I use to write about friendships quite abit. Over the years I
quit writing about them but have noticed, as I have aged, maybe I should
more. They change over time, as one ages.
The
In younger years, the focus seems to be more on having a
quantity of friends. When the time is right to go out, most of us literally
flip thru the phone list of friends on speed dial finding someone free for the
night. Anything is preferable to staying in or staying home alone. The people with the most friends are equated
with the person with the most personality, the one everyone seems to want to be
around or emulate.
What is often the case, beneath the surface is this person
is the one most craving the attention. This type of person has the most
difficulty being alone and needs the constant affirmation from others. Do you
know that there have been studies that reveal more intelligent people are
introverts and prefer time alone rather than being with friends? The theory also goes that more intelligent
people are less likely to be brought down by friends and can be more focused on
their career options and quality of their relationships which is why they
prefer not to have a large quantity of friends.
Also when we are younger we use the term friend frivolously.
There is a major difference between friend and an associate, someone we know
casually, either through work, close proximity through another or social media
or just hanging out with. A true friend is a reciprocal relationship. Several studies have been done by psychology
departments, cross-sectional and found people would be surprised to find the
ones they think regard them as friends do not.
Thus, as we age, we become more attuned that to get a great
deal out of relationship we must put energy into one. That takes time, passion
and commitment. Who has the time and energy to do that with so many
people? Having fewer means having
better. Work smarter rather than harder and have quality friendships. Many
folks I know have better friendship relationships than family connections.
Connecting with people is wonderful and not to be
discouraged. However, to retain and develop a relationship must take a
commitment on both sides. Each relationship or rather friendship that is worthwhile
is a slight cost to another friendship, in a sense or an addition to it if its
meaningful and adding something to your life. I personally prefer those that
build each other up, support each other’s diversity of ideas and create a
supportive fun attitude of life. Without an undercurrent of accepting real unconditional
regard and love, know that that friendship does matter but don’t short change
the ones that will always carry a piece of you in their heart.
