Charley, I am not one to complain. Well, maybe not much.
Well, maybe on some days not much anyways. But when I do, can I just say I
really appreciate you listening and not judging me for voicing my opinion. You
seem to always know it is important to hear me out and let me say my peace. I
love how you have the sensitivity to let me set it up with the proper lead in
without rushing me through so I can really cathartically relive it and get over
it and move on. What would I do without
my four legged friend?
It reminds me a good work buddy of my husband’s Jason. All his wise cracking and practical jokes on
everyone. He could get everyone laughing
at him at the drop of a hat. But boy, his dog Jackson, he could make Jason
laugh like nobody. He would come into work and tell Jackson stories and have
himself in stitches just recanting the adventures of Jackson. Perhaps the funniest image left of the dog with us was
when he entered his little pug in a costume contest. In his mind, I am sure it
was a beauty contest. Anyone familiar with pugs knows, there is no way they are
in the category of beautiful! Well, the
picture of Jackson in the local paper showed him in complete leather motorcycle
garb looking tough. Ah, except for one
little thing, he was quite obviously not paying attention to the announcer
because he was too preoccupied sniffing
another dog’s butt. All I can say, on
the bright side is it was not Jason’s.
Charley is always eager to see me, unlike my adult kids. My
daughter travels in from out of town and feels as if it is penance to stay with
me. On the flip side, her Rottie Belle
thinks Grandma is the bomb. Belle had been living with us for 6 months.
I was followed everywhere by her. I could literally not get up in the
middle of the night and walk out of the bedroom without tripping on her. She
was right under my feet to ensure I did not leave without taking her. Funny how your own kids want to run away
from you and your dog wants to never leave your side and if you try to run away
they want to run with you. This dog wasn’t
even mine and still would not leave my side.
What a sweetie! My daughter must not
have talked to her about me is all I can figure.
When I walk Charley up the street at night, I can hold my
head high. There is no real drama with him other than he has this dramatic
flair for pooping in other people’s yard.
Why is our yard not good enough anyways? Then we have to clean up his ‘do’ and carry it home like a new
bought toy in plastic bags. A few moments of holding your breath and
collecting the specimen as quickly as you can and we are on your way.
With family or friends, the poop that flies is not nearly as
easy to scoop up in a plastic Wal-Mart bag and yet it’s just as toxic. It is the kind of stuff where someone says
something about someone else and as it goes around, it gets inflated and
creates havoc. In families, it can create scenarios where
someone can become the scape goat whereby one person becomes the cause of every
bad; the root of all evil and no one cares anymore. This is like a board game that ends with the
pieces and the board getting thrown up in the air except its real life. Dogs sometimes have it easier, aye?
Speaking of aggressive tongues, well they say it often times
comes from insecurity. Many people mask that by being mean. I wonder if the
same is true of dogs also. If so, my sister has a very highly insecure pup
then. Her dog Jake, when cornered by my husband Jim, simply trying to get him
home safely to his owner from our house, became possessed by a She Devil. With next to little warning, he lurched
forward and bit my husband. With a history of large dogs, my husband had never
been bitten in his own home, and now this small dog comes along and scares the
heck out of him snapping at him. He will
forever be known to us as simply “Jake
the Biter.”
When it comes to fashion, Charley loves whatever I have on.
Infact so much so that he rubs up against it to basically love on it. Too bad
his hair has a way of falling off and depositing itself on my articles of
clothing! We have actually now placed lint rollers, or should I say “Charley
hair rollers” at key locations throughout all of our entrances to our house and
in all of our motor vehicles except our lawn mower. My husband says it is
irrelevant to have dog hair on clothing when mowing the lawn. The one and only time you can walk out the door and not have to spend 15 to 30 minutes swatting every area of your body with a roller! In the country, clothing on mowers is
optional. Heck, dogs luck out in this area of life, never having to wear any. Having a dog is like having a close friend that is not into fashion at all, unlike some people I know who shall
remember nameless!
My sister’s dog Pinkie
is as cute as they come. She never hurts
a sole but yet, someone in her house still felt compelled to make her look more
like her namesake. Did she complain?
Nope, not a word. It didn't matter to her she was the talk of the
town. Dogs everywhere in Springboro were
probably howling back and forth about her for weeks. I mean how ridiculous it
looks to have a mild mannered female dog with a pink Mohawk on its head? When
my sister rolled my hair in rags years ago, my hair looked about as cool as
Pinkie’s and I whined about it for days. Not Pinkie, she took it in stride.
Just makes my case even stronger, dogs allow you to pick on them and are good
sports. We need more dogs in the world
and less friends.
Charley is a pretty good sport in this area too. Around the holidays, I attempt to put that ridiculous Christmas collar on him. You know,
the one with the wide red Santa velvet look to it and the big ole bells that
jingle every time he moves. How
wonderful that must be for him to when the sound is so terribly close to his
ears. I bet he just loves that! And then when I try to compliment the look
with the accessory of the season, a Santa cap, well does he look jolly. I must
admit, he does scramble abit over that but I can manage to get a photo or two
off before he manages to get it taken off.
But hey, no one else in my circle of friends or family would dare wear
it or one of those Christmas sweaters loaded down with Christmas tidings of joy
hung all over them. But Charley will wear anything I put on him, at least for a
few minutes, before he can get it off and chew it up!
I love how no matter how long I am gone; Charley is just as
excited to see me. I can simply go outside and get the mail and it is as I was
gone for days. Charley is wagging his tail, smiling and eager to see me walk
through the door again. Not too many
people in your life are that eager to see you. I think my friends Bonni and
Gary would agree as their dog Roxie goes positively nuts when you come over,
even strangers! What is even more
precious is every day, when Gary comes home; Roxie arrives at the door to greet
him and has held on to her little gift, her daily dump. Yep, how many of us
would be willing to actually hold on to something we need to do and fight the
urge just so we could wait and save it for our best buddy? You just have to love Roxie’s loyalty to
Gary! I know Gary just treasures his
girl.
