I Am Not my Weight

Weight follows me around the older I get. It doesn’t matter what I eat, it climbs up my legs and settles in my mid-section. I can’t shake it off no matter what I do. Ah, for the days when I was young and too skinny!  Do I want to go back?

Well, I remember getting teased as a kid for being thin as a toothpick. Hell, I could hide behind a tree trunk, a skinny one. I could be lifted overhead, parallel to the ground. I was anorexia-looking before it was cool and I wasn’t even in to fashion or ballet dancing. I was just plain active and living life to the fullest, an outside kid.

I hit my teens and realized Mother Nature is mean to girls. Hormones kick in and I am still trying to figure out what is so grand about it.  I mean really, hormonal is craving chocolate, feeling emotional and a swollen abdomen. Just what exactly about that is fun? 

We use to have to read books in school about “the upcoming change” menstruation entitled The Art of being a Women. I am still shaking my head over the word art that is not my image of art. And then there was the saying Beautiful Me! Who feels gorgeous on the rag?  Nobody I know. It is a royal pain and that has nothing to do with feeling like royalty.

Changing means weight starts coming on to your body easier and as you age, easily. Bah humbug. In a society that prides on tone thin bodies, some of us do not have the innate ability to be trim and thin for all of our lives. So we have to settle for being beautiful inside. If you could see the inside of me, God I am gorgeous!  And so are you!  Don’t be fooled by the fat rolls you see outside. Mother Nature might be tricking you, testing you to see if you can see below the skin. 

And so it goes, another year, another 5-10 pounds of discouragement or possibly adventure. I say enjoy it, live life, eat to live and don’t live to eat. Then you won’t be obsessively overweight, will be happy but not obsessed with trying to be a body you just weren’t made to be!

Change

Change is needed,

Change is good.

Why are we resistant

When we know we should.

There are so many mistakes we make

Because old habits are hard to break,

Thinking you get a new solution

And being surprised with the same resolution.

Don’t stay put in your nest

And start making folks guess,

You can’t react the same,

If there is nothing to gain.

Considering reflecting  hard,

And don’t settle for your cards,

Get a new deck out to play,

And brighten your own day.

Noone deserves to be sad,

When others act bad,

Take control of your life,

And live with less strive.

Change is needed,

Change Is good.

Why are we resistant

When we know we should.

Be the exception,

And change your direction,

Find peace within,

And a new life will begin! 

Are you Bored?

When I was in college, I recall walking in for a final in Composition class and being handed the classic ‘blue book.’ Four or five topics were on the board to select from and we were to pick one topic from the list to write about. For some strange reason, I picked the topic boredom.

Maybe I selected it because it was a foreign concept to my life, at the time. I was a single mother of two school aged children, home owner, and working 30 hours a week. When I was not working at a book publishing company as an assistant editor, I was either attending college or studying for classes as I carried 18 credit hours to ensure a quick graduation. I had active children also that played soccer year round. I had a calendar that had more arrows on it to fit all activities on it that is looked more like an illegible city map!

To this day, I wish I had a copy of that term paper to read! I thought of it the other day, as I lay in the pool on a float just relaxing. I remember thinking to myself, ‘If someone would just pay me to do this, I would be eternally grateful and happy as can be!” I wondered then why I am never really bored.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word bore as “to weary with tedious dullness.” Maybe therein lays the issue because I find life exhilarating. Signs of life are miracles, God’s little whispers to us that all is as it should be. So I am not sure I have ever found myself in too many situations that are innately blah, e.g. boring.

Given my age, I thought back to younger days in my life. In particular, long summer breaks from school spent for days on end at the local pool recreational center. Many a day I was there from dawn to dusk, swimming, playing ‘keep a way’ and flirting with the boys. And yet, as fun as it was, by the end of July, I did not want to admit it but I was ready for school to start. Seeing day after day the limited number of kids that came to that particular pool was getting monotonous. Soaking in the sun was getting, boring! That word was applicable at that point in my life. I think I am representative of most at that age, our youthful years, we are always wanting to run away from boredom. We thrive on excitement and drama!

When I look at the time period of my twenties and thirties, there was no time to schedule boredom. Too little time and too much to do with it! My career, my marriage, parenthood and just facing the adult world was time consuming . When I was not on the go, I was sleeping out of exhaustion. And the sleeping came in short supply.

About the age of mid forties, I begun to get a life that was not spiraling with a constant influx of new stimuli to adjust to and I was slowly down. I begun to see that stillness can be healing, and soothing to the soul. I realized that now I run more to that state I use to call boredom instead of away from it! I cherish serenity in a way in my youth, I simply could not. I rejoice in that which is stable, an d steer clear of chaos and drama. Funny how time changes one’s perspectives. I would much rather be bored yet happy than not bored and over stimulated.

As I look to the future, approaching old age, I wonder how my views will change towards having empty hours on my hands. It is hard to predict. Time changes all of us. It is hard to walk by the elderly, as a child, and even contemplate ourselves being, one day, that image. But we will, most certainly, God willing.

In a world of changes and noise, dull moments should be embraced and rejoiced. These are the times we can reflect and grow. Boredom is a temporary state if you find the fine line, the balance, between living and just being.

*** Don Bergfors once said, “ I do not consider myself old. Old age is anyone that is ten years older than me, at any given age!”