The Last Petal

She may seem breakable

 Like a ceramic doll,

Even fall apart

 With one heart-breaking phone call.

But those who know her

 Intimately over the years,

Have seen her crumble

 And wipe away her tears.

She is filled with such strength

 That many do not possess,

And the fire within her

 Is never completely at rest.

Her life has been filled with challenges

 Of hurts, hurdles and those who let her down,

But not one has prevented her

 From picking herself up off the ground.

For to be a quitter

 Isn’t her protocol.

She always comes back

 Standing tall!

You can see shattered glass,

 Someone broken with pieces amiss,

But you would be missing,

 God’s ability to give ladders to those in abyss.

She has an ability

 To see through the bull,

She may not say a word

 But this woman’s no fool.

  

So judge not the petal

 That is the last one on the vine,

For the last one hanging

 May be the one most divine. 

Blessed are Those Strong in Spirit, Like Melanie Bannister

Chris and Melanie Bannister 

There are some stories you hear that you just know you will never forget and will forever be touched.  Some lives are meant to be that way, a life  that has far reaching impact beyond just the circle of family and friends. Such is the life of someone I just recently learned of, a woman in Allendale, Michigan. 

It starts out pretty normal like anyone else living in anywhere, USA.  Growing up, getting married and having children. But it goes horribly array in so many ways neither she, nor anyone else could have predicted.

I learned of Melanie Bannister from my cousin Connie Brown. Melanie is my cousin’s daughter-in-law’s best friend. She has been in the fight of her life, for the second time. She has been trying to put out fires now for years, her kids, her husband’s and now one out of control waging against her body.  Her loving husband is beside himself wanting her to enjoy a quality of life and yet understanding her need to always choose life, one more day, always wanting that extra moment with her children and her husband and her loved ones and friends. 

Those around her say that she has maintained strength through the adversity and a positive spirit through the storms.  Yes, you could say she inspires. But you could also say she suffers as her treatments make her quite sick. Her story is the reality of breast cancer gone badly, when it comes back with a vengeance and permeates other areas of your body. Metastatic cancer is a harrowing experience and no one deserves this journey, not Melanie, not her husband nor these four children. She is a soldier and for that, she deserves a few moments of our time to hear her story straight from her lips:

  

My name is Melanie Bannister. I would love for our story to be shared. I am wife to Chris Bannister for 17 years and a mother of 4 children. 7 years ago this October I was diagnosed with Stage

2/3 Invasive Lobular Carcinoma. I went through aggressive chemo and radiation, as well as a double mastectomy. I was regular about going to every checkup appointment.  I had a total of 6 PET scans after and I was all clear of the nasty breast cancer.  We thought that would be the last I would ever hear of it for me. 

Almost 6 years later to the day I was diagnosed with Stage IV Invasive Lobular Carcinoma.  I was told the cancer has metastasized to my liver, lungs, uterus, ovaries and bones. This was one year ago. The first step was supposed to be putting my body into menopause and then starting a targeted chemo pill that is specifically for my type of cancer. 

Unfortunately, my body did not respond well to going into menopause and the insurance would not cover the pill unless it did. With the cancer multiplying fast in my liver and bones, my oncologist decided on IV Chemotherapy Ixempra. Due to the neuropathy of side effect of this treatment, we discontinued it in July 2017 and have moved on to Gemzar. For the rest of my life I will be on some form of Chemo to keep me alive. Although the side effects are bad, if this is what I have to do to keep me here for my family it's better than the alternative. 

Due to everything involving our family, my husband Chris has had to take unpaid leave to help care for our children as this process at times has made me very sick and weak. 

Chris also had to go on short term disability due to having a fracture in his neck fusing 2 vertebrae together and be off work for 6 weeks July of 2017.

