Priceless Songs From Children

The wheels on the bus go round and round and the song goes on in the same vein.  My grand-kids  sang this song over and over on our way to Michigan this past weekend.  It was such sweet music to my ears, no matter how off key they sang it or Itsy Bitsy Spider or some silly song about an alligator.   My husband and I laughed till our stomachs hurt as they performed for hours on end in the long car ride.  The children derived such delight from our continued praise and adoration of their musical talent and our uncontrollable laughter. 

This is the stuff that makes life so wonderful.  In spite of all the wrinkles looking back at me in the mirror, I am glad I am here and aging. If I weren't I would not be a grandma and have these kids in my life.  Who cares about varicose veins, fat deposits on the legs and elsewhere.  Kids that look at me with adoration make the world look like nothing but blue skies.  My grand-kids are like the best tasting chocolate I have ever tasted; my heart literally melts around them.   Their trust is so complete, and their love so unconditional that is instills in me that faith I once had and lost in the human race.  It is so easy in your early thirties and forties to lose it. They also are keen at manipulating me so utterly and easily at the drop of their head and tear from an eye. As my daughter” I am so whipped.”

This past month Jim and I have spent some extended time with our grand-kids.This has led to some special memories.  I tried to capture them in pictures but it never really does it justice.  Film does not capture audio, the sound of their young voices, their non-verbal’s, the lilt when they speak, the fluttering of their eye lashes when they are questioning life, the excitement in their voice and face when they are excited about something as small as catching a firefly for the first time.   Especially priceless to me are the Grandma I love you’s, or as my grandson Kaleb says “Grandma you are so beautiful” translated to  “Thank you for loving me so completely Grandma.” They let me know, if I die tomorrow, I have accomplished my mission, which I firmly believe was part of God’s wish for me.  Passing out love and leaving it behind for others.   My grand-kids will be givers of goodwill and love to others.   I hope that is part of my legacy.  I sometimes feel it is not coincidental both of my children choose careers in the healthcare profession as well for that very reason. I like to think their main motivation was to do what they can to help others. They often tell me stories of how, in their roles, as Nurse Practitioner and Dentist, they do just that.  

Jim and I would not get this time with our grandchildren if it were not for our adult children allowing and entrusting us with their care.   We are blessed in that way for the faith, love and fostering of the relationship and the bonding they encourage.   We are always permitted to be an active integral part of their lives.  This matters so much to us.  Having had cancer and having lost an adult child, we both know life can be gone with one puff of a candle.   Tomorrow is not promised.  Sometimes adult children can make it hard to get close to grandchildren.  We have a few were we know far too little about.  My children allow us to know everything up to the littlest minute detail of their life.  I think this also helps their children feel more secure knowing someone else knows and has their backside besides their parents. 

It also, as we age, keeps us young at heart and lets us impart some of our wisdom and love onto their young hearts and minds.  And our love for them is beyond words, beyond anything we can even attempt to express.   It adds a new dimension to getting older which is indeed beautiful and precious. As a friend of mine said when she adopted her grandson, having a child when you are older is indeed different, the wisdom of being older makes your relationship with children indeed different. It is a benefit in some ways to a child. Thus, the relationship with a grandparent is an important one too, for both sides!

The video I put together is a few of the images we took of with the kids.  A few of them are actually ones the kids took with our camera or cell phone!   When we are gone, I hope they will always remember both of us with a smile. I hope these images remind them of our feelings towards them. Then they will surely know our love was a love without end.   And then they may just possibly hear, if they sit real still and reflect, the sound of us singing from heaven, those priceless songs of their youth!  Then they can sit and laugh with glee like we did when they were young and singing to us, all those years gone by. 

Click Here for Link to Video for this Blog

Ty Advances at Four

Not every day is a good day for Ty, it can’t be. It isn’t for any of us. But his life has rolled out different than just about anyone I have ever known.  He came into this world like so many other little boys, naked and screaming.

I can still remember standing at the nursery window with my son and his uncles, my daughter-in-law’s brothers, one being his middle name, Ryan.  As we watched at the window, moments after his birth, his chest was caving in and out as he yelled.  We  could see his rib cage expanding with each scream. We knew the newest member of our family was going to be a strong contributor who would make his presence known.   Little did we know, at the time, he would be so silent.

I had never known anyone autistic. My children were both fairly normal. I guess a better term for them is children with no special needs. I still can’t say I know how it feels to be a parent to a special needs child, only to being a grandmother to one.  I am a strong supporter to my children, and am now very cognizant of this topic and very supportive of the cause. I wish had been more in tune sooner. I waited till it was a reality for our family and only then became informed.  I took the same road with cancer.

