Time Slips Away

The world is getting younger or I am getting older.  I think I like the former option better!  Of course that would mean that I haven’t lived long and I know that is not true. I have seen so many things come and go in my lifetime. 

I can still remember when TV’s had rabbit ears, antennas were on roof tops and families were limited to three channels and most of them had limited selections of shows. But all in all, that was good. It forced us as children to play outside verses watch television. 

Those were the days when playing outside did not mean watching for strangers lurking in the street. Nor were we, when I was growing up, forbidden to go to the park to play, infact we went there all the time.  Curfew meant being home in time for dinner or being within shouting distance of home when mom yelled your name and said “Come home now!” We did not have to necessarily be in visible site, just in the front yard at dusk.  And curfew was home by bedtime for school age kids, as homework was done right away so we could get outside to play!

Now I see children are forced to come home from school, if their parents work, and make their homes look uninhabited. Windows have curtains closed, doors locked and the TV on low volume. The home phone is not to be answered.  Each child has a cell phone in their possession and that is the only phone that can be answered.  If fact, parents must be called immediately to ensure their children get home and aren't snatched by a stranger.  Wow, what stress!

Heck when we were kids, there was one phone in the house, for everybody.  It usually was on the desk or the counter, in the most central location, where the traffic was the heaviest. It always was the loudest too when anyone called you in the room where the phone was positioned.  And noone cared whether you were on it, the volume in the room just got all the louder! We were elated when phones could hang on the wall and instead of turning a dial, they had push buttons. Next they came out with the extra-long cord so we could stretch it and walk around the kitchen while talking! 

Sometimes I see the young parents and I wonder what it would be like to raise a child in today’s world. I certainly miss, after attending child events, like kids graduation, birthday parties, dance recitals, sporting events, and such, some of the camaraderie of the parents and kids.  That was always fun, sharing in the joy of our children’s accomplishments.  The sheer light in my kids’s faces when they had so much pride was wonderful.  It made me know they were going to grow up being someone special.  Their pride carried over to us, the parents, and fed our undying support of them and increased their support system too.  Now I am on the outer edge as a grandparent, as an Aunt or as a friend. Still a supporter, still joyful but it is different. I feel a step removed. I am. 

But then, reality check, when I see the stress, I stop and think hard. I hear about the time involved with carting kids back and forth to practice, extra time spent working on things and the balancing act with time, money and patience, I am suddenly feeling drained. It all comes flooding back to me.  In my younger years, it was two children, just me doing the running, the homework, the private high school, doctor appointments, physical therapy, soccer year round, etc…   

Not much reflection is needed and I realize I am, at this age, a far better grandmother than a mother! Oh, if I had to be a mother to my grandchildren I could do it and would.  But my new approach would be quite different than my old approach.  I certainly would be smarter and work less harder. I would worry less and love and accept more. 

Back then, there seemed less unpleasantries in the world to talk about to children.  Violence in the school, for example, is too commonplace. Bullying is becoming a norm. So many outside influences that are affecting education in the schools, issues that teachers cannot possibly completely control.  These variables also make it harder on parents of today in many ways.  And more importantly, they are unfair to the majority of our children.

Having my grand-daughter this past week reminded me what I do best, the ‘grand-mother thing’. I can love unconditionally, I can discipline when it threatens to be hurtful or damage her reputation, and I can be concerned about her safety and well-being. I can listen, be supportive of everything her parents are trying to instill and teach her.  Oh, and best of all, I can be a fun vacation away from everything!  But I also get a break.  I do not have to do the hard work part of parenting.  But I get the rewards....of seeing her grow, thrive, dream, succeed and mature into a beautiful young girl.

Reality check time, I am getting older.  I won’t be here forever, any day now I could be hit with that dreaded 'C' word again or something else could knock me out. She will age, my granddaughter,  and I will be gone. My daughter-in-law tells me often, I can be a happy memory of fun times at Grandma’s house.  I think that is the legacy I would like to leave behind. Yeah, perhaps that will be one of my favorite stamps on this world.  Smiles for Ava!

