Snapshots of Change

Changing seasons as the months go by,

Changing voices as the years can’t lie,

Changing desires as our bodies become needy,

Changing goals as our minds become greedy.

 Some of the changes we embrace are good,

Some are totally misunderstood,

As long as we get back on track,

When, in life, we fall astray,   

And continue to grow

Being humble to God in every way.

Our growth will continue until we are called to come home.

Years ago I reconnected with a dear friend of mine I had made when our children were little. We were both young married couples, part of a Catholic parish in the area. We were both highly involved, both stay-at-home moms at the time so it was a source of social involvement, giving back and showing our small children Christianity at work.  Our relationship developed into so much more than a typical friendship, more like a sisterhood. The amount of time we were together is immeasurable. We saw each other through kid’s first communions and both went through divorces. We shared quite a bit over many years of our changing philosophies towards everything including religion, faith, child-rearing, marriage and life. Oh yes, even towards ourselves as well.

Both being in unhappy marriages, I think God planned for us to meet. He gave us each other, that human connection so that we could see in each other what unconditional love felt like, the comfort of looking into someone’s eyes and knowing, no matter what you said or did, they would still love and accept you.  We both needed and deserved that in our lives.  And, honestly neither of us had that in our young marriages.  We had children who looked up to us and should have had a better example of what a healthy marriage is.  Somewhere along the line our relationship splintered when we both moved away from the area and we lost contact. 

As luck would have it, or rather as God would plan it, we reconnected several years ago at a time when, once again, we were both going thru some life changes.  Yes, she was in the process of going from empty nester with her wonderful husband and being a grandmother to a small grandbaby to adopting her oldest grandchild with her husband!  It was a lengthy troublesome heart wrenching court proceeding. It was made even more agonizing as they had been raising him since he was a small baby. At the same time we connected, I had finally put my cancer treatment behind me, noticed some long-term effects of that treatment were beginning to show but was trying to acclimate to life after cancer.  Ah, looking at a life ahead being a grandma now not fighting cancer and embracing a new future! 

Here we both were, at a crossroads of sorts, reconnected at a special time in our growth period again, as women, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and fears about where we were and what lies ahead.  We wondered aloud how best to prepare for it, what steps to take and what to simply put in God’s masterful hands. 

Life was good but naturally had some pitfalls also, new anxieties for both of us but that unconditional bond was there between us, that magic we shared. However, this time, we both had a lifetime mate, we had each found a man that provided us with what we had so longed for all those years ago. We were so happy for each other and yet realized what we had was a different dimension of our womanhood that also needs nurturing from time to time.

With time, those issues sailed away working their way through change. Her and her husband/best friend received full legal custody of their darling son with absolutely no visitation of the mother with major issues.  My life also seemed to be coasting along merrily.  We, this time, made certain, even with distance, we stayed connected feeling certain God made this re-connection for a reason, some divine plan or maybe just because it was pleasurable!

Well, just when the boat didn’t seem like it was going to rock too much anymore, a storm blew through.  It hit both of us, equally hard, but in different

ways. She lost her riches, so much financial backbone they had as a cushion to enrich their life in a few disasters was gone. And I in another horrendous experience lost what I thought was one of the richest things in my life, my relationship with my firstborn grandson, the one born within days of my cancer diagnosis.   At the same time, my trust and relationship with my daughter blew away like a flame on a candle, blown out and all the sudden it was dark never to be light anymore. 

Both of us went through major heartbreak, pain and making adjustments. These were changes thrust on us that seem harder because the older you are, change is not quite as easy but still important to undertake as it is part of learning and growing. Learning to let go of what you can’t control and moving beyond is important, even when it hurts.  Everything you do, as you age, sets an example for those younger than you, it is your legacy.  We simply must show what you can’t control you must accept and change only what you can, yourself. 

We have heard each other’s hurts, each other’s disappointments and each other’s revelations during this time much as we did in all the other times in our lives. We will listen again when more changes come our way in the future and will gladness in our hearts knowing change is, overall good, a sign we are living one more day of God’s overall plan before he brings us both home.  Through the change, the pain, the upcoming winds of change is that pervasive knowledge that I will hold her as a very dear friend tightly, if she needs me and throw her extra oars, and she will toil my line if I need her too.  She has a lifeline and I do too in our husbands. We know we are survivors, in so many ways and stronger for having known each other and tapped into each other’s strength. 

I think many feel the same kinds of winds of change we experience throughout our life at various times, the why me, the you have got to be kidding me’s, the where is this going? But in the end, you have no choice but to button up your

bottom lip and deal with it. As another friend says, shit happens. Good relationships matter, not several, not many at all, just quality ones.  Decide where and who they are and foster those relationships!  And remember you are one of them, yourself!  Take care of you.  When a wind of change attempts to blow you over, reach for a lifeline if you need it, pray to God for added strength and remember always, someone else out in the ocean, just beyond the horizon is going through exactly the same thing.   You are and will be stronger and closer to God’s image if you grow with it!  