 I think we are all like that somewhat.  Only when we are directly touched do we step up to the issues that seem insurmountable and take them on headfirst.  Sad though that we tend to wait to get involved when our involvement, confronting issues, helps things change.  We need to be more proactive as a society and as Christians.

Ty has only been around for four short years.  In that time frame, he has shown me that

every day that goes by there are signs of hope.  His growth, over the years, astounds me. He has gone from being a reclusive boy who never smiled to what you will see in the video. He is coming out of his shell. He is learning to interact with the world and with people.  He is a reminder that people can change, minds can be touched even when it involves neurology that we don’t completely understand. Given enough energy, love, repetition and support, battles can be won and Ty is winning them.

I still don’t understand why him. Why my grandson had to be chosen to have autism.  I no longer question God over this and no longer pray for it to go away overnight. I believe he will continue to fight his way over the hurdles. I know God has Ty in his sight, has a plan and Ty is living it.  We are part of that plan, all of us, his family and perhaps all of you, reading and watching this. I wonder what part you play?  He is one small boy but God created him to have an impact.   Little by little he is making strides towards some imaginary finish line to continue a race and continue making advances.

As Ty hit his four year old birthday, we all were amazed looking back at last year’s birthday to see the growth and development from the last 365 days. No longer is he a boy who flees to his own bedroom when company comes over.  He now will interact more with the world than before, is hitting a growth spurt and continues on the learning curve.  

I recently heard my dear Rebekah question herself, “I wonder sometimes in my zest to have him be the best he can be if I push my son into too much therapy.”  I told her, “You are only guilty of loving your son as much as you can possibly can. Amen God gave Ty to you!”

Click for Video for Year in Review for Ty

Treasured Little Moments

It seems like so far this year, Jim and I have experienced more than our share of deaths.  We also had to deal with the one year anniversary of my step-son's death. Jim’s only son’s died in March of 2012.  Sometimes it seems like yesterday and other times, it seems like a lifetime ago.

 I wish I had kept one of his voice messages on our recorder  so we could listen to him, every now and then.  Those days when we miss him the most, it'd be nice to hear his voice.   Occasionally, Dan will appear in Jim's dreams. I am somewhat envious as he hears his son calling or talking to him.   I guess that's Dan's way of letting Jim know his spirit is alive and well.  Little moments in the middle of the night, priceless. 

Death should renew our commitment to experience the little things in life more fully.   It is too easy to get caught up in the drama of life and forget to literally smell the coffee, roses  or whatever smell that pleases your senses. 

I heard this song, years ago, by Brad Paisley when it first was released. I thought it was just another love song. Now when I hear it, I realize it is much more than a love song. It is a song about life. It is applicable to us all. 

The song that follows is about living in the moment, the present.  Don't waste time thinking about yesterday or tomorrow; enjoy right now, where you are at, who you are, and who are with.  You are living God's plan, you just may not know it! Rejoice in the day, it will be gone in the blink of an eye.  Be grateful for who you are, God made you the way he wanted you to be.  The little things you have been given are special and are sacred blessings, enjoy them, treasure them.  You are blessed to be here. You will be blessed when you leave. 

My video is simple to this beautiful song.  Simple images.  Simply photos of little moments  of life.  Photo shots that I live for that everyone can relate to if you just switch out the faces in the video for loved ones you know. 

  Take the time to focus on your Little Moments and treasure them. They are indeed what make life beautiful!

Click here for Little Moments YouTube Video link

The Smell Off Charley

CHARLEY BRONOLD

I really thought there was nothing that could ever happen to Charley that would make me want to distance myself from my wonderful four legged friend. I mean, I love my yellow lab unconditionally. It was his charging my chest that helped me locate my tumor in my chest directly leading to a discovery of breast cancer just five short years ago. It saved my life.  He was one of the centers of my life, or so I thought.

That was until two weeks ago. ….

Jim took Charley, our lovable, exuberant household pet for his nightly after-dinner walk. Mind you, this is the same dog that took third place in dog training when all the other dogs failed to show up the day of testing.  If they had bothered to, there is no doubt that he would have tested in last place. I think it is safe to say, ‘Come’ means “Walk this way” and not “Run away from me.” Also, “Stay” does not mean he is allowed to go sniff all the other dogs’ behinds freely and aimlessly.  But this is Charley’s translation. He makes up his whole language and follows it not ours or the trainers! But in spite of those mishaps, all in all, he did amazingly well on command for the test.  Oh there were a few uncalled for barks here and there, but overall, we could not have been prouder.  The other two dogs did distract him some but that is not entirely his fault.  And our trainers could not have been happier to see us leave with Charley in tow.  I guess they just don’t understand big labs that love people as much as we do. 