Friends come and go in your lifetime, unfortunately too many
times. Even with family, far too often anymore, it feels as if they are not
there when you need them. In my circle, I sometimes feel used more than
aided. That is, with the exception of
Charley. He, as long as he is kept on a lead, is always within a leash length
to help me. I do mean that literally.
When I need him to be there for me he is. Unfortunately, his only major
deterrent from this is his pesky persistence in trying to jump our fence. Even an electric fence won’t work with
Charley either so we are the only family I know that walks a dog on a leash in
a fenced in yard. But, if that is the
price I have to pay to have a loyal friend and companion, and keep him somewhat
captive, I will. Everyone has to have friends. So maybe I have to cohere mine a
bit. We all do what we have to.
My daughter in law, her dog, Bruiser, he thinks every dog
wants to mate with him. Bruiser should be nicknamed, Boner. I really don’t think any further explanation
is needed is it? We simply stare in
amazement when he is at our house to see a small beagle boxer mix humping the
side of a sleeping 112 lb. lab. I
think Bruiser has read too much doggie porn!
But again, Rebekah has had Bruiser for a very long time and
he is a loyal dog and a wonderful companion. We all need that. When times were
tough, Bruiser was there. Just like
Charley. That is what counts.
So yeah, dogs can be weird.
So are you sometimes. We dog
owners can put up with their idiosyncrasies.
But heck, they put up with all of ours and never ever spill their
guts and tell a sole about any of ours, they are totally trustworthy. Come on, where do you find friends like that? Who never laughs at you even when you are
stupid? Who sits with you even when you
are stinky? Who loves you, baby, all the
time? One place only will you find that..... in
the doggie kingdom. Adopt a dog, not a
family member or a friend! You just
might live longer!
It never
ceases to amaze me how much joy and love I feel inside when I am around my
grandchildren. I always thought, when they were born, at some point that
pounding in my heart would subside. The
joy I feel when they walk into the room is supposed to become less over time,
isn’t it?
Well it just
isn’t happening to me. As they get older, they just hit different stages, just
like my own children did and with each stage comes new and exciting moments to
share. My love just seems to deepen. I feel so enriched being a part of their
lives. It matters not what I am doing
with them. It can be simply reading a child’s book or tucking them into bed and
my world is spinning with joy. When
they smile, it makes a cancer battle worth every day of the fight. It makes all
the wrongs in the world right.
My friends
call me the foreign tourist in my own country. I am the woman with the camera
that takes pictures constantly. When the
grandchildren are near, they begin to hide their faces from me. That doesn’t work
though. If necessary, I am known to
resort to going under tables to catch those beautiful eyelashes on film or the
adorable perky nose of Ava, those gorgeous brown eyes of my grandson Kaleb or
any other trait any of the four have.
And the list is a mile long of the traits they have that I adore.
When I talk
to friends that have grandchildren I find I am not alone. Grandmas seem to
share this common bond. A badly taken photo is still a prized possession. Even
what others consider a cranky baby is a feisty sweetheart to us. A belligerent child to a parent is a
competent human being to grandma; this is a child who knows darn well how to stand up for themselves and will be
somebody someday! Oh, we are full of
excuses for our grandkids, something we were always short on with our own
kids. Time does change us, age does
too!
I always
have candy in my refrigerator door. I
started giving it to my grandkids when they first learned to use the potty.
Gone are those days, over a year ago, but yet the candy remains. They are proud
to know where it is housed. And even more fond of opening the door and asking
for it, repeatedly. At first, it was
done after creating very slight tinkle streams in order to win favor and get
the beloved candy, usually their favorites, Reese cups or Butterfingers. Now it is just pure twisting me around the
pinkie finger and it works every single time.
How can I say no to something so cute?
I have a sweet tooth myself and to me, there is nothing sweeter than my
grandchildren.
I remember
when my children were young, taking a trip to the fair was something expected
of me. Seeing my children laugh and play on rides and petting animals was
fun. Somehow with the grandchildren is
even more delightful in a different kind of way. There is this freedom to brag, shout out
loud my joy and pride in their happiness and scream with delight when they
do. Complete abandonment. Unlike my own children these days, my grandkids are not embarrassed
by outward shows of affection.
If my son or
daughter caught me running towards them with a bear hug, they would be sorely
tempted to run in the other direction or pretend I was a stranger who got loose
from the nearest mental ward. My grand-kids would meet me half way, screaming all the way,”love you Grandma! Come quickly!”
What
wonderful moments I have shared and will continue to share with my
grandchildren! I know, when the final
day comes and I am called to heaven, it will be a beautiful good bye and will
only last until I see them again….. (Click on Video below)
Attending a wedding for an Italian relative a few weeks back
it could not help but bring memories of my grandma, Grandma Gliatti. It sometimes feels like yesterday that I was
sitting in her kitchen at her rickety table telling her stories of what was
going on at school. She would lean in so interested in my life. I was always
amazed at how she would keenly actively listen to all of her grandchildren
share their stories when there were so darn many of us. I use to think she must really have a huge
heart. Now I know, looking back, she did.
Funny how you take those family get togethers back in the
day for granted, thinking that things will always be that way. Years go by and
the next thing you know, it is just like the movie, Four Weddings and a
Funeral, those being the only times you see each other. I wonder what my grandma must be thinking in
heaven to see her trend did not stick. Infact, it went away as soon as she
passed.
In her time on earth, it did not seem to matter than no one
had, on the surface all that much in common. All that mattered is that we were
related to her. That was enough, the
love of family too, it brought us all together countless times to just enjoy
each other’s company. Oh, even more importantly than that, to enjoy Grandma’s
unmistakable awesome cooking!
Walking in Grandma’s house in Toledo, Ohio one was almost
immediately hit with the aroma of homemade bread baking. It was almost like Pavlov’s classical
conditioning training, instantaneously mouth watering. No need for butter, jam or honey with her
bread, no sir, just tear off a hunk as
quick as you can or loss a chance completely
as it disappears faster than you can say “Can I have a piece
please?” And once you bit into that a
piece of that bread, you are met with
the best tasting bread in the world, it simply melts in the mouth. Years of perfecting the art of Italian bread
making, something Grandma doesn’t take lightly but mastered. Boy did we luck
out when they passed out Grandmas! Living during the depression and remaining
poor till the day she died, bread was not a choice to make, it was a necessity. Apparently flour was the main commodity they
had at home. Funny how perspectives are
so different, to her it was a hardship of sorts and to those of us that visited,
we saw it as a treat. Yep, it was a
downright blessing!
