Let the Singing Commence Post Turkey!

Okay, I get it! Most folks don’t want to hear Christmas music before Thanksgiving.  Why should I be limited to only hearing them one month out of the year when there are some songs I just love?  So I don’t. Many of them are more about Christian faith and Jesus than old Saint Nick and do not even mention the word Christmas. I am not so if you come by my house on the weekend, you just might occasionally hear a few of my favorites from time to time. However, I agree, like so many other radio listeners I don’t want to hear Christmas music on the radio till Thanksgiving is over!

But when the turkey is carved and eaten, bring on the carols!  What doesn’t move you into the holiday spirit more than a lively old-fashioned holiday jingle or a captivating song about the birth of Jesus on the first Christmas?  And I love the fact that my favorite station in Nashville, Mix. 92.9 plays holiday music continuously from Thanksgiving to Christmas!  I can listen and not worry about buying tons of CD’s because they play them all.

How ironic that Friday I found myself at the radio station I love with a room full of lovers of Christmas music like me.  These avid listeners know, like me, that this channel does something unique. During the holiday season, to make the season bright, they intersperse various stories and clips from fans about their holiday’s special moments.  I have turned my radio up to hear these clips and asked everyone in the car to turn their volume down so I can catch them. The memories people have shared have been hilarious, heart-warming, enchanting and everything in between.  Truly, it adds to the magical spirit of Christmas. These stories are what Nashville is all about and what makes our city and the holidays special. 

This year, being at the studio with one of the groups being interviewed, I got the opportunity to hear a new group of folks live.  Take it from me,

you want to be invited to these folks homes for the holidays!  I am seriously thinking of calling the station and claiming someone from the group I was with Friday has bad credit and I need to contact one of them immediately!   Then I can find a way to finagle an invite.  Oh, their celebrations are as different and as entertaining as each of them are diverse! 

My friends that know me will not be surprised I could not leave my cell phone alone Friday. I wanted to take pictures but the lighting was horrendously bad in the offices. I apologize Anna Marie as I know, without our relationship, I would not have had the opportunity to be there, but dear, the lighting sucks.  Santa needs to brighten the rooms. Last time I was in a room like that someone had a massive hang-over! 

In the defense of radio, who needs lighting I supppose.  And if I sound bitchy, bear in mind, my cell phone does not take the greatest pictures.  It is not the latest greatest model. That one came out the day after I bought mine, naturally.

Several of us were squeezed into a room, the goal was to have the best representation as possible.  I had the fortune to sit back and watch Anna Marie and later Mike Lindsey at work doing what they do best, improvise!  And those of you that don’t know or haven’t met either of them, find the time.  Both are a delight, and what you hear on the air, that’s it folks, the real deal. We survivors call them types "lovers of life."

MIKE LINDSEY

As the dialogue began, one on one, I tried to capture a few things said on my cell phone.   What I could not capture was the best part, the heart.  Looking down at my phone, I would suddenly look up struck by something someone was saying.  Well actually, often times, it was by something in the voice, a hesitation of a tender moment, a uncontrollable laugh, a tear of a long lost moment that came spilling out or a childlike scream of joy over something long forgotten.  Looking up at that face of the speaker, I would see that bright twinkle in their eye, reminding me of the North Star, what we were talking about, why we were here, the true meaning of

ANNA MARIE

Christmas.   

Mix 92.9 goes through this exercise because they care about what we, the listeners care about, what Christmas means to us.   This is the heart of Christmas.  Not the gifts, but all the other emotions that go along with the trimmings.  To them, it is not commercialization at its finest hour.  It is a season of rejoicing and reflection.

I deleted all my notes later that day.  Gone are the words of the people that spoke them and the most important part I carry in my heart.  What I saw Friday was truly worth writing a blog about, just the raw emotion shared among a room full of strangers about one of the single most important emotional holidays of the year. We walked in the room as strangers and I walked out feeling blessed.  I could not do their stories justice if I tried, it is their stories; you have to listen to the radio to catch the snippets.

