Lesson from 2016

A new year is upon us! What I have reflected on more than anything this past year is that my life has not played out as a fairy tale.  Many times, I did not like the story line at all wishing I could change many of the chapters and characters.  Yep, sometimes I had a one on one with God requesting a do over but then realized, mid-prayer,that would be too exhausting knowing what I know now about living. So 2016 cemented the knowledge that I am indeed, like it or not, walking God’s plan not my own.

Taking responsibility for my own actions but with the knowledge it is all part of a Master plan gives me a greater sense of purpose.  I had two choices to make, roll with his plan or fight it. This year showed me that rolling along with His plan, praying more to understand it, gave me a heightened sense of awareness of what it was and a greater sense of peace. Getting in touch with my Master Plan I forced me to make some difficult choices through-out the year. Some decisions were difficult and I procrastinated. Prayers and reality set in eventually making me see God’s vision as I prayed more than this year than in many years and it helped me gather strength.  

Doing what is right is not always easy but is best.  I had to recognize what was and was not healthy in my life.  I suppose I had done this before but needed to do it again as I felt my soul unrest. My son use to remind me of something in the serenity prayer that if you can’t do anything about it let it go. I began to notice a few things consistently causing so much distress in my life, pain and unhappiness that I had no control over.  He was right and so was the answer to my prayers let go. If it is meant to be, it will come back and if not, peace of mind is priceless and part of God’s vision for me now. I am in the last few chapters of my life. I do not get do-overs.

The price I pay for being in places unhealthy or relationships over the years was and is too high. If one can’t control a situation, be it a job, marriage, relative, etc.…the stress permeates your being.  . I could no longer let as much stress and anxiety in my life, it affects my health too much and well-being. I enjoy peace and serenity and drama-free existence. That is God’s plan for me now.

I also found God still wants me to use my voice to speak out for others in need or myself, wherever it is best served. Even in writing my blog, at times they seem silly, as if what nerve could it possibly touch?  Then someone writes me privately and I am pleasantly surprised. Each of us have a voice and should use it till the day we die.

2016: My parting advice I learned this past year:

If you desire peace and serenity in your life, walk in the light of God and stay smiling as much as you can. This will help keep you in the happiness mode more often than not. Stay in situations that keep you in the driver’s seat and are emotionally healthy. If your gut makes you feel compromised or unhealthy repeatedly, distance yourself from this people or situations.  Your overall Master Plan is beautiful.

Happy New Year Everyone! Be blessed.

Veronica Gliatti

Smile for Today is Yours!

The passing of the year should not bring tears. Instead it should bring joy, that you have experienced more photo images of life. Yes, you have been given more chances to see God’s creation, meet more people and see different faces of our Creator. You are indeed blessed.

With each day that passes, we are indeed a bit wiser. We are given choices, choices to be happy, sad, reflective, educated, argumentative, open-minded, and the whole array of emotions.  Pity the fool who wakes up and goes to the mirror and always sees the exact same reflection, no change whatsoever. Grateful is the person who sees change, another wrinkle, a smile looking back, a worrisome brow, a twinkle; for they know change is a sign of living. 

Right inside my bathroom, first thing you see when you walk in the door and right outside the shower is the line “Begin each day with a smile.” It is not in a small font, not a medium, but a huge typeface.  That is by design.   I need and want it to be emblazoned in my mind. It is imperative for those who battle depression to not take today for granted, not one minute of it. This moment, this hour, this day is blessed. I want to feel good every day when I get ready to face the world as we all should. 

Last year,  the past 365 days were graced with Kodak images, memories we get to hold on to forever.  And yet today, we are still here to experience all that God has in store for us. We have a debt to pay, in a sense, to God.  He sacrificed, his

only son for us. We owe it to Him to make the most of our time on earth. Jesus taught us the most pure way to live, the righteous way. He knew we would stumble and fall, we would certainly sin,  and fall from grace.  But we were taught we could ask for forgiveness and be granted it, that easily. We were instructed to ask those who trespassed against us to pray for those individuals. Jesus said to forgive others,  essentially let  bygones be bygones so as not to develop a hardness. Without forgivness, a wall is constructed that interferes with your relationship with God and others.  

Live your life with a free heart, free from the bondage of hate, free  from worrying about a tomorrow challenges that might never come. Know that today is part of God’s plan for you, and  are you are meant to savor it.   If you are down, know you are not alone. Many people suffer from illness, loss, depression, and other issues.  

Being prayerful and introspective may help you find one small blessing in your mountain of sadness, even if it is the ability to produce one small tear.  That tear shows you have life, emotion, feelings and the freedom to express it.  So many live in this world with an inability to identify their emotions or feel anything. You are not one of them, to feel is to be human and to be given the gift of life, praise that gift.

