Too often children are forced to conform. Parents have a
preconceived idea of how their kids are supposed to do everything, exactly by
the developmental charts. The pressure
begins early for kids to conform and the comparisons with everyone else’s child
and individuality is thrown out the window. Parents easily begin the process of
having expectations of how children should look, how they should act, and
present themselves. They must be dressed
a certain way and they must always be perfectly groomed lest they look unkempt,
like children, God forbid. These lessons
tend to stay with children through their teens, and for life as some parents
consider it a direct reflection on them if their offspring is not nearly
perfect.
Parenting is too often set on some unreachable bar and that
goal is then pushed onto kids. Often too it is based on “I am in charge” period
and you must obey. In today’s busy world, it can easily be about wanting a
child to make a parent’s live easier though the child has needs and didn’t ask
to be here. Morality is suddenly not being taught in the home and when not
captured, it’s blamed on schools and society as the culprit. Why isn’t this a
parent’s responsibility anymore? Why
would a parent want the value system of a teacher to be the basis of their
offspring’s value system? Society’s
value system also is up to interpretation in a developing mind. Why should that
be a child’s learning tool for morality? Also ignoring your child’s needs and avoiding
giving them attention can directly cause kids to become either hostile or
low-self-esteem causing depression and in worst cases suicide.
Children should not have to dress like everyone else. Being
able to express oneself by dressing a little bit different is okay. Their benchmark
for success should not be defined completely by society. Parents should be familiar
with what they excel in, what their passion is, what their weaknesses are and
not rely on a teacher conference to learn about their own children. Yet, I have
learned many do. Allowing creativity with
your children will instill confidence in a young person, and attention shows
they have value. Nothing takes the place
of time and attention from a parent.
Too often, parents think their children that are perfectly
well-behaved at home because nothing is array have no issues. Yet how many parents are truly paying
attention? How many kids are hiding
things from their parents? The ones that
seem perfect are the ones that could be the most troublesome away from home, especially
if they have literally nothing going on in their lives.
Be in touch with your children from early on to adulthood.
Allow them a leaning post and to let some steam off at home, to vent. Home should be where the heart is. They
should be free to make mistakes at home and be open about what those are to get
reinforcement and advice. It can be a cold world. Don’t be a parent that
expects the world from your child when the world expects even more.
No one is hardwired perfectly. Parents need to allow their
children to be human; home should be a free zone.
Freedom of expression should be taught at home. Abandonment
of holding in feelings should be permitted in one’s home with family without
fear of retribution. Naturally this should be done and taught with
restraint and respect. There are boundary lines that need to be taught and
enforced with children of all ages. This is where boundary lines are taught and
set the tone for all relationships to come.
There should be positive reinforcement if someone feels
inclined to express themselves creatively, perhaps differently than you,
personality be it artistically, in dress, or some other fashion. Conformity is over-rated. Many of the greatest
in history were non-conformist. Allow your child the opportunity to be one. They
could go down in history for what they set out to accomplish. The alternative is a humdrum live full of
regret. And resentment over you, the parent, and the one thing that stood in
the way..
