Ty Three Ribbons

Another year has gone by ,

time to write about Ty Ry.

His birthday is approaching soon,

the living room will be filled with balloons.

This year he may be in the room,

or he may opt to be a little cocoon.

It is not that he is rude,

it just depends on his mood.

Sometimes he hates all the noise,

Unlike so many other boys.

Ty finds joy in simple things,

Like listening to other people sing,

Things that give him joy,

Are not wrapped up like toys.

They are gifts from the heart,

This sets him apart.

His needs are many,

His wants are few.

When he tries to lead you by the hand,

Don’t ignore his lead,

His hand is his way to plead,
"Walk with me, help me grow, 
       I have seeds to sow.
           You may find that  I am a key
                 In another way God wants you to see
                         What a wonderful world this can be!"

Another year has gone by and my grandson’s birthday is approaching. It seems only fitting that I would write, once more, about our special Ty Ryan Glasmeier.  This is not simply about an adorable little boy with autism.  It is about a million of children he represents with the same diagnosis. His story is probably not that much different. But yet, since it is my grandson, it feels much more personal and unique to me, he seems more special.  What grandmother doesn’t have a bias towards her grandchildren?   

Often times, as I watch Ty play or run to me with his smile on his face this year, I can’t believe that a grandma can love a little boy as intensely inside as I love him sometimes.  That is something new this year, a greeting with a smile.  For a long time, smiles did not grace his face.  He now kisses often those he is near when asked to do so.  It is a wonderful big step in our lives, and his. He has become so affectionate, thanks to his parents working diligently with him on accepting touching.

 Funny how your heart can love a child  and yet hurt at the same exact time.  I watch him and want so much for him and yet, my mind tells me  grandmothers that have autistic children feel the exact same way about their special grandchildren as I do. They know, with increased funding, research and therapy for these children, the sky is the limit.  They pray, as I do, for advancement and miracles. They want others to understand and to care also.  Autism is a hard thing to understand when you have no direct exposure to a child with it or an adult, especially when many can’t  speak or express what they feel or go through day in and day out.  Those of us that have an inkling, as none of us truly know, must try to make a voice, and put a face to autism. Ty has a face, he is the face of autism.

Last night, a new American Idol was crowned.  I read his life was forever changed. Our lives were forever changed with Ty’s birth and subsequent diagnosis.  The young man who won the coveted award, Philip Phillips, for American Idol gets a tremendous amount of money and a recording contract. Meanwhile, my son and daughter-in-law  get  to take their son to therapy sessions.  The joy they experience is much different than sitting at a recording studio. Phillip hears great playbacks but my kids greatest joy is when the therapist comes running out and tells them of a great stride Ty made in therapy in any given day! Then a phone call comes later in the day to tell Grandma the latest new step in his development so we can all celebrate another victory.   

The money frivolously given on reality television shows  gets spent  on promoting themselves.  My children’s goal is to come up with over $15,000 one day to buy Ty a service dog.  Right now, some of the best coveted therapies are not covered by insurance policies.  This limits the doors open Ty, the days he can spend in a special type of therapy that benefits him the most. But we treasure the  windows of opportunities that are presented to him just the same. Ty has taught us all more about life than anyone we have ever known; small steps matter,  joining hands for a common good is Christianity at its best.

For many years, I detested celebrities that took on social and political issues. I must say, with the influx of bullying going on, my attitude has forever changed. This issue has become epidemic and too many children are dying and suffering daily. My daughter in law forwarded to me that horrendous story making the news this year of the child bullied for being autistic. Our hearts were heavy with the mere thought of someone so vulnerable being made fun of by someone trusted and respected.  We all thought of not only Ty in the future but every one of the million autistic child and adults in our society.  Vulnerable people are already at a disadvantage.   Society tolerating this type of behavior is unfathomable, for anyone. Whether you are a Lady Gaga fan or not, how can you not respect a celebrity who puts all of her efforts behind promoting and embracing this issue.  She is driven towards making a difference and denouncing bullying and admitting she too was bullied throughout her life.  Our differences are blessings not curses. This is true of autism also.  We can learn from those that are different, that is why we are different.

While the whole world listened to news of Whitney Houston’s death, it was in close proximity to my daughter in law having a tear filled moment of her own. After a exceptional productive therapy session Ty had with his therapist , my daughter-in-law was told her Ty had uttered five words out of the blue. This is the same little boy who was never supposed to speak.   He may never say them again but for that day, he had, out of the blue, spoken.    Her heart sang.  As she drove home, cars around were riveted to news about Houston dying.  I imagine some drivers were teary eyed like her.  But her silent tears flowing from her face were from gazing at her darling little boy in the car seat from the back view mirror as she beamed with pride at the joy of learning he was uttering audible words.  Her Ty Ry continues to surprise her.  His love has no boundaries of his mommy as he stares back at her, oblivious of why she is crying  but he senses she loves him intently.   Ah, what a wonderful world we live in!

