I have always hated cliques. They remind me of pecking
orders. When I use to read Dr. Dobson’s books when my kids were little, he used
to say better hope your child isn’t on the low end of the pecking order in
school or he/she may have problems and definitely suffer with self-esteem
issues. And that is what pecking orders
are as adults, cliques and just as detrimental mentally.
We are all born with innate sense of venerability. We all
need to be held, fed and loved. As we are fostered and nurtured, if we are
lucky, much of the desperation for those needs to be met immediately and
substantially in large quotas goes away. We grow up and mature and do not need
to scream, bang our fists and stomp our feet to get our needs met. Though we all see the occasional exception to
the rule, invariably, this is true.
Hitting middle and high school years, the pecking order is
so much a part of the norm you can walk into any high school USA and know who
is in what group. It usually goes something like this, sports jocks,
cheerleaders, popular, band members, goody-too-shoes, science/math majors; we
don’t fit in and don’t care, smart-ass kids, drug users, drop-outs, and then a
few others. The ones on the top groups of the popularity list get major boosts
in their esteem building in high school. It isn’t because they have anything at
all over anyone else. It is simply
because of their association with the right group. It really is an unfair unjust system and
schools should work harder to not allow the lines to be drawn so tightly. It
alienates kids who need the added lift at school who might not be getting it at
home or anywhere else.
Reaching adulthood, all the sudden 18 year olds are thrown
into the “real world.’ Supposedly high
school is left behind. In many senses it is. In college, if attending a
commuter college, there isn’t too much of this nonsense. Big name colleges with
fraternities and sororities, you have that acceptance piece again if joining
clubs. Everyone will do everything to
get accepted, outside of reason infact.
So many cases have been documented whereby stupidity supersedes logical
thinking. Even with the sports athlete
on an all paid scholarship, for the hopes of gaining acceptance and admiration into
the right group, no holds are barred.
We, as a society, long to be a part of something bigger than
ourselves. Somehow this must be imparted
onto our youth. We harbor that vulnerability that just us, by ourself, is
simply not enough and we need to belong, even if the norm is not right. We even
pull back and say nothing if we see others hurt by our participation and their
exclusion.
In the working world for years, in several different roles,
I saw this play out continually. It was much more prevalent with women than
men. This stage of the game, they are called cliques. These are groups of
people that find niche areas where they seem to fit together well. Work is obviously a connection.
Men seem to realize independence shows confidence and esteem
whereby women seem to equate power with belonging to a power group,
popularity. And many times, that
popularity, I have seen firsthand, is not used in a positive way. There is cat-fighting, gossiping,
down-grading, and back-stabbing to get ahead. Men seem to be much more upfront with the
confrontations and thus, resolve them a great deal quicker and without mental
stress.
The cliques extend to so many areas of life, including
sports teams, churches, and clubs for various ailments that mutual folks suffer
from, e.g. cancer. All of these groups
and organizations are for a soul purpose usually, connecting people for a
common mission. And yet, within it,
there seems to be an innate human nature to have mini groups form where some
folks feel they are over and above others. They use that self-proclaimed power
to influence members they deem worthy in a negative way, a select few. It gives
them a greater feeling of pride in themselves at the expense of others, other’s
hurt feelings.
The outcome is the
members not on their goody goody list fall on the short end of the stick and
get left out. They are the ones that have little input, are talked about, not
included as much and truly show the group is not operating as a group but as
multiple cliques, like high school and not mature adults. Any of this sound familiar? These groups often create more esteem issues
for members on the outs who are less confrontational and are less willing, over
time, to want to get involved. Infact,
they just may walk away. There is no magical age when people enjoy being left
out and treated badly.
It amazes me that some folks just don’t see this pattern,
even in organizations that are geared solely for supportive purposes, the good
of all that participate. One bad seed in
a group where someone has issues can build up a clique of people in a
snap. They can create an image of
themselves in a favorable light and get all those around them to literally
leave others out in the cold.
This happens without folks questioning the motives or the
reason the cliques have formed in the first place. These usually always form
because the ones that are in charge are truly the ones that are creating this
type of environment or the ones leading the cliques are spear-heading it. Remember, the least confidant person will use
others to gain a false sense of importance by manipulating others to join them
and by putting others down, excluding them.
Your silence is your acceptance of this behavior.
Not being inclusive with all beings, whether it is with
children or adults, in a work setting or play, is never okay. We all deserve to be treated and respected
with dignity. Leaving others out and not working equally hard to make everyone
feel a part of whatever they are participating in is making an organization
weaker and more doomed for failure. Think of the things you tell your children
when they are not included. Be sure you are practicing these principles in your
own activities as an adult. So many adults are not.
If you are part of a group and desire success, encourage
members to build each other up and not tearing each other down. You can be the catalyst for change and
redirect energy away from cliques and towards inclusive unions and improve
everyone’s esteem and productivity by helping everyone click.