As I look back on 2015, I see a woman that has experienced many highs and many lows. I have lost some dear people along the way also that I miss. I know that I am called to change and make not New Year’s Resolutions but permanent changes that will better me. 

Part of my life’s mission has been to continually improve and be closer to what God’s image is for me as a Christian woman. Like many of my friends, I have struggled in determining and defining what that is, and after much contemplation or as my blog is called reflection, it has became much clearer, the picture. Some of those changes entail letting go, be it people, relationships, and ideals I once held, and even items that I once thought were so important.  Passage of the years necessitates I evolve too. 

Over years most of us grow wiser and  our ideology does and should change.  Our nakedness we entered the world in becomes closer to what we return too. We are faced with the reality we leave and return to heaven with what we came here with, God’s kingdom.  So, let your yesterdays be a beautiful memory.   Let the hardships fall off your shoulders and serve as  lessons upon which to grow from. Know that those that reject you may be, in part, be rejecting a part of themselves and know God loves you more. Right the wrongs and move forward. Help others grow just as surely as you do.  And hug yourself as you embrace each day of the New Year! May God help you see fit to begin each day with a smile! 

Winds Blowing

Through the best and the worst of times we experience the myriad of what we call life.  No one gets the choice of siphoning out which parts we can alone experience.  Thus, our history, past present and future comprises a mish-mash of both.  2014 was, to many, a time of challenges, personal growth, joyful memories and personal loss.

This past year, the world scene underwent some very negative news stories that upset homes, governments and families everywhere. It was easy to see how these tensions could carry over to personal lives as well.  However, with media attention towards controversial topics there creates dialogue.   Hopefully, eventually with this communication, solutions will ensue. Compromise, though, does not seem to come easily anymore.  Even within our American soil, there is a pervasiveness to be right rather than resolve issues.

The success stories of what has gone right in the world, in our country and in our communities is not as newsworthy to networks as the negativity for some reason.  I suppose it doesn't make as good of a headline, eye-catching.  But these stories, moments of happiness, of mountains conquered also were compiled through-out 2014.  Even with a government that many want to hate and condemn for not getting enough done, has still maintained our democracy.  Many Americans are holding down jobs, are home owners, have the freedom to carry arms retaining their liberties and freedom of speech and are able to move at will. Be critical of the US Government and president if you will but note also many other nations treat people like second rate citizens in their own land.  So another year went by, 2014, and with all the terrorism going on, we remained free, a blessing not to be taken ever for granted. It gives us continued hope for more positive change.

When I review my life this past year I have seen some wonderful things come into my life.  I had not returned to a special camp for cancer survivors in many years called Camp Bluebird.  This past spring 2014 I returned.  It opened my eyes and my life to a new circle of friends that I had met before here. 

This time, going to this three day camp by myself, it took those relationships to a whole new deeper level. There is no turning back, even if I wanted to.  The commitment to continued growth and the bond we share from fighting cancer, some still fighting that battle is an unspoken thread of love that ties us together.   It allows for unconditional regard and a surrogate family that is responsive to each other’s needs and prayers in an eye-opening kind of way that perhaps was remiss in my life.  I can say 2014 brought the miracle of Camp Bluebird into my life.  As one of the leaders says in part, you can’t hurt me too bad, “I am a Bluebird damn it!”

Debbie Thomas of the American Cancer Society and I have spent a great deal of time together this past year.  With her encouragement and my passion towards finding better cures and treatment for breast cancer, I increased my involvement in a big way towards the annual event to raise funding for Strides against Breast Cancer in Nashville, Tennessee. Having worked in the past as the Director of Corporate Development for the American Cancer Society, I know how critical the success of this event is to the programs for breast cancer and expanding research in this field.  Many do not realize too, that the research expands well beyond simply breast cancer, thus other forms of cancer benefit from these dollars. 

Thus, I helped in several areas for the event this year with my primary role being working with not only Debbie but a special lady out of Memphis, Sarah Byrum, on social media.   Twitter and Facebook were intended to increase the awareness of Strides. The end goal was to increase team numbers, dollars and involvement. It helped considerably but we found it can be improved on even more in 2015.  I am proud of the foundation that was built this past year.   Yes, pink passion in social media for Nashville hit its mark!  So many carried the torch and ran with it.

It has always been important to me to not only continue my education learning from others but to impart what I have learned. Not being employed anymore outside the home poses more challenges to this and yet I have so much more to give.  Thanks to the wonders of marketing and social media, I have been engaged much more heavily this year on Twitter.  This forum has provided me the opportunity to meet so many diverse individuals.  I have learned from many others of varying degrees of expertise and also imparted my knowledge base gathered from working and personal experiences.   It has been rewarding to feel as if I have helped others have some insight and growth moments in their life. Helping others is what I feel we are called to do.