Funny, now that she is gone, and the bread is too, we see it
as something so special lost with Grandma Gliatti that is irreplaceable. Nobody
makes it like her. Gone is her ravioli
and her lasagna and the other dishes she threw together with no recipe anyone
could follow in her footsteps or match her flair for coming up with the world’s
greatest Italian food. Just a memory
that the palate will never forget. I
can’t help but wonder if God has her preparing His banqueting table. I would lay odds on it….
After the wedding ceremony, my cousin Joey and I were outside
the reception hall discussing days gone by.
Reminiscing, we reflected on the
countless family party gatherings with no particular theme, nothing to
celebrate at all but just about being together. That was just enough back in
the day. Just the sheer joy of being
with family.
In sharp contrast, half of our family’s offspring doesn’t
even know each other. I am not so sure
it is all that different in other people’s families either, sad to say. We live in different times. Sometimes these changes are not good;
extended families become a low priority.
With so much unhappiness, turmoil and distrust in the world, it seems
odd that families would not want to reunite and would become so disjointed. But again, it is not just happening in our
Italian family. I hope our kids can
change this trend. We need extended roots to stay grounded and connected.
As the wedding progressed that evening, I sat back and
admired the beauty of the celebration, watching the mother of the groom, my
cousin Julie. From across the banquet hall, I saw glimpses of her mom, my dear
Aunt Carmen in my Cousin Julie’s smile.
The beauty of my aunt was evident on my cousin’s face. That sincere smile of contentment was indeed
passed on, as well to her so Nick, the groom as he lovingly embraced his new
wife Beth. How wonderful it is to see
the circle of life, love and family play out right before your eyes. And yes, I
do think my grandma was there. I think
anytime a group of the Gliatti clan are gathered to celebrate or commemorate a
key moment in someone’s life her and Grandpa want to partake in the
celebration. I actually feel the
essence of the whole family there even if they aren’t in attendance. Perhaps
that is what makes me sad somewhat too because it never seems, anymore, that
everyone is present these days like they use to be. It makes me miss my Grandma even more. I didn’t realize when she left; she took the
connection we all had as a family with her.
As I left the reception that night, it dawned on me again
how grateful I was for those memories of my childhood in Toledo, Ohio at that
little house in Point Place with my Grandma Gliatti. All the trips there, to that little brick
house that was so full of laughter, times watching Grandma sit on the couch and
say the rosary while she watched Mass on TV and wait for her to cook up
something yummy and then dote on us.
Those weekends spent with cousins, aunts and uncles helped formulate my
idea of what openness and fun could be about and what kind of future I wanted
in my own life with a family of my own some day. It also opened my eyes to the importance
Grandma saw in family and that value I developed with my own children and have
tried to pass along to them as well. I
think she planted a seed in me and it took root. Those of us that looked up to
her, the grandkids that have memories of her, Joey and I both felt, have been
forever touched and changed by her. The memories and moments she gave us have
left an indelible imprint on our lives. Love and miss you always Grandma! Until we see you again…..
Forget the Oh Charley perfume of days gone by, the Heavenly
Scent and Baby Powder Cologne I asked for.
I don’t need a gift card to upload more iTunes to my iPod nor a day at
the spa unless it includes a wrap to remove the wrinkle that is situated from
my bosom to my upper thigh.I need a
mirror that makes me look beautiful, a cream that does the impossible and a
body that makes me move free of squeaks and creaks. Oh yeah, one where the next
morning is not met with, why did I overdo it by getting out of bed and
physically exerting energy yesterday?
Did my mother tell me this years ago and or did I
conveniently forget it or maybe it was selective memory loss. Why is aging more than just a numbers game? Thank God I didn't know much about what I would lose or I
would have probably set about breaking every bone in my body by trying to get all the adventurous
activities done early. Yeah, I would have gone way overboard if I had known what was ahead and
how soon it would come crashing to an end.I thought this stuff only occurred to that lady in Driving Miss Daisy.Heck I am not her!
Let’s see, I would
have done some of those things Tim McGraw sings about in his song, Live Like I
am Dying.I would have jumped out of
airplane (regardless of my fear of heights and flying), I might have
learned to fence (even though knives in the kitchen are cause for a phone with
a preset to 911) and I would have played tennis more years and more rigorously instead of insisting my team mates, many times my spouse, hit the ball directly to me, thinking that it was a good idea to save my ankles for future sports I would play. Plus, I thought I would be picking it back up later, when I had more time. I have the time now but not the joint strength! One good strong cut on the court, I would be more likely to catch the ball on my mouth than with the racket. But I must say, I do like the tennis outfits a whole lot better now than years gone by. So maybe I could just buy the outfits and look like a professional player much like I do when I wear my ski gear.
Speaking of skiing, our last ski trip was to Colorado. I found the
jolting of the skis as they cut across the terrain in Colorado run up through
my legs straight to my wobbly knees. That is, until I landed on my rear. This was followed, unfortunately, by an
ungraceful fall to the ground, with my head slammed to the ground going
approximately 30 mph which felt like 90 mph. It literally whip lashed back and then bounced a few times. I had no idea my head was that bounce-able. Maybe I do have a hard head after-all? With my head spinning, staring up at my husband’s face, I decided my
skiing days were over.Yes, the lodge
down below with an outside deck with folks just gazing upwards at us fools on the slope, they with beer and hot
chocolate mugs watching the mountain were more to my taste. I suppose they had a
good laugh as I looked like a cut from the beginning of the Wide World of Sports
where the great skier crashed into the giant slalom gates.
