The Gift of an Autistic Adult Son

It was a long Saturday night at work.  I needed a break and headed over to the coffee stand to get a chai tea.  As I waited for my drink, a woman caught my eye. She was sitting nearby on a bench with her arm around a young man. He was good looking, appeared very shy and had headphones on. Something about him struck me as very different, for starters, he kept his hand downward and seemed to smile a great deal, something I seldom see young people his age do.  

His mother, I presumed, had her arm over his shoulder was lightly rubbing his shoulders with her hands and occasionally bending over whispering something in his ears.   As I glanced over and caught her eye, we exchanged smiles.  Once I got my drink, I went over and asked her about the headphones as they looked quite different to me, larger than normal I thought. It was then she told me that they were a special pair, to reduce sound because her son is autistic and has issues with auditory stimulation. Too much noise over stimulates him so they put those on when in public to cut the noise level down to decrease the incidence of outbursts.  

I told her I had young grandchildren that were autistic and found them to be extremely loving children. She began to tell me the story of her son.  He was her second child. She had been a kindergarten teacher when he was born four years after his brother.   He seemed to be behind early on but she assumed he would catch on and catch up eventually. Once he started in school, he was considered more of a problem child as he was given to fits and being somewhat violent out of frustration and diagnosed with autism at that point. He was removed from public schools as she quickly learned they were not the best equipped, in her opinion, to deal with her son’s needs.   She quit her job and devoted much of her time to getting him into special therapy and classes for autistic children.  

He is now 22 years old, operates at about the age of a three year old and is the one of the biggest joys of their family’s lives.   He is extremely affectionate and asks for nothing in return.   He speaks but is limited in his vocabulary.  The most important thing to a mother and father he can say though, communicate his basic needs.    

He has his  odd idiosyncrasies but that is what helps make him special and unique. For example, he enjoys picking up trash so while we were talking, off he went in a circle picking up some trash some loiters had left on the carpet around us.   His mother watched him all the while with a smile on her face and said she has learned to find his little tasks like this endearing.  There is no use in telling him that the cleanup crews will clean up the pieces of paper he is picking off the carpet.  He derives so much happiness in doing so that to interrupt him would only cause him anxiety and sadness.   If they don’t watch him at home, he enjoys talking all of the toilet paper off of the rolls and the paper towel rolls as well!  These types of things are part of the humor and joy of living with autism.

He cannot tie his shoes but he can wave at people when they address him, and at times, he does. His mother said she was not sure how he would react to me but I could try to say hello to him.   He kept looking my way and smiling so I slowly looked at him and made eye contact a few times. Then I knelt down being careful not to get too close and lightly put my hand on his back right by his mother’s hand, smiled and said hello.  He stared down at the floor, smiled real big and said hello back.  For an autistic person, this is wonderful, this is a welcome, and I was so pleased he accepted me. I told him it was a pleasure to meet him and meant it!  That exchange meant my day,  he was just a sweet young man.

His mother’s story did not end with her son.   This Thanksgiving season has more in store for her family. As she sat there on that bench, so peaceful and full of joy, beneath the surface, she is praying reverently for a miracle.  

I hope those of you reading this will too.  You see, as she sat there, hanging on to her son closely, as if the two of them were the only two people in the world, her world could get quite a bit smaller indeed.

Her husband and her only other son, 26 years old has both been diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. She went on to elaborate and tell me the prognosis is not good and everyone at the church is praying for some sort of miracle. She knows in her heart they will be healed.  However, she is not sure it will be done on earth, as it is looking more likely it will be healing in heaven.  She is accepting God’s plan with the grace she accepted her autistic son twenty two years ago.  They were only at the mall today because both men were having a good day and wanted to get out.  She sat there telling me that she was so grateful that she had her son because one day he may be all she has and she would need him as much as he needs her. 

I told her I would share her story.  Thus, I am.   I believe her faith is beautiful and shows the light of God.   I believe that is partially why her son’s smile is so bright.   I told her of my young grandsons and she offered words of wisdom.  I hope you, that are reading this, will find the time to reach out to this stranger in prayer.  

