High School Moments

High school is such an awkward time for so many of us. It is only the few that are full of

self-confidence and win the Popularity Award. More high schoolers are struggling to make their mark and figure out where they fit in to the social structure.  Relationships come into play, at this stage of life and are a reflection of where you are with your own development. Yet the emphasis is on relationships.

I recall, in my high school, the most common topic was who was dating whom. The pressure was always on to be dating. More often than not, it didn’t even matter if you liked the person or not, it was more about if the person was in the ‘in crowd.’

The sad part about this mentality is plenty of good people were left by the wayside. Some of the best people to be dating were ignored for some real losers. And this paradox occurs even today, a fact of high school years. So many parents I meet tell me of their teens disappointment of not having dates when their children are so wonderful. Many teens just don’t stand out enough, for no apparent reason. At a time when they could be formulating ideas of how relationships work, the nuances, many teens are left out cold.  The advantage of this experience is perhaps it may help less missteps made in marriage causing repaired relationships instead of divorce. Or, the other good outcome would be, experience in relationships can lead to better distinction between what is healthy attraction verses pure lust and won’t last.

I know in my case, I did relatively little dating in high school. I didn’t have much of a grasp of how relationships worked, even less of my own value. When I met an older guy, at a particularly low time, I assumed he knew a heck of a lot more about relationships than I did. I was also very flattered that he was interested in me.  Quickly in the marriage, I learned he had no dated in high school at all! So we found ourselves married, two people with virtually no experience at relationships at all and I was eighteen.

There are many ways of getting confidence as a young person, a good education, developing faith in God, a solid family.  Getting attention from the opposite sex also builds up teens value and if any of the later is not present, the young person will suffer.

I have spoken with counselors working with teens from broken homes or homes where abuse is present. These kids have major self-esteem homes.  Young adults living in poverty have an uphill battle even without relationships struggle.   These added issues have a profound effect on their feelings towards themselves making them more vulnerable to bad relationships or none at all.  It is natural when a relationship goes south or no one wants to date them for them, internally to attribute it to themselves and not to the other person.   For me,  it was hard to accept attention even from someone willing to give it. I felt unworthy of it and as if a guy willing to give it must have something wrong with him. Inside I was struggling with me but didn’t want anyone else to see or know that.  Teens want to keep everything secret many times.  Perhaps today teen suicide is an all-time high.

Self-esteem building is the best way for a young person to have a healthy life and good relationships that foster future success. Without it, they are more apt to have disappointments along the way.

Schools allow bullying much more than they should.  This issue has always been there, it is not so much new. Yes social media possibly has made it worse but is your child adding to it by their public media posts?  Don’t allow them to be part of the problem, fueling their own issues. If they complain, ask them if they are adding to their own issues.

I firmly believe if you don’t like something, be an advocate for change. Try to create solutions for your children so they don’t live your mistakes. They won’t listen to you, if they are ‘normal’ but school systems might, your church may very well. It is a good place to start.

I recently heard from an old friend. It reminded me of something I always wanted to say. Sorry does seem to be the hardest word.  Brushing aside someone who cares was not helpful. And having regrets would have been nice for them to know. For years I wanted to undo the wrong and wish I could go back and replay it. I wondered many times ‘what if’ but won’t get the chance. Life teaches you that you can’t go back but you can share your lessons and your triumphs with others. Care enough to teach your kids even if no one is asking you out, your value is immeasurable.  Do not settle for less and don’t overlook the good people God places in your life.  Your time is coming! 

Blessed are Those Strong in Spirit, Like Melanie Bannister

Chris and Melanie Bannister 

There are some stories you hear that you just know you will never forget and will forever be touched.  Some lives are meant to be that way, a life  that has far reaching impact beyond just the circle of family and friends. Such is the life of someone I just recently learned of, a woman in Allendale, Michigan. 

It starts out pretty normal like anyone else living in anywhere, USA.  Growing up, getting married and having children. But it goes horribly array in so many ways neither she, nor anyone else could have predicted.

I learned of Melanie Bannister from my cousin Connie Brown. Melanie is my cousin’s daughter-in-law’s best friend. She has been in the fight of her life, for the second time. She has been trying to put out fires now for years, her kids, her husband’s and now one out of control waging against her body.  Her loving husband is beside himself wanting her to enjoy a quality of life and yet understanding her need to always choose life, one more day, always wanting that extra moment with her children and her husband and her loved ones and friends. 