   Introduction to Small Video

Sitting with Ava this past week, we were reviewing songs on my cell phone while stuck on the expressway for 2 1/12 hours when a horrible accident caused a complete shut-down. It was interesting to learn some of the songs I loved she had heard and loved too, my adorable little 6 year old granddaughter.  During this time of emptiness on the road, she sat on my lap, off and on, as the car was off, and we grew tired of walking around outside, talking to other drivers nearby, playing games, etc.  She was giving me massive bear hugs telling me how much she loved me. When I would repeat I loved her too, her response was always “I know Grandma.”   I wanted to share some images of the past week spent with her to a song she and I shared that night on the roadside.  She told me I was young when I said I was old. This song seems quite fitting, given that….  Click here for Video Link

Ashley's Time

There is a time for everything in life.  Like the cycles of the seasons, things in our life have a way of cycling around, like the development of childhood to teen-age years to the golden ages.   Things change and yet, the general rhythm of it stays the same. Life is funny that way.

Today is my youngest sister’s birthday.  I can still recall sharing a bedroom with her when she was just a baby. I was in about the sixth grade. I would be awoken by sounds of her either crying or cooing. Her crib was on one wall and my bed was on another wall.  She eventually learned how to stand up, peek over the headboard of her crib and stare at me. Something about that cute little baby girl staring at me made it hard to sleep. But also made me fall in love with her.  She had the darkest brown eyes with the cutest smile and spoke so cute when she began speaking. She, naturally, had the happiest disposition of all the babies I had known, when she was feeling good. I was the big sister, not the mother, thus I never had to deal with the hard stuff, doctor visits, feedings, cranky periods, discipline, teaching sharing,etc.  I just got the joys of playtime and could walk away whenever I wanted to.

Over the years, I saw my sister grow up. Many of those years, it was from afar, in some regards.  Our age gap was about 12 years.   I became a young mom myself so moved away when my sister was still quite young.   I still recall hearing her giggling at my first wedding. I am not sure if that is because she thought the marriage wouldn't last or she thought the idea of me being married was just plain silly.  Kids are brutally honest.   I think it was just her way of having a good time there; she was a happy girl in a pretty dress. 

Once my son was born, my sister, age 8, said she was the youngest aunt among her friends.  Not long after, my sister turned 10 and became an aunt again to a cute baby niece. My little baby girl was going to follow the same path of life I had watched play out with my younger sister.   Now, I was the one doing all the things I had recalled occurring when I was, years ago, lapsing in and out of my sister’s existence. I was taking the baby girl to the doctor, doing her night feedings, dealing with emotional little girl’s feelings.   I never remembered my sister being this emotional, but then again, from a young girls standpoint, things always look quite  different, especially when you don’t have the responsibility of another’s life in your hands.  But, the experience of it all, motherhood, I would not trade it for any other in the world.

It became so ironic at times to have a sister growing up and a daughter, just about ten years apart.  And in reality, so was I, growing and maturely, right there alongside of them.  My sister was so open and honest with me as her life unfolded with the various ups and downs. She appreciated my input, asked for it often and we laughed frequently over the stuff of life.

My youngest sister's wonderful family

My own daughter rejected my opinions.  She hated my line, "My goal in your life is not to be your best friend. Equally I heard,“Get a life” often than not during her formidable years.  When I began to listen was when I got divorced again.   Maybe she will realize, if she reads this, moms sometimes do actually listen to their teen age daughters for advice, even though it may not be intended that way.  I saw something in my daughter and in my sister that I had seen in myself years ago and I wanted back. That sparkle in their eyes, and I did find it.

The irony, at the time was having two young women in my life so very important to me that I loved, one who wanted me in their life and another who wanted me, most days,  to drop off a cliff and not be found until she turned 18.    Both provided me with so much laughter, learning lessons and memories to last a lifetime.  Both also provided me with glimpses of myself as I watched them grow and develop.