Political debates are continually being played on television. Healthcare issues are always front and center.  My son works in the healthcare field as a independent family dentist.   The debates are  heated on these healthcare issues, and affect small business owners such as my son.   My son could be paying more attention to this on a Saturday. But here he is,  out in a soccer field with his son Ty at an Easter egg hunt. Ty is unnerved by crowds so to help him stay calm but still participate and not miss the moment, his dad is with him.   Dad and son walk, hand in hand.  He lets his young son walk him, where ever and whichever direction Ty would like to go. Not a care in the world, this proud father lets his small but determined two year old son lead him at will.  Very few eggs or candy get picked up and that seems to matter little to the father, only that his son is smiling and they are together.   

See, autistic children don’t always like to be led and if forced to be led, at times, they can throw a fit.  The debaters on TV could learn from my son,  something about compromise.  Sometimes it is not about who is right but about learning that sometimes it is better to follow and get something done than being the leader and spending all your time fighting.   Pick your battles wisely.  Then you can focus on getting things done.  And thus, make the world more harmonious. 

The news focuses daily on gossip, scandal and celebrities.    We have our business news, our sports heroes and our updates on stock trades.   Our family has our news too, of Ty regularly. It consists of the good therapy days, mastery of a new skill set that has been worked on for quite some time, a new program Ty is eligible for, an additional sign language symbol he is using, and behavioral changes.   And we too have our hero, it is that same small fellow, a little boy who is never far from our thoughts and prayers.  He is representative of so many others in society. 

 Our hero  doesn’t really change from day to day. It remains the same little person. He just gets a little bit bigger, a little brighter over time and continues to amaze us, teach us about life and  about ourselves. He is oblivious to the effect he has on us .  Ty Ry doesn’t even ask for any recognition. Ty Ry doesn’t want to be the center of attention, he will avoid it.   I understand, by nature, autistic children and adults don’t want to be.  We all need to respect that BUT they need support. Their families and their therapists need our support.   Not enough is being done in this area.  Take note, please.  The numbers are staggering.  Ty is only one of many.   I pray Ty is a vessel for that to happen, a catalyst for change.

Happy Birthday Ty;  you make the world more beautiful!

To Dream Like a Child Again

Funny how when you are a kid you can lay on your back and almost feel as if, if you stretch up just as hard as you possibly can with your arms towards the sky you can touch the clouds rolling by.   And on those summer nights, when you are camping outside with friends, and the night sky is filled with stars, you do the same exercise with those beautiful blinking lights.  In your child’s mind, you are not entirely convinced, it can’t be done so you reach out and attempt each time you think of it, just one more try. 

And remember those first few concerts you went to when you were a young teenager? There was that hot young star singing on the stage that you finally got to see live in person that was plastered all over the posters in your room.  Even from the back seat of a stadium, you have yourself convinced he looks the same. And then, there was that moment in the concert, when he looked your way, and locked eyes with you during that one slow love song. Wow, what are the odds of that happening? How did he pick you out of that crowd of female gawkers, you are amazed and yet touched. Maybe it was just pure destiny.  

Why is it that the one boy so many of us have that huge crush on is the one that doesn’t know we exist, much less care?  You know the one, the high school football or basketball star. The guy that is a cutie, popular with all the girls, all except for you.  Yet, you continually fantasize that one day he will wake up and see that he belongs with you.   You are worthy.   And so, you hang in there with your undying devotion, each time getting hurt over and over again with each break up he has as he just picks up another new girlfriend overlooking you.

Sometimes, as an adult, I miss the childhood innocence of wishing for the impossible.  Logic, as a child, is not nearly as apparent as it is when you are an adult. Thus, the land of make believe seems like a real possibility.  It allows for more hope, more chances of change and more wishing. You believe, as a child, wishes can and will come true, if you wish hard enough.  

I think we all need to work at getting that wishing ability back. The ability to dream the impossible dream is a gift, part of living life to the fullest. It does not mean we have to believe the impossible but what is the harm in trying to catch a butterfly with our bare hands as we did as children, or lie on our backs and assess what the shape of a cloud looks like if it were an object.  Why not wish upon a star? What do we have to lose?    