My children are so important to me and there are challenges with them also. Our oldest daughter Alexis is 22 years old and was born with Cytomegalovirus. She, in turn, has Cerebral Palsy and is severely multiply impaired.  Alexis requires full time care 100% of the time. Her conditions have led to many hospitalizations and surgeries over the years.  When she was only 7 years old, she was left in a coma for a full month and again 2 years ago. At that time, the doctors were not sure if she would pull through it or not. By God’s grace, she did!  Alexis cannot eat by mouth but we will take that because she is here with us.

Our daughter Kyleigh is 17 and was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder, Acute Intermittent Porphyria when she was only 7 years old. My husband Chris also has this rare blood disorder.  Stress is a huge trigger for this disorder and can have either of them down for days at a time requiring hospitalization at times T

Our son Noah was born with Ocular Albinism, a rare genetic disorder of the eyes and is legally blind.

Our youngest is Caleb, 9 years old, healthy but way too young to understand or remember what mommy went through before or perhaps to grasp all of this in our family. This is very new for him this time around. Caleb still has his good and bad days of worrying about me.

This will be a long uphill climb for our beautiful family. But, we can do this together because I know God has our best intentions at hand. This is our normal. God has blessed us because He knows we are strong and together we can get through anything.

We are truly blessed. Yes there are times where I ask why?  Why me?  Why us? What did we do wrong?  But I know that it's nothing we did wrong. It's because we are blessed and we are strong!!!

There is much to be learned from this young woman's story. Could you endure this kind of hardship and be strong in spirit, love and faith?  With all this adversity, she still stands as a beacon of hope for all those around her as she fights for every single day she can be alive, just for one more moment to spend with her husband and children.  This woman and this family has many many needs. I pray more people hear her story and decide to help. If you are touched by Melanie, please share her story. Her GoFundMe page is for a family that can use the support and is worthy of all of our contributions. Bless all of you for reading this and most of all, Melanie and her wonderful family!  Click here to show your support for this brave woman!

TABOO - Is Breast Cancer a Dirty Word?

It has been a long time since I have curled up on my bed and thought long and hard about what is was like to be there suffering through chemo. Last night I did just that.  I came home, after being asked to leave work early and laid in my bed in the dark just reflecting on that period of my life. Sometimes it seems like eons ago. Other times, it seems like yesterday. It reality, it was five years ago.

I was told at work last night, after less than a week of working at a high end women’s fashion store that being a breast cancer survivor is something I am not to share with anyone. Being a survivor is something other women see as very sad, depressing and is not pretty.  A customer I assisted this week had a pink survivor bracelet on and I congratulated her on her recovery.  She told me she was a two year survivor and had just had her reconstruction completed from her double mastectomy.   The manager did not care to hear any of that; she said any talk of breast cancer is totally unacceptable. No one cares whether I had cancer or not and there is to be no talk of breast cancer in the store.  Breast cancer is sad, depressing and does not make anyone feel pretty. We are in the business of making people feel happy and pretty. If people don’t feel that way, they won’t spend money.  I want sales in my store and for that to happen, women need to be happy.” 

She made it quite clear I am not to mention to anyone ever again that I am a breast cancer survivor.  This discussion took place in the back stock room right after I got to work. All the other employees in the area were quickly told to leave the room as it was obvious I was going to be talked to in private by the big boss.   There were two other items on her agenda discussed but this was the item that really took my breath away.  Quite honestly, I was shocked.

I was told that the effect of me mentioning breast cancer to her business was that it would create a negative spiral and cause no one to want to shop in the store if they knew a survivor worked there.   I am to only talk about the clothes in the store.  She spoke as if I stand around and talk about breast cancer on the job for hours.   No one there knows anything about my battle, not the type I had, where I had treatment, where I lived when I was diagnosed, etc…because I have never discussed a single aspect of it with anyone, including a customer.  