Are You Lonely Tonight?

Do you feel alone?  Do you feel like you are the only one that feels this way?  Well 

don’t feel like that any longer.

Statistics show we are a nation full of folks suffering from loneliness. When the 

National Science Foundation did a study on this topic, 1 in 4 people stated they 

were feeling lonely. When they were asked to rule out family, the numbers went 

up to 1 out of every 2.

The effects of loneliness can be devastating on our society. It causes depression. Depression can easily lead to mental illness. Depending on the severity of mental illness, other issues follow.   Potential issues are anxiety disorders, panic attacks, and impaired immune functioning.

Furthermore, there have been studies showing impaired immune functioning can lead to increased risk of arthritis, diabetes, and overeating. In general, the studies bear out that this decrease in immune functioning directly correlates to decrease longevity of life.  Also, at the top of the list of probability when encountering loneliness is suicide. Professor John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago found in his study in 2014 that loneliness was twice as bad for older people’s health as obesity and almost as great a cause of death as poverty.   

Loneliness is not reserved as an issue for simply elderly aged adults. Actually it has become a major issue with young adults these days.   The Mental Health Foundation 

found out through studies that it is a greater concern among adults aged 18-34 years 

old.  This age was much more likely, when questioned, to state they were feeling 

lonely and often.  They also worried about feeling all alone and feeling depressed 

because of being alone much more so than those over the age of 55.

There is such a close link between loneliness and mental health as stated before  that 

it bears repeating the incidence of increased stress levels go up when someone feels loneliness.  Thus these young people become more depressed increasing the  likelihood 

of paranoia, anxiety, addiction, with a cognitive decline.  These all are factors that 

can lead to suicide.    

Thus we have a society with a great deal of adults functioning, to some extent with a silent secret.  The secret they have is impeding their happiness and their ability to experience life fully and enjoyably.  And they need help but have no one,or so they 

feel, to help them. How did this happen over the last twenty years?

First, we have become a technological savvy society. Everything we do, we do through automated systems, through the internet. We talk to our office mates through instant messaging, we talk to family through emails or Facebook and we talk to friends through texting.  We make friends through Facebook or Twitter and Instagram.  Gone are face 

to face chats where verbal and non-verbal skills are used. No longer are we getting the direct feedback that gives one a sense of well-being, a general sense of acceptance, 

for those that need that.  This can create a world where some folks feel that they are unworthy of others’ time anymore.

Yes, you can have an online presence but is that really you? Having an online presence 

is not the same as having a real relationship. That persona people put up on their pages, their profiles, you have no idea if it is true, even that they look like the picture you are

staring at or if it is some stock photo they bought.  And let’s face it, no one is as good 

as they project online. No one is always happy, always faithful, that incredibly wise, 

so incredibly witty, comes up with the best answer for everything, and is never down-trodden!   

Thus, many people do not feel comfortable putting their loneliness out there on the internet, a so perfect world, to get the help they need.  They do not want to risk the criticism or rejection from the phony society they are a part of.    So even though 

there are helpful sites out there for those lonely souls seeking help , there is not 

clear evidence to show which sites are legit from which ones are facades. 

  

The job market is very demanding and seldom is a work week 40 hours. Many have few hours left to seek outside intervention, slash counseling.  Some still see counseling as a weakness, a strike against them.  They believe the old wives’ tale that no one else needs to know what goes on in your house or in your head even if it means it will clear up the cobwebs and straighten up your thinking to a clearer path.  So they will just work their butts off and keep their loneliness to themselves letting it eat away at them in the stillness of the night.

Family breakdowns more and more these days have caused deterioration in the family network. Thus no longer do we have families connected where they support each other through thick and thin. Some families don’t even speak anymore to each other.  New families can be a network of friends or non-existent thus making someone feel totally isolated until a new network is established creating a placebo family.   Until that is done or if not done, there is a hole inside a person, a void that is left which can make someone feel empty, thus alone.

Whatever the reasons or the issues for feeling lonely, real or imagined, the solution is 

get help.  The consequences are great, to you as an individual and to us as a society.  

The options are as varied as we are as people.   We mustn’t be shy about reaching out 

our hands to help others and point out ideas of paths to take to aid others on ways to improve their condition.  Or we can become part of the solution.  We should never try 

to become the only solution, as that would be self-defeating, becoming a crutch for another person.  They need the tools so they have the sense of accomplishment and

 the ability to go on with or without you.

  

There really is no excuse for noticing someone is lonely and not offering a helping hand, pointing out resources or extending some friendship.  It could be a matter of saving a 

life. And one day, that life saved might be yours!

Cindy Lovelace & The Healing Net Foundation

 

Years ago, when I first went to a camp for cancer survivors in the Nashville, TN area I felt like an outcast. I do not define myself by the cancer I had and so being there, around survivors and some still fighting the disease, seemed odd to me. I honestly felt like leaving out of denial that my life would forever be different and I would be bonded with so many of these people. But at that camp, I met a lifelong friend and feel I have changed, as a person and as a woman, for the better.