The innocence somehow gets replaced with a cynicism of life.   With the rejection and the maturing comes responsibility and this overriding sense of anything remotely childlike is irresponsible and immature.  I beg to differ.   Giving in occasionally to the child within is freeing. It is an important part of who you are.   Allowing it to come out is allowing you to be free of some of the constraints, within reason of course.  We are allowed, even as adults, to swing, to go down slides, to blow bubbles, or do other activities that use to fill our summer vacation days; passing time aimlessly laughing without a care in the world. 

Those days go by so quickly and yet are a small portion of our life span.   Life is way too serious sometimes, most of the time.  We need breathers, emotional breaks.   We need to be children sometimes and just chill and dream.   Besides, why should kids have all the fun anyways? To Dream .......

You Can Do It!

When my kids were little, I used to tell them , they could be whatever they wanted to be. My son’s first dream was to be a garbage man. Bright and early, once a week, at the crack of dawn, he would be up and waiting at the window for the  garbage truck to come down the street. When they did, out the door he would run, screaming with glee.  He would wait anxiously at the curb for them to arrive.  They would greet him with a smile, knowing he would be there, week to week.    These were the days when strange men smiling at your kids did not send parents in to panic!  

He would watch them take our trash and be so excited to see them compress it. I think they did it, whether it needed it or not just to see his little face light up. He would follow along as they did several neighbor’s houses too, walking along side of the truck as the men talked to him along the way.   When they got past the block, he would trot along back home. They the real work began for him. 

In our house, he would begin pulling garage out of our trash cans and tearing it into small pieces and creating piles in our house.   He would spread these piles about the house. Then he would get his caravan of toy garbage trucks and begin his process of picking up all the trash.   As he diligently pushed them around the floors  and pick up each stack of trash, one by one,   I held back my annoyance with these piles because it was so cute to see his passion at work. Luckily too, he settled for making piles out of paper scraps!

My son went from this dream to wanting to be a pilot by middle school. When that phase hit full force, I researched on the internet to find the best schools to attend. I found one in Florida and requested materials about how to get admitted. My son and I both got familiar with the requirements.  I was excited at the thought of having a pilot in the family. That was until he decided he wanted to be a sports medicine doctor. And so it goes. … Note to self, kids frequently change their minds!

I believe in dreaming. I believe in trying making dreams come true. To do so often requires putting an  action plan together.  We must encourage our children and friends and those around us to discover what is their dream, their calling and go after it.  Tomorrow may be too late.   

This came to mind this past weekend as I watched my grand-daughter at her first soccer game. To say she was enthused to be there is an overstatement.   I think her interest level being there was right up with having a tooth pulled, getting a shot 

at the doctor or having the flu! 

Her parents gave her the opportunity to play a team sport, one in which requires running. She excels at running and is competitive so it seemed a likely choice.  Her performance at practice has been lacking but the true test was going to be at an actual game. 

Saturday arrived.  The weather was beautiful.   As the kids made their way to the field, my grand-daughter literally clung to her mom’s leg.   When she did make her way to the field, with her mom in tow, she promptly hit the ground playing in the nearest dirt pile.  That was the most action I saw out of her that day at the fields.  

I must say, she was the most striking girl out there though.   She had a fire, a presence and let it be known this was not her cup of tea. Even the least interested spectator could tell my grand-daughter was not partaking of the game soccer any time soon. 

There she stood, when she was not down cross legged in the dirt piles, with with her super long lean legs, big bow that was matched by a just as large brown beautiful eyes and a smile, when she choose to share it. Unfortunately, it only materialized when she was off the field rolling around on her mommy's lap! 

On the sidelines, her parents could not help but smile thinking of the contrast between this, what they saw out on this soccer field and her reaction on the dance floor. She screamed with delight at attending practice, smiled through out her classes and performed so wonderfully.   

It was an easy choice on what is a good investment of their time and their daughter's, bring joy into her life that brings smiles in her world or something that brings discontentment and frustration.  For now, they will give her a little more exposure to soccer to let the newness wear off and see if her attitude changes. If not, they will stick with helping her generate more smiles in her life.  

It is important for parents to cultivate a drive within their children and all others they meet a desire to be all that they want to be, be the best that they individually can be.  We owe that to ourselves, to God. That should be everyone's legacy when we leave this place.  Introduce your children, your friends, strangers, to new things. As new ideas come along, consider trying them out.   

Don't prejudge your children and label them; let them discover themselves by introducing different  skill sets, forms of expression or sports and recreational activities. Allow them to experience all the ways of tapping into themselves. They may have a hidden talent undiscovered!   We all need that feeling of fullness, oneness and success. It is especially true of children, our future leadership. 