She went on to warn me that my hours will be cut if I am heard bringing up this subject again.  Eventually she would have to let me go, as in lose my employment.  Breast cancer is an ugly thing.   Women will walk past her store and not come in.     She continued to educate me on how she feels the other half of women see breast cancer, seeing women like me as sad and feeling more like what she described as pitiful than compassion towards a survivor.  Customers will then, according to her, not feel beautiful being in the store or want to buy clothing there and will leave not spending money.    She will not stand for me affecting her sales.  Cancer is ugly.    It doesn’t seem to matter that there are signs all over the store about her corporation sponsoring hope for breast cancer, even selling Hope T shirts benefiting breast cancer.    Or that this store is for women, a disease that affects women.

This was repeated to me countless times.   I suppose she thought I had a severe case of chemo brain and wanted to be sure I heard it all correctly and it stayed etched in my brain. I have never, in five years, been made to feel so unclean and ugly as I was last night about the fact that I had breast cancer.   No one has ever looked me straight in the eye and actually said to me that nobody cared that I had breast cancer. Though I know that is not true as I have a wonderful support system, the sting of her words burns in my memory and heart. I find tears stinging my eyes even now when I think of my friends that have died and those that have fought to survive this dreaded disease being cast in this ugly group with me. 

I pride myself on having a positive attitude.  I can’t believe women would discriminate against other women simply because of a disease no one asks for.  But yet, it does exist, in a high end women’s clothing store in mainstream America.  Odd too that it would occur in the South where the disease is even more prevalent.   I had a conversation with only one other customer at this store about breast cancer.   This woman was in the store trying to buy a Hope T shirt in the size large as she could not find it at the other store location.  I asked her if she knew anyone that was affected by breast cancer.  She responded with who she knew.  I told her I was a survivor also and thanked her for her support.  I asked her if she was walking the Komen Walk and when she responded no I simply said thank you for wearing the shirt to show your support.  

However, during this exchange, a young twenty-five year old employee and another employee close to my age were standing idly by as it was slow that evening,  apparently ease-dropping on the conversation.  They must have heard something they found offensive and reported it back to the manager that I had indeed admitted to a customer that I was a breast cancer survivor.  That preempted the need for me to be reprimanded even though this woman was in the store for no other reason but to purchase the shirt for breast cancer.

I think what  I found the most upsetting was her general attitude about breast cancer. It was a reoccurring theme of it being ugly. Yes cancer is ugly,  but to imply that the women who survive it  are somehow perceived as ugly individuals and would somehow discourage other women from wanting to be around them  as it would interfere with their ability to feel beautiful is short sighted and unfair.  Furthermore,  to elaborate and state that women would actually avoid shopping at a clothing store to avoid being near a cancer survivor employee is just plain outrageous.   That mentality went out  years ago; cancer is not contagious.   Her concern is dollars in her store, nothing else. And for this conversation to take place in October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month when the whole country is focused on awareness of one of the top medical issues we are faced with, how hypocritical.  She does not want to know if her customers are survivors, she just wants them spending money. Where is the heart and soul of the business model here towards the true inner beauty of a woman? How can you make a woman beautiful if you are unwilling to unleash her inner beauty also?

Today, I simply retreated, much as I did when I was in treatment.  My objective today was to digest how the world views me, a breast cancer survivor. I am not happy I had cancer, I did not want it, I am sad I had it.  But I am glad, in particular, I put the survivor at east, earlier this week,  in spite of the pain it caused me later in the week.  I am glad because her recent surgery was indeed painful, emotionally more so than physically. She needed to hear, from someone who had been there, right then, at that time, while trying on clothes, she was indeed beautiful. I suppose, in some ironic twist of fate, God put me there. And how twisted it is  that Saturday night I am sitting at the same store, in the back stock room.   Essentially I was being told for the same reason, because I am a breast cancer survivor and revealed it,  I am a deterrent, somewhat ugly, for anyone wanting to shop there.   I am blessed I told a woman the complete opposite earlier in the week on the other side of the wall.  