Friends are priceless commodities.  This year reinforced this fact more than ever.  It was a time to reevaluate which ones are the stand-outs.  Who is there with you for the long-haul?  Who has your backside? As you get older, friends begin feeling more like family.  No longer are you bound because of your children playing sports together because your children are grown, flown the coup. Your friends choose to be around you.  They actually like you, respect you, and care about your opinions even if you are on opposite sides of an issue. 

My husband and I realized we have a closer relationship with a few of ours in particular.   Whether we see them often or not, they and we are a phone call away.  If needed, that is all it takes for one of us to be there for each other.   This year showed us that one of God’s blessings is giving us friends like this and recognizing the value of them. 

My relationship with my husband has deepened tremendously this year.   Our years together have put us through uphill climbing and some fun rides down hills laughing through twists and turns.   There were years when the heart-ache threatened to break us but the bonds of matrimony have gotten stronger and shown us our love is unique.  What we have we are unwilling to ever walk away from, we are willing to fight for and die for.   We have held each other in tears, in anger and in laughter finding that, through it all, we can survive all kinds of weather.  How many times we have found new ways to define our life as circumstances have changed and necessitated that we do so.  We push each other to get off the pot, and move forward.   This year was no exception.  2014 reiterated again we believe in each other and support each other 100%.  We can be happy as long as we have each other. 

Oh boy, 2014 taught me that I wasted 14 years!  Too much time in my marriage was spent not fostering a better relationship with my sister-in-law.  She began calling me once a week when she retired and it was a joy. I think, in the beginning, I started wondering what the motive was, if something was wrong.   Once my guard was down and I just enjoyed the calls, the relationship began to develop.  I had regrets that it took so long for us to get close.  But, things happen for a reason so perhaps this was the year this was supposed to occur so I am thankful it did, she called and I answered!   I look forward to what we do and learn in the years to come!

 Christmas was spent in NYC with Jim’s niece and all that side of the family.  Wow, what a wonderful time!  What were we thinking not getting up there sooner? Why speculate.  We need to quit wasting time and bite the bullet, find the money and spend more time with my husband’s side of the family.  We have hardly spent any time up there during our 14 years of marriage and truly it was one of our best Christmas’s together.   We were surrounded with laughter, love and a feeling of love, acceptance and giving.  Jim’s family is full of laughter, craziness, activities, openness, acceptance and all the good things Jim and I are about and want in our life.  We value these qualities. 2014 reminded us we have family we have neglected that wants us to be an active part of their live and we have let them down by not making time for them.

This past year there have been some very special memories with my grand-daughter Ava, and grandsons Ty and Jake.  As they get older, the memories are different and in some respects, easier to remember because they are more interactive.  Having said that, any memories with them are special.   Having Ava for a few days over the summer was a very special time for both Jim and I.  She still continues to make us smile with her innocence and her desire to make everyone around her happy. As both boys continue to surprise everyone with their progress from their therapy for autism we beam with pride and pray for continued improvement.

Little did I know at the time that my visit with my grandson Kaleb in Feb. would be the last time I would see him.  Thus, 2014 visiting with my grandson was special indeed and I will treasure that time. His silly faces he makes and his teasing me with his silliness.   That is something grandmas don’t easily forget.   I wish his Grandpa Jim had had a chance to say good bye in 2014 but somehow I know God will make certain Kaleb knows in his heart his grandpa never stopped loving him.  Kids somehow know these things.  That week with him will always be a special time for me in 2014! I feel blessed I had it, amen!

My husband and I made more of a commitment to have fun in life and do more things for us.  And we did.  We are limited as to what we can do, but within our means, we did find things we could afford to do and we did those and had a blast!  Renting a cabin with my sister and her friend for the weekend was heaven.  I finally got to see my nephew play on his high school varsity football team out of town and he was great!  We went and visited a close high school friend overnight I hadn't seen in ages.  We went to see a Broadway show together.  We went to an amusement park and even one time took our granddaughter to one! The list goes on, and from the smallest on the list it is all good. Life truly is what you make it.  Don’t hold your breath waiting for tomorrow to come.   

2014 had its low moments, for sure but it had some incredible moments too I wouldn't trade for the world.   It showed us we can forge ahead and change directions no matter what gets thrown at us.  It is kind-of like playing dodge ball.  After you get hit, do you just stand there or do you move towards a new horizon?

Have a Colorful 2011!

As I cleaned out the closets one by one, I made my way to the upstairs room where most of the forgotten items are placed. The closet that seldom gets opened. Where items hardly ever seen or heard from are viewed. And as I opened it, and glanced at the door, this new year, I paid particular attention to the colors of the scarves hanging on the inside of the door.