My friend I met there, Cindy Lovelace and I made an immediate connection the

moment we met. It was like an electrical shock, someone we just clicked, laughed about the same kind of things and saw life very similarly. It felt like an old comfortable shoe, except Cindy doesn’t look worn and tattered! She is vibrant, dynamic, and has an energetic personality.  Cindy’s faith in God is as strong as any clergy that I have known.  With an unshakable faith and deep abiding respect for human life, all the moments that make up a lifetime seem to matter to her.  And yet, so many of us wonder why such a strong, sharp intelligent woman would have to get re-diagnosed with cancer. Not only does she live with cancer, but it is a more rare type, Neuroendocrine Cancer, a word I can barely spell or say.

Cindy  has approached this like so many other things, in the years I have known

her. She is not lying down.  In most people’s eyes, she is a fighter.  I prefer to think of her more like a warrior, as she plays offensively in a battle with cancer as well as defensively.  And so it is with this diagnosis. 

Though many of us that love her pray reverently to God for a cure and for her long lifeline, she focuses on where she can make a difference with her life. Most

of us are much more affected by her disease than she is, mentally anyways.  She sees it as another opportunity to grow, a reminder of the preciousness of life and as a cause she needs to educate others about and help raise resolutions, research dollars and overall awareness. 

With that in mind, I asked Cindy, who is currently the President of Healing Net Foundation, an organization that devotes all its energy to Neuroendocrine Cancer, to address a few questions.  What follows is her responses, immediately after the questions stated by a novice, unfamiliar with this type and wanting to know more.  I hope you find this extremely informative and pass this information on to anyone who has ever battled something that seems incurable.  

How common is neuroendocrine cancer?  Neuroendocrine (or Carcinoid) Cancer is considered rare, but my experience and the experience of so many people being diagnosed in the United States, is starting to challenge exactly HOW rare.  The best guess is that 5,000 people will be diagnosed in this country each year, but I feel those numbers are rising rapidly.  It could be because of better diagnostic tools, more awareness, or unfortunately, an increase in the incidence of the disease.

Is there a common profile or demographic type that develops this type? It is diagnosed in children all the way to older adults, although the most common age seems to be around 45.  Male and Female

How much current research is going on with this type of cancer?  Is the research focused on cures, treatment or prevention?  Research in the United States is in pockets at best. One example is the University of Iowa, which was just recognized as a Center of Excellence in NET research.  The team there is led by Dr. Thomas Odorisio (Endocrinologist) and his wife Dr. Mary Odorisio (Pediatric Hemotology) Both of these physicians gravitated to treating neuroendocrine patients because of an influx of cases, and are now regarded as one of the few experts in the U. S. Right now most research is focused on treatment and cure.  No one knows exactly what causes it. However, most of the research as well as the latest treatment options developed in Europe, and as a whole, Europe continues to outpace the U. S. in the advancement of care for neuroendocrine cancer.  The grandfather of Neuroendocrine cancer research is considered to be Dr. Kjell Oberg of Uppsala University in Sweden.

What are warning signs you might have this type of cancer? Do GPs have this information and know to look for it? It’s complicated.  Some patients present with symptoms that mimic GP disorders such as Crohn’s disease, IBS, etc. These symptoms can range from flushing (face red/purple) to diarrhea and stomach cramps, even a racing heart. However, some patients have NO symptoms and the tumors are found incidentally when tests are run for other reasons.  Patients with symptoms can be misdiagnosed for years and treated for benign disorders when they really have cancer. It is a slow growing cancer, but can be insidious and eventually vicious if not found and treated properly.  As to whether GI’s have this information:  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Most physicians are told in medical school they will be lucky to see even one case in their lifetime. So they are not prepared to consider the disease as a possibility and tend to treat first for the more benign disease this cancer mimics.

Are there screening recommendations for neuroendocrine cancer as there are for many other types? Not really unless a physician suspects.  Then you can run some blood tests that could show some unusual elevations in gastrin, chromogranin A, glucose, etc.  This is a cancer of the hormone producing cells, and that is also what makes diagnosing this cancer so tricky.  There are all kinds of hormones are bodies secrete, and finding who is causing the trouble, and why can be very complicated.

How do you diagnosis it for sure, a particular test?  It is usually diagnosed when a tumor is found, biopsied and stained.  Then you know it’s neuroendocrine and can also tell what grade it is. The higher the grade the more likely it is to metastasis. This cancer is slow growing, but it does metastasis. The most likely place it goes whether the primary is in the lungs, pancreas, intestines, stomach, female organs, etc…it the liver.  There is another hidden element of this cancer. It tends to NOT show up on traditional scans. CT scans MIGHT catch it, and even the MRI is known to miss it.  There is a new scan, used in Europe for several years, called the Gallium 68. It is still in clinical trial in the U. S. even though the first trial was begun at Vanderbilt in 2011.  I was actually one of the first to take that scan.  A neuroendocrine tumor had been found in my pancreas and removed but my doctor, Dr. Eric Liu, suspected it might have already gone to my liver.  An MRI was negative.  Less than 30 days later I had the Gallium 68 and two tumors in my liver lit up.  This diagnostic test can be a lifesaver. FDA approval is said to be imminent, but it cannot happen soon enough to help so many people.  Sometimes this cancer is diagnosed because the patient has not responded to treatment of the benign diseases it mimics, but then, the cancer might have progressed and metastasized beyond surgery. 