Earlier in the week, when this one customer told me she was a two year survivor, with that hopeful look that I would understand, I simply said five years for me. We shared that knowing look that says, ‘been there, done that.’ I told her what every women wants to know that has been to hell and back, “You look beautiful.”     I congratulated her and told her she looked awesome.   And we hugged.  

As the customer, a survivor,  stepped back in to the changing room, I was waved up out of the changing area by the assistant manager quickly.  She pulled me over to the side and said urgently, “Do not get close to the customers at all.” I explained to her, the assistant manager, that the customer had whispered to me she just got her final surgery complete on her reconstruction work.   She was a breast cancer survivor.  It didn't matter to her what the customer was going through, she did not want me talking about anything like this.  It is this mentality that this topic if foreign to them and not pleasant. 

It was apparent this assistant manager was upset by her demeanor.   Maybe when you have not walked the road of cancer, you cannot relate to how life changing it can be.  Or maybe you don’t understand how easily survivors naturally bond.  Having a support system when you are out there, trying on new clothes with a new body was wonderful Godsent for this lady. She had her new breasts in place and I was there for her, to stand by silently and give an honest opinion.  She knew I had been where she was just a few years before, without us exchanging a word.  She bought a multitude of clothes that , over $750.00.  

Incidentally, when the customer went to pay for her purchase, the assistant manager would not allow me to ring out her sale at the register. It was my customer and we are paid commission.  The assistant manager took the entire sale as her own. I suppose she was punishing for the exchange about breast cancer. 

Sales numbers and dollars are the only figures my supervisor, soon to be promoted to the district sales manager is concerned about. Here are some real hard numbers to look at also.   2.9 million and 18 million. The first number is how many  cancer survivors there are as of June 2012 in the United States according to the American Cancer Society and the second figure is the approximate number there will be in 2022. Among female cancers, breast cancer is the most prevalent with 41% getting breast cancer. The national norm is 1 out of 8 women get diagnosed.  The single largest group of cancer survivors is breast cancer survivors, making up 54% of all cancer survivors. That is a sizable percent of the buying population. If this manager, soon to be district manager of a female clothing store is correct in her assumptions, this organization is surely in for some rough times ahead!

I suppose I should caution other breast cancer survivors out there to not share their success with others in the work place or run the risk of being reprimanded. But, I leave that up to you to decide.  I will never open my mouth again without hesitating.   The look in her eyes, of total lack of compassion, was unfathomable to me. I had just come from walking the Susan  Komen walk.   I always knew I was prettier before cancer and here someone was pointing it out to me loud and clear. 

Sometimes, as a survivor, you think you are invincible, on top of the world. Then something happens and you feel knocked back down. Usually it is another cancer scare.  I never dreamed it would be a callous comment that would send me reeling.   Last night, I felt hit by a boulder that left me taking a critical look at myself.   At least at first it did.  Now not as much so. 

I hope other women that haven’t had breast cancer don’t look at breast cancer survivors like these three women do.   I pray they don’t.   I wonder, if this attitude is reflective of their company as a whole or just the individuals?   Actually I pray breast cancer survivors are not thought of as ugly, sad pathetic individuals who are bad for business and bring sales down for women’s clothes.  Fighting cancer is hard, is it fair we should also have to fight misconceptions after the fact that are groundless?  Please don’t prejudge us. 

It is hurtful and unfair to be judged based on a diagnosis for anyone, no matter what the diagnosis is and not for who you are as an individual.  Breast cancer does NOT define the person; it is a disease, treated and they hopefully conquered. 

I am strong.    I am a survivor. I will not be silenced.  If I was meant to be, God would have taken me. And yet, I am still here, still standing strong.  

O Come All Ye Faithful

Months ago, I was working with a team of women for the Relay for Life event in Williamson County. The day of the event, I happened to be at local mall in that area and was pretty excited about the upcoming festivities. Hence, I was telling the store clerks in New York & Company about it and inviting them to attend.