Jim walked Charley all the way to the end of our street up the hill where one neighbor has bushes lining the entire front yard of his property.  Charley began tugging furiously on the lead.   This was not a true cause for concern.  What dog is not anxious to smell the ground and check out what critters have been there previously.  However, when Jim noticed what he first thought was a cat, and then noticed a distinct pattern of a white stripe running up its back, he pulled on Charley’s lead quite strongly to yank him back out of the bushes.  This was to not alarm Mr. Skunk.

Fumes arose looking a lot like the cloud from Linus’s blanket.  Jim wishfully thought Charley was not nailed too bad by the spray too badly because he had pulled Charley back out of the bushes in time when the smell came but how much had hit the dog, remained to be seen, or should I say, smelled.

As he approached our house with Charley, the smell picked up in intensity. Walking in the front door, it smelled like Mr. Skunk had come along the path with him and walked right in the door making himself at home as Charley’s shadow.   Into the tub went Charley immediately to be scoured.  Jim attempted to hold his breath while bathing as the ventilation in the bathroom is not enough to compensate for the overpowering smell coming off Charley.  He felt even Charley looked queasy off his smell.  He washed Charley multiple times, losing count but doing whatever he could to overpower the horrendous smell.

Jim put a call into me at work so as to notify me that there was not a dead skunk in our garage. He said I would smell one when I pulled in that evening but the smell would actually be coming from our home.  I suppose I should have felt relieve knowing there was no dead animal on our premises but the thought of that smell in the home was not at all inviting!

 When I pulled in the driveway, for some reason, the door was not properly closed all the way and Charley slipped out.  Before I could get a hold of his leash, he was gone. He shot across the subdivision, in the darkness of night, and took off wondering around the encircling farmland.  He was met with yells of “Charley come back” and “You want some cheese?”  And naturally he did what he always does, flat out ignores the pleas to return, preferring to keep us running after him.  Except this time, it was too dark for us to follow.

We were quite worried he would get hit by a car as he is not road savvy but could not do a thing but wait and pray he didn't get hit, did not go far and would wander back home.  We heard dogs in the area making a large racket  Partially, no doubt because a dog was running around free on their property. We were sure also because of his odor! We prayed he would make it home and safe but could not do much but stay on our plan to continue trying to irrigate the smell from our house.  What a horrible night.

Within a half hour, there was a sound at the garage door. I, as of yet, had not been in close proximity of Charley since his encounter with the skunk and somehow knew it was him. Now was my first hello.   I went to the door to let him in, opened it and about fell backward.  Phew, was the smell disgusting!   It was real easy to be upset with him for running away and almost upset he had returned. I suggested to him he go lay down in the farthest corner of the house, far away from me!  And surprisingly, he understood and listened, after downing a water dish in his usual style, drooling half of it over the kitchen floor.

Later that night, he jumped on our bed. To make up for running away, he put his head up by me.  I about gagged.  He had gotten sprayed directly by his head since that was closer to the bushes so it was the most intense area with the smell. Hence, I preferred, if anything, odd as it sounds, his rear-end be facing me. So I did what any woman would do that finds skunk disgusting, I went upstairs to another bedroom, closed the door tightly, lit a strong smelling candle and laid down for a good night sleep! 

Since that time, we have washed Charley with peroxide, tomatoes, and a mixture of baking soda with Dawn and peroxide, mixed with doggie shampoo.  You name the combination and we have tried it. About the time we think the smell might possibly be gone, it rains in middle Tennessee. Doggone it; every time he gets wet, we are confronted with that skunk smell again. They say dogs have incredible noses and can smell smells from far away. I wonder what he thinks of the odor he emits on those days? Does it nauseate him like it does me?   It has helped alleviate my appetite on rainy days for sure! 

I know he feels unloved a lot lately but I can’t help it. I find it hard to love someone so smelly.  It is like an unkempt person with bad personal hygiene.  Only with Charley, this skunk smell is worse.  We have been burning candles like we are having seances in our house. Anyone who wants to donate to the cause, yet we will accept candle donations!   But please do not report us to the local fire department. We do keep Charley’s tail out of reach of the candles burning.

