The Friendship Net

 

Friendships on social media are like no others. You reach across the worldwide web and become connected to people you would otherwise never know.  Several I would surely miss if the internet permanently broke!

 I have found wonderful friends in various states across America and Canada over the past several years. Sharing our views on everything from politics to child-rearing, cooking to other outside interests has been challenging, at times, and invigorating. It has taken me through the best of times and the worst of them. And through it all, it restores my faith in people. We need to reach outside our comfort zone and connect with others, even ones with opposing views. How boring is life if all you see in others is a direct reflection of exactly you? Hearing once strangers share pieces of their life is inspiring and leads to personal growth. 

It constantly amazes me that there is a commonality of all God’s people from the farthest reaches of the world. So many goals, hopes and dreams are intertwined with the same expectation across the gamut. We are alike as much as we differ.  Surely everyone should learn to appreciate that.

I say thank you in this short blog to those friendships that occurred simply because you too were looking for a bit more depth in your life. Thank you for being on social media so I could meet you, digitally. I hope I bring more to your circle because you all, most certainly, add to mine!

God's Grace is Among Us

The confusion over the identity of who you are by some people is not something that can be understood by simple explanations. Some people don’t want to hear them because they have foregone conclusions. Who people are often more felt, intuition, or experienced by interactions. The test of time can be revealing also, more so than by simply taking an experience and placing judgement without knowing all the facts. Live your life going off your gut, guided by the light of God when and if you decide to evaluate people and try not to be judgmental.

Many times in life we are faced with crossroads with people, those near and dear to us and those we pass in work and interpersonal relationships. Associations bring conflict; it is a fact of life. Stronger is the person that can face these head on and resolves them. The ones that can merely classify them quickly and walk away without forethought is the person that thinks life is simple that no one deserves a second thought and takes people for granted, the gifts of others is not to be taken lightly. Living a life with regret is a hard thing to overcome down the line. Looking back, some you left in the dust you may find would have been your best adversaries.  

Each person you will meet in life has value and was brought into your life for a purpose, part of God’s master plan. Be certain you uncover the reason. There are those who are truly meant to float in and then fade into