Are you ever totally healed from it or does it just go in remission? At this point, you are never healed, and while you can go in remission, many patients live with the tumors until they become bigger or cause enough trouble to need to be removed.  That is my case.  I have tumors in my liver.  Some have been removed, others are still too small to be seen.  This cancer tends to “seed” the liver, therefore the tumors grow at different stages.

Is there an increase in this type in recent years?  I think so, but I cant prove it.  My work in establishing the Healing NET Foundation to focus on awareness and education of the medical community at large has brought me in contact with a lot of new patients, and the list grows every week.

What is the success rate in treating it in the early stages? It is very successful if you catch it early and there are folks now who have been living with this cancer for 20+ years.  However, there is the problem that it’s so difficult to diagnose, and especially so in people with no symptoms. 

If caught in later stages, what is life expectancy? Even in later stages, people have been, at the very least, greatly helped in their daily quality of life and the prognosis can be several more years.  Again, it depends on where it is, when it’s diagnosed, and if you are fortunate enough to be seen by an expert who really understands the disease.  There are many many sad cases of people who were given incorrect information and either not given enough treatment or given too much treatment. 

Who is highly involved in research in this field since it is not as well known? Is it being studied overseas, other countries? Europe. very few in U. S.

Which country is the most advanced in their diagnosis and treatment of neuroendocrine cancer? Sweden and Germany

What percentage of oncologists specialize in this type? There are some specialists who understand it, and treat a lot of patients.  My doctor, Dr. Eric Liu, a neuroendocrine cancer surgeon, has recently opened The Neuroendocrine Institute at Rocky Mountain Cancer Centers in Denver.  Dr. Richard Warner (GI) at Mt Sinai in New York established the first center on neuroendocrine and carcinoid in this country.  I mentioned Drs. Odorisio at U of Iowa. There is also Dr. Eugene Woltering and team at Ochsner in Louisiana.  There is an expert oncologist at UK Markey Cancer Center in Lexington KY—Dr. Ed Wolin.  Dr. George Fisher at Stanford was one of the physicians who treated Steve Jobs, whose neuroendocrine cancer caused him to seek a liver transplant and he died from complications of that surgery.  But these and a few others are just pockets of physicians in the U. S. There are major cancer centers who do not have experts, and unfortunately people go there expecting the top treatment, and well, doctors don’t know what they don’t know. 

What is the one thing no one knows about this type of cancer and they should know? It is misleading to refer to a neuroendocrine cancer in the pancreas as pancreatic cancer.  It’s not the same as the more common pancreatic cancer.  Same deal in any other organ. This cancer should not be treated the same as other types of cancer. It needs a physician who has had a lot of experience, and is aware of all the latest research and treatment options.  You can live with this disease many years IF you find the right doctor. 

For additional information and to support research and awareness in this field, please click on the link to the website below.        

The Healing Net Foundation http://www.thehealingnet.org/

You can follow this organization on Facebook  the healingnetfoundation   

or on  Twitter @HealingNET1

Fall is Approaching

The ending of summer is like turning a page to start a new chapter.  The memories of what we did and how we spent our time will be something we will hold dear in the cold winter months.  But with each season comes a whole new set of experiences, often unique to that season that we can cherish.

Summer was full of color this year in Tennessee as there was enough rain to keep flowers in bloom. Grasses stayed green instead of turning brown which made for scenic walks and drives. Kids rode bikes as there were plenty of warm days. The swimming pools in the neighborhood and elsewhere were packed many days as everyone outside headed for a cool water of body to try to withstand the heat.

Our pool water became quite warm, feeling more like a bath than a cold dip in the pool. But nonetheless, we used it, swimming for exercise, lounging on floaties and hanging out with friends in the water just to chat.  Oh there was even a day it was raining and I found myself with a raft over my head talking to a friend that was doing exactly the same in the center of the pool! Nearby friends were laughing as we must have looked silly.  But then again, summer brings out the child in all of us, from time to time.

Hoping your summer was full of moments worth remembering.  Every day is a blessing so each is worth celebrating whether it is the heat of summer or the oncoming fall foliage turning colors. Savor it for it represents the best nature has to offer us.  In turn, may it inspire you to make the changes you need to make so that your next chapter is worth reading!  

The GOP Debate Tonight, Sept. 16, 2016

Perhaps I need to precede this by no attacks are needed. I am merely reflecting on the current state and all opinions, actually of my own, are not endorsed. 