Go beyond your comfort zone and expand who you are too. Lead by example  Living on the edge sometimes is a good thing. There may be a new talent you have. If not, have fun trying, being introspective and creating some memories.   

As I made the video below, I took various snapshots and had fun being creative. There are captions of occupations and opportunities we can do with our lives. We can go beyond our comfort zone and expand who we are with the simple stuff in life or the more difficult complex goals. 


There may be a talent in you, yet undiscovered, one you consider unreachable.  Some are serious, some are not so serious, but all captivate the mind.  They  make you think, what else could you be doing with your life?  Perhaps you should redefine yourself or refine who you are?   Now is the time. Why wait? I believe in you!

Grandkids Know What Easter is All About

Easter is a time for reflecting and rejoicing.

Coloring eggs and receiving baskets of candy and goodies. Lifting our voices up in song and giving thankful praise to our risen Lord. Being able to stop eating fish on Friday if you are Catholic. Going to church annually, on this particular Sunday, sometimes the only day folks attend all year.

It is also a time for reflection. The image above of God in His glory was taken from my step son Dan Bronold's face book page. Recently deceased, it was among his face book pictures posted. It stood out as most images were of his carefree lifestyle. This one was front and center because, at the heart of who he was was a Christian, a believer. In his quiet moments, he spoke of God. I think he intentionally posted that picture to let those of us that knew him know for certain, heaven was his end destination. Perhaps he even knew he would get there much sooner than the rest of us that love him but his image so proudly displayed let us know we will indeed see him on the other side. I am so proud of Dan for posting that image. As Jesus promised, if we believe, we too will get there.

Easter brings color in to children's lives along with sugar. Easter gives hope to the hopeless. Easter lights the way for Christians during troubled times in their lives and gives our journey purpose. It is the basis of our faith.


Perhaps the innocence of children celebrating Easter exemplifies the meaning of Easter best. Better than any words I can dare to write......see what you think...


Turn up your speakers, click on the video, and view it on a full screen




*Special thanks go out to Kaleb, Ava, Ty & Jake for making this video possible

Daniel James Bronold - Missing You

When the call came, time stood still. My husband’s only son was dead, my step son was gone from us and we stood in the kitchen in shock. Never to see him again or hear his voice seemed so painful, like a bad nightmare we would wake up from. But it is our reality we must live with, and so must all of those that have been touched by Dan in their lives. We must go on and so it is with those that you love that God finds they need to find their peace in heaven. Dan needed that, to be free of whatever was creating storm clouds in his heart. But it is with some frustration that I wrote this below and delivered it at his memorial service this past Sunday, March 25, 2012. Dan has been a mainstay in the news in Michigan with his death. He has become more of a news story than a human being. Let us not forget Dan was a son, a father, a significant other, a boyfriend, a step son, a step brother, a friend, and a Christian. And what else could he have been? I can only imagine…………………………………


Dear Dan,

I can only imagine what your life is like now. What you must see every day, how you must feel being free and at peace. I can see and feel that you smile in the heavens much like the sun gleams when it hits the white snow capped mountains or the ocean waves and reflects back the strong summer rays of sun.

Oh, knowing you are happy is wonderful to feel and sense but the pain we feel inside, that is real too. You seem so young in so many ways. It seems like yesterday you were among us, with that silly little smirk we all have come to know and love. We have all heard the stories of how you kicked butt at basketball ripping up the courts with your 3 on 3 in street high school games. You really rocked it man! For a big guy, you could really move it when you wanted to win! Guess those skills started with all those days watching basketball with your dad over Subway sandwiches all those years ago. Yeah, I am sure that had something to do with it.

I know you and your mom had a very special connection. No doubt it had its up and downs. Heck who doesn’t argue with their folks? But through it all there was that unmistakable love. You always knew she wanted the best for you and you wanted to make her proud. You wanted both your parents to be proud of you. And you tried, tried hard to pull it together. Sometimes things just don’t happen the way you would like. You dug down deep some times and other times, you took the easy way out. When you thought you dodged a bullet, another one came your way and you barely escaped. This time, this last time, you didn’t. Wow, none of us really thought this would be the end. The end of our time with you here on earth. We are in shock still somewhat Dan.

It is so easy to sit back now and say we wish you had listened to all the good advice and ignored all the bad advice thrown at you. I guess it is often times hard to know which is which when you are growing up. So much noise and so many voices. You were not happy inside and trying to always find your voice and never quite found it, but never gave up trying and for that Dan, you can be proud. You tried dude. We loved you man in spite of your faults and misgivings. We all wanted you to make it. We wanted you to find your piece of happiness and come to know peace. We just didn’t want it to be this way.