Oh, who am I kidding? I was on the beginner
slopes and had just crossed for all of 20 feet tops the medium difficulty slope
only to get back over to the beginner slope.My intended quick run was way too fast a speed since I did not make that
stupid V with my skis correctly my husband was frantically yelling at me to
make. Hence, next thing I know I was about
to wrap my arms around a tree line on the edge of the big mountain we were on.As my husband repeated screamed “Stop”, or so
he said, my brain froze.Backing up a
second, who can hear anything when you are flying in the opposite direction on
a sky slope, in fright and the wind is whistling loudly over your ears.He has the audacity to ask me later, “Did
you not hear me yell?”How the heck
could I have heard that and think about it for a split second, if I knew how to
stop, why would I have been making a beeline for the trees in the first place?
I was unceremoniously promoted, or retired,
to the senior group. I was a damper on
the ski party crowd, even with ski
lessons. Gee, I thought I did good in
those classes but maybe my husband was right, they just gave up with trying to help
me so passed me to get rid of me. After my last run down the slopes,
or rather crash landing, I was beyond
hope and a hazard for those that knew what they were doing on the ski
slopes. This included those obnoxious
little children streaming and screaming past me with glee, with their cute
little smiles cutting their skis here and there, showing off, stopping on a dime with no look of fear on
their bright little self satisfied faces. I bid them good riddance and heading to my buddies on the deck with their mugs to watch others crash land on the slopes as I had.
It isn’t physically just our bodies that age but our looks
too. I always wondered if I would age
gracefully. I am not sure, to this day, if I am or not.Why can’t I be like Cher or Madonna or some
of those other super stars that look like they just walked out of their 40’s
when they are 60?Could it be because
they have a plastic surgeon as a best friend? Why aren't any of my friends doing something like that? My son can fix teeth (Dental) and my daughter can fix internal body issues (medical) but let's face it, as we age we want someone who can fix BBB (Breast/Belly/Bottoms) or someone who loves Liposuction if not a full blown Plastic Surgeon specializing in making us look beautiful. Oprey says life begins at 50 so let's live it up! Hey, we can do it better with a brand new fixer up look!
Can you visit a place like eHarmony
and place ads for BFF’s instead of relationship mates?You know friendships without benefits.
Actually the kind of benefits I would like is plastic surgery benefits, and in
return I will be your lifelong friend. I could write up something like this:
Looking for a wonderfully rewarding friendship with a
competent plastic surgeon that specializes in undoing the facial and body aging
process. In return, for complimentary initial complete work up (beauty body make over) and maintenance upkeep, I
will be fully committed "till death do us part" to being a BFF. This includes
shopping excursions, coffee dates, and meeting for dinners, phone chats, and
even ladies night outs. You will find
me funny, engaging and a great listener.
Prefer someone with 15+ years of experience in the field, married and
with references. Can negotiate other terms as needed, you will find me very reasonable and a good patient, trust me. I am honest, all my friends tell me that!
As a child, my grandparents Herrman as we called them had
always asked, every birthday, if we had our wrinkle cream.In those days, it never made much sense to
me. Who would need something like wrinkle cream.Why would someone want such a thing?How important was it to remove
wrinkles.Isn’t that vain, do wrinkles
really make someone’s face look that much different?
Recently my close friend and neighbor Eileen had very intricate eye surgery. As part of her recovery, she was not
allowed to hold her head up vertically for ten days. Can you imagine spending ten days walking around looking down at the ground the entire time? Not only was her neck sore but she looked funny. At least, during this time she could wear no make up, no one knew because no one could see her face; eye contact was impossible unless you were a midget. She really did have to say "Who is it" when you came knocking at her front door, inspite of the glass on
either side, because she couldn't look up to see.
Eileen, one day, took a
mirror to check how her eye looked; she put it infront of her face with
her head still looking down at the ground.OMG, she said to herself.Was this a cruel joke; who was that woman
staring back at her?Apparently, it was
some old broad with tons of loose skin and wrinkles. It could not possibly be
her.
As she peered abit closer, she knew it of course was her.
She was seeing herself in a new light, with new eyes that did not show herself
very flattering. For someone who prided herself as the Belle of the Ball all her life, this was hard to take.She had
to look away and gain courage to look back in the mirror.Glancing back she thought, I look a
fright.She realized that when you hang
your face down in that position, gravity works to your is advantage and pulls
all your excess skin without the nice elasticity of your youth to the
forefront, that and the dreaded wrinkles.On top of that, she was not
allowed to wear make-up yet due to her surgery. Amazing, she said, that when she is make-up
less and looking at her face with all the signs clearly showing of aging,
children don’t scream in fright at the site of her. She wanted to scream at the
site of her!
Personal Challenge:
Take a mirror, drop your head down looking at the ground, without make
up on and place a mirror under your face.
You will see the image, as you age, that shows your face ain’t what it
use to be.
Friends come in all shapes and sizes. They come at you
during all phases of your life. There
are those that your parents throw you together with when you are barely able to
walk, as toddlers and just speaking gibberish.
Oh, those are the days when you are suppose to share. At a time when most things go directly into
your mouth and you have never heard of germ phobia and your parents are then
forcing you to let all the other kids have their turn of putting their nasty
germs on your toys. Oh great, then you
have to remember not to put them in your mouth. No wonder, years later, these
friends fall by the wayside.
The friends you make
it grade school really the first that group of friends that are formed by
choice as individuals based on a commonality of circumstances and being able to
relate. One being you are in class together, perhaps seated close by each
other, or on a sports team together or worse, both picked on. This formulates what true friendships are all
about, a common bond, sharing experiences. Being in a classroom for 6 ½ hours a
day with a teacher who constantly says the same thing over and over again, “Sit
in your seat, work to your potential and no cheating” will definitely make kids
want to “reach out and touch somebody’s hand.” Unfortunately, at the wrong
time, this makes for light conversation, when something boring is going on like
a monologue by a teacher, much like Charlie Brown’s teacher or the blackboard
repetitive exercises of 2 +2 = 4 that the teacher feels is imperative to sit
quietly as a mouse and listen. Thus, a child
gets in trouble for talking but then after a second one does, another bond is
created between the two. Michelle Bell and I were bonded for life for our
ability to always get caught talking but we felt we were talking extremely low,
apparently not so! We had a common bond,
for sure. Many others did as well,
feeling that school can be boring!