And just wait till you hear some of their favorite parts of the holidays!  The traditions, so many are centered around food, children, laughter, and neighbors.   The memories will make you tear up, laugh, cheer and smile.  There is not one of us that can’t help but relate to each others stories of the holidays in some small way and reminisce about our own.   And sitting there watching others tell their stories was simply delightful.  It reminded me of what it felt like one Christmas when I was alone with my husband, battling cancer and so lonely.  It was definitely not my favorite Christmas but I was grateful to be alive. There are others in Nashville and elsewhere that spend the season alone but needing someone. Invite them into your holiday festivities.  They may provide one of your best memories yet.

When you hear about an Angel Tree, be an angel for just one trip to Wallyworld or wherever you shop.  Treat one child or adult with a heartfelt gift.   Listen to the stories that are told on Mix 92.9 and you may find yourself jotting down ideas for new traditions or simply laughing with glee in between singing Christmas songs!

Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year are in close proximity but the season of living thankfully, merrily and always beginning each day anew should be a constant.  

Love and joy come to you and may all your season's wishes come true.

The Sun Will Shine Again

I always thought time went by quickly with my own kids But I am finding, with grandchildren, it truly is accelerated.  It seems like it jumped from diapers to school in no time!  Maybe it is what the kids eat these days, too many hormones in their food.  It is hard on us older adults as we want to be able to hold the little ones in our arms as long as we can.  We don’t have the responsibility of the harder tasks associated with child-rearing! How unfair that the time slips by even quicker.

This month is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  Back in 2007, we thought our 125 lbs. lab Charley was obsessed with breasts, notably mine! 
 Well, actually, just my right one for some

reason. Many of you have heard this story but it bears repeating.  One day in early Sept.  I leaned over to pet him, and bam, he charged into my chest with his rock hard head.  This time, he knocked the wind out of me and the pain was intense. I had bruised horribly and did a self-exam for anything suspicious. And yes, I admit it; I was one of those back-sliders, women who did not faithfully perform self-exams.  

There was no mistake, something was there but it didn’t feel like a pea, so I am assumed it was tissue damage.  The rest of the story is, short version, I received a cancer diagnosis within weeks.  Charley saved my life.  And yes, I love my dog now so very much and I think he is King most of the time! (Please don’t tell him I said that. He is spoiled enough.)

 The other two little people that were critical to my cancer battle were my two grandchildren, first Kaleb, and then Ava to follow in December 2007.  September, the month I was diagnosed, was when my daughter was due with my first grandchild. I remember coming home after being diagnosed, staring at the mirror above my dresser and thinking about the fact that I had cancer and now I was going to be a grandmother. 


 I guess it was a God thing, because the week I had my first breast surgery was the same week my grandson was born.  When my daughter called to tell me she was in labor late one evening, my chest was bandaged up, I was still bleeding under the bandaging and was wishy-washy on whether I should leave and drive from Nashville, TN to Northern Kentucky. I had a follow up visit the following week with my breast surgeon but my daughter wanted me there.  Your mother gene kicks in and against my husband’s concern, I threw things in a suitcase and off I went.  Did I call my surgeon to check in first?  Well, no but in my defense, it was after hours.

 Driving up north, I cried quite often.  It was a good 4 ½ to 5 hour drive if you maintain the speed limit.  I was somewhat worried about bonding with my grandson because of having a cancer diagnosis.  Something told me to not get too attached to my grandbaby.  If I didn’t make it, I didn’t want this baby hurt. And I was worried about getting there in time for my daughter also. I wanted to be there for this critical time in her life if she wanted me there. I was trying to respect her space with her husband but when she called, I was super-charged!  I drove fast, half afraid of dying from driving too fast and then, the other half of the time, I was worried of dying of cancer, reflecting on the thought there was a cancerous tumor in me. 

  
When I was half way there, my son-in-law Scott called to say they had to do a C section.   Christina was and the baby were going to be okay but he would be born before I got there. A grandson was coming into the world as I drove up north on that lonely dark highway.   Wow, a precious new life from my bloodline.  It is amazing when it happens, a real miracle.  How odd, it struck me, that I would be fighting for mine and he, would be beginning his. 

When I got to the hospital, I was so relieved to see my daughter there resting.  An adorable baby boy was close by, Kaleb, who made it impossible to look anywhere else.  Christina kept trying to get me to pick him up and I kept refusing. Finally, she asked someone in the room to pick him up and put Kaleb in my arms. I think I felt like I had died and gone to heaven when I held my grandson that first time and looked down at his little face.  He was so tiny, so precious and reminded me of her, my daughter. It is funny how we mothers have flashbacks when our children have children.  