A young man behind the counter told me he was scheduled to work that weekend and could not attend. While he was saying this, he was unhooking the clasp of the beautiful chain he had around his neck, sterling silver with a sparkle when the lights hit it directly. This was not custom jewelry. Without a word, he handed it to me. I looked down at the chain and back at the young man’s face and asked why he was giving it to me. He simply said “My grandfather was a wonderful loving man who died years ago of cancer. I always wanted to do something to let him know how profoundly he touched my life. This is my opportunity. Take this chain that is so dear to me and expensive and use it to raise money to find a cure so no one else has to suffer the same fate my grandfather did.”

I was humbled by his generosity. Here was someone quite young, working in retail and offering up something near and dear to him to help others. I was so excited I quickly got on my cell phone and called our team captain to recant the story.
An hour later I arrived at our tent, home base, for the Relay with my fellow team members. They had, by then, all heard the story about the necklace.

One of our team members was not going to be able to join us though. We were saddened because her cancer had returned and we all wanted to set our eyes on her and let her know she remains steadfast in our prayers. We decided, as a group, instead of auctioning the necklace we would give it to her, with the story told to me, and hopefully give her a new leash on life. God works in mysterious ways and maybe, by passing on this necklace we could instill even more faith and hope in our dear friend’s heart.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Fast forward to yesterday, Christmas Eve. I was doing the last minute run to the mall and happened to be in the same store and lo and behold, the same young man was there behind the counter. I told him what was done with his necklace. He asked for an update on her current situation. I told him she was still in the heat of the battle. Reluctant to give up, her determination was guiding her to continue fighting even harder, with another round of chemotherapy with an ‘experimental’ treatment she was to begin shortly.

The young man thanked me repeatedly for letting him know who his chain had gone to and her story. Then, without a word, he removed a gorgeous bracelet he was wearing and held it out to me. He asked me simply to give it to her and let her know it is a Hail Mary bracelet. He went on to tell me he is a Catholic, devout in his faith. He said the bracelet signifies to him prayers are being said by all and he wanted her to know, with this gift, he will continue praying for her.

I tried to refuse as the bracelet was gorgeous. It had images of Virgin Mary, the crucifix, stations of the cross, etc…beautifully painted on each bead. As I looked it over and scanned the back of the beads, they also have painted images on them and were completely different than the images on the front of the beads. It was , simply said, gorgeous. Full of Christian meaning with those images staring back at me. He told me he could easily get another and it would mean far more to him to know where it was going than to wear it. He said he believes in the Hail Mary prayer and has used it repeatedly through out his life. He simply said “I want to give the gift or prayer to your friend and let her know, with this bracelet, others are praying for her.”

I took down his email, at my request, because I felt I wanted to follow up with him with updates on her condition. He was humbled that I asked to stay in contact with him as his gift had no strings attached. He did not even give me his name, merely his email. He was simply a servant of God not interested in attention or praise. Yet, when I told him I would indeed take it to her this holiday season, his face lit up like I had given him the gift! He thanked me repeatedly as I repeated his words to me, thanking him! The line was beginning to back up in the front of the store, but all present within an earshot of this conversation that heard this encounter moved or said a word. I think all were taken in by this simple gesture and gift of this young man to some woman fighting to stay alive this Christmas.

I walked out of the store, once again, reminded God is alive and well. He is showing himself in the strangest of places. Just like the movie years ago George Burns starred in Oh God, the almighty really does reveal himself in the simplest of places. Here in the face of this young man working retail was a love of mankind so pure and a gift given freely with no expectation in return. How wondrous!

I thought about this young man many times yesterday and in particular when I attended a candle light service. As the lights were dimmed in our church, illumination in the church only by burning candles each member of the congregation was holding, I again reflected on this gift. I was reminded, just as the wise men brought gifts to our baby Jesus laying in a manger, this young man was bringing life to a complete stranger through me. This man’s gift represents hope, love and faith.

