12/03/2015

Mamma Didn’t Tell Ya – Bless Her Soul


You need to take time to thank your mammas!  She never told you some of the pitfalls of aging and halleluiah! If you had known you would have ran for cover! If you don’t know, SPOILER FOLLOWS, read no more.

Your mirror becomes your enemy. Yes, done are the days when you wish it could talk. No, ladies this ain’t The Wonderful World of Disney where she is going to tell you things that just ain’t so. Have you heard of the Mirror Test?  Don’t try it if you aren’t ready to visualize the truth. Take a handheld mirror, turn your head upside down and look at yourself in this position. Look at all dem (or should I say damn) wrinkles! Thank you dear Eileen Fonde for sharing this tip! Reality check.

Oh, and those boobies you thought would never drag, if you were fortunate enough to be graced with them. The age old Pencil Test is true, it is done by many plastic surgeons, if your breast tissue can hold it, you are droopy sister.  Time for a lift, to the tune of a lot more than you want to spend, lots of retirement money, cruises, you name it. And, it won’t last forever, so give it up. Buy a wireless bra to lift them babies up or just accept it. Life goes on and you just lost your portable shelf.

Don’t pretend you don’t know what I am talking about when I say menopause can be women’s worse enemy! Oh yeah, no
more periods but that doesn’t mean hair isn’t the end of the sentence for you! You may luck out and see a sharp decline in shaving hair on your legs but look-out, it is starting to pop out in places you never heard women get it! Yep, all the sudden you feel in competition with your male counterpart as you sneak in the bathroom to get rid of much unwanted facial hair. Heck, some of you are buying portable thin shavers and literally having to shave your face. The good news, if you want to look on the bright side, is you are not alone. Millions of women are at the mirror doing the same darn thing! Thanks Mom, sincerely for not mentioning this tidbit.

Oh, let’s not leave out the negative connotations women get verses men with weight gain. As men get middle-age belly fat, they are assumed to be “party animals” having beer bellies. Women are told they have “muffin tops.” Oh yeah, easy on the bakery goods, you “sweet tooth freaks”, can’t say no to nothing!  And by the way, men are said to be couch potatoes contributing to excessive weight gain. Older women, by nature, refuse to move the coffee table, and thereby are soap opera queens, or the type addicted to Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil, which ratings show, many do not even watch.

It is hard to talk about this subject directly and honestly without sounding crude so if easily offended stop reading now!  Butt cracks are okay on young people, women in particular in tip top shape have taunt behinds. Ladies aging do not.  And let’s face it, there is usually enough room in there for Moby Dick for many women.  And the way jeans are designed these days, at any age, bending over lets it all hang out.  Who designs jeans anyways? Can there be any anywhere they are not called lo-rise or mid-rise?  How about a pair that doesn’t fall down when you move?  Most women are not enjoying the ritual of being compared to “plumbers” by their husbands.

Sex has its advantages at this age. With experience comes the ability to become better negotiators.   It can easily become a Get Out for Shopping Excursion Card Free! Men have less energy to fight women and women have more time to browse in stores and get an added Senior Citizen Discount. However, shopping is an experience.  Clothing styles seem to often want to quickly jump the aging population into the style less class and jump the prices up for some reason though most are living on limited stable incomes.  Hello, did you know that seniors are living in poverty level in many instances?

While young women go to manicures and pedicure

appointments, it is no secret; you will also have appointments and getting out. However, your calendar will be habitually filled with doctor appointments.  Hence, you will be also be touched physically with care, if you are lucky enough to find a good healthcare provider that provides it. 


But the good news is this, there is plenty to
enjoy about aging ladies!  It is the most liberating time of your life. All of above, you will take with a grain of pain and a huge sense of humor. You will laugh over calamities as never before. You will cry and through past experiences, know troubles will pass and the sun will come out tomorrow.  Outer beauty perhaps may have passed you by but you will have gained the wisdom to know it doesn’t matter in the end.  True beauty comes from inside your soul, from God and your spirit.  That beauty will never diminish unless your light of faith goes out. So ladies let it shine, let it shine, let it shine! God bless you till your God, your belief system, calls you home!