Don't Bore Yourself!

Life with #Covid19 (Coronavirus) in our midst is different, a much slower pace than most Americans are used to! Activity levels are down and anxiety is up with less to do with it. Never before in our lifetime have most of us lived somewhat quarantined.

As days pass, I am reminded of a college exam in a writing class I took. After getting graded on journals and writing throughout, the final exam would be 30% of our grade. Therefore, we all assumed she would pick some noteworthy or exciting topic. Instead the subject we were to write about was any of the following, boring, bored or boredom. We all got brain freeze staring at the bored, I mean board!

Of all the topics to pick to write about, why did she pick that?  And faced with a blue book that we were supposed to fill with script of creative writing that enticed her to read more and grade high, we all made audible groans. Then reality set in; this class was as much about creative writing as the actual art of writing, hence the topic. This topic stimulated thinking outside the box to write something excellent to read about a topic that anyone might otherwise pass over.

Fast forward to today’s world, most of us are living in isolation. Stores are closed, parks and many of   It is easier to live status quo which right now would be boring.

the activities we usually partake to keep our lives stimulating. Quite easily life can be boring and the true challenge is, much like that exam assignment, to be creative in thinking and actions.

Take the exam challenge! Begin the day feeling eager to come up with things to do besides just passing time.  It does not have to be large tasks, it can be mental challenges, hand-write a note to an old friend, email your family, call someone, pick up a new hobby, etc. Be grateful for the day and the blessings you have always. Go to bed happy and fulfilled with your life. Reflect on what you did differently and what you will add to tomorrow. Remember life could always be worse.  Any given day, if you are 100% bored through the course of an entire day, you are making that choice.  Choose to be stimulated and live!

Mother in the Clutches of Dementia

Dementia is terrible thing. I am learning of just what it robs someone of, normalcy. Perhaps

those suffering from it, in the later stages, don’t  notice it as much but for those interacting with them, it is a flagrant reminder of a mind lost in itself in a land that seems far away, somehow misplaced and never coming back.

My biological mother was diagnosed several years ago with dementia. She joined the 47.5 million cases worldwide. Predictions are there will be 82 million in 2030 and 152 million cases in 2050.  5 Million live in the United States, Mom being one so she is not alone by any stretch.

Living in an active over 55+ community, I still come in contact with an aging population that has residents who occasionally have spouses or parents that have dementia. It is not the same as when your family member is afflicted.  I am not sure much of anything prepares you emotionally.   It is draining just to be in a conversation.  

My sister Terri has become my namesake when conversing with my mother. More often than not, I am not only called her name but all references are to her life, memories of time spent with her and reflections on her thoughts and feelings towards Terri. It is pointless to correct her so I find myself responding in Terri-like fashion.  I call my sister afterwards, tongue-in-cheek, to lessen the heartache and tell her what “she” said to Mom. She does likewise as she is frequently in the same position responding in my given name.

Some of my conversations with Mom these days are about things and people I know nothing about. She will lapse into memories and because I was raised by my father and stepmother, I do not have knowledge of a great portion of her life so have no idea of what she is talking about and she is totally unaware. Any normal verbal cues are gone when dementia hits.

Mom operates on a short fuse. She is quick to anger and to sadness. Either mood is hard to lessen or erase so I am careful to not trigger either!  Being several states away, I am dealing with emotions and dementia over the telephone most of the time so am pretty powerless to do much but listen and send things.  And the requests for items to send are becoming more frequent as she doesn’t recall what she asked for. A letter will come, two in a day asking for the same thing, the realities of dementia in black and white. Envelopes will come without hard to decipher hand-writing talking of things I know nothing of. With the affect it has on our lives, I keep it to myself as like so many others,  no one wants to talk about it though it affects millions of Americans and great numbers worldwide!

Mom is alive yet living at half-mask. What are painful are the times she is more than aware of it and makes statements about how silly and disappointed she is at what her life has become. It is then when I and everyone who has ever dealt with the dreaded disease pray there will be a cure or better treatment options in the future so that elderly do not have to suffer with losing their minds. 

This needs to be freely discussed for the  millions suffering, growing daily, and communicate the importance of early screening!  70% of cases are Alzheimer’s, a more serious form that thankfully my mother doesn't  have. 58% of all patients in the US live in lower income homes so funding is needed so financial resources for dementia are essential too. 

As I look back, it is with a grateful heart I had some wonderful memories with Mom before she was in the clutches of dementia. Now I simply embrace her in whatever way I can for as long as I can watching her mind slip away.