Those around her say that she has maintained strength through the adversity and a positive spirit through the storms.  Yes, you could say she inspires. But you could also say she suffers as her treatments make her quite sick. Her story is the reality of breast cancer gone badly, when it comes back with a vengeance and permeates other areas of your body. Metastatic cancer is a harrowing experience and no one deserves this journey, not Melanie, not her husband nor these four children. She is a soldier and for that, she deserves a few moments of our time to hear her story straight from her lips:

  

My name is Melanie Bannister. I would love for our story to be shared. I am wife to Chris Bannister for 17 years and a mother of 4 children. 7 years ago this October I was diagnosed with Stage

2/3 Invasive Lobular Carcinoma. I went through aggressive chemo and radiation, as well as a double mastectomy. I was regular about going to every checkup appointment.  I had a total of 6 PET scans after and I was all clear of the nasty breast cancer.  We thought that would be the last I would ever hear of it for me. 

Almost 6 years later to the day I was diagnosed with Stage IV Invasive Lobular Carcinoma.  I was told the cancer has metastasized to my liver, lungs, uterus, ovaries and bones. This was one year ago. The first step was supposed to be putting my body into menopause and then starting a targeted chemo pill that is specifically for my type of cancer. 

Unfortunately, my body did not respond well to going into menopause and the insurance would not cover the pill unless it did. With the cancer multiplying fast in my liver and bones, my oncologist decided on IV Chemotherapy Ixempra. Due to the neuropathy of side effect of this treatment, we discontinued it in July 2017 and have moved on to Gemzar. For the rest of my life I will be on some form of Chemo to keep me alive. Although the side effects are bad, if this is what I have to do to keep me here for my family it's better than the alternative. 

Due to everything involving our family, my husband Chris has had to take unpaid leave to help care for our children as this process at times has made me very sick and weak. 

Chris also had to go on short term disability due to having a fracture in his neck fusing 2 vertebrae together and be off work for 6 weeks July of 2017.

My children are so important to me and there are challenges with them also. Our oldest daughter Alexis is 22 years old and was born with Cytomegalovirus. She, in turn, has Cerebral Palsy and is severely multiply impaired.  Alexis requires full time care 100% of the time. Her conditions have led to many hospitalizations and surgeries over the years.  When she was only 7 years old, she was left in a coma for a full month and again 2 years ago. At that time, the doctors were not sure if she would pull through it or not. By God’s grace, she did!  Alexis cannot eat by mouth but we will take that because she is here with us.

Our daughter Kyleigh is 17 and was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder, Acute Intermittent Porphyria when she was only 7 years old. My husband Chris also has this rare blood disorder.  Stress is a huge trigger for this disorder and can have either of them down for days at a time requiring hospitalization at times T

Our son Noah was born with Ocular Albinism, a rare genetic disorder of the eyes and is legally blind.

Our youngest is Caleb, 9 years old, healthy but way too young to understand or remember what mommy went through before or perhaps to grasp all of this in our family. This is very new for him this time around. Caleb still has his good and bad days of worrying about me.

This will be a long uphill climb for our beautiful family. But, we can do this together because I know God has our best intentions at hand. This is our normal. God has blessed us because He knows we are strong and together we can get through anything.

We are truly blessed. Yes there are times where I ask why?  Why me?  Why us? What did we do wrong?  But I know that it's nothing we did wrong. It's because we are blessed and we are strong!!!

There is much to be learned from this young woman's story. Could you endure this kind of hardship and be strong in spirit, love and faith?  With all this adversity, she still stands as a beacon of hope for all those around her as she fights for every single day she can be alive, just for one more moment to spend with her husband and children.  This woman and this family has many many needs. I pray more people hear her story and decide to help. If you are touched by Melanie, please share her story. Her GoFundMe page is for a family that can use the support and is worthy of all of our contributions. Bless all of you for reading this and most of all, Melanie and her wonderful family!  Click here to show your support for this brave woman!

Jeanette Lynn Hopkins Dundas : Living the Dream

Over the last several months I met a neighbor in my community at a relatively small book

club I started.  I quickly learned, from a friend, that she was a writer with several books in

print and many more in the works. I befriended her, not just as a book club member, but 

as an author and with an appreciation for the fact that she was a published writer. I found myself a month later attending a Book Signing she presenting at in the Tampa area. Though the event wasn’t impressive, she was as well as her books. Thus, began my fascination with Jeanette Lynn Hopkins Dundas as a writer.

Jeanette was born and raised in West Tampa Florida at a time where mostly immigrants lived, close to a well-known Cigar Factory in that era.  She fit right in as her single mother and grandmother raising her were both Italian.  Jeanette grew up speaking fluently Italian to communicate with both of them as well as speaking English. 

Her mother Dorothy Gullo Hopkins ran her own business out of her own home for years,

Dorothy Gullo Hopkins

Dorothy’s Reweaving.  As it grew eventually it was moved to Kennedy Boulevard in Tampa with a storefront. This allowed Jeanette to attend a larger more prominent high school, Plant High School. Following this, she went to St. Pete’s College and earned an Associate Degree in Marketing.    

Interesting notes about Jeanette’s family:
 Dorothy, her mother, could not read or write music but had an astounding ear for it and could sing beautifully pitch perfect.
Filomena Gullo Jeanette’s Nanna, as grandmas are called in Italy, had a love of books and began reading to Jeanette from a very early age. Being bright, Jeanette learned the entire alphabet by age 3! Shortly after this began her love affair with reading. This was followed by a continual passion and lifetime love of writing. Jeanette began winning awards for this talent, including an award in College for a poem written about Elvis Presley and later an award for Elvis Presley’s

Nanna, Filomena Fraterigo Gullo,
 (on Lfthand) 

Fan Club, which was quite large by this time,  for her short story which had to include all of his hit songs. 

Speaking of Elvis, you could say meeting "The King"was a pivotal moment in Jeanette’s early life.  Her mom arranged the meeting knowing it would be a highlight in her 11 year old daughter’s life. They left a message on Colonel Parker’s personal phone, Elvis’s agent. They wanted  to confirm he would be filming Follow that Dream the coming weekend  before they made the long drive to Yankeetown, Florida. They also had the name of the hotel he would be staying at, which would be crucial later.  Colonel Parker personally called them back, a good sign! However they were told he could not promise anything because filming would run late and it was hard to get near him but they would try.

When they arrived, the crowds were immense, girls were screaming, grown women were blocking their view, everyone was in awe of The King. It was apparent, she would get nowhere near Elvis through the throngs, though she managed to catch a glimpse. Plan B came to mind, circle back to the hotel, knowing eventually he would return there after filming.  And so, as she stood near and his car pulled up, Elvis got out. Luck was on her side because Elvis made eye contact and saw her.  He literally pulled her close showing a kindness to a young girl in awe of his celebrity status.  As frightened as she was of the crowd pulling and pushing to get near him, he not only sheltered her from everyone but kept her at his side for all the pictures everyone was taking standing next to him that day! 

To this day, the grace and compassion he showed towards her left an indelible mark. See not only  was Elvis kind to her but when she went back to his room to request one last picture with her friend who was too shy to stand  in line that day, he overrode  management and stepped out to take a shot with Jeanette’s best friend.  Thus, nana who had not liked Elvis prior to the trip, became sold on The King too! 

Jeanette is most known for her Bongo Bay Mystery Series sold on Amazon. Even this title is tied into her love of Elvis.  His ex-wife Priscilla Presley wanted to get Elvis one year something quite different for the man who had everything. Her surprise was bongo drums.  Being from Tampa having a passion for the beaches, Jeanette put the two together and formed her series name for her lifelong goal, to be a published writer with an exciting mystery romance series - Bongo Bay Series.  (Sold on Amazon, link below)

Jeanette does a good bit of her writing in either her home in a special area that is light, airy.

 organized but not meticulous.  She is anything but anal, definitely more of a go with the breeze.
Her home has more a of feel like you have just entered a warm summer cottage.  Perhaps she is mirroring her cottage she still owns on the beach in Port Richey, Florida, where she raised her two children.   Being with Jeanette, she gives undivided attention and leans in as if she feels every speaker, everyone has something she can grasp and learn from. Perhaps her author/writer mind is always working!

Her approach, as an author, is to create a character first and then build a story around them. She has to believe the character truly exists so that the story can be realistic.  Only then, does she feel the reader can grab a hold of it and go along for the journey with the twists and the turns.

Many authors feel their craft is limited for the very few unlike Jeanette’s attitude.  She encourages anyone with a desire to write to do so, no matter the age or their background in writing. Furthermore, any hidden desire that has never been tried for fear of failing should be ventured, in her opinion because living is meant to be lived in the fullest and experienced.  Writing to Jeanette “is not about who will read it, it is about expressing your ideas on paper,  if that is something that moves you. Be true to you!"

As the reader,  she wishes for you to leave her stories feeling happy.  She also likes there to be something of value learned and faith to be renewed that change can always occur no matter our circumstances. In her book Stolen Destiny, domestic violence is interwoven in to one of the main characters but not the only storyline. It is illustrated clearly that it does leave scars. The storyline proves that issues kept in the dark, like domestic violence, victims need to deal with in the light of day. Once explored though, a person can capture their true identity and move forward and live fully!

Jeanette strongly believes we should not ever close doors, personally or professionally. Reach for the knob of the doors you want to open, nomatter how impossible the
feat may seem and give yourself the chance, life comes at you

Mr. & Mrs. Dave Dundas

fast and you are worth it! She never dreamed, at this later stage in her life she would be publishing books.  Having a wonderful relationship with her husband Dave gives her added encouragement to continue to fly with her passion. And reading any of her books or writings, you will see she does it quite well! Perhaps you will read them and find you can too!

“Always find a way to come out of your shell in this lifetime.“  Jeanette Lynn Hopkins Dundas

To order any of Bongo Bay Series, see below. 1st installment is Stolen Destiny but each is a stand alone novel. Stayed tuned for 3rd book to come out shortly! 

          Link to Order

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