The neighborhood provides a cast of characters for a pool of
potential friends, and enemies, depending on your luck of the draw. In my day, it was repeated games of outdoor
play, from kick the can, to jump rope, to flag football even played coed. I remember a neighbor and I played quite a bit
as kids but later, as teens we weren’t close as all. Times change but those
early years were dear. We use to jump rope for hours with the other girls in
the neighborhood. All the other girls
were older than us, mostly my older sister and her friends. At times, the older girls were mean to
us. We sort of took turns getting our
feelings hurt by their picking on us.
Sharon Lewis and I forged a close friendship in those days not only
built on the time jumping rope and playing but on the fact that the older girls
were not always so nice to us. We
learned together to stand up to them.
She went on to be a strong individual. Eventually she was actually the
Captain of a highly competitive High School Drill team at our local high school
that won many competitions. Funny how
events shape people. We use to cry over the jump rope thing, being bullied.
Years later, she was proud, strong and I was silent but proud of her.
I wonder today, with the onset of so many video games, do
kids get outside and play like that anymore? Is there the opportunity to do so realistically with so many homes needing to
have both parents working and single parent homes? Parents are bombarded these days from child
experts with a bad rap. “Effective parenting requires that parents restrict the
time children spend in front of the television and the computer screen and spend
more time outdoors. Also, that would allow more time for healthy friendships to
develop. “I assume this means friendship void of the kind developed off the
internet. Great idea, but if both
parents and the single parent are working, who is going, who is going to supervise
the child coming and going from the residence?
Often times, employers will not permit employees to take calls or their
parents are not free to take the calls. It is irresponsible parenting to have
children living at home and not know where your child is at all times. How safe is it for a child at any age to go
outdoors unsupervised by an adult these days?
When I was a single mother, it was next to impossible to
find anyone to even watch my children when I was working and attending school,
when they got to a certain age. One time, when I had someone I thought was
responsible at home, my young daughter was riding her bike up the street from
our home. I would never let someone that little out of my sight and she would
never ride a bike at that age without me being outdoors watching her. She was
only 5 or 6. The person watching her was
not outside. Some strange man in a car
got out of the car and tried to snatch her and she got away by running to a
complete strangers house and running into the front door and locking it behind
her. We spent an entire year, per the police’s
instructions, having to forbid her from being in the front yard as the culprit
was not caught. I never ever again let
either of my children go outside again when I was not home unless they were
going to school functions and driving there.
Safety is more important that children being outside and making friends
in the neighborhood thus these days, many kids can live in a neighborhood and
not have friends there.
Pre-high years friends are difficult to keep. Popularity in
school is dictated by details that children cannot control. Kids get isolated and begin to feel the
harshness of getting left out by their peers.
Friendships break up similarly to male-female relationships. It is as if the kids are going steady with
their friends and this is the precursor for dating and romance. They break-up and make-up with their friends
like days of the week, it is that common place and that frequent. Often
times in the same day. Along with this comes all the drama that is
attached with the first kiss, puppy love, etc because being accepted and liked
is so important at this tender age. This
is especially true of girls.
Girls love to talk about each other. When one girl is upset
about another girl, they talk about each other. So the pain can get intense.
But it passes as soon as they make up.
(What a shame disputes in Congress aren’t settled as quickly!) Children do not know how to handle this rejection
as it is a new experience in a new setting when they are more aware of boys and
feel so isolated by their peers. They are
afraid everyone is talking about them and will be left out of the in crowd
permanently. Friendships matter to children, to us all. It
is a self affirmation outside the home, outside our comfort zone. As a parent, it is hard to watch. Band aids for wounds are no longer doable for
hurts. Unfortunately, nobody wins the popularity award in life so it is a tough
lesson to help kids work through.
In high school, the friendships are just as vital to self
esteem, if not more so. Without them, the news easily points out potential
consequences. Kids that feel out of
controlled, like victims feel they need to become empowered, like a video game
or super hero or Greek tragedy. Depression,
suicide, hostility turned outward, vandalism, and violence towards others can
follow. Isolation is hard to process as
something positive.
A pecking order gets
established in high school that is pretty much set in stone. Again, the teen ager has very little control
over it. It is reminiscent of a caste system if you are on the bottom
rung. The teenager that comes from a
poor family, have special needs, are
less personality, possess less athletic abilities, more withdrawn, these young adults are much more likely to get
left out or picked on. The teenagers are not part of the “In Crowd
and may spend a good deal of their early twenties wondering why. High school years are not so wonderful for
these kids. The teen agers that are so
nice and well liked and popular may not stick their neck out to help those that
are not. Infact, they may stick idly by where one less fortunate are bullied by
someone mean not willing to take the chance they, in turn, may draw some
negative repercussions.
I recall when I was in high school a girl that was
unmerciful towards me. Many of my friends knew this girl, for no reason
whatsoever had it had for me. She would
want to pick fights with me, keep my picture out of yearbooks, and instigate rumors.
Consequently, at my friends’ urgings, at times, I missed parties that she was
going to be in attendance just to avoid the confrontations. Not once did a friend or an upperclassman
that knew me and liked me stand up to her on behalf. Maybe it happened without my knowledge but
never in my presence.
Years later, I saw my daughter go through the same ordeal
with a girl at her private high school. At my daughter’s school, she was quite
popular, more so than I was in high school. Christina was extremely well known
and liked. But the girl was mean, antagonistic and very confrontational. No one wanted to get stuck in the
middle. Again, no one intervened, not
even a teacher. She was left to her own defenses with this bully constantly
after her to meet after school so she could be beat up knowing my daughter was a
starter on the varsity soccer team which was a top contender in the state. This girl did not care, much as the girl I
went to high school felt about me.
Girls can be mean for no reason what so ever. And friends in high school
can be fickle in supporting their friends.
Adult friendships seem to be the most complex. With a
family, work, and all the obligations that go along with both, finding time to
commit to friendships is much like trying to balance three babies on two hips,
difficult at best. It takes some
practice and expertise to be good at all three. I also find it takes
discipline. But it can be done.
