed what had taken place.  Never again would any of us be so foolish as to think stopped traffic was the end of the world. Keep your perspective on the road and in life. Patience truly is a virtue.  Living is what matters. You are given the blessing of life while others time has run out.

Driving home from celebrating Christmas with family, we stopped for gas one year.  In the restroom, I heard a young girl sobbing in the stall. With urging, I got her to come out.  She was afraid her mother’s boyfriend would hear her crying she told me.  We whispered so I could calm her down and find out what was going on as something told me this young girl needed me. She told me she was 10 years old. Red-eyed with pony tails I told her to ease her fear we would blast the water in the sink to cover our voices.  She was to tell him we did not talk and I only helped her clean up the sink and try to shut it off. 

Her story was that he had pushed her out of the moving car on his way to get gas while driving fast. Leaving her roadside, bruised and scrapped and cut up, he only came back a little later to pick her up. She was living in fear because he was very mean to her and hurt her.  I gave her advice on how to try to live with him and reiterated she must speak up to her teacher, doctor and anyone else she knew and thought to be a safe person about what was going on. If her mother wasn’t keeping her safe she needed to find someone who was.

At this point, a man began screaming at the door, yelling what apparently was her name. I yelled back, roughly as if I too was a foul mouthed woman telling him the sink was messed up and I was helping her clean it up. I whispered to her to not let a word on and just hang in there, pray to God and He will listen and tell a safe person as soon as she gets a chance, kissed and hugged her. I told her one day you will be safe like I got there!  She smiled and walked out. And I prayed, I prayed hard and I cried. And I thanked God for letting me have the chance to be a light of hope.  We all need to be the person that tells children that are hurting that the future can and will be brighter. And also, if their parents are hurting them, tell someone who cares and will do something about it. Be a child’s mouthpiece, God puts you there for a reason.

The first time I attended a camp for cancer survivors, I felt out of place. I wasn’t sure I would connect with any of the ladies there. The second morning I was there, I stepped in the restroom to take a shower and saw a woman at the sink. As she turned around, I saw this strange aura around her, like a golden light. She says she got a strange feeling about me. As we talked, we felt as if we had known each other for years. We quickly became soul mates.

Since that time, one of my dearest friends has seen me through a many tragedies and triumphs and I have been with her either in presence or spirit through hers. It can be in the strangest places that God brings into your life the greatest of his healers and allows you to be the great healer for others and soul mate for another. Do not walk into rooms with your eyes shut to strangers.

As I swam my laps in the pool, my foot came in contact with a person. I lifted my head and saw a stranger! Apologizing I found out it was a new person to our community I had just kicked hard in the abdomen of all places!  Feeling horrified, she laughed saying ouch as it had to hurt. The second time I met this nice lady was I had to interview her for the community newsletter I write for as she was a new resident.  Luckily she declined to comment on the “kick” in the article! LOL! 

Since that time, she and I have developed a very special friendship that continues to grow. I have friends in the community but prefer keeping intimate friendships more too very few. And yet, with this woman it is as if that kick worked backwards and was a kick to me. It is as if God kicked me and told me this woman is something extra special. I am not sure, if that hadn’t happened I would have reached out, conversed and spent the extra time getting to know her on the surface we have nothing in common and yet, in getting to know her, she is beautiful inside and out. She is truly enriching my life as our friendship grows.  I find myself almost grateful I kicked her and now thinking God had something to do with it because I truly do sometimes get too caught up in my own world. Be open and don’t get so comfortable that you are afraid to let others in. God may be putting them there for a reason.

On Jesus’s birth, many were in denial that a King could be born in a mere stable. They did not see 

this as a miracle. Do miracles really happen every day and do we recognize them? Can it be God’s plan that people really get bonded over 9/11 at a rest stop?  Can an abused girl crying for help receive

God’s answer through a stranger on Christmas day? We all need friends that are like soulmates. Is a miracle God giving you one that just relates to you one very level? And lastly but as importantly, is part of God’s master plan of Christmas like magic bringing new people into our life that we know are part of our future ?  I say yes, miracles happen daily and show the magic of Christmas should be celebrated and recognized and shared. I think that the blues post-Christmas should be offset by the realization that the magic of God’s power extends 365 days of the year and only begins with the birth of Christ and doesn’t end there. And with that, Merry Christmas to all! 

King of Christmas

How many kings and fathers gave up their sons for me?  In a world where self-serving leaders seem focused more on meeting their own needs and fulfilling their agenda, it is hard to believe a leader would only care about us. Who enters the world humbly in a manger in a lowly stable and changes the faith of the world?

I often wonder why the Christmas season is the time when the focus is so heavy on spending money. Jesus had a message about everything but wealth. His was a message of love and of leading others to his Father. Yet on the anniversary of his birth, even as adults, we celebrate by being more focused on gift buying and giving than on the birthday of the greatest of Kings.

Who among us has touched more lives?  Which leader has heard more praise, more whispers asking for help or more cries of gratefulness than Jesus?  And to think he started in a stable, a place where horses are kept, smelly and cold that night in Bethlehem.

Are you keeping in your Christmas Christ?  When you think of the celebration of the holidays and look at your tree, do you remember the light on the top of the tree is more in remembrance of the North Star leading three wise Kings to behold Jesus?  The angel on others trees should remind us all that the angels had their voices raised in unison at the glory of the birth and what was to come.  They knew what so many were too naive to believe and see, a King of all Kings was among us and would show the way for ages to come.

St. Nick is a wonderful tradition. Giving of gifts has its place during the holiday season. Gathering around the tree is indeed splendid as is many of the other age-old traditions. However, if you are not leaving out time to reflect on the most inspiring part of Christmas, rejoicing over the birth of Jesus, Christmas is like a tree unlit.  The blues after Christmas will hit you for certain because the light of Christ will not be lit within you. 

So as I asked myself how many kings, leaders, icons have given up so much for me, the answer is one. And I continue and ask you what man has influenced history and mankind more than any other by his life which was cut short by disbelief in his goodness?  The answer is found in Christmas, Jesus, the reason, so please keep the baby in the manager in your heart this season and let His light shine in yours!