We know you have faith; we know you believe in the Lord. We know you are in His presence and we know He was with you in your final hours. Dan we think you knew at that last minute you breathed your last breath on this earth; the Lord God was with you Dan. He was there to lift you up out of that jail cell to internal freedom. He heard your pleas for help; he knew the struggle needed to end. You were not going to be condemned to damnation; you were forgiven and allowed to be at peace. Your torment is over. Your struggles serve as reminders to those that knew you that life can be hard. They serve as a witness to bad choices can put us in bondage and put chains around us so that we too can find ourselves wearing shackles, if not physically, metaphorically.

You were a precious child of God when you came into the world Dan, and you left this world in the same way, a precious child of God. You loved life but you died hating it. You loved God and you left this earth loving Him still. Amen! Please know that the day you left us, we were and still are loving you.

Dan, I will always remember your smile and smile when I remember you!

Help, The Coffee Is Out!

She wears her high heels,
And her stand up collar,
Her clothes match perfectly,
She looks worth a million dollars.

As she walks out the elevator,
All heads turn to watch her walk tall
So perfectly put together,
Appearing as if there is not one flaw.

As women have moved in droves to the workforce, the need to progress to higher level demanding roles has increased substantially. With that advent has come the ever ending pressure that is imperative to succeed in the business world. The biggest challenge seems to be fitting all the roles into one day, one lifetime. Trying to maintain some sort of balance, often times involves, either cutting back or eliminating some. Many are opting out of the traditional female iconic tasks of women in past years, long gone.

This really hit home with me a few weeks back when I overheard a woman make a comment to a coworker. This woman is a management supervisor at a high level agency that does impressive, recognizable marketing brand work for a leading manufacturer. Every time I have seen her in the office, she is like the woman above, minus the height! I recently learned she is single, thus I doubt she even has the time to date. She is impeccably dressed, well spoken, pleasantly mannered, articulate, and extremely well liked. Oh and not good in the kitchen!

As I was sitting at my desk, she came over to the two coffee pots by my work station. These two pots are exclusive for the coffee club. These are for those employees that pay to be in this “In Coffee Club” and taste outstanding coffee from overseas verses the free watered down version that is provided that poorly represents a good brew. As luck would not have it for her, the pot was empty. Rule of the club is when it is empty, you make the next pot. Apparently, she had never been in this predicament before and was feeling somewhat overwhelmed. She asked the gentleman who runs it if he would kindly show her how to make it, a pot of coffee. He seemed surprised but responded favorably.

Now what really hit my funny bone that morning was her comment to him, said under hushed tones. As he rounded the corner and came near her, she uttered, “Let me preface this with my saying that I am not domesticated.” With that said, a bold admission, and to a man, no less , I was impressed and humored.

Years ago there was a wonderful commercial everyone talked about. It was a woman professing to be able to go to work and then come home with bacon and fry it up in a pan and let her man know she was still a woman and he was a man. In a sense, she could do it all. Years before this commercial, there was a show called Wonder Woman. Now the picture would be a stressed out woman trying to do it all. A healthier picture is this woman at the office, realizing doing it all is not possible. Thus, she carefully picks and chooses what she wants and can do and leave the rest behind. Life is too short to do it all.

Women with careers, large families, etc, are short on time. My sister has three children all in sports and she works part time. She is lucky to find time to get her hair done, let alone bake cookies. My daughter in law has 3 small children, two in therapy. To clean the entire house daily would mean the children would have very little time to just spend playing with their mommy. Why not have someone come in and help around the house and spend the time with the children and doing things more meaningful when they are young? Choices women are making today make good sense. Granted they are different than the generation before but times have changed.

It is hard to wear too many hats. Most of us are not multiple personalities so can’t go from being a business woman, to a room mother, to a cheerleader coach, to chef, to housekeeper, banker, etc… All of these skills are what it takes to be a domestic engineer. Thus, many working women these days do not have those skill sets anymore. And I am not sure they should be expected to either. But it is funny to think they can balance a million dollar budget and yet are confused about how to cook a potato in the microwave!

Let us not forget too that being a stay at home mother is still an admirable job. It is extremely hard work. You try wearing all those hats and living at your place of employment. There is no off the clock, no coffee club, no meeting at the water cooler, 24/7 shifts, plus doing all roles yourself. No stay at home woman should have to justify that they are not out in the workforce either. It is just crazy, everyone I have met is just as busy, just doing different things and oh, has an immaculate home and cooks to beat the band! And they all seem to know how to bargain shop. In contrast, I have met more working women that have attended classes on how to collect and use coupons because they have no idea how to do either!