My sister read recently that a skunk smell on a dog can last up to a year.  I pray that this is not the case with Charley.  If it is, I feel certain we are going to be looking for a doggie psychologist to help Charley deal with doggie neglect feelings.  I may love him unconditionally but I will not give him TLC unconditionally if he can’t get back to just smelling like a damn dog!

Jakob's Time to be Heard

He walked to the front of the church. He stepped on the altar with slow deliberate steps. Just a lone young man, dressed in black, from head to foot, distinguished, good looking with a solemn look on his face which conveyed much more maturity than a teenager should have.  As he approached the podium where the microphone stood, all eyes in the congregation focused on him and he confidently approached the Bible that lay open to the passage he would read aloud to all present.

He leaned forward and began speaking softly at first and then picking up intensity with each word:
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven;A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted;A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and time to dance;A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embraces, and a time to refrain from embracing;A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;A time to rend, and a time to sow; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. 

With every few lines, he viewed his audience, as if willing everyone present to pay heed to God’s word. He seemed to avoid looking at the coffin laying right within his eyesight, almost within an arm’s grasp, perhaps to not let a tear escape his eye.  Those present knew he had a special bond with his grandmother. It was important to this young man, Jakob Coad, his grandmother, Clarice Coad Memorial Mass touch all those present.  They were to be forever changed as her live had forever changed him.

His story was in sharp contrast to his grandmother’s.  Jakob was born in the picturesque  

captivating islands of Hawaii.  Jakob’s parents met, fell in love in a place that is easy to fall

in love and quickly get married on the beach.   Family lived far away so the wedding was small, quaint.   Both parents were from cold climates, his father from Buffalo, NY and his mother from Norway.  Kevin, papa and Mom, Camilla’s live was forever changed on October 22. 1997.  Jakob was to be front and center in both of their lives forever more.

It did not take long, after his birth for both of his parents to feel a sense of longing to be near family so as to share their dear son with kin.  Hence, in 2000, their family of three up and moved to Buffalo, leaving sun and waves for snow and frigid temperatures to be closer to family.   

Jakob never forgot his love of the ocean, the love of

being in  the water in any capacity.   He has taken that love to spending summers fishing and boating in Kokelv,Norway on summer breaks with his maternal grandfather every summer.  He spends this special time with his entire mother's family in Norway in the town she grew up in.  He is multicultural speaking both languages fluently.  This is a special time to bond and acclimate to a completely different culture, a part of his mother’s history. This is important because this is part of who Jakob is.  

What makes this young man unique is his ability to be passive in one sense, quiet and then, when enthralled with something, put everything he has into it. When he took up skate boarding, he is not like most boys, taking up a slight fancy to it. Not Jakob, he put many hours into the sport, trying to be the best he can, and becoming a champion at it.   If he enjoys something, there is nothing that will stop him from pushing himself to the limit.  That trait is admirable and that confidence is what helps make him unique. 

When his parents divorced, he became one of the millions of children that gets transitioned from one home to another.  However, he even seemed to handle this with ease. There was no real conflict in his mind or attitude.  He loves them both  and simply said, enjoys the relationship and the bonding experience with them each individually.  It is almost as if he is mature beyond his years. Yes, it seems as if he always has been, as far back as I can remember. 

He seems to have this innate way of adjusting to both parenting styles with ease.   He draws strength from both parent’s strengths. He tells me he hopes to one day to make something of himself that will make both of his parents proud. I have no doubt that he will succeed in this mission, if his heart is set on it.  He can do the unthinkable if his heart is set on it.  He is just at the age where he is trying still to figure out what that is!  

Summers are spent outdoors in Norway.  Fishing, camping, and enjoying a lifestyle with grandparents that farm is part of the joy of summers spent there. They make a living raising goats and other things different from the culture here in sharp contrast to his grandma in Buffalo that has a career at the University of Buffalo Medical Center. Both exposures are showing him diversities of opportunities in life.   Thus life is full of options.   He is well equipped to know he has choices. 

His grandmother in Norway describes Jakob as kind, caring, funny and helpful.  In a household where she raised nothing but girls, she is touched to find her grandson so

compassionate about other people, interested, and easy going.  He has a natural way and love of animals.  His other grandmother says he is spirited when it comes to sports, fearless and is a great athlete, very determined young man. 