Lessons From My Inbox

• I must love to spend money because anyone selling anything is sending me shit!
• All candidates running need and want my support because they all want to let me know they have my back.
• Somebody out there wants to date me even though I am happily married!
• Somebody in some Godforsaken country picked up a check with my name on it every so often and wants to help me by cashing it. Ah, the generosity of some people never ceases to amaze me!
• Competitors of companies of items I have purchased value my business too because they bombard me with their marketing campaigns and feel I am gullible enough to buy into them.
• Gaining another credit card will increase my spending power (yeah right)
• A new car is waiting for me to pull into the dealership and claim it! That simple!
• If I just click on a link, I will become an instant winner of whatever, some free giveaway. I don’t have to work for it, just move my mouse and click!
• Every site I visited has a log and wants me back!  They know something about what I want to do with my time that I don’t. I need and want to spend it with them, at their place of business, not writing this!

Oh My God, Visitors!!!

I keep waiting for Tessie to slow down, become less exuberant when someone new comes to the door. She is two, how much longer must I wait???

The average day: We wake up to a beautiful day with our wonderful loving pet/child wagging her tail.  Thus begins a new day and she is content, stretching and yawning much as a person rolling out of bed as she steps out of her kennel/crate. 

As the morning progresses, sweet Tess curls up in the lanai on a lazy boy

 chair to take in the outside noises as the windows are propped open, perhaps just for her? She sits silently for hours watching the grass blow and has become an avid Bird Watcher!  Occasionally she will step inside to see what is amiss in the house, with her mom and pops. 

There is that occasional switch to another window in the house for an alternative view of the world.  Notably the front window is a great resting place, where golf carts drive by in full view.

Lo and behold, someone comes to the door…..the world is on edge, Tessie’s world that is!  All hell breaks loose as her bark begins in earnest to announce “Intruders are present and accounted for!”  Even after being assured all is well with us, she continues to breathe heavy, pace and becomes a beast lurching at the door with her front paws.

At these times, a small 10 lb. mutt seems like a slice of heaven compared to a 55 lb. ball of hairy muscle and confusion frantically trying to save the world! Tessie the beast is arisen. Our once gentle passive docile pet is so high-strung it affects both us and our visitors for a moment. 

As we are yelling “Place” her command to return to her safe zone, that being a raised mat she has been trained to go on, we somewhat laugh.  We are not supposed to be giving commands in raised voices but above the thrashing of her body we cannot be heard talking in a normal tone.  Tessie places then pops off. We give the command, then back she goes,,, then off she comes. Usually after two times, Tess is there to stay until given a command to come off.

When our precious ball of fur is released, we go through Round Two. The humor comes into play when we try to explain she is normally very calm-natured.  I believe company brings out the hellion in her and we see a far different side of Tessie than the one out in the lanai that ignores us most of the day. 

So, as she ages, the question remains, will this lovable pup soon learn that visitors are not intruders?  Is Tessie going to back off her demands for attention from every single person that graces her with a visit to her ‘dog cave’? Will she learn that people do not like tongues that have licked other parts of her body on them? And lastly, what is the time-frame that Tessie will quit acting like a dog?

Can't Take Ugly Out of the C Word

Cancer does not discriminate who its victims are. From the young to the old, the doctors utter “You have cancer.” No matter how it’s said, the result is the same, an uphill battle with some unknowns. 

The lucky ones are diagnosed in the early stages where there is a high probability of recovery. Note, I did not say getting rid of cancer because, in many cases, that assurance just cannot be there. When cancer is not confined to one particular organ or cell groupings, it is hard for doctors to predict its spread and the long-term impact of its existence in the body. Nor can the long term effects of the treatment often be contained.

Therefore we are a society that seems to be plagued with hearing of loved ones, friends and neighbors getting diagnosed these days and wondering what lies ahead.  In the back of our mind is the over-riding question, who is next?  Will it be my loved one or me? 

The number of survivors continues to grow giving more hope that there is life post-cancer diagnosis. The re occurrence of cancer for those thought to have “beat it” which in and of itself is a bit of a misnomer, gives survivors fuel for fear. Yet, life is precious, perhaps more so for one who has waged a battle against the foreign invader already, cancer.  Learned is the principle one must go on, day by day, realizing the preciousness of a day in the life of ______.

And so must we all, even with the influx of stories of those affected and touched by cancer, move forward with hopes for cures. Be diligent in knowledge-gathering on the disease. But be careful to not become hyper-vigilant to the point where fear rules your day. Be compassionate towards those that are directly touched by cancer knowing their attitude towards the word and life has forever changed. Be supportive of efforts to fund research for better treatment options, early detection and eradication of the dreaded diagnosis. And at the end of the day, be grateful for the time you are given for far too many are gone too soon!

Written in honor of those who have touched my life with their diagnoses and challenges.

