I have often wondered why it is hard to let go of a relationship when the pendulum only swings one way. So many of us find ourselves in relationships with people, be it friendships or family members where we are always feeling negative emotions inside and yet continue to reach out in the hope that something will change.
I think there is this faith that with persistence there will be a different outcome. Our culture has taught us hard work pays off. The only problem with this is that we are not capable of changing other people, only ourselves. We can’t affect how other individuals react to us, the dynamics of a relationship. We can only affect our side of the paradigm.
Thus, we can come at it different ways, try different methods of communication, and change ourselves. If the acceptance of self, our true identity is just not there by the other party, this relationship will be hard to savor. No matter what the tie is, the amount of effort that is put into the relationship should be minimized. The cost to one’s emotional well-being is too high to justify the interaction. It is far better to spend energy on relationships that are healthy than expend energy on ones that are unfulfilling and leave you feeling as if you need a therapist.
We have a tendency to also analyze the people who are somewhat rejecting of us, using us or just honestly, not givers in the relationship with us. Some people will not want to love you, care about you or feel vested in you. This issue may have nothing to do with you. Even if it does, there may be nothing you can do about it so it is best to let it go as opposed to letting it tear you up inside. Don’t take someone else’s inventory either trying to figure out their short comings or their perception of you. Simply let it go and make the relationship a lower priority and focus on the ones that are mutually rewarding.
Life is a gift. The gift was given to each of us to be savored. You, the creation of you, was one of those gifts. It is to be celebrated. If someone in your life does not find you worth celebrating, move on to someone who does find you worthy of a party.