Mother in the Clutches of Dementia

Dementia is terrible thing. I am learning of just what it robs someone of, normalcy. Perhaps

those suffering from it, in the later stages, don’t  notice it as much but for those interacting with them, it is a flagrant reminder of a mind lost in itself in a land that seems far away, somehow misplaced and never coming back.

My biological mother was diagnosed several years ago with dementia. She joined the 47.5 million cases worldwide. Predictions are there will be 82 million in 2030 and 152 million cases in 2050.  5 Million live in the United States, Mom being one so she is not alone by any stretch.

Living in an active over 55+ community, I still come in contact with an aging population that has residents who occasionally have spouses or parents that have dementia. It is not the same as when your family member is afflicted.  I am not sure much of anything prepares you emotionally.   It is draining just to be in a conversation.  

My sister Terri has become my namesake when conversing with my mother. More often than not, I am not only called her name but all references are to her life, memories of time spent with her and reflections on her thoughts and feelings towards Terri. It is pointless to correct her so I find myself responding in Terri-like fashion.  I call my sister afterwards, tongue-in-cheek, to lessen the heartache and tell her what “she” said to Mom. She does likewise as she is frequently in the same position responding in my given name.

Some of my conversations with Mom these days are about things and people I know nothing about. She will lapse into memories and because I was raised by my father and stepmother, I do not have knowledge of a great portion of her life so have no idea of what she is talking about and she is totally unaware. Any normal verbal cues are gone when dementia hits.

Mom operates on a short fuse. She is quick to anger and to sadness. Either mood is hard to lessen or erase so I am careful to not trigger either!  Being several states away, I am dealing with emotions and dementia over the telephone most of the time so am pretty powerless to do much but listen and send things.  And the requests for items to send are becoming more frequent as she doesn’t recall what she asked for. A letter will come, two in a day asking for the same thing, the realities of dementia in black and white. Envelopes will come without hard to decipher hand-writing talking of things I know nothing of. With the affect it has on our lives, I keep it to myself as like so many others,  no one wants to talk about it though it affects millions of Americans and great numbers worldwide!

Mom is alive yet living at half-mask. What are painful are the times she is more than aware of it and makes statements about how silly and disappointed she is at what her life has become. It is then when I and everyone who has ever dealt with the dreaded disease pray there will be a cure or better treatment options in the future so that elderly do not have to suffer with losing their minds. 

This needs to be freely discussed for the  millions suffering, growing daily, and communicate the importance of early screening!  70% of cases are Alzheimer’s, a more serious form that thankfully my mother doesn't  have. 58% of all patients in the US live in lower income homes so funding is needed so financial resources for dementia are essential too. 

As I look back, it is with a grateful heart I had some wonderful memories with Mom before she was in the clutches of dementia. Now I simply embrace her in whatever way I can for as long as I can watching her mind slip away.