My husband had so created specially designed hanger to hold every single scarf that been made, bought and given to me during my long battle with cancer years ago. I was struck by how many colors I saw, the diversity of patterns, the sheer volume of scarves there were. I gathered all the various scarves hanging there up in my hands, closed my eyes and then, laid my face up down in them.

Standing there, bent over, inhaling deeply I thought about the hands that had lovingly supported me all those months long ago. I recall the angels that had supported m, one by one, far too many to list. Memories that were priceless; Candida who made me homemade cards, and sent them out of the blue sporadically with special notes of encouragement. Suzanne and Janet, two dear cousins of my husband’s, letting me know I was as sweet as they candy they were sending me. Marlene in DC hand picking out the color of scarves to send me that she thought would bring the light back into my eyes at a time when all I saw was a lot of darkness in the inside of my bedroom. There was a beautiful basket of goodies two friends, Carolyn and Sherry had dropped at the hospital to me after one of my surgeries. They were my only visitors that stay in the hospital so I truly was touched by the visit! The basket was used to hold, for my entire treatment time, to hold cards I received. By the conclusion of treatment, it spilled over with cards from friends, family and people I did not even know with good wishes and prayers for a recovery. Then there was dear Marc, a Christian friend, who had his young church class praying for me, and yes I felt their young prayers weekly. I smiled with the blessing of it and looked over at my husband who smiled back at me. Holding all those scarves I knew what a blessing I had experienced.

With the passage of times, I no longer wear scarves but cannot bear the thought of letting go of even one of those scarves. I feel as if they are a part of the fabric of me. In remembrance, one year in celebrating my birthday with girlfriends, I wore one over my hair to a luncheon. One friend looked at me inquisitively and asked why I was wearing it. I said “To remember.” I think I need to do that more often. In fact, I challenge all women, wear a scarf one day a year, walk the walk of a cancer patient and see the world from their perspective. Having cancer is not a cake walk, the rest of the world, when a woman loses their hair, tends to look at your funny at a time when you already feel isolated and hurting inside. Do not judge that which is different or avoid it but try, through the grace of God, understanding and possibly embrace it. As I use to tell my children when they were little, a smile goes a long way. To a cancer patient, on a bad day, it is a sign from an angel.

As I closed the door of that closet, I cannot help but feel so grateful that my life has forever changed. So many people I have met, along this path of recovery, either survivors, care takers or those taken by God to everlasting peace have too. Some wonderful people have walked into my life, and some old friendships have been rekindled with the awareness the light of life on this earth is fading. I don’t know when the clock will stop ticking but I am certain one day, it will and I do have strong enough faith that I live void of the fear. But I also live feeling as if every day counts. I have attended far too many funerals to prove it. I just love my friend Carole’s comment to me at a mutual cancer’s friend funeral “I need to start hanging out with a different group of friends!” and yet, she is always near to those in need. That woman has a heart of gold and even when her husband was diagnosed with cancer, her faith seldom falters, what an example to others.

When our group of survivors meets, we always talk about how important it is to surround ourselves with healthy relationships, people that make us feel beautiful and whole. Anyone who tears us down or makes us feel part of a dysfunctional relationship is a threat to our physical and emotional health. This can cut our lifespan short. This is true for everyone. Boundaries are also important. Just like pulling the scarves out to reflect on them and then closing the door, we all must do that also with the ghosts in our closet. Not everything about those scarves brings back positive happy memories either, cancer is not pretty. Our pasts are usually full of some hurts and some unfulfilled needs. Take a look at them, ‘your scarves’ accept responsibility for them and then move on. It does no good to harbor resentment towards anyone, your parents make mistakes, and you make mistakes. We all must accept accountability for our lives, at some point, and move on. Live. Live healthy. Boundaries must be set and healthy relationships need to start there. Those scarves and the cancer do not define me, therefore, they do not need to be out front and center in our home, and they will never be placed prominently.

With a new year comes new promises, new hopes, and new tomorrows. But those scarves remind me of wonderful yesteryears and also of sorrows. Those memories make me who I am today. We can run from our past but should we? Part of who we are today is where we came from. I choose to look back, reflect, draw strength from what I did right, and from those that gave me strength and hope when I was weak, and grow from it. We all must live in the present and surround ourselves with those people that accept us for who we are and make us feel beautiful. The range of colors in that closet represent God's array of people, the diversity in His children, the assortment of gifts. I hope those 'gift givers' that contributed to the array of colors on the inside of my closet door like the view of what they see in me today....

Happy New Year and may 2011 be colorful and full of hope and promise!