Jakob’s sport of choice right now is wrestling.  His quiet nature and ability to be self-contained and stay focused lends itself to this sport. His outstanding physique is an asset as well.  Intensity on the mat makes him a worthy opponent for anyone. I doubt he is obsessed with always winning. I think Jakob understands more the importance, at the end of the day, of training, physical fitness, and how you play the game.  He admires worthy athletes, the kind that train hard, play fair and have outstanding skill sets.   He is a true sportsman with a fantastic attitude.  Somehow he seems to have had this instilled in his being from a very small age.  

A day before his grandmother died, Jakob came to visit her.  I know it must have been extremely had to stand there and hold himself together. He had spent many days and nights with her at her house while she had been watching him. Many times, she babysat him growing up when his father had him.   Over the years, they had shared so many memories.  Now he stood at the foot of a bed at the hospital, not knowing if she was coming home, probably unsure what to say.  

Being the strong silent type, he did, rise to the challenge and make us all proud.  Beaming from ear to ear as if he had no cares in the world, he gave her his biggest smile and practically shouted "Hello Grandma!"  He told her he missed her and asked how she was.  Yes, he was so friendly, at ease and charming. Bear in mind how hard this was for a young man his age, knowing the state she was in.  How many boys at his age could pull this off?   I think he may possibly be in a class by himself.   She gleamed.   Here was the boy she watched grow up. I recall her looking at him and saying outloud what a good looking boy he was and how proud she was of him.  She smiled so large her eyes literally twinkled. Jakob made her light up.  He has that effect on you when he smiles at you. He is a special person indeed.   

He stayed for awhile with his girlfriend there and we all chatted. I know he didn't want to leave somehow sensing it might be a final good bye but yet knowing it must be done. She needed his rest and he must move on with his life.  Yet, somehow I think he wanted to prolong the visit.  But even Jakob knows all good things some times have to come to an end. But I do believe he knows good things follow also.   And he had given her what she needed, the peace of knowing he was happy and his love.   To her, that was priceless!   She will be on her perch in heaven smiling down on Jakob, I have no doubt, till he joins her one day.   

And Jakob, his future I am joyful to see it unfold over the upcoming years.  It is in his hands.  He is the only thing that will hold himself back. We are all watching, and cheering Jakob on. As they say in wrestling, win the match Jakob, we know  you can.  For truly,  “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”  Your time, Jakob, is now. Make the most of it!  The rest of us will be watching, cheering you on. including your Great Grandmother Clarice.

Fight Cancer Before You Get it, Be in This Study!

Are you waiting to care about the cause of cancer till you are directly affected by it?  Many Americans are.  They are happy to put a donation in an envelope once a year and be on their way.  This year the American Cancer Society is starting the third and final phase of their longitudinal research study on preventing cancer.  This study has been done in the past and has given society some of the most memorable breakthroughs in the fight for lowering diagnosed cases of cancer. Discoveries such as the link between obesity and cancer, the benefits of physical exercise, and the link between cigarette smoking and lung cancer, just to name a few.

The population used for this research is diverse and the length of the study is over twenty years.   All participants have no personal history of cancer other than basal or squamous cell skin cancer.   And, the men and women that participate must be between 30 and 65 to be eligible.  The commitment is long term but the benefits are enduring forever.  Saving lives is priceless, valued at more than any check that can be placed in an envelope.

And yet, so few are willing to volunteer the 30 minutes needed to go, one time, to a site location to give blood, have their waist measured and pick up a registration packet.  After that one and only inconvenience, all surveys are done by participants in the comfort of their homes, either in written form they will receive by mail or via the internet. This is so much less intrusive than going through chemotherapy or radiation.  And yet, to help prevent others from getting a cancer diagnosis by having more breakthrough discoveries, it is still hard to get otherwise healthy individuals to sign up to participate in this important project.  

Some staggering statistics follow:  12 million Americans have had cancer, including those currently in some form of treatment as of December 2012. Our survival rates are dramatically improving, especially in certain types of cancers but we still have over 1,500 people a day die of cancer in our country. Cancer is the second leading cause of death in the U. S. only exceeded by heart disease.  Cancer is responsible for 1 out of four deaths.

Please consider participating in a study that takes little time or effort.  Simply one appointment and every other year, filling out of a survey in your home is all that is needed.  Do you can find the time to drink a pop, eat a pop tart, or surf the internet?  If you do, can you likewise, find the time to participate in this study called CPS-3 that just might one day lead to a break through discovery to save a life, possibly yours?

Visit cps3nashville.org  for more information and to register for the study. 

De-find You

I met someone this weekend that told a story I have heard many times before. Young woman meets a man, falls in love and marries. The marriage lasts for well over twenty five years and ends abruptly. No notice, no planning, just one day, one mate decides to tell the other, “I am leaving. I want out.”  