The GOP debate at CNN is tonight. I really do not get into public discussions on politics. Two reasons, I don’t feel well enough informed on all the candidates. Secondly, I don’t want another reason for people to hate me. Let’s face it, people, in general, are strongly opinionated on politics and throw venom at people that don’t support their views.

It is so interesting to see someone who so many never thought had a chance would become so popular.  In a way, being a celebrity and being involved in politics is nothing new.  We have seen tons from Sonny Bono, Clay Aikens, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse Ventura to the top office, Ronald Reagan. Perhaps it is fitting that this debate takes place in the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California. Here we have our celebrity candidate, Donald Trump in the center stage, the middle podium tonight as he is rated the highest in popularity.  Yes, even in the very state Ronald Reagan got his political career started. 

Is it possible, being the most widely known to the public has something to do with his popularity?  Being a household name puts you in the forefront of people’s minds. According to marketing strategies, it doesn’t get any better than having the entire general public know who you are. Infact, that matters more than what you say.

Many Americans don’t know much about any other candidates so they are supporting Donald Trump. I am not voicing my opinion one way or the other, just stating that it is kinda funny to watch how fickle our society is, even, yes, in politics.

Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California. Here we have our celebrity candidate, Donald Trump in the center stage, the middle podium tonight as he is rated the highest in popularity.  Yes, even in the very state Ronald Reagan got his political career started.  

Americans are the first to throw daggers at their government and the very system that was created when thousands of young men died fighting for freedom, to have a democracy.  And yet, when it comes to having a say, more people are supporting the candidate that doesn’t talk about his strategies much or his policies he will enact but focuses on what government isn’t doing and what he strongly dislikes about other candidates. In any of his companies, this type of controversy or behavior such as mutiny would be met with his famous line, “You’re fired.” 

However, negative campaigning is nothing new. Wherever there is competition involved, folks want to throw their competition under the bus.  We, as Americans, often do the same to anyone who doesn't agree with our political views. Thus, perhaps we are to blame for some of the antics that go on in politics. 

This election campaign is not just about Trump but what is good for the country.  Republicans have somehow aided the media in letting one candidate dominate the news.  Infact, our process does not limit the number of candidates that can run, thus we have a sea of candidates running. How in the world is the general public supposed to learn and research each one to make an informed decision?  With so many to consider, it takes time to become informed and most of us are living on scarcely time to get our daily tasks accomplished.

I have to say, I love being in a democracy but in a country where many are starving, have no way of affording medical insurance, I find it somewhat embarrassing so much money is throw into the campaign ring! When only one Republican candidate will come out at the end carrying the ticket, why are there so many running?  And Obama has somewhat taught us that with a Congress not on your side, you can’t pass legislation whether it is good for the country or not.

So perhaps the easiest way to get a President in office that can accomplish what they set out to do is to let Congress nominate who the two candidates are they want running. Oh, I am sure folks are reading this saying it won’t be fair because it is dominated by one party or the other. I am just being facetious here. But perhaps our voting for Congress folks in our areas gives us more control over those candidates than who is running for the presidency.

As you watch the debate, see how much opportunity you have to learn equally enough about any of the candidates to really say one is better for the job than any of the others. 

Jump into You and Fly

I use to think only a few have talent in art. As I have aged, I realize art is self-

expression. Thus, no art is really wrong or right, it just is. All art is a form of

representation of a person’s self-expression. And we all have a right to express ourselves. In the realm of art, everything is acceptable. There are no holds barred. Your spirit can come alive and soar.

Some of us that relish various art forms were not blessed with amazing skill, we were not given that artsy fartsy gene.  However, usually, if you explore and try out different things, there will be an area you excel in and find your work enriching to your soul.

In college, I learned a lot about the art of writing. Anyone with a college education can attest to the fact writing is required. Included types are literary critiques, term papers, open essay, and yes, in my case, even journaling and diary dream interpretations.

Some of these dream diaries, as they were called in a graduate level class on Freud and the Interpretation of Dreams were shared in small groups. Wow, I thought I had a vivid imagination! Some of the dreams of my classmates were so bizarre it was hard to look at them without my eyes wide and my jaw dropped.  I was grateful I was only required to interpret mine.  But that type of writing was educational actually. Dreams, at service glance, don’t make sense, when you are documenting them.  In writing about them, we were all forced to write a stream of text with no real flow, no story line, not a beginning or an ending.  It was difficult, at first, because we all wanted to embellish our words, put a line between all the dots.

The journaling in this class taught how to write uncensored, true free-flowing writing without there being traditional writing rules in place.  I challenge you to try it sometime. Write or draw or sing, whatever art form you prefer is, without a plan in mind.  What we learned is the more we practiced it, the better we got.  We begin to learn that our restrictions we put on ourselves daily limit our ability to imagine. This has a far reaching impact because it limits our imagination and our creativity.

In reality, we can’t fly, we can’t be on center stage, etc..but in our dreams we can. We may not be able to paint using every color imaginable but in our subconscious at night, with no sensors in place, we can.  We can paint the world! 