Christina asked me to walk over close to her at the bedside with Kaleb in my arms. When I did, she began to speak. I distinctly remember her saying “Mom look at his face. Then she

began to talk, choking up as she explained she partially wanted me to come up to see her so I would see him and hold him and know Kaleb needed me as a grandmother.  She wanted me to remember his face when I was going through treatment and whenever I struggled so I would always know there was this precious little boy who needed me as a grandmother. She said she knew I would be a fantastic grandmother to him. That would keep me fighting, she knew it, and so did I. It was a special moment, a powerful one that I will never forget. 

Shortly thereafter, Ava, his cousin was born; my first grand-daughter and she was an additional motivator.  I thought of Kaleb and Ava during treatment often.   I know God

blessed me with both of them to help me get through the long course of treatment, the complications and the fear that goes hand in hand with cancer.  It also was a great investment of my time, when I had the chance to spend time with either of them.  It literally re-energized me. 

Last month, Sept., I hit my seven year anniversary. I have hit a few mile stones in my recovery from the aggressive type of cancer I had. The next one I am shooting for is the 10 year mark.  Last month was also my grandson Kaleb’s birthday.  He turned 7; obviously, it always coincides with my cancer anniversary.  The memories of my cancer treatment I have left behind. They are blurred by all the wonderful memories I have instead of Kaleb and my other grandchildren. I prefer focusing on those. 

I hope you will pray for cancer patients that they will have a little person in their life like Kaleb or Ava. These children have a thirst for living life which helps keep a patient dealing with a life-threatening disease reminded life is worth fighting for, even on those days you feel sicker than a dog and every inch of your body feels blah. Every day new things are on the horizon.  You simply must open the window and let the sun shine in.   


Bonds with children are a funny thing.  They never really quite break.  Kaleb and I don’t live close to each other.  We don’t see each other anymore either.  But I had the joy of being an active part of his childhood up until early this year. I discovered, with grandchildren, as with your own children, your love only continues to grow with each stage of development.  Yes, I love him more now than even that first day he was born and I held him in my arms.   

 And so, I retain my memories, my pictures and the love I have in my heart for adorable Kaleb. I recall our conversations, the sound of his laughter when he made me laugh, the look on his face when he was sad, mad and full of sheer joy!  Kaleb could make his grandfather laugh like no other. He used to call Kaleb Mr. Personality!   I miss the “I love you Grandma’s” but I know God has us bonded where it matters the most.     And I know this is also true for anyone that was a part of his life that is no longer.  He was and is sunshine to us. We are grateful that we were able to touch his life and he ours. 

He will learn one day that it was not by our choice that we are not a part of his world.  God

will let him know he has one of the keys to my heart always.  And when he gets to heaven, I know my loving Father will let me greet Kaleb, my grandson with his big beautiful dark eyes, with open arms to cradle him once more. Until then…….grow little boy, find your place in the big world!


Attached to this blog on a link is a video of some of Jim and I's most prized memories of Kaleb. How to capture 6 1/2 years in a song, impossible.  This is our best try.  Click here & see why we know we have been blessed!

 And, in closing, a special thank you to many of you reading this. You know who you are, several in Northern Kentucky, New York, Michigan, Ohio, Florida and Tennessee. If I have left someone out, I apologize. Your support for Jim and I these past few months has been incredible and the compassion, I really can’t say how meaningful it has been to both of us. We have drawn so much strength from those of you who wanted to share, listen, support and encourage.  May God bless you and know too that our door works both ways.

Blue for Fellow Bluebirds

Whenever there is a gathering of cancer survivors, there is a common bond.  It goes beyond having had cancer.  It is not something as explainable as that. And there are some people that don’t take their mental growth it to the next level.  But many do.  Many come out on the other side, once it is in remission, not quite the same. And those that continue to battle it, do not either.

I think the fear of death is lessened.  Facing your mortality is something everyone experiences with a diagnosis of cancer. Looking at yourself in the mirror and realizing you have that C word is scary and early on, it is normal to question if the doctor is wrong and there is more of it in you. Will you survive the treatment? We all have heard of people that have died from the treatment and not from the cancer.  