Put on the brakes, el pronto, and change gears.  Pull out your new deck of cards and start shuffling because you will need a new set of cards to finish out your life. Nothing in the past will be quite the same.  You will need to change because your future will be different.   I try to explain this to women when they are facing this scenario. Some women are extremely receptive to the idea of change and some are just not ready to make the transition, even though it is inevitable.   Change is a part of growth, and we must accept it.  Accept it with grace and humility and move on. Resisting it will only make it harder and more stressful.

This weekend the person I spoke with was contemplating who she was and wanted to be.  How exciting I thought that was!  I think, in her mind, it was a scary journey.  In my mind, maybe it was what God intended all along.  It apparently took her husband leaving for her to actually stop, and take a good hard look at herself. 

Now, in wonderment, she is trying to define herself and figure out who she is.  She admitted she has never really been sure.   I think she will find, as others see her, a beautiful image of love, compassion and humor.   But she must see,  feel and experience that with her own eyes and heart.  Self-worth and self-love are part of God’s gifts to us also. We must accept those blessings bestowed on us like all of his others.  

For far too long, she, and many others like her, have been hiding behind the shirt tails of her husband, quite literally, defining who she is by her last name. A marriage does not mean we lose our identity.  A strong relationship should entail a discovery of continually growing and redefining ourselves as life changes. A supportive mate should allow their partner that growth, in fact should welcome it. It is a reciprocal process as time passes. In her case, this woman I speak of,  much of her identity was tied up into her partner, what he wanted her to be, by her own choice. When he grew weary of someone playing a part, whether well intended or not, out the door he went. 

The more we talked I began to see that her hurt had more to do with the fear of being alone with herself and finding herself than the divorce or losing him.  Interesting, aye?  I kept hearing the song in my head by Jason Mraz,  “I am Yours.” It is such a simple little song but with a wonderful message about life.  See how precious life is if we just open up and enjoy it.   Love it and each other.  In this case, she needs to love herself.  Without doing that, she will never love another.  That alone will keep her warm and happy every day. That alone is a precious vital gift that only she can bestow on herself. 

Total dependency on another is not healthy.  As we age, death is inevitable, death of a marriage or physical death.   Our sole existence cannot be tied exclusively to one individual or one entity.  It can’t be encapsulated in one relationship, or when that relationship ends, our life ends.   We can’t sum up life is good simply if we have food in the cupboard or when we are hungry, life has nothing fruitful to celebrate.   Life’s value can’t be solely in being rich with lots of coins in the bank or there is no richness involved in the sound of God’s angels singing or hearing someone say I love you with heartfelt meaning.  Life’s existence and purpose must be self-defined and unfortunately some individuals lose something they love before faced with defining it.   

So the next time you run into someone whose marriage has ended after many years, instead of questioning what went wrong, I recommend a different focus.   Open up your mind and heart and encourage them to grow,   Maybe this is the time for them to live more fully, concentrate on recreating themselves a bit or fine-tuning some things and enjoy living in a slightly different way. And perhaps it is a reminder to you to do the same! 

                                 

Stories to Tell

The years seem to pass quicker the older I get.  Isn’t that ironic when now I want everything

to move slower. I want more time for daylight, weekdays, and yes, even weekends.  But my

reasons for wanting long weekends are not for the same reasons as when I was in school, no not at all.   I want to savor the moments, have the luxury of just relaxing, taking in the splendor of living life to the fullest.   Too much time has gone by where I was living by the seat of my pants, in perpetual motion.  I look back and sometimes wonder where I got the energy to get it all done so quickly and still keep moving.  If I had to do it all over again, I could not possibly come up with enough kinetic energy to do so.

  

There were days when I was working part time and attending college full time.  All the while, I was raising my two children, holding down a house, managing the household finances (barely!), the kids select soccer seasons and whew, whatever else came my way.  Nights ended at midnight with my studying and days started around 5:00 a.m.

As the years have flashed by, and the seasons change, so have I. I sure wish my body would recirculate like the leaves on the trees do and when fall returns, my body would look rejuvenated and as pretty as it did last autumn.  Mine gets each year, a bit older, more wrinkles, and possibly a teeny bit slower too, if one was clocking my speed.   It is safe to save Mother Nature is not as kind to mere Mortals as she is to the planet Earth.  That tree in our front yard will be here long after me and be just as majestic.