However, there are many working women that have managed to create a solid balance between exceptional business expertise and performance and domestic skill sets and bliss. For those that have not, just a few tips below:

Betty Crocker does not just make canned Beefaroni. She also makes cake mixes you can use as a base for excellent deserts and has her own brand of cookbooks.

Dinners are not meant to be cooked solely out of microwaves when you don’t feel like eating out or having take out.

Kitchens are made for cooking in regularly, not just for show for company and dinner parties exclusively.

Starbucks is way overpriced, you can make coffee in a coffee pot. Coffee pots come with instructions.

Good exercise is cleaning your house also, not just going to the gym, especially if you do it extra fast and quite rigorous.

Perhaps the lesson, if there is one, to be learned is appreciate the skills you are fostering in yourself. Recognize the beauty of who you are. Aunt Jemima didn’t care what the rest of the world thought about her pancakes or syrup so why should you?

Oh Baby, Here You Come!

I think the next time I go out of town and can’t find a place to stay with open vacancies I may just check at the local hospital and see if the Labor and Delivery Department has any rooms open. Have you seen those places these days? Wow, are they ever plush! Geez, if they were that nice when I was having kids, I would have had two more!

Back in the day, my hospital stay consisted of sterile white hospital rooms with white walls that were dingy and tile floors that looked like rejects from the local high school cafeteria. The bed was none other than compliments of the local obstetrician supplier, yep those kinds of cots with the funny foot braces on the end. And the accompanying chair for the spouse was not a comfy recliner but a chair, mind you a not very comfortable, slightly padded the desk chair variety. As if anyone could sleep over night on this, but back in these days, no one slept over night, visiting hours were over at 8:00 p.m. on the dot so the husbands flew out the door!

Okay, let me start with this, upon arriving at the hospital and checking in, I was met with a balloon of sorts. Nope not the kind for my child’s first birthday party but the kind that goes in your derriere, a good old fashion enema. As if the labor pains that were the required 5 minutes minimum apart weren’t bad and stressful enough, not I had to have administered a full bag enema to be sure my bowel was emptied. I prayed that the baby did not come out in the john as I was in there by myself and could not reach the nurse pull chain. I figured I would just yell like hell if I felt something boulder size come out. This sounded like a good exercise for a soon to be new mom.

My first experience with labor I was fortunate enough, or unfortunate enough to have a young teen age girl in the hospital in the wee hours of the morning like me. This way I knew I was not suffering in pain alone, they say misery loves company. Judging by her screaming, she was delivering a 15 pound baby. Oh, and by the way, I was at the ripe old age of 18 and learned quickly she was all of 13. Hence, the nurses were constantly flying to her room leaving my husband and me alone to wonder what the heck we were supposed to do to speed things along. He was hungry and tired; I was in pain and ready for this to be over.

Our first mistake was not to take the birthing classes. I wonder if we thought it would come naturally. Well, guess what, it didn’t. There was nothing natural to either of us about this experience. I don’t know who asked the nurse more, how much longer, him or me. When I got the shot in my spine for pain, giving in the middle of a contraction, I nearly died from the pain. But wait, where did my help go holding me at the end of the shot as I suddenly felt alone? Oh, there it is, on the floor attending to my faithful husband who fainted at the sight of the shot going in my back. I was left sitting on the table wondering where my medical assistant went. I was the one having the baby. I reminded them I was the headliner tonight, at least until the baby got here. I told my husband to get a grip. Maybe he did need something to eat after all and that made him faint but I was not about to let him out of sight or concede to that! No way was he missing out on this fun for a moment, he contributed so he was to be here for the Main Event! His feast was going to have to wait.

Well, somehow we made it through it. In those days, no one knew ahead of time what sex their baby was or if their child was going to be ok. When the baby came out, the doctor announced it. Ours took his good old sweet time. Funny looking back. He laid the baby on top of my stomach and the penis was sticking up like a proud peacock and about 3 minutes later he tells us we have a boy. Really? We look at each other, and can’t help but conceal some laughter. Did he really think we did not recognize the sex?

Baby number two went much more smoothly. This time we took no chances and took the birthing classes. Yes we took the pillow to class and took turns so he got to be the one having the baby. I must say he got so relaxed though he almost fell asleep. I can’t recall ever having that much comfort during labor so I am not sure this exercise was too realistic. The only I can envision going to sleep in a labor and delivery room is a husband, that is if he didn’t mind his wife getting royally ticked off at him. I knew mine would not dare fall asleep!