They are different too than the relationships you develop as
a child growing up and as a teenager trying to fit in. And as college roomies,
which as built on parties, and deciding what you want to do when you grow up
and get out of school.
No matter what age we are, there is always that desire to be
accepted but the drive, the need is never as overpowering, usually, as it is in
the younger formidable years. AS an
adult, you still need friends and desire them but the drive is not nearly as
dominant in your life. As my girlfriends
say, quality is more important the older we get verses quantity. Friendships in adult years are based more on
logistics; where we are at in life and value systems, the things in life that
truly matter. Most adults prefer
relationships with deeper meanings and more maturity based relationships.
Having said that, there are exceptions to the rules. We also need friends that
understand in our lives we need friends that understand the adult need to
distress, to put things in perspective and the need to talk about the weather
sometime and not politics and religion!
Years go by, too quickly actually, and some of those early friendships
last. Sad to say that
some of those
‘wonderful friendships from high school and youthful days’ do not. They can turn out to be one sided where they
mean to one person than to other or the contact just is lost. Facebook has made is so much easier to
reconnect with others though. It links
people from all over; however, it does just that, links you from one party to
another. You can quickly get updated
with the who, where they live and what they are doing. But all the whys and how they got there over
the years, well that is not a quick email. That is not a quick string of
messages. That cannot be captured by
looking at someone’s photo album either. That takes time to develop. If there
wasn’t a strong connection before, it is hard to really develop it now after
the fact, all these years later. Not impossible, but hard.
Even
when there was a strong bond before, let’s face it, life experiences changes us all. Some of the folks that were the nicest may
now be the most arrogant, and the opposite may be true. Money and success can change people easily
into thinking they are now better than everyone else and not worthy of others
time and attention. Some of the folks I
felt seemed abit high on themselves, I have noticed on Facebook appear to be
very humble, kind and gentle hearted now.
Thus, to me, even more beautiful than before! Life has made them even more special. People move on. Friendships over the years may not matter but
their existence from the past is good to acknowledge and reflect on. Facebook allows the opportunity to do that,
and make that quick emotional connection.
For those of us that have lost a friend or two, we wish we had that
chance before they entered heaven to say “Hello, you finally got a Facebook
account!!!”
Friends definitely shape us.
The experiences of our
friendships held mold us into who we are today.
Some in a good way, some affect us in a very small way, even if the
friendship turned sour. There is so much
to be learned from mistakes we make in our judgments’ of others and incorrect
conflict resolution with our friendships.
Most friends touch our lives in
unique ways if we take the time to reflect.
I hope the friends that I have made, when they look back,
recognize and find I touched their lives and helped mold them in a positive
way. When I had cancer, I use to keep a
basket that held all the cards I got while I was in treatment. I started with a
small basket. Two times I had to
increase the size of the basket. I was
in treatment for 18 months so there was plenty of time for friends and
relatives to send me cards. I felt sorta
isolated at times over the treatment since it seemed to go on forever. Those cards, each one, were a blessing. I
even got some from total strangers. Somehow they heard my story, from someone,
somewhere, and they would sign it, Your Friend and some name from some town
somewhere in the U.S. It was nice to
know I had some friend I didn’t know somewhere. Friendships are about touching
lives mutually. See, it was a friendship because I touched their live and they,
in turn touched mine. Those cards were my lifeline.
At the end of the
day, God intends us all to be friends with one another. Try to overlook the
faults in each other in your friends and join hands. It is really not our place to judge or be
judged. Do this in remembrance of friendships past, or those now in the present
and for those to develop in the future.
In tribute, here’s my
video with just a few of them. Enjoy.
His hand is his way to plead, "Walk with me, help me grow, I have seeds to sow. You may find that I am a key In another way God wants you to see What a wonderful world this can be!"
Another year has gone by and my grandson’s birthday is approaching. It seems only fitting that I would write, once more, about our special Ty Ryan Glasmeier. This is not simply about an adorable little boy with autism. It is about a million of children he represents with the same diagnosis. His story is probably not that much different. But yet, since it is my grandson, it feels much more personal and unique to me, he seems more special. What grandmother doesn’t have a bias towards her grandchildren?
Often times, as I watch Ty play or run to me with his smile on his face this year, I can’t believe that a grandma can love a little boy as intensely inside as I love him sometimes. That is something new this year, a greeting with a smile. For a long time, smiles did not grace his face. He now kisses often those he is near when asked to do so. It is a wonderful big step in our lives, and his. He has become so affectionate, thanks to his parents working diligently with him on accepting touching.
Funny how your heart can love a child and yet hurt at the same exact time. I watch him and want so much for him and yet, my mind tells me grandmothers that have autistic children feel the exact same way about their special grandchildren as I do. They know, with increased funding, research and therapy for these children, the sky is the limit. They pray, as I do, for advancement and miracles. They want others to understand and to care also. Autism is a hard thing to understand when you have no direct exposure to a child with it or an adult, especially when many can’t speak or express what they feel or go through day in and day out. Those of us that have an inkling, as none of us truly know, must try to make a voice, and put a face to autism. Ty has a face, he is the face of autism.
Last night, a new American Idol was crowned. I read his life was forever changed. Our lives were forever changed with Ty’s birth and subsequent diagnosis. The young man who won the coveted award, Philip Phillips, for American Idol gets a tremendous amount of money and a recording contract. Meanwhile, my son and daughter-in-law get to take their son to therapy sessions. The joy they experience is much different than sitting at a recording studio. Phillip hears great playbacks but my kids greatest joy is when the therapist comes running out and tells them of a great stride Ty made in therapy in any given day! Then a phone call comes later in the day to tell Grandma the latest new step in his development so we can all celebrate another victory.
The money frivolously given on reality television shows gets spent on promoting themselves. My children’s goal is to come up with over $15,000 one day to buy Ty a service dog. Right now, some of the best coveted therapies are not covered by insurance policies. This limits the doors open Ty, the days he can spend in a special type of therapy that benefits him the most. But we treasure the windows of opportunities that are presented to him just the same. Ty has taught us all more about life than anyone we have ever known; small steps matter, joining hands for a common good is Christianity at its best.