The questions, the what ifs cause an unending bundle of nerves and anxiety.  The only way to gain some control is to let go of trying to control. What a paradox, having to let go when you want to control. Cancer teaches you that you don’t.  You didn't pick the time of your

birth and you won’t pick the time of your death. You can only choose the way that you live.

So you begin to evaluate the way you live. I think you gravitate towards survivors that have experienced what you have or people that share your sentiments, be positive with the life you have left. Negativity leads to sadness.  Anxiety and stress leads to illness and immunity issues.  Those lead to cancer and cancer kills. You learned that firsthand.  Let God pick your time of death, not you.  Poor lifestyle choices will make that time come much quicker.

One of the best places, I found, to surround myself with cancer survivors is Camp Bluebird sponsored by a local hospital, St. Thomas in Nashville, TN.  When I attend it is like being back home at a family reunion or with an entire collection of best friends, diverse but as close as can be

Instantly, upon arriving and being greeted with hugs, there was that immediate connection.  It is an unspeakable bond though most of the time our diagnosis is not discussed. You may wonder why and simply the reality is, because it doesn't need to be. None of us let our diagnosis define us as people.

We have lived through cancer, experienced it, we do not need to talk about it. Some there are still living with is, some may not survive it and some of us may get a re-occurrence

between now and the time we return.  Now is the time to rejoice in being together.  We want to cherish each other.  Living life,  every moment as if it is the last and reinforce each other’s attitudes about life.  We do this, energize each other because so many people in the world do not care to love unconditionally, will not listen to others non-judgmentally, will not hug for no reason or embrace unselfishly. We know this is needed;as Diana Ross sang “What the world needs now is love sweet love.” 

Now, when I am outside or looking out a window and I see a bluebird suddenly appear, I smile.   I think of all my dear friends at Camp Bluebird, of all we share and how we care.  I then say a prayer thanking God for the treasure of each and every one of them.   Link to Video from Camp By V. Gliatti

Nurse Staff at Camp that volunteer for free at Camp

Ava's Reflection

Mirror mirror you cannot tell a lie
You know that my age sometimes makes me cry.
And often times causes me to lie!
But wise mirror, you also know well
I am starting to look like hell.

Old age isn't always kind,
It hits and it's as subtle as Here's your sign!

I think it is only fitting
That as I try to age with grace,
That someone came into my life
To remind me of my youthful pace.
Oh how I use to have energy that knew no bounds,
And I seldom ever frowned.

Wow, was I ever really so full of that much fire?
Did I  have that much spunk?
Did I light up a room, 
Could I jiggle my cute little trunk?  

Nah, I think darling Ava,
Was from a different mold,
She came out unique,
Loving, laughing & bold!

She is front and center in my life,
That is for sure.
And her cute little innocence
Is still so sweet and pure!

I think it is so fitting, oh mirror,
That the fairest maiden in all the land you see,
Is none other than my granddaughter Ava, 
Who comes by it naturally!

It is possible to love her any more

I seriously think not,
From the tip of her toes,
To her little pony tail knots,
I would not change a thing
About my kids' little Ava bug.
Because nothing is as priceless
As a Ava bear hug!

Adult Children Still need Anchors on Earth

There is no rule book when a child grows up and becomes an adult how to have a relationship with an adult child. And yet, the mothers, they always remain in their hearts, their babies. And yet, they are not a child anymore, they are a self-sufficient, self-supporting adults no longer requiring their moms and dads to be in that same role they played for so many years. 

At times, this is an easy transition, for either a mother or a dad. Letting loose, living your life free of the responsibilities of parenting sound fun and carefree. But this change can be emotionally hard. When the road gets rocky, or when parents construe their adult children making mistakes in judgment that are going to cost them down the road, let’s face it, as parents they want to jump and give their two cents But these are different times, their children have different dynamics as a family and their children are unique.  They deserve the freedom and the confidence to be their problem solvers.   Rule one, butt out! It helps keep the peace.  Reality, interference will be reprimanded. Some adult children won’t see the love behind it and will resent their parents for trying to right a wrong.