Finding a way to express what lights your fire inside is important. It adds a new dimension to you. Never get so busy in life that you don’t allow yourself cathartic releases and to pursue some of your internal spiritual passions. 

For me, frequently, it comes in the form of writing. Even when I was a young child with a limited vocabulary, I wrote. When I have a disagreement with people, I have always found writing easier. Ask my husband, he has been on the end of many letters I have written him even with us living in the same house!

Writing allows you to free flow your thoughts without interruptions. When we communicate, we gauge what we say off of, to a large extent, our viewing audience. Comments from others and non-verbal signals affect what you are going to say and how you express it, your word choice, and your delivery.  This is also true of artistry of many types. Half of the time is spent thinking about how it will end, the picture, the song, the dance, the sculpture instead of savoring the moment and just trusting it will come to an end on its own without you overthinking it.

Putting thoughts on paper, opinions, feelings, etc.  gives complete leadway to express oneself, much as a painter faced with an empty canvas and an array of colors and possibilities begins a portrait. Others perceptions change the way we walk, talk and our level of honesty. Try picking some art form and putting blinders on others viewpoints and impressions.  Just please you.

My writing may not be good, it may not spark an emotion in everyone but it feels wonderful to me. And when I read it back, I see the real me clearly, in the tone, the word choice, the topic.  Oh, I have read many of the great writers’ pieces. I have friends that work professionally as writers and their words are impeccable, their grammar and their style is much easier to follow than mine. But, I am not trying to be them, nor the literary award winner.  

My hope is that, in sharing my reflections, it touches someone in some special way. If is makes someone think, it has accomplished something positive. If it doesn’t, that is okay too. No one has to read it if they don’t want to.  However, I do get feedback that some of my writings touch people; honestly it is so special to me!  It is made more special because I am expressing myself as I truly am, as unfiltered as I can be.  Who doesn’t like making a difference in the life of others just be being themselves?

I challenge you to find your niche, that art form you would enjoy trying but

were afraid to do for failure.  Those things you have thought about finding time

for but know, if you do, you will not be the best, you will not be rewarded with monetary gain and maybe you won’t grab a mention from another soul.  Do it because it feels good, it spreads your wings in a new direction and that, in and of itself is liberating!

I remember a friend telling me she always wanted to be a singer. Her husband finally bought her a karaoke machine so she could be a superstar. Does she sing well, ah, that is a matter of opinion. She is not trying out for a reality show, nor singing on a stage. She is simply singing in her living room for herself. And when I heard her one time, it was invigorating!  Now it is your turn. 

Dancing PINK in the Street!

Living as a breast cancer survivor, I have developed a love of life beyond what I had prior to my diagnosis. I realize I am one of the lucky, blessed individuals who gets a second chance to live a fulfilled life.  And in lieu of that, each year, when Making Strides against Breast Cancer comes up, I am involved.

My motivation for volunteering is too many people I have known have not been so lucky. They are on a life path of dealing with metastatic breast cancer or have died.  I have friends that are  currently struggling through treatment.

My other drive is our youth.  Specifically, one little girl who has my heart, my granddaughter is at the forefront of my mind when I think of breast cancer. Seeing Ava so full of life and so unique, I don’t want to think something nasty like breast cancer could dim her light.

Ava is a dancer, this is one of the things in life she is passionate about! It is part of who she is, the love of dance.    From as far back as I can remember, she wanted to dance when music came on. With her involvement in a dance studio, Grandma gets to sit back and quietly watch the rest of the world soak in her charismatic personality which is even stronger than her dancing.

Thinking about this one day gave me the idea of having a dance flash mob.  Taking dancing to the streets seemed like a logical move to me in a city known for music.   And to promote breast cancer in this way was something I have seen out there in other cities, but never in ours.  What a cool way to draw attention to American Cancer Society’s Making Strides for Breast Cancer! 

Justin Jenkins was an easy choice for being the choreographer. His dancing is phenomenal and his background shows he is well accomplished.   Justin grew up in Memphis, TN and went on to MTSU for college. He became a dancer in the group Southern Movement Dance Crew which competed on the TV show Dance Crew.  He teaches and choreographs hip-hip at Diamond Academy of Dance in Mt. Juliet, TN.  Justin shares his love of dance, live and laughter with every one of his students. 

Kemmian Beard, a close friend of Justin’s was on board too for choreography. He was also a dancer in Southern Movement Dance Crew. In addition to his choregraphy and teaching skills at American Academy of Dance, he has started his own company, Kemmian Bearded Productions. 

Justin and Kemmian  took a group of 50 dancers from two different studios Diamond Academy of Dance and American Academy of Dance and brought them together.  They also enlisted the Titans cheerleaders to be a part of this dance.  What they created was  a moment in time that none of us will soon forget. And they created momentum for Making Strides for Breast Cancer in Nashville at the same time. 

