Aging With Grace At Any Age

The phone rang. We finally connected. Forty years old, my firstborn child, it was here, his birthday. Leading up to the day seemed no big deal to me and to him,

it seemed monumental. I think a big milestone to me too when I was approaching forty, so long ago I can’t remember.  As we spoke I listened as much to what he said as to what he didn’t say. In the silence, I heard a man I had raised from a once shy insecure little boy into a wonderful father, husband and still loving son wonder where did a lifetime go and how much more time was ticking. I realized we were somewhat in the same place.

Coming face to face with a son who was no longer in his twenties or thirties, the reality of myself aging  hit me too.  Him questioning his aging process made me look hard at mine. Age is that one thing that creeps up on you whether things are going good or bad and you can’t stop it from happening whether you are climbing up or down a hill. You don’t get any do-overs or added time to be a certain age again. You just have to push ahead and make the most of today.

I listened to my son more than I talked. It was one of those times, as a parent, you really aren’t too sure what to say.  Being a parent never came with instructions, you learned it a long time ago, and it is still true even when you have adult children. No one wants to feel as if they let their kids down. I already knew how that felt having one who never felt I measured up. This is my only child.

As my son continued speaking, I knew his words I would hold near in my heart, and also not repeat. Part of being a mom, at any age, is having the loving bond to know that things children share things that are only shared with us.  We are unconditionally loved when the bond is right and the sharing is a blessed gift. The gift works both ways. It is not judgmental, not used against one another or taken out of context.  We know that we each grow a little bit with that knowledge, with that level of caring and sharing as much as they do. And I have, with each step of my son’s life, with every new twist and turn.

When I spoke,  it was the line I have said so many times before to him and to myself,  he is starting another chapter, one more beautiful than the last.  And I realized, as I said it, so is mine, partially because I have a critical birthday coming up very soon and partially because of his milestone birthday.  God intended it to be that way, his master plan unfolds for those that follow His way and I know my son is and is getting watched over by God’s angels.

As my son has his time stamp of forty years, he has his badges of life’s lessons. I know his and he knows mine.   I know the effect its had on me, his forty years. I also my son will have more battles to fight but none will be bigger than the ones he has already fought and won. He will have hurdles to overcome but he has proven he can withstand the pain of defeat if he must. I have seen and he has learned his love can endure being tested and that he has a conviction that will persevere.   

Through my long lifeline I too have learned to be a survivor.  Fighting through obstacles builds character. Taking the easy way out never builds you up as a person or in God’s eyes.  In many ways, my son has taken after me. Too often in my life, people have confused my daughter to be like me not realizing it is actually, as my kids’ father said, my son that is a male version of me.  Being judgemental, hateful and full of anger is not part of our chemical make-up. Over the years, neither of us have hardened though both of our lives has had its share of hardships.   Maybe that is why the bond has always been there, even though, it is not with the conviction it was when he was young. Age does change things. Perhaps it has to.

With a key birthday fast approving, my son’s birthday reminded me to also reflect on my life, where I have been and where I am going with the time I have

left. I am grateful my relationships are much more built on calm, peace and love.  Acceptance is critical too.  Finding your inner circle is people who live in reality, understand who you are and themselves and love you and themselves for it and just enjoy life is the surest way to a happy life! Be with people who feed your soul, build you up and not bring you down, emit positive energy to carry through many more years!  With the wrong people, you can easily fall down that hole like Alice in Wonderland and become something that is full of fantasy. It is so freeing to just be real and be with people that allow you to be.

I have come a long way in my life like many of you probably have. I have walked a rocky road. I’ve had no hand-outs, free tickets. I say to myself in the mirror I am a survivor. If you have no self-love you have none to give.  I care about me and I can care about you, folks that read my blog, give me positive feedback and those that tell me your stories that are equally or more touching than mine. Strangers have importance, those in need matter too, the vulnerable.  As I have gotten old, I have become more caring, not less.  Without living and caring, we can’t and don’t want to be story-tellers.

One of my favorite things to do is to tell my son’s children stories about my son growing up. It is my son’s legacy, the story of his life and it must be passed down, much as my story needs and must be passed down to my son, to my grandchildren and to my friends. I am leaving it behind, in safe keeping, to someone I bequeath in my Will. I pray my son will find the time in the next 30-40 years to do the same for his kids for the world. His life and his story has and will make a difference. Time goes quickly as he has found out in forty years time.

I realize I must be getting old. I have a son who is now forty. I do have so many memories of him, so many chapters of his life and far too many of mine.  So do too many memories to count make you old? AI told him that so many of his chapters are unwritten still of his book of lifethat will be so full of wonderful moments and songs yet to be sung.  It is like a symphony that awaits to be written!

I am willing to take mine day by day as I see far too many friends passing.  I want to savor flavors daily.  I want to live a long time, but not too long. I want to experience a lot but not too much where I am uncomfortable and scared.  I want to travel but not so much I am forgotten by my grandkids. I want to win the lotto but I don’t want hounded by the media. Isn’t it funny how makes us think differently?  We start realizing all the things we wished for when we were younger are really not all that important afterall and we wasted time wanting them.  Life really is a paradox and we actually see things clearer and are not disoriented because we are aged.   Good thing I didn’t tell my son that! Let him think I am losing my mind, shhhhhh…..

When my son turned forty:

It quickly passed by

In the blink of an eye

I had to cry

And then with a sigh

I looked to God with an Oh My

Praying "My Boy seems forever gone

But eternal is our bond
Please watch over him as he ages

With the hurdles he wages

As he slowly turns the pages

For I know my life is winding down

For I make a lot less sound

As I am aging with grace,

Trying to leave less of a trace.

Of an overbearing mom

Always being calm

So when I am here no more

And at heaven’s door,

My son’s heart will pound

As he’ll know his mom is always looking down.

In You God my faith rests,

No longer do I put it to the test."

Video of memories of my son and my life, mine being obviously 

more than 40 years! 😀 Click Here