It seems like yesterday that my sister had a baby boy.  Her son was a total delight and to this day is one of the greatest joys in my life. There is something about him that just touches my heart strings in a way I truly can’t put into words. He was a small boy full of energy and magical charm. As my husband says to me, there is something about him that makes you love him as much as if he was your own.  He has a beautiful soul for a young man.   

Another child soon followed for my sister, after her son, with the same age gap as my children. Amazing how time changes but some things don’t. Our kids had the same age span and the same gender line up.  This daughter proved to be as challenging as mine.  Daughters, second born anyways, are not submissive personalities, in general.  But, they are, in our family anyways, driven to success, high achievers and have a will that is unbreakable. I am as proud of her as I am of my sister, my daughter and myself, all second born.

 It must be that my sister had even more love to give because she had another darling to bring into the world.  This last daughter, is the one that truly shows me the meaning of the circle of life. She also epitomizes all that is good in a family, wrapped up in one small child.

And thus began the life cycle of the youngest one in my youngest sister’s clan, the little baby girl who had big eyes, loved to coo and smile. This little girl has the temperament I remember her mommy having, from my perspective of the early days.  She is exceptional, her persona is just precious. She is graced with refreshing calmness, no pretense about her.  Always able to have a kind word for others, especially those in need, she was born with a kind soul beyond her years. She is like a breath of fresh air; refreshing and undaunted by the polluted air that surrounds her.   All the positive traits of the family were somehow rolled into one person, this little girl, without her knowledge. As she grows and develops over the seasons she may one day take the world by storm.  I watch for the flickers of reminders of my past; my sister’s and my daughter’s but know her path is a special one.

 

A cycle begins and continues. I am once more watching a girl develop, from afar.  When I see her, my niece, I am awe struck by some of her perfection at such a young age.  When I hear her voice on the phone, I am moved by her eagerness to engage.  When I see her face in pictures, I smile at how she lights up the screen with her willingness to embrace the world. 

Today, on my youngest sister’s birthday, I can’t help but reminisce.  All those years ago, there was this little head of long dark hair on this tiny baby girl. As I tried to sleep  I would wake up to hearing chattering in her bed. She was intent on getting my attention. I remember the times when I would have her out in public as a teenager and she would embarrass me by telling strangers I was her mother.  She was a character and knew how to enjoy life.  I see her youngest daughter going through this teasing with both her older siblings and I have to laugh; we all survive.

The little girl I knew grew up to be a beautiful woman.

The similarities of the life cycle for all of us is really more similar than not.  When I put together the attached video below, it was a trip down memory lane. It is, at first glance, a collection of photos of my niece.   But it is also one of all of us, my sister, my daughter and me.  It shows the similarities of us all; I can see periods in all of our lives through her eyes, my niece’s, her smile and her facial expressions.  But if you look close enough, and focus on the innocence of the pictures, it is a picture of everyone’s memory lane. 

These images recall times in life when the innocence was predominate in our eyes.   They show a child who has a joy of just being in the moment, over and over again.   My niece has a beautiful spirit and soul.  This is a blessing she has that I feel goes well beyond her years.  I too believe she is the one child I have met who will retain it.   I pray she is bigger and better than any of us that have come before her. 

May her images remind you of those moments in your life that you hold dear.  May you see in her eyes your times past that seemed fleeting but are actually etched in your memory. Maybe they just need to be pulled from the back of the closet, dusted off and put in a more prominent spot.   Photo albums are good ways to recapture our innocence.  Reminders of our past are like a history lesson, it helps us appreciate who we are and where we came from.   My niece is who she is because of my sister; I see my sister in every picture of her and her father too.

Though seasons change, and you as well, those memories of your growing up years are at the core of who you are and who you will always be.  

Life has so many rich experiences,

     The total collection must be treasured,
Don’t forget the small everyday moments

     Because their value cannot be measured.

Click here to go to Video Link