What unfolded was so touching, especially when you know the story behind the scenes. Every one that was a part of this volunteered their time and their talents.  All were ecstatic about being asked to be a part of this, including the youth’s parents.  They had exactly two practices on a Friday night in a gymnasium to learn a difficult routine and make it look seamless to the public. A four minute hip-hop routine with the Titans cheerleaders involved and Austin Jamal Philips, a hip-hop/break dancer starting it off making this dance much more complicated than it looked.

On Saturday, Sept. 5^th, the Dance Flash Mob took place. Our dancers for this were scattered around the Bridgestone Arena plaza, where the Nashville Predators play, a big landmark for the city.  Amidst it, Kelly Clarkson’s song started with the Bridgestone DJ saying something to get everyone’s attention to the center of the plaza.  Austin Jamal Philips started dancing and spinning.  Four minutes of awesome dancing, smiling faces, the Titans cheerleaders dancing a segment all happened according to plan! And the dance ended showing everyone in Making Strides T-shirts with the hashtag of the event on the back of their shirts, #IGotPinked.

Social media was buzzing afterwards and because film crews were there at the event,  all major networks in the city talked about it in air that night.  We are hopeful there will be additional opportunities to discuss this event in the near future.  A great deal of work went into it and it deserves to have some continued momentum. 

My goal was to create noise.  Justin Jenkins, Kemmian Beard and the others they brought along for the ride did just that, and it was beautiful! Please support these two young men’s business ventures as they have selflessly given of themselves for this mission. They realize something I feel strongly about, life is not all about cancer, but every once in a while we have to come together, raise some money, Get Pinked and save some lives!   

Click to check out images of the experience: 

Play at Work?

Work is hard, it is mean to be. That is why the majority of Americans don’t work outside their homes unless a paycheck is involved. And, these days, average length of time

anyone stays at a company is 4 years. Employees job hop over money more than anything but also work environment. So why don’t employers look closer at what goes on at work and what they can change?

I learned that 57 million people are involved in Fantasy Football in the world, the majority here in the States. It is estimated that the average employee spends one hour a week working on their picks, status, standings.  Most times this is done at work, on company time. Thus, some companies ban it during the work week as they see the time spent costing them money. Newer studies are showing employees participating in Fantasy Football during the season have a better overall morale at work and are more productive!  What an easy way to improve morale by looking the other way.

Too often companies see no value in allowing a stress reduction exercise unrelated to someone’s job duties. All work and no play is their motto for the day and every day. Time wasted is money lost.  Combine this with a working population that sacrifices more time away from families than ever before just to make a living, modest at that. Is allowing some interesting activity for employees at work really wasting man-hours on the job?

I worked years ago, while in college at a company in Cincinnati Ohio, F & W Publications.  It wasn’t very long after I started of the Ping Pong Battles.  Oh yes, in the basement of the building was a large ping pong table the company had choose to keep.

Everyone in the company was given an acronym similar to their name. The board was posted multiple places and in each department of the competition, complete with winner and loser brackets.  Each quarter anyone wanting in the competition had to put money in a pot, a nominal amount.  Then arbitrarily all the games were listed by dates and by times.  There were no more than usually 3 a day.  It was the players responsibility to check their time and date. No shows were automatic forfeits!

I was shocked, when attending a meeting, that someone vital was missing because it was his scheduled time to play ping pong! But, I learned, ping pong playing can be very serious.  The top three places won money out of the pot and with a lot of employees, it made for a nice chunk of change.

They alternated between championships for singles and one for doubles. When the players were on teams, they were not allowed to pick their team-mate! They were assigned someone outside their department.

What I observed in my time spent working there is camaraderie over a simple game that was complex.  Through this table top game, workers bonded. They laughed, yelled and walked out of the basement happy to be a part of something joyful that reminded them abit of their childhood, and the fact there is more to life than working.  What the employer netted were happy campers!  Many told me, during my tenure there, they would drastically underpaid but stayed there because of the climate, best exemplified by the ping pong tournaments. 

My quantity of jobs worked is too long.  However, it has provided me with a vast array of management styles and work environments.  Never, since that job, have I ever seen a more complex work set-up for employees to actually enjoy time together in a healthy competition that continued year round.

Employers need to see the value of fun at work. It’s a healthy way to bring tempers down and help workers find a common ground with co-workers. This alone will aid in team development.  This time is productive contrary to what many bosses would think.  It builds morale.

Another employee at one company maintained a candy stash.  Her job was to have her deep desk drawer filled with candy, all kinds.  The employees knew this and would come to her desk regularly to purchase candy. It was much lower in cost than the store or the vending machine. Also, she allowed for candy requests.  With the money she made, she put it in a fund. Then, every so often, the money would be used for a small party of some sort for the office employees adding to that fund simply by purchasing candy. 

This little ‘candy store’ created human interaction, much as a water cooler does.  Grown adults requesting she buy skittles, gummy worms or Reese’s Pieces may not have seemed productive to the bosses, when they got wind of this. But, the overall point was lost, allow employees time to chat about something minimal and it works towards bonding, friendship.  Who cares if it is over ping pong or candy, the point is morale is boosted, and less people quits.