When I was younger, visiting with family was boring.  Just sitting around talking was painful. I would be looking for any distraction to help make it more bearable.  Now I simply find it so refreshing to spend time with family, immediate and extended. It is amazing how those bonds, no matter the time between visits or distance, seem to build quickly and they renew intently.   The similarities are quickly recognized and the shared memories warm the heart.   I find myself craving for more time and not less time with family to celebrate our connection.

Friends of yesterday years helped influence who I am today; some in small ways, some in large ways and some were just a fun piece of my history.   How I would enjoy reminiscing

with them!  In the past, running away from times in my life when I didn’t have it all together, e.g. high school years, sounded ideal. Now, as the pieces of my life fit, it would be so entertaining to collect some of those former friends and actually connect live, in person and just celebrate life, the fact of what we were and who we are now.   One day we will all be connected again, in a more perfect world and but all of us have come a long way and have hopefully grown.  The past is a blessing and the present is a blessing also.

I find more and more things in this world we live in to smile about and less to worry about as I age.  Cynicism is an attitude.  It is a choice.   It is allowing the negative to underlie everything you see, think and feel.  If I do that, I can’t enjoy the moment.  I worked too hard to be here, at this moment, to not enjoy it.  There is so much good surrounding us if we look and feel with an open heart.

Plus I believe in miracles. I see them every day. I think with a closed mind, you don’t see them.  I have faith and believe God makes things happen all the time.  I didn’t feel this so much when I was younger. This is something I have become more aware of as I have grown older and deepened my faith.  Try adopting this attitude for a while and you may be shocked at what you see happening all around you. 

My favorite memory of old was listening to elderly people tell stories of their life, growing up. 

There was this one lady, Louise, for example. She lived in a nursing home next to my grandparents’ house in Piqua, Ohio. Louise was wheel chair bound and had no legs. When she was younger, she use to attend grand gala events at a huge home in Dayton, Ohio down the street from where I grew up. in Saville Estates. We use to simply call the home the Mansion.   It was easily the biggest house in the neighborhood and towered on a huge hill down the street.  It always looked horrible when I was kid, run down, with huge outdoor pool overrun with weeds, signs of decay on the columns running alongside the walk ways leading to the pool, ivy growing up alongside the house.  

Louise described the house from back in her days, when her relatives owned it.  It was a different day and time. She showed me pictures of her family from outside on the grounds and inside the home.   It was like something from Tara in Gone with the Wind. Simply beautiful!   The pool water was crystal clear with the ladies and gents around the edge of the water in their full body bathing suits as was the custom in those days.   The yard was well manicured and looked as clean and proper as a golf course on the pro tour. 

The day I ran over to Louise’s one bedroom to hear my afternoon of stories and found her room utterly empty only to be told she had died, my heart sunk.  She cannot be replaced.  She brought to life her life to me.

Stories of our life told to younger generations should do that; bring an earlier era to life. Take time to do that. History is best served that way.  I use to crave listening to older people talk about their lives, some twenty and thirty years ago. Those recanting were so much better than a boring history book.   I always wondered what it would be like to have a pocket full of stories like that to tell. 

It is as if I woke up one day and became one of those old women sitting on the front porch.  I have a wheelbarrow full of stories, oodles of wonderful yarns about people I have met along life’s journey. Oh, and tons of stories about me, about history in the making, when microwaves first came out, where I was when the Shuttle blew up, when cloth diapers were used only, etc….  Some of the stories are funny, some sad, some make you think.  All of them have touched me in their own unique way.   Isn’t it amazing how much we learn in life from just everyday living?   It is as if recanting our steps in life we can help someone else vicariously visit the history of us, our legacy. The joy of a story is being taken to a land far far away  without your feet leaving the ground.

As we age, before our feet leave the ground permanently, perhaps we should all consider doing this, tell someone your story. 

....And Then There Was big girl Ava

 I have had many wonderful moments in my life.  Moments where I thought nothing to come would ever surpass the experience.  Events that centered around my family, in particular my children and also there have been places I have visited that were dream vacations for me. 

When I look back, there are far too many to name.  As I age, perhaps it is safe to say that there are

even too many to recall.  Yes, I am getting closer all the time to my Grandma Gliatti’s age and one day, I will look in the mirror and perhaps see a reflection looking back at me that bears even more resemblance to her.

But the one thing I never expected in the line of superior events in life was a little pint sized child to rate up there on the list of most prized moments in life.  That is, any time spent with her is special indeed.  With her unpredictable attitude, a smile that lights up a room and personality bigger than life, she has attached herself to my heart strings and every moment I spend with her is a highlight in my life.