There is no way I could hear this story and not reflect on my two grandsons, Ty and Jake.  Her son was so good looking and really looked like any other twenty two year old. For some reason, I sensed he was autistic but yet there was nothing about him to clue me into it directly. The woman told me that once you have been around autism you seem to have a keener sense of those that possibly have it than others do.   I believe I met her for a reason.   She was truly inspirational and she loved hearing about our family’s Jake and Ty. 

I also believe, if you think of this woman’s story this Thanksgiving, you will realize you too have a lot to be thankful for and to be smiling about. The image of her, the loving mother,  on that bench with her devoted innocent son sitting next to her wanting nothing but his mother’s unconditional love was precious.  In a world full of unsatisfied wants and needs that seem to be endless, it is refreshing to see quiet acceptance and embracing of what some see as a difficult situation.  Who would imagine  themselves in this situation and sitting anywhere happy and at peace?

May we stop for a moment in our tracks and reflect on what we truly do have. May we rejoice in those gifts.  And last, but certainly not least, bless you for what you bring to God’s kingdom, your uniqueness and the light you shine.  May it continue to shine on earth till our true King calls you home.  

Updated video on Ty Ryan & Jake James Glasmeier Below :

Pray for Little Things

When I think of 'thanks for giving' I think of the wondrous gift God has given us of eternal salvation. He even sent his son so that we might learn how to live our lives.

When I think of a loving spouse, I think of my husband, who is always there for me to build me up when others knock me down and just share in my joy when life is going great.

When I think of unconditional love, I think of the first time I set eyes and held my first child, Michael. He looked up at with eyes full of wonder and it was the first time I truly felt needed by anyone. I also think of my daughter, born in 1981 right after the start of a New Year, screaming bloody murder in the delivery room and me holding her wondering if she would ever quiet down long enough so I could see her eyes.

When I think of friends, I think of many of you, folks that accept me for me and have developed a reciprocity quality to our relationship. Thank you for keeping it real. Life is too short to live any other way.

When I think of our armed soldiers, I think of our founding fathers fight for freedom and how lucky we are to live in the home of the brave! I think of the soliders that have died and pray God will let their families know that we Americans mourn their passing also and are grateful that they took a stand for our country.

When I think of Thanksgiving, I think of the first one, where Pilgrims and Indians shared a feast at a table, putting aside their differences. I am reminded of the joy of diversity.

When I think, I frequently find it leads to prayer; a prayer of thanksgiving.

Fly High

United we stand as a country. It seems fitting to me that United Way’s tag line is LIVE UNITED. We are all interdependent so need each other. This organization really seems to understand that concept and act on it.

In my short time at United Way, I have learned that there are organizations, large and small, for practically every conceivable need you can think of. However, the one thing they all have in common is the almighty dollar being in short supply. They all need funds and volunteers. United Way works on both of these for its partner agencies.

To see the difference a small hand out makes in someone’s life is a blessing. I see this now quite often thru the work of United Way. What is even more revealing is that it was even needed. So many of the folks that we help live in neighborhoods like the rest of us and just are overlooked by others in a position to help them. Older folks need maintenance on their homes, their yard raked, etc. Take the time to notice this.

With Thanksgiving upon us, I appeal to you to ask yourself does someone need your help. Often times, it takes nothing more than a smile to make someone’s day special. We should get away from our ‘self imposed exile’ with others needs. Too much of society is self absorbed, centered only on themselves and not the common good. Imagine what our country would be like if our founding fathers were like that? Would we be called the United States? Would we have won our freedom?

Thanksgiving reminds me of a time when Indians came together with pilgrims from another land to share in a feast. Unity at the table was prevalent and not the differences that very first Thanksgiving of years long ago. May you find it in your heart to open up and extend yourself to someone who is different this year, someone with unmet needs. You can be the one that makes the difference. Remember, it truly is the small gestures in life that lift others up and make them feel alive! In being part of that process, you may find yourself flying high.