The shock has worn off. Therapy helped them deal with the past, move on and given the chance, they speak up, Now a sexual assault victim comes forward and is met by many women angry, stating too much time has gone by for these women to come forward. The dirty little secret nobody wants to talk about or pretend it doesn't exist if it wasn't them.
Since the Me Too movement started, there are critics, more women than men, speaking out against it. The very idea of an assault victim telling their story forewarning others of their demise and a potential perpetrator takes inner strength. It is easy, on the outside looking in, to say all sexual assault should be reported immediately but is that fair? Ask a victim ask mental health professionals and ask police that deal with this subject again and again what condition these victims are in when they do report it immediately? It is never easy to come forward.
This new argument other women have that sexual assault
victims need to come forward in a “reasonable time-frame” or it the assault is relevant, should go unpunished or unrevealed are jeopardizing other women and men's safety. This does not happen as frequently with men abused by men of
religious order or children who later come forward about teachers. It is wrong
to put a totally different standard on sexual assault to women
These timelines coming out of critics of women speaking out,
within 1-3 years, 5 years or 10 years are usually not victims of sexual assault.
Where is the respect for the courage to come forward? Expecting all women to let it lay in the past
when someone has broken the law is allowing the very culprits to live a life unpunished
and not recognized for destroying someone else’s.
Do we let crimes go
unsolved when we get additional information, years later? Do we tell victims to
keep quiet as the crime is long past? Why is sexual assault any different? These men and, in some cases women, feel
empowered to control others with their menacing actions. By shushing victims, perpetrators are given
more power than their victims AGAIN with protection from other women from being
revealed or prosecuted. An attitude like
this does nothing to lessen the number of crimes of sexual
assault on children or adults. Infact it provides a window for those contemplating it to feel more confidant, if it is not reported quickly, they are Scott-free.
How many women are we talking about? Per the National Sexual
Violence Resource Center, 1 out of 5 women will be raped in their lifetime. The
cost factor for rape to America is larger than any other crime, $127
Billion. Many of the women and men assaulted will experience long and short
term effects, such as PTSD which has far-ranging effects to those around them,
their employer and healthcare costs. The
period of shock, post-assault, can interfere with reasoning, making sound
judgement on where to go, who to talk to and whether or not to report the
crime. It can last for months, years and
in some cases, a lifetime. The story may
fade from view but the scars remain.
Sexual assault occurs with children significantly in
America. “One
in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18
years old.” (National Sexual Violence Resource Center) If these children live in a dysfunctional
home, are we going to further traumatize them by shame-blaming them for not
reporting at the time of occurrence? Note,
for those under 18 years old, only 12% are ever reported. 34%, in the case of
children, are members of their family, making it even more difficult to come
forward to report it. Can you imagine a child’s fear of speaking out and not
being removed? Where will I live if I
report it? Many do not even realize what
is going on is wrong or simply block it out for years.. Children
depend on their parents and often require counseling when they reach adulthood
to break through the silence of confronting the assault and discussing it. Thus the reporting is done much later.
Women sexually assaulted are being assaulted in public and on
social media for withholding a trauma they have taken time to recover from
discourages all women and men from reporting crimes of this type. Withholding
does not negate truth. Who has the
right to set the ground rules for victims’ rights to speak? If fairness were an issue, the abuse would
not have occurred in the first place. Sexual assault persons did not ask to be
abused.
Men report sexual assault at lower percentages than women. It is harder for them to feel they will have
the outward support for their assault. This makes it extremely trying for them to come
forward, plus, there is a social stigma of a male being sexually abused. These social norms put on men are harmful to those assaulted No matter the passage of time, these men
deserve the right to speak without being further questioned and ostracized, the same as women. Instead
of becoming a nation that embraces those hurt, encouraging open dialogue over wrong-doings,
many are becoming self-appointed judge and jury. No one announces they
sexually abused anyone so it is entirely up to the victim to bring it up and take the public outcry if the culprit is someone beloved. .
So many questions and statements are made to the folks coming forward that are detrimental to recovery. These do nothing to heal a nation with countless assault victims: “If this were true, why didn't you speak out sooner? Why didn’t you do more so it didn’t happen? Didn't you have a sign and if so, why did you ignore it? Were you flirting and perhaps bringing it on? He (or she) comes off so nice, it is really
hard to believe they would do anything like that. Perhaps it was consensual and
you regret it? A potential
victim is left opening a wound that seeps back into their life by an uncaring
body of people.
A person is abused in the US every 9 seconds. (Bureau of Justice
Statistics) Every 10 seconds, a child
abuse report is made. (American Society of the Positive Care of Children) We are a nation full of assault and violence.
We should be providing affirmation for those that speak out and instead of extremely
low percentages of reporting. Without women speaking up, as the Me Too movement
is trying to stimulate, the numbers will only continue to rise. In Oct. 2018,
the FBI reported there has been a 20% increase in the number of rapes in our
country. What an odd time for women to be questioning other women’s stories and
their courage in stepping forward.
As a rape victim myself, 42 years ago, I applaud these women. I
have sat through many discussions for years with my lips sealed, unwilling to
share my story, embarrassed and feeling guilty as if I was to blame somehow for
being violated. I found my voice and support other women and the men I have
heard coming forward. It is not easy. It too took me many many years to learn to do
that, speak up and process what happened and all the whys. The Me Too movement is
women and men’s right to try to undo a wrong and to protect other people from
this type of abuse.
I defend anyone’s right to share their story and applaud their courage to do so. Some may be false. Checking too many sources to list, the consensus is consistent, less than 2%. 98% are not making accusations up. The passage of time does not change what occurred.. Regardless of your title, name or position or whom you present yourself to be, there is a wrong and there is a right. Perpetrators deserve to be called out; they gave up their right to be kept in secret when they abused another human being. Please, if you are or have been sexually abused, share your story, with someone. Ignore the neigh-sayers, more of us support you than not. Your voice matters.