For many years, I detested celebrities that took on social and political issues. I must say, with the influx of bullying going on, my attitude has forever changed. This issue has become epidemic and too many children are dying and suffering daily. My daughter in law forwarded to me that horrendous story making the news this year of the child bullied for being autistic. Our hearts were heavy with the mere thought of someone so vulnerable being made fun of by someone trusted and respected. We all thought of not only Ty in the future but every one of the million autistic child and adults in our society. Vulnerable people are already at a disadvantage. Society tolerating this type of behavior is unfathomable, for anyone. Whether you are a Lady Gaga fan or not, how can you not respect a celebrity who puts all of her efforts behind promoting and embracing this issue. She is driven towards making a difference and denouncing bullying and admitting she too was bullied throughout her life. Our differences are blessings not curses. This is true of autism also. We can learn from those that are different, that is why we are different.
While the whole world listened to news of Whitney Houston’s death, it was in close proximity to my daughter in law having a tear filled moment of her own. After a exceptional productive therapy session Ty had with his therapist , my daughter-in-law was told her Ty had uttered five words out of the blue. This is the same little boy who was never supposed to speak. He may never say them again but for that day, he had, out of the blue, spoken. Her heart sang. As she drove home, cars around were riveted to news about Houston dying. I imagine some drivers were teary eyed like her. But her silent tears flowing from her face were from gazing at her darling little boy in the car seat from the back view mirror as she beamed with pride at the joy of learning he was uttering audible words. Her Ty Ry continues to surprise her. His love has no boundaries of his mommy as he stares back at her, oblivious of why she is crying but he senses she loves him intently. Ah, what a wonderful world we live in!
Political debates are continually being played on television. Healthcare issues are always front and center. My son works in the healthcare field as a independent family dentist. The debates are heated on these healthcare issues, and affect small business owners such as my son. My son could be paying more attention to this on a Saturday. But here he is, out in a soccer field with his son Ty at an Easter egg hunt. Ty is unnerved by crowds so to help him stay calm but still participate and not miss the moment, his dad is with him. Dad and son walk, hand in hand. He lets his young son walk him, where ever and whichever direction Ty would like to go. Not a care in the world, this proud father lets his small but determined two year old son lead him at will. Very few eggs or candy get picked up and that seems to matter little to the father, only that his son is smiling and they are together.
See, autistic children don’t always like to be led and if forced to be led, at times, they can throw a fit. The debaters on TV could learn from my son, something about compromise. Sometimes it is not about who is right but about learning that sometimes it is better to follow and get something done than being the leader and spending all your time fighting. Pick your battles wisely. Then you can focus on getting things done. And thus, make the world more harmonious.
The news focuses daily on gossip, scandal and celebrities. We have our business news, our sports heroes and our updates on stock trades. Our family has our news too, of Ty regularly. It consists of the good therapy days, mastery of a new skill set that has been worked on for quite some time, a new program Ty is eligible for, an additional sign language symbol he is using, and behavioral changes. And we too have our hero, it is that same small fellow, a little boy who is never far from our thoughts and prayers. He is representative of so many others in society.
Our hero doesn’t really change from day to day. It remains the same little person. He just gets a little bit bigger, a little brighter over time and continues to amaze us, teach us about life and about ourselves. He is oblivious to the effect he has on us . Ty Ry doesn’t even ask for any recognition. Ty Ry doesn’t want to be the center of attention, he will avoid it. I understand, by nature, autistic children and adults don’t want to be. We all need to respect that BUT they need support. Their families and their therapists need our support. Not enough is being done in this area. Take note, please. The numbers are staggering. Ty is only one of many. I pray Ty is a vessel for that to happen, a catalyst for change.
Happy Birthday Ty; you make the world more beautiful!
Funny how when you are a kid you can lay on your back and
almost feel as if, if you stretch up just as hard as you possibly can with your
arms towards the sky you can touch the clouds rolling by. And on those summer nights, when you are
camping outside with friends, and the night sky is filled with stars, you do
the same exercise with those beautiful blinking lights. In your child’s mind, you are not entirely
convinced, it can’t be done so you reach out and attempt each time you think of
it, just one more try.
And remember those first few concerts you went to when you
were a young teenager? There was that hot young star singing on the stage that
you finally got to see live in person that was plastered all over the posters
in your room. Even from the back seat of
a stadium, you have yourself convinced he looks the same. And then, there was
that moment in the concert, when he looked your way, and locked eyes with you
during that one slow love song. Wow, what are the odds of that happening? How
did he pick you out of that crowd of female gawkers, you are amazed and yet
touched. Maybe it was just pure destiny.
Why is it that the one boy so many of us have that huge
crush on is the one that doesn’t know we exist, much less care? You know the one, the high school football or
basketball star. The guy that is a cutie, popular with all the girls, all
except for you. Yet, you continually
fantasize that one day he will wake up and see that he belongs with you. You are worthy. And so, you hang in there with your undying
devotion, each time getting hurt over and over again with each break up he has
as he just picks up another new girlfriend overlooking you.
Sometimes, as an adult, I miss the childhood innocence of
wishing for the impossible. Logic, as a
child, is not nearly as apparent as it is when you are an adult. Thus, the land
of make believe seems like a real possibility.
It allows for more hope, more chances of change and more wishing. You
believe, as a child, wishes can and will come true, if you wish hard
enough.
I think we all need to work at getting that wishing ability
back. The ability to dream the impossible dream is a gift, part of living life
to the fullest. It does not mean we have to believe the impossible but what is
the harm in trying to catch a butterfly with our bare hands as we did as
children, or lie on our backs and assess what the shape of a cloud looks like
if it were an object. Why not wish upon
a star? What do we have to lose?
The innocence somehow gets replaced with a cynicism of
life. With the rejection and the
maturing comes responsibility and this overriding sense of anything remotely
childlike is irresponsible and immature.
I beg to differ. Giving in
occasionally to the child within is freeing. It is an important part of who you
are. Allowing it to come out is
allowing you to be free of some of the constraints, within reason of
course. We are allowed, even as adults,
to swing, to go down slides, to blow bubbles, or do other activities that use
to fill our summer vacation days; passing time aimlessly laughing without a
care in the world.