As children, many of us raised our children in a Christian home that mandated going to church regularly.  Their anchor, you taught, was their faith in God, their family and all else fell behind that.  At a certain age, it is hard to watch but they may very well fall away from the church. This is so normal. But, when families begin to grow and little children come to the forefront, things change.  Many come back to their Christian beginnings where they were fostered in their faith.  They often times, begin the path of leading their children to Jesus.  Be patient.  God has a plan for these children of God, they were only given to their parents for a short time.

Trying to give marital advice can be detrimental big time.  Their marriage is sacred and must come before all others.   Confiding in parents is only presenting one view of the issues.  Giving advice is not input from an expert.   This puts their parents in a vicarious position, accepting the responsibility again of their adult children’s success or failure of something bigger than a Band-Aid fix.  The bias of a parent can’t be removed from input also.  Encourage counseling and communication and if they need help, let them seek out others.  Parents get burnt by getting involved!  They are not children. Ultimately, they want the respect of their parents as are now adults so treat them that way.  Rule 1, butt out.

It is hard not being in the know in their lives.  Many parents struggle with this. When children are young, mothers in particular are the master schedulers, the project managers of their children’s life.  Now the role is on the sidelines.  Most weeks Mon.-Fri. is a mystery unless a parent is told in advance by a grandchild!  In today’s world, adult children are leading hectic busy lives. It is hard to get everything done let alone keep their parents current with the timeline of their lives.  They tell their parents when they are out of time; keep them updated on news items and when they need to be where.  Be grateful for these snippets. It is like the song Cats in the Cradle in a way, leading busy lives is what was taught. Now it is playing out in their lives.  They are what they were taught.

What role is it a parent plays in an adult child’s life, friend or parent or both? How to know which direction to go?  This is tricky.  As they say, untie your apron strings, unless baking cookies. No longer are there curfews to be held over anyone’s head nor holding up car keys as punishment, or cutting back allowance.  The priority in their life is not their parents and it shouldn’t be. It does not mean the love is not there.  Now they put their own immediate family first, as they were taught behind their faith.  Extended family and then friends are next in line as important in their lives.  In the family category is also ‘chosen family’ which indeed includes friends. Some friends are as endearing as or more endearing than family.

Ironic that now the parents have the time and the desire to put a great deal more time into the relationship with their children and their child, now an adult simply does not have the time. It isn’t as if the adult child does not have the desire as they know their parent is aging and time is in shorter supply but time is not always a best friend. But, the parents can look at Facebook, hear updates on phone calls and reflect on families visits and see how rich their lives are.   This is what you raised them for, to have a blessed life.  Knowing this is a comfort and on a lonely day, this is important to remember.  Be grateful they are letting you share in it when they can.  Know the time frame doesn’t represent the love. 

Know that you will never stop being parents in a child’s eyes. In some far recesses of their mind, they feel it.  They may not even like it, they may hate their parent, disown them, and defy them but God chose their parent for a reason and they will always remain bonded.  That fact can’t be changed.  Obviously it is healthier if the relationship is a positive one. When in need for someone to fall upon, it is comforting to know a relationship that has been mutually fostered with your parent though-out all the years, keeps that unconditional love alive.  The adult child can always tap into it when in need. 

The past is over.  Embrace the now. The sooner it is done, the better for all.    Social media is a great source of information also.  Check it out and get with the times.   It is a new world and change is good.  Live in today’s world so that adult children can feel good about the relationship that is continuing to develop with their parents.  It should continue to grow and develop.

The best part about prosperous adult children is sitting back and seeing the legacy at work.  When parents are together with them, know it was a conscious choice to make time to be with their parents. Feel the love in the air and remember the feeling from all those years ago.  It is different in ways, being with your adult child; the child has grown but is now fostering those feelings into their own children. The love and bonding between parent and child is still felt, though at any age.  Cherish it, even now. See, some things really never do go away.  Parents are still the anchor right behind God.    This Link has some of my fav photos to 1 of my fav songs

  

New Chapter

Summer is ending and a new chapter starts.  It is the beginning of a new school year.  For two of my grandkids, it is a huge step. No longer are they walking in the front door of an elementary school as the littlest kids in the hallway. Nope, they are not kindergartens anymore. 