When the big day came, delivery number two, the stork was coming, he was ready to coach me this time through delivery. He was excited, in fact. Me, on the other end, at the front door, I stopped dead in my tracks. When he asked what was wrong, I pulled the woman’s prerogative number, “I changed my mind.” He looked perplexed, asking me about what. I told him very flatly, about having the baby, going through labor one more time. The last time had been so painful I was not sure I could endure it again. What a saint he was at that moment. With the utmost control, he urged me to at least go to the doctor’s office, as instructed over the phone to be checked out as my pains were irregular. I could think about it, meanwhile the snow continued to pile down on Northern Kentucky sticking to the roads.

He rushed to the doctors to check me out as my labor was irregular who quickly told him to get me down to the hospital so off we went, me still saying I was reluctant to through labor and, by now, him finding this quite humorous and reminding me I might not like the added weight for the rest of my life!

In Labor and Delivery, not much had changed from our last stay two and half years previous. Different hospital but you would never have known it. However, one thing drastically different was the severity of the labor pains. They were mild, extremely mild. Infact, my husband stood there, and then sat by me, routinely bending over me asking if I needed his coaching yet. See, he had mastered the art of labor coaching in the class and was ready to win the award for coach of the year. By God he would have won it too had I needed it. But, that baby came out effortlessly.

Now, both of us are remarried to two wonderful spouses we adore and remain friends. The four of us proudly share four grandchildren. I can’t help but sometimes think about how it began, our family, all those years ago. Bringing those two kids in the world was not like it is done today. We were not in a comfortable room by any stretch of the imagination. There was no family or friends there, just us two. There was no music, cute gowns for me or the baby, no nice furniture…but; it was magical, none the less. Whether is be a 4 Star Room or a starch white hospital delivery room, the birth of a child is a miracle to behold. It was our slice of heaven and I would not change it for anything in the world. It was a blessing and a moment neither of us shall ever forget and always treasure.

Some moments, they always bring a tear to the eye, just reflecting on them. A tear of joy, a tear of love and a tear of thanksgiving.

Handicap Biases

Don’t look at me because I am different,
Don’t stare at me because I act strange,
I know that I am not like most people,
I try my hardest to fit in and change.

Years of therapy,
Of trying to fit in,
Attempts to learn simple things,
With only the love of kin.

It is not easy,
My struggles are with day to day life,
Doing what you think are easy chores,
Things like opening doors,
But my life is worth living,
And you can help,
By being willing to be more giving.

Friends are few quite,
Most folks see me as a bother.
It is easier to ignore me
Then let me ask for help with a holler.
So never does a day go by,
That I don’t pray to our Father.

See, I need His Strength,
May it shower down on me from above!
I feel alone so many times in this world,
I feel comforted just knowing of His unconditional.


I value my life,
Even at this most basic level,
I refuse to let my cross weigh me down wear,
The negative attitude is for the Devil.

You know we all have a cross to bear,
We each have challenges on our back,
Perhaps that is why we are here to serve one another,
And help keep others on track.

Are you doing that for others?
Are you watching others in need?
Are you self absorbed and
Focused only on selfish greed?

No, even you can’t get to me,
So you can stare if you must,
I will survive the burden of a handicap,
Until I return to dust.

I am here for a purpose,
If you are wise you will surely see,
That God loves all his people,
So why not reach out a hand to me?

Take my message
And share it with others.
Remember, we are all brothers.

Rebekah's Love

My son married my daughter in law the day after Thanksgiving and our family changed forever, in a good way. With the onset of one of their children being diagnosed with autism, their lives changed dramatically. Not once have I heard either one of them so much as utter one word of dismay over this, nothing but love, support and encouragement for our grandson’s future. They continue to seek out nothing but the best treatment and therapy for him putting aside every barrier along the way, at a personal sacrifice. I wrote this below as a feeble attempt to pay tribute to my daughter in law for her sacrifice she makes every day for my grand children who would not be nearly as beautiful and as thriving if it were not for a mom that loved them so much and put her life on the line for them.

Words can’t express

How a mother defines success
It shows in her face,
Instilled in her grace.

It is one of those things

That poets try to capture in prose,

It is felt in the hearts of children,
And only a child truly knows.

The effect a mom has on her child,
It is an indelible mark,
They bring light to the lifeless,
They bring a child literally out of the dark.

They sing lullabies,
To the child that cannot sleep,
They hold their child lovingly,
Every single time their child weeps.

When their child’s heart is breaking,
Their heart breaks too,
It is almost as if the color of the day
Changes from gray to blue,
Until their child is happy,
Their day will not begin anew.