Doodling on a Labradoodle

The most frustrating part about owning a labradoodle is the grooming if you do it yourself!  Whew, their hair grows fast and unlike other breeds, it is like humans and keeps growing so must be cut every 4 to 6 weeks.  The hair gnats up easily and it doesn’t help that they are a dog so run around, roll, and scratch causing even more pile ups in their hair! To groom a doodle is anything but oodles of fun!

I have tried almost all products known to man to make my life, and hers, easier as I do the grooming myself. This list includes human detangler sprays which I find do little more than put a nice odor on the top of her coat for about 15 minutes max. Spraying it means I am how detangling wet hair as opposed to dry hair and thereby pulling out even more hair than if it is in its natural state.

The grooming becomes a challenge between Tessie and me. Her patience starts off excellent and then falls sub-par 2/3s

Tessie 

through. At that point, I am the enemy and she makes my pampering experience for her intolerable by moving constantly, pawing me, turning this way and that, trying to escape or the dreaded “kissing me.” This is not advisable when I have sharp scissors or a trimmer in my hands! She thinks it will aid in ending the whole process.

Brushing regularly is a must with this breed. Every few days it should be done, minimum of once a week a very thorough brush out. Remember, the more frequent you groom, the less rustration. Our vet recommends daily!

When you complete grooming, outwardly your dog looks no different to the viewing eye. You will be the only one that will know they were detangled, brushed and sometimes even trimmed! With hair that has a mind of its own, even after being groomed, they may appear no different. Labradoodles always look fluffed up and somewhat messy. And as soon as your pup scratches, there is potentially another knot up in their fur!

Well, if I had another labradoodle and had to maintain it like her, I would simply say “Shoot me now, less painful!”  All this work to ensure she is well maintained and to save money.  But wow, increased blood pressure with the stress.  I am always shocked when someone comments on her grooming because I am so far from an expert that it is funny anyone thinks she looks great when she is my Guinea pig for trimming. I literally watched YouTube videos to try to devise a strategy!

Nowhere does it mention on the videos hair gnats clog up your trimmer! Nor does it mention a wiggly dog while you are trying to get angled cuts that look professionally done around the ears.  Oh they are quite a bit of help but so much is learned through trial and error. Note:  There are no pictures to be found of the errors. I try to forget them. When she comes out beautifully, I try to not look shocked and say “All in a day’s work.” In reality, it feels more like luck is involved to some extent.

I love this breed, labradoodles, but, I hate the grooming. I think it’s important to take the time to tell 'would-be owners' either invest in a great groomer or do it regularly yourself, preparing yourself not to be pampered or pampering your pup.  The spa day treatment is a misnomer! It is hard work. What you will end up with is a dog that has the look “Who wouldn’t love me?!” 

To Age With Grace

She looked in the mirror and saw the reflection of an older woman. She rubbed her eyes to clear them out but the old woman still stared back at her. Why did she stare into that distressed mirror?  Wait, was that a tear rolling down one cheek, seeping out of her right eye ever so slightly?

The years had melted together to form a book of life. The ups and down, tragedies and experiences unique to her were reflected on some unwritten pages. And yet, tomorrow would come with more stories to write. Another day would bring her one day closer to another hallmark notch in her life, as the ending part played out.

She grabbed a tissue and dabbed the tear. As it soaked into the tissue, her head bowed, she recalled her life’s special moments. She lifted her head to gaze at her image one more time and see if she looked any different.

This time she saw some laugh lines. This time she saw some wrinkles from worry about her children. This time she saw a sparkle from the love in her life. She also saw an uplifted head showing the confidence borne of a full life and the pride over the accomplishments of her husband, children and friends. This time she smiled. She was no younger but she was indeed wiser.

Homemade Christmas Tree

Crafty was not on my genes. Science and math was, at one time. So I am far from talented in arts and   Surrounded in a community with women who can do practically anything with anything, not limited to but including napkins and toilet paper rolls to make them turn into beautiful crafts, I am the misfit. My gift is speaking and writing, which doesn’t fit well in a crafty circle thus I do not attend those kinds of meetings and gatherings!

crafts but have always been an “appreciator” of the arts, of all kinds, including crafting!

I am reminded often of my marketing background when I see women wanting to sell their creations thinking of all the possibilities for branding identity. And in response to “You too could be a crafter” my response is simply “Who would buy your wares then?”  The world needs all types; I accept that, my fact, Ms. Non-Crafter.

Given all that, imagine my surprise when I signed up for a class on making a Christmas tree out of mesh.  I wanted one, saw none for sale and figured the only way I was going to get one was to make one. Devious me enlisted one of the talented friends of mine to take the class with me realizing if mine starting looking like a disaster, which was sure to happen, she would come in to save the day, in this case, the tree!