School is back in session and they are in the big league now, first grade.  There is no looking back. Now school lasts a whole day, no break, all subjects are covered and coloring pages are few and far between.  Sooner rather than later, they will find those dreaded pages to be ones they miss.  Now, days will be compounded with spelling quizzes, reading comprehension, math tables and homework projects.  But they will also learn and grow leaps and bounds as their young minds develop beyond where their parents even envisioned them being in one year.

Also, in another town, far away from where I live, I saw pictures of a cute little girl, through the wonders of Facebook!  She was embarking on a bus ride to kindergarten I presume, looking as pretty as her mom and not showing an ounce of fear.  Maybe having her male buddy, my grandson, at her side helped. They both were all smiles lighting up the picture as their parents took turns posing with them on that first day. She looked more than ready for the lesson plans ahead.  I doubt her experiences in the classroom will do anything but build her confidence level in her ability to do anything in life she wants to do.  I hope that attitude will make my grandson love school as much as her!

My other grandson headed towards big boy preschool. He had no idea that now he was going with non-autistic children. See, labeling is not something our family really believes in.  People are people, period.  God doesn’t label individuals so why should we?  Autism is a diagnosis of sorts, not a definition of a person.  And this handsome dude is performing so well, he is ready to be with other young children socially and academically just like he did in one of his 2 day a week classes last year.  So far, he is excelling and so well behaved.  Cheers to his future! He surprises us every step of the way.

The other grandchildren, they are all thriving too. They have enjoyed their summer and have each mastered new things and grown.  Vocabulary for the little one has expanded, as has his temperament. Would a child be normal if it hadn’t?  And for the 5 year old, he has become even more social and loveable.  This is so refreshing to see in a boy.  Our other one in Michigan we don’t hear as much about. His mom doesn’t keep us as informed as the other moms but through Facebook we do see pictures from time to time and looks happy. To us, that is what matters most, happy and loved!

Someone else who began a new chapter in life recently is a woman in my family who married a high school sweetheart in Michigan a little over a week ago, my cousin Bill’s daughter. Theirs was a relationship filled with the usual turbulence everyone goes through, the ups and downs, on and off again that make up real relationships. Who has the fairy tale beginning and ending story to romance?  Yeah, the Bachelor and Bachelorette Show, ah, Reality check! Donnie and Donna are the real drama of a relationship. 

They certainly had the culmination of a long time coming resolution of a long courtship.  The wedding was beyond beautiful.  It was touching, was ceremonious and yet had love, laughter and was a blast too! All in attendance would agree, the love that was felt at the wedding was simply mesmerizing and carried over to the guests. 

I have always considered myself a great judge of character.  I seem to have good intuition too.  Watching the bride and the groom interact, I was struck by the camaraderie, the ease at which they moved together. They seemed to move as one, such was the comfort level with each other.   And I know God was smiling because their daughter has a new beginning. Just after turning one, her mommy and daddy are married now!

Even more poignant to me was the level of love you witnessed at the reception in the groom and bride’s family. It was like watching a love-fest! 

Honestly, I have never seen families so outwardly affectionate towards each other.  It was quite moving to all in attendance, and made many of us envious that we were not part of such dynamic families.  The brother of the groom and the groom were continually in celebration that evening of the day’s events and yet, through it all, you could tell their commitment to each other.  Two brothers bonded forever.  Thus, the groom was starting a new chapter but was not leaving his brother or his family behind. Nor was the bride.  It was a beautiful blending of two loving families. Two families began a new phase in life, loving and sharing in each other’s lives that night and in the future.   

New chapters in our grandkids lives help us recognize that the world keeps on turning and, as it does, our lives are changing too, in a good way.  When we attend a wedding, we see the ending of one way of life for two single individuals and the start of a new world opening up for the married couple.  Time changes things and, as it happens, so must we.  It is a challenge we must accept. 

In both instances, just like in many things in life, beginning new chapters means picking and choosing what you leave behind.  History can repeat itself if you do the same thing you have always done. Wisdom is not doing so. 

What got those children to the front door of the school or the couple to the altar means far less than what they all do after they got there. The same is true of all of us. What you did yesterday is not nearly as important as what you do today.  For today is your new chapter. Make it a good one.  And remember, wonderful chapters are happening all around us; School is starting, a marriage began today, a baby was born, someone resolved their differences, a new job began, a child was adopted…

My video is simply images of the folks I mentioned in my blog…enjoy! I wish them all the best, every one of them!