The mothers that are courageous,
They have the child with a special need,
God knew that they could be trusted
And thus, were given a special seed.

These children must be fostered,
And handled with special loving care,
They must serve as an example.
And not falter by others ignorant stares.

A mom should be willing,
To put her needs on hold,
To help her children be all that they can be,
And allow them to see what their future might hold.

Some women are stronger,
And give up more than others do,
These are the special chosen ones,
These are, in number, very few.

May you stop, reflect and pray,

For mothers that walk a harder road,
That society, community and loved ones,
Will help them carry their heavy load.

Every child is brought into the world for a reason,
Just like every time the weather changes it brings a new season.
We are here to learn through each other,
That is why none of us are carbon copies of each other.
Embrace those that are different, reach out a hand,
When you see their mothers struggling to raise them, please make a stand!

And They Called It Puppy Love

How much is that doggie in the window? The cute little puppy with the smile on his face.

Falling in love can be a great deal like bringing a puppy home, so full of fun and falling over you with joy in the beginning. It is only when you get to the hard stuff that reality sinks in, when you have to train the puppy to do things, like not beg for food, not whine at night and not pee in the house. Only then can a new doggie owner see that owning a puppy is hard work.

Have you fallen prey to this? Don’t be fooled by the manipulation of “the look!” Men, and women alike, can pull this on you. As my husband says, “All puppies are cute but none stay puppies for long.” Once reality hits, you will have an animal that does not listen when you say “no”, begs for food when you eat and pees on your newly cleaned floor. Thus begins the classical conditioning of your loved one and you will never quite view it in the same way you did initially. Yes, you will continue to love your pup but the relationship will forever change. You will keep the little fellow around. Nobody divorces their doggie. But, the same cannot be said of your spouse, or should I say soon to be ex spouse.

Young folks that get married find their marriages seldom last. Graduating from high school grants them the privilege to vote for a President that can serve a 4 year term in office (maybe 8 years if they are lucky?) with their one vote being counted among millions. Many feel this qualifies them to know what true loves is, the kind that will last a lifetime, till death. Millions of young people in this country walk down the aisle and say “I do” to God, family and friends for a lifetime to someone they feel is their soul mate.

Adrenaline rush is confused with love. Lust is not enough to make relationships last. It alone does not help the dishwasher get emptied, the trash gets taken out or the bills get paid. This is part of the reality of everyday life being married, or not. Make up sex may be enjoyable and passionate but not if that is the only kind of love- making going on in the marriage. Fights and disagreements without compromises and resolutions will eventually tear a relationship apart. When two young adults are joined and not fully mature but think they are, even with a commitment, the relationship can be a huge uphill battle to stay together. They often do grow apart, not necessarily because anyone or anything is to blame.

Another lifelong decision is a career choice for young people graduating from high school. Consistently, across all sources, the percentage of students changing majors in college these days is 80%! This is a decision that does not involve living, breathing and sharing personal space with a mate and yet the same young person spends more time deliberating about this decision and changing their mind about this choice, often times, than marriage. Is it any wonder that the divorce rates are so high among young people? Coincidentally, students are changing majors at alarmingly high rates. As many as 50% will change 2 to 3 times during their college years adding on an average of two years of school to their four year program for their degree. This may be a good sign as it shows the forethought of thoroughness of thought, not rushing into a decision headstrong. Why then is marriage not approached the same way? It is almost as if a divorce is a Get out Of Jail card that allows them to erase the marriage. It seems it would be simpler to not get married in the first place.

As long as there are young people, there will indeed be young marriages. That is human nature, that cannot be changed. Understanding what happens when this occurs though is important from a sociological standpoint for all of us in society. We all pay, indirectly, or directly for failed marriages. This does affect children and communities. When looking at divorce rates in this country it is important to know the distribution of divorce rates in our country and note that the highest rates are with this demographic, young adults. Those adults married under the age of 28 are double the national average!

In knowing this, perhaps it will make it easier on you, should you find yourself faced in a similar situation, personally or as a parent. Not every one of these marriages ends in divorce, needless to say, but the odds are not in their favor. There is so much growing and changing occurring, it may take both partners in different directions.

The lesson that can be learned here is that growing up is a process. It is not something that can be forced on youth, it must come by naturally. You can only forewarn your children of the pitfalls but they must make their own decisions and decide when they are ready, ready to say “I do” and ready to say “I need to leave” if that day comes. Loving someone means recognizing unions don’t always go as planned. Puppy love can’t last forever; puppies can’t stay puppies for long.