Those days go by so quickly and yet are a small portion of
our life span. Life is way too serious
sometimes, most of the time. We need
breathers, emotional breaks. We need to
be children sometimes and just chill and dream. Besides, why should kids have all the fun
anyways? To Dream .......
When my kids were little, I used to tell them , they could be whatever they wanted to be. My son’s first dream was to be a garbage man. Bright and early, once a week, at the crack of dawn, he would be up and waiting at the window for the garbage truck to come down the street. When they did, out the door he would run, screaming with glee. He would wait anxiously at the curb for them to arrive. They would greet him with a smile, knowing he would be there, week to week. These were the days when strange men smiling at your kids did not send parents in to panic!
He would watch them take our trash and be so excited to see them compress it. I think they did it, whether it needed it or not just to see his little face light up. He would follow along as they did several neighbor’s houses too, walking along side of the truck as the men talked to him along the way. When they got past the block, he would trot along back home. They the real work began for him.
In our house, he would begin pulling garage out of our trash cans and tearing it into small pieces and creating piles in our house. He would spread these piles about the house. Then he would get his caravan of toy garbage trucks and begin his process of picking up all the trash. As he diligently pushed them around the floors and pick up each stack of trash, one by one, I held back my annoyance with these piles because it was so cute to see his passion at work. Luckily too, he settled for making piles out of paper scraps!
My son went from this dream to wanting to be a pilot by middle school. When that phase hit full force, I researched on the internet to find the best schools to attend. I found one in Florida and requested materials about how to get admitted. My son and I both got familiar with the requirements. I was excited at the thought of having a pilot in the family. That was until he decided he wanted to be a sports medicine doctor. And so it goes. … Note to self, kids frequently change their minds!
I believe in dreaming. I believe in trying making dreams come true. To do so often requires putting an action plan together. We must encourage our children and friends and those around us to discover what is their dream, their calling and go after it. Tomorrow may be too late.
This came to mind this past weekend as I watched my grand-daughter at her first soccer game. To say she was enthused to be there is an overstatement. I think her interest level being there was right up with having a tooth pulled, getting a shot
at the doctor or having the flu!
Her parents gave her the opportunity to play a team sport, one in which requires running. She excels at running and is competitive so it seemed a likely choice. Her performance at practice has been lacking but the true test was going to be at an actual game.
Saturday arrived. The weather was beautiful. As the kids made their way to the field, my grand-daughter literally clung to her mom’s leg. When she did make her way to the field, with her mom in tow, she promptly hit the ground playing in the nearest dirt pile. That was the most action I saw out of her that day at the fields.
I must say, she was the most striking girl out there though. She had a fire, a presence and let it be known this was not her cup of tea. Even the least interested spectator could tell my grand-daughter was not partaking of the game soccer any time soon.
There she stood, when she was not down cross legged in the dirt piles, with with her super long lean legs, big bow that was matched by a just as large brown beautiful eyes and a smile, when she choose to share it. Unfortunately, it only materialized when she was off the field rolling around on her mommy's lap!
On the sidelines, her parents could not help but smile thinking of the contrast between this, what they saw out on this soccer field and her reaction on the dance floor. She screamed with delight at attending practice, smiled through out her classes and performed so wonderfully.
It was an easy choice on what is a good investment of their time and their daughter's, bring joy into her life that brings smiles in her world or something that brings discontentment and frustration. For now, they will give her a little more exposure to soccer to let the newness wear off and see if her attitude changes. If not, they will stick with helping her generate more smiles in her life.
It is important for parents to cultivate a drive within their children and all others they meet a desire to be all that they want to be, be the best that they individually can be. We owe that to ourselves, to God. That should be everyone's legacy when we leave this place. Introduce your children, your friends, strangers, to new things. As new ideas come along, consider trying them out.
Don't prejudge your children and label them; let them discover themselves by introducing different skill sets, forms of expression or sports and recreational activities. Allow them to experience all the ways of tapping into themselves. They may have a hidden talent undiscovered! We all need that feeling of fullness, oneness and success. It is especially true of children, our future leadership.
Go beyond your comfort zone and expand who you are too. Lead by example Living on the edge sometimes is a good thing. There may be a new talent you have. If not, have fun trying, being introspective and creating some memories.
As I made the video below, I took various snapshots and had fun being creative. There are captions of occupations and opportunities we can do with our lives. We can go beyond our comfort zone and expand who we are with the simple stuff in life or the more difficult complex goals.
There may be a talent in you, yet undiscovered, one you consider unreachable. Some are serious, some are not so serious, but all captivate the mind. They make you think, what else could you be doing with your life? Perhaps you should redefine yourself or refine who you are? Now is the time. Why wait? I believe in you!
Coloring eggs and receiving baskets of candy and goodies. Lifting our voices up in song and giving thankful praise to our risen Lord. Being able to stop eating fish on Friday if you are Catholic. Going to church annually, on this particular Sunday, sometimes the only day folks attend all year.
It is also a time for reflection. The image above of God in His glory was taken from my step son Dan Bronold's face book page. Recently deceased, it was among his face book pictures posted. It stood out as most images were of his carefree lifestyle. This one was front and center because, at the heart of who he was was a Christian, a believer. In his quiet moments, he spoke of God. I think he intentionally posted that picture to let those of us that knew him know for certain, heaven was his end destination. Perhaps he even knew he would get there much sooner than the rest of us that love him but his image so proudly displayed let us know we will indeed see him on the other side. I am so proud of Dan for posting that image. As Jesus promised, if we believe, we too will get there.
Easter brings color in to children's lives along with sugar. Easter gives hope to the hopeless. Easter lights the way for Christians during troubled times in their lives and gives our journey purpose. It is the basis of our faith.
Perhaps the innocence of children celebrating Easter exemplifies the meaning of Easter best. Better than any words I can dare to write......see what you think...
Turn up your speakers, click on the video, and view it on a full screen
*Special thanks go out to Kaleb, Ava, Ty & Jake for making this video possible