I am talking about none other than my one and only granddaughter.   I think God intended for me to only have one for He knew Ava could not be surpassed. She is a handful so he only gave me one.   (God knows everything; he planned this perfectly!) 

Whether she is gouging up my make up by literally digging into it, and proudly putting it under one side of her face, as she is fond of doing, she turns into a beauty queen who looks like she has been beaten up.  But never mind, she is proud of her cosmetology skills and so am I!

So many times, when I watch her, it is like a slice of the past. She mimics her Aunt Boo Boo, my daughter, in many ways.   Both, as children have no volume control. When they walk into a room, it can be like a tornado hit. No one has any doubt who Ava is just as with my own daughter.  The energy and life they emit is contagious.  Dancing, walking on tippy toes and singing came naturally to Boo just like it does to Ava.  It is amusing to see that many of the same traits Ava’s daddy finds amusing in his own little girl he found irritating as ever in his sister.  Now he has to live with them all over again!   I suppose he has learned to just suck it up! 

The loving nature of Ava is one of the things, when I die, I will miss the most. The way she holds my

cheeks in her hands and looks at me and then kisses me.  My heart melts when I watch her comfort her baby elephant at bedtime and tell him not to be scared that it is bedtime and that she will protect him and it is time to go to sleep.   What a kind caring big heart in a tiny little chest.   It sure makes me proud I brought her daddy into this world. 

When I go to Ava’s house, she immediately tells me to take off my shoes.  That is her way of saying to me she does not want me to leave. She will continue saying it over and over again until I remove them.   It is an endearing trait, like so many others she has.  I sometimes wish I could capture all these little nuances and put them in a time capsule so when she grows up she could look back and see the beauty of what she was as a little girl.   She would indeed be proud.   I know, by then, I won’t be here forever or remember to tell her all of the little details that make her so darn special and uniquely her. 

It melts my heart when she is sad because she is, by nature, a happy child who enjoys life.   When her language processing catches up to her speaking skills, she will not be good at keeping secrets!  I can foresee in the future a blabber mouth of sorts like her aunt!  Oh, not everything, just the things no one wants her to tell anyone! 

Ava is real, Ava is precious, Ava is genuine and Ava is one of my greatest blessings.  When I go to heaven, I will ask but one thing.  I want to be the angel that, every time Ava’s mouth turns into a frown, I can slip back down from heaven and push the corners gently back up into a smile.   And ever so softly whisper in her ear, “I love you, smile, you are Grandma’s big girl!  I have your backside always."

Video Link Below:
Simply Clock on
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Season Celebration; Coming Home in 2013

With the holidays winding down, now comes the time for reflection of what the holidays meant to me and to us all.  Several times, I could not help but reflect on how my husband and I would approach this Christmas knowing Dan, my step son would no longer be on this earth any longer to be a part, in any way, of our Christmas day, or so I thought/felt.

This holiday is the time of year when good friends become more like family.   Those

family  members we are often too busy, other times of the year, to communicate with, we find time to now.  Even if it is simply to jot off a Christmas wish, a phone call, an email, to let them know they are loved, thought of or wished well for the upcoming year. 

It is the time we say good bye to a year and hello and praise to an upcoming one.  It is a time for rejoicing in memories of the past year, reflection on what went well, and what we learned. And hopefully, a time to draw from the experience and be a better person for our future, no matter how long or short it is.

 As I drove into work on Dec. 26^th, I was thinking about how splendid it had been to be in contact with so many people that are near and dear to me this year during the holiday season.   That is, all except for one, Dan, who we lost in March.   As I pulled close to work, into a mostly deserted parking lot, out of the blue, on the radio, the song we choice for his memorial tribute blasted out of my radio,   “I Can Only Imagine.”  It could not help but remind me that he was signaling to me that he was home, and yet here with us for the holidays.   It was a nice closure to Christmas.

I then reflected further, as the year was winding down, to what the ultimate joy is in

the holiday season for so many of us. As my son once said, as he grew older, Christmas is just not as much fun once you get past the toy stage.  We all go through that period until we realize the true meaning and joy of the season.   I tried to capture some of it on the attached video. It is not just about gifts, it is not just about Santa, nor about our family of origin either. The holidays is more about a feeling, an attitude, a rejoicing in what life is suppose to be about, what we make it, what we do for one another, what we celebrate, what we create as home and who we invite into our home.  Think about it and make 2013 a year to remember. And to celebrate your home!

(Video best viewed in full screen & if you encounter trouble loading it off this site, it is loaded on you tube under above name)