It is pure and simple, there is a tremendous value to these activities that seem frivolous

to employers.   When the candy store was shut down, employees held their heads low, there was grumbling followed by more complaints about the company.  Many felt the company’s inability to let them purchase candy and an employee oversee it was representative of them seeing people as work machines.  I fail to see how management let something so small become a major hurdle in people’s minds about working there. No source for candy in the middle of the day made some folks irate.  Next, they are showing up for work for only one thing, a paycheck. Employers note, someone will always pay them more than you are!

Making employees happy increases the chances of them being loyal.  Companies need to get on board, in these financially challenging times and help employees be glad they employed with them.  Little moments of fun speak volumes.  It shows recognition of management that there is more to life than just showing up to work, putting in the time and repeating it 5 days a week.  Activities that take up a minimal amount of time and that create a positive vibe among employees is priceless.   Not having HR, bosses or upper management involved saves time.  Stifling fun is asking for unhappiness.  Give employees more reasons to stay by making it okay for them to play.

Recess time!

Change

Change is needed,

Change is good.

Why are we resistant

When we know we should.

There are so many mistakes we make

Because old habits are hard to break,

Thinking you get a new solution

And being surprised with the same resolution.

Don’t stay put in your nest

And start making folks guess,

You can’t react the same,

If there is nothing to gain.

Considering reflecting  hard,

And don’t settle for your cards,

Get a new deck out to play,

And brighten your own day.

Noone deserves to be sad,

When others act bad,

Take control of your life,

And live with less strive.

Change is needed,

Change Is good.

Why are we resistant

When we know we should.

Be the exception,

And change your direction,

Find peace within,

And a new life will begin! 

Breast Cancer Fighter

When you do work for a non-profit, many people wonder why anyone gives up so much time for

free.  I believe it is because of the intrinsic rewards.   We all are called to give something back when given a chance to life.  There are many worthy organizations that do so much good. I select the ones that affects those I care about the most, friends and family. Thus, my choice is breast cancer.

Being a breast cancer survivor myself, I know it increases the odds of my children and grandchildren getting diagnosed one day. I don’t want any of them to have to go through it.  Being diagnosed and going through the rigors of chemotherapy, radiation and/or radical surgery is hard.  Life is forever changed, and other health issues develop, as a result of the treatment. My granddaughter is too cute to ever deserve cancer are the faces of little children I encounter in my life.

I have held a few hands of women that were dying of breast cancer. Their memories are permanently etched in my head. I want their legacy to live on.  I pray for them and their peace but the fight can’t end with their deaths.  The fight for finding a cure is as much about them as those still here.   Others that follow their story with a diagnosis and treatment need and desire a much happier ending.  Better treatments and earlier diagnoses will help that occur.

Several women I know have Stage 4 cancer. They go from one clinical trial to another. Metastatic cancer is real and it is not a pleasant experience, not physically or mentally.  You are living on borrowed time and spending far too much time either in bed or at a doctor’s office. And no one wants to ask how you are because they are afraid of the answer.  These women and their families deserve continued research, without end, till the day they can wake up and not having death hanging over their head.

The survivors of breast cancer frequently have secondary complications from treatment. Long after everyone has said congratulations, those effects set in. No longer is anyone asking how they are but yet they are dealing with challenges. 

Medication for breast cancer chemotherapy has a strong hormonal component to it. The drugs and the experience does play havoc with your emotions. It is common to have extreme depression, flashbacks from earlier times in your life and feeling downright moody and on edge.  It also causes, in many women, lymphedema. This is a painful condition that does not go away. Perhaps you have seen women out and about with flesh colored sleeves on their arms. This is to help them with it, but note, it does not cure the condition and behind the smile they wear is discomfort and pain living with this condition for the rest of their lives.  

There are far too many other long-term health conditions that can and do develop to mention. The effects it can have, long-term, are as varied as we are as people.  It is important to know and educate others that cancer treatment and being labeled a survivor is not the end of changes in a survivor’s live.

 I have spent far too much time working for breast cancer, to be honest. But I am clear about why I do it, for solutions and to increase awareness.  Foremost in my thoughts, when donating time, are those I know affected by breast cancer. It has a far-reaching arm of effect that includes caretakers and loved ones as well as the diagnosed.  I try to get others involved so they will develop a passion for donating their time and efforts, at least once a year, for the same cause, saving lives.

  

It is a lot to ask with everyone’s busy lives to get involved in breast cancer, any cancer or any cause. But if it were almost gone tomorrow, looking at the last few days here on earch and the diagnosis was staring you in the face, how would you feel?  Would you feel differently about donating, volunteering or walking for breast cancer? Think about it; take as much time as you need. Eventually the inevitable answer will come out, yes; you would feel compelled to help create change.   Then why wait?

click here to view video

 Images used in the making of this video link are all of Breast Cancer  survivors, those who passed on and those directly affected by someone very dear to them being diagnosed.  Most are survivors!