I hope, after reading this account, you all will remember that the true meaning of Christmas comes in no set size package, no particular form or person but solely from God. If we open our hearts, the gift is there not only at Christmas time but always.

Merry Christmas to all! Rejoice! Do you doubt the magic of the season? Look no further……

Cure The Girls

We can find a cure for breast cancer. We must. With over 40,000 deaths last year, we must stand up and say this is unacceptable.

40,000 families have a void in their life. Their loved one is gone. We are all irreplaceable to those that love us. We would leave a void too if we passed away. So, please care about this issue and these families. Do not wait till your loved one is a statistic to care.

Thursday night a statement was made by a kind group of business owners that stood up to say they care. Their event, “Let’s Hear it for the Girls’ was held in Mt. Juliet. It benefited breast cancer. With only 6 weeks to plan the evening and only 6 individuals coordinating this, hundred of dollars were raised. This event shows how a whole lot of determination nets results. How many lives may be saved by the dollars they raised? How many participants and attendees have a heightened awareness of breast cancer? Many left with a much better understanding of how this disease is a prevalent part of our culture, our country, and it must be stopped.

This topic is not a political debate. There is not a right or wrong side to this issue. It just is our reality. 1 out of 3 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their lives. What kind of toll does this place on our economy and on our most vital organization, the American family? We must be diligent in our efforts to raise money and awareness of breast cancer. The 40,000 deaths should motivate us all to band together and support finding a cure. Show your support whenever you get the chance!

A Light Shining Bright

I remember the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer like it was yesterday. Time stood still. It was that kind of silence where you wonder if the world has suspended spinning. When told by my doctor, I did not ask to have it repeated. I did not want to hear that word again stated associated with me, my name, my body. Any time was too soon to hear it again!

But the next day, there it was again, stated in relation to me. I started hearing it over and over again, like some kind of conspiracy to desensitize me to the word. I associated it with death and dying and wanted no part of that. I was always upbeat and positive. Very quickly, I tried to change my understanding of the word and what it meant to me. I wanted many more tomorrows so I began to envision cancer as merely a journey, a mountain to hurdle. I started calling it, affectionately the “C” word.

One of the best ways I found to change my automatic response to the diagnosis was to begin work on my dream list. I would contemplate, just as seriously as I would listen to the doctors update me on my treatment, my desires that were, to date, unfulfilled. I added to the list and kept it by my bed stand so that on days, when I could not make it out of bed, I could still look at it, reflect and yes, joyfully add to it.

The first few months of treatment, the list had on it such trivial items we take for granted as read a magazine article, or answer the phone and talk to someone about something besides the “C” word. Even a trip to the mailbox made my list of dreams unfulfilled. And slowly but surely, I began to proudly cross items off that list. One by one they were removed and replaced by others more challenging. Now the dream feat was a trip to the mailbox, a visit to the grocery store and even reading a book. I remember walking into a drug store to pick up a prescription. The man behind the counter said my name as if I was a celebrity. He knew my husband by appearance, but had never met me. He was so excited to meet me. The pharmacist said he thought he had heard my name every week for months. I think he was right; we gave them way too much business! The wonders of chemotherapy can only be experienced with additional medications to help curb the side effects!

This growth I experienced was partially due to focusing on reaching attainable goals. Too often, we strive for the impossible and thereby, set ourselves up for disappointment. I did not know how this would all end, my story of cancer treatment, but it gave me inspiration for the next day as I conquered more and more items on the list. It kept me positive, being true to who I am so that the cancer was not destroying the heart of me, my spirit. Eventually, I strung quite a few next days together to tell a story, this story, of accomplishment, of recovery.

I am a survivor that has traveled a long hard journey. May you start your list now and learn from a survivor, there is no time like the present. Do not wait till you are faced with a disease and feeling vulnerable. My new light, that of a survivor, is shining bright. It is called hope. May it shine on you!