The day before and the day of the class I had second thoughts. How willing was I to embarrass myself?  The last class I had attended my item turned into, let’s just say not too good but salvageable! My friend pumped me up and told me to keep the faith.

Christmas is a special time of the year indeed.  Working on my Christmas tree that day, things just seemed to fall in place as I kept my sense of humor intact. Having a great teacher on hand helped and someone by me making their own tree encouraging me was key but I did it on my own.  Miracles happen and I took my half-finished creation home to finish.

Still wondering if I could complete this on my own which entailed creating and putting bows on and anything else to create the look I wanted, I set to work. First I had mesh to make fill in butterflies with to cover any holes. Next, I visited Hobby Lobby to find bulbs. I went out on a limb and picked ones different than plain silver ones finding a color that complimented the ribbon even better! I decided on a tree topper instead of having mesh bows lining the top of the tree also. I came home, bags in hand, and set to work. I did not follow instructions for where to put things going off a feel more than anything to complete the project.

Presto, done and I love it! If anyone else had created this, I would say it was beautiful. Since it was

me, I have to say it was a Christmas miracle, this early in the season! I will still leave the crafting to the crafty but learned when we put aside our fears during the holiday season, Christmas miracles ring true!

Leaking the Truth

With a recent water leak under our home that hit the bedroom floor causing damage to the floorboards underneath, life has been out of sorts. We are displaced, living out of a guest bedroom temporarily.  Imagine two single beds in a smaller room with a chest of drawers, a large dog cage between the beds, a desk and a nightstand.  You probably guessed correctly there is scarcely any floor space left! All of this is the new norm until reparations are complete.  It is only when things are in an upheaval that we truly realize that none of the stuff we are surrounded with matters all that much. 

Suddenly, we are downsizing what we are wearing based on which drawer we can reach into the easiest and finding this works well. In fact, it is a lot less stressful than having many options!  Never is there a time when we go to bed saying we didn’t spend quality time together because, with a room shut off and another room housing all the bedroom furniture, we are in close proximity in our home a great deal of the time.

As we move things around to shuffle what we need to access, the question keeps popping up, where did this come from?  Do we need this followed by can we get rid of it? Life is much simpler with less.

As you watch your TV mounted on your wall in the bedroom, know that we are watching one sitting atop of our dog’s cage.   Don’t feel badly for us for we are having a memorable time just hanging out in close proximity without the showiness of dressed up decor.  Though it will be a welcome relief when the bedroom restoration work is done and we can move out of this dorm room, we have learned that less can truly be more!

Birthday Puppy

My husband says everyone loves babies and puppy dogs.  I think he’s right. What a shame they grow up to be dogs and teenagers and can learn to talk back or rather, bark back! Often I have heard that at two years, dogs quit being puppies.  Kinda odd how people throw out definitive timelines like that.  Do you know you are ineligible for the Newlywed Game after 2 years?  Yeah, like everything is figured out by then and you know everything about the other person already!  People are not like dogs, they surprise you more. Dogs are there for you when the rest of the world is too busy with stuff.

My puppy turns two this month. Minus the first 8 weeks she was with the breeder, all that time she has been with us.  And it has been a whirlwind of fun and love for the most part. Of all the dogs I have owned, this is easily the best one, behavior-wise and listens the best. Oh, that does not mean all the time or she wouldn’t be a dog now would she?

As she celebrates in a few days turning 2, the memories of Tessie grabbing shoes, accidents (though few!) and running from bath time come easily to mind.  They now are replaced by adult dog behavior, the list of nots, things she does not do:

• Not getting in the refrigerator when the door is open
• Not grabbing clothes when drawers are left ajar
• Not joining me in the shower if the door is open accidentally
• Not counter-serving to see if there is something better up there than in the dog bowl
• Not biting during playtime

And yet why do I find myself somewhat missing them, or at least the sight of a tiny puppy verses the long-legged creature I now have?  With hair in her eyes that always wear a sad expression no matter how happy she is, well, Tess is a mess.  Grooming her myself, every 4-5 weeks and that hair of hers still gets ahead of me constantly needing cut, trimmed, brushed or just overall groomed! As a puppy, her hair didn’t grow as fast and there wasn’t as much there to manage.

Now I find myself remembering the day we brought her home to our home to make it her home, you follow? She was loving but whimpering something she only does now when her feelings are hurt. It’s all relative too because hurt, in her mind is, “I’m on the leash, there is a potential new best friend over there, four legged or two, and I need to be free to greet them my exuberant way!”

So in the end, I suppose with Tessie turning two, many will consider her non-puppy.  With her quirky personality and classic labradoodle looks, she is something special.  As she hops on my lap still convinced she is small enough to sit there though I feel pinned down, I lovingly hold her and will continually call her ‘puppy’  well beyond this month!

Tessie