High school is such an awkward time for so many of us. It is
only the few that are full of
I recall, in my high school, the most common topic was who
was dating whom. The pressure was always on to be dating. More often than not,
it didn’t even matter if you liked the person or not, it was more about if the
person was in the ‘in crowd.’
The sad part about this mentality is plenty of good people
were left by the wayside. Some of the best people to be dating were ignored for
some real losers. And this paradox occurs even today, a fact of high school years.
So many parents I meet tell me of their teens disappointment of not having
dates when their children are so wonderful. Many teens just don’t stand out
enough, for no apparent reason. At a time when they could be formulating ideas
of how relationships work, the nuances, many teens are left out cold. The advantage of this experience is perhaps it
may help less missteps made in marriage causing repaired relationships instead
of divorce. Or, the other good outcome would be, experience in relationships
can lead to better distinction between what is healthy attraction verses pure
lust and won’t last.
I know in my case, I did relatively little dating in high
school. I didn’t have much of a grasp of how relationships worked, even less of
my own value. When I met an older guy, at a particularly low time, I assumed he
knew a heck of a lot more about relationships than I did. I was also very
flattered that he was interested in me. Quickly
in the marriage, I learned he had no dated in high school at all! So we found
ourselves married, two people with virtually no experience at relationships at all
and I was eighteen.
There are many ways of getting confidence as a young person,
a good education, developing faith in God, a solid family. Getting attention from the opposite sex also
builds up teens value and if any of the later is not present, the young person will
suffer.
I have spoken with counselors working with teens from broken
homes or homes where abuse is present. These kids have major self-esteem
homes. Young adults living in poverty
have an uphill battle even without relationships struggle. These added issues have a profound effect on
their feelings towards themselves making them more vulnerable to bad
relationships or none at all. It is
natural when a relationship goes south or no one wants to date them for them,
internally to attribute it to themselves and not to the other person. For me,
it was hard to accept attention even from someone willing to give it. I
felt unworthy of it and as if a guy willing to give it must have something
wrong with him. Inside I was struggling with me but didn’t want anyone else to
see or know that. Teens want to keep
everything secret many times. Perhaps
today teen suicide is an all-time high.
Self-esteem building is the best way for a young person to
have a healthy life and good relationships that foster future success. Without
it, they are more apt to have disappointments along the way.
Schools allow bullying much more than they should. This issue has always been there, it is not
so much new. Yes social media possibly has made it worse but is your child
adding to it by their public media posts?
Don’t allow them to be part of the problem, fueling their own issues. If
they complain, ask them if they are adding to their own issues.
I firmly believe if you don’t like something, be an advocate
for change. Try to create solutions for your children so they don’t live your
mistakes. They won’t listen to you, if they are ‘normal’ but school systems
might, your church may very well. It is a good place to start.
I recently heard from an old friend. It reminded me of
something I always wanted to say. Sorry does seem to be the hardest word. Brushing aside someone who cares was not
helpful. And having regrets would have been nice for them to know. For years I
wanted to undo the wrong and wish I could go back and replay it. I wondered
many times ‘what if’ but won’t get the chance. Life teaches you that you can’t
go back but you can share your lessons and your triumphs with others. Care
enough to teach your kids even if no one is asking you out, your value is
immeasurable. Do not settle for less and
don’t overlook the good people God places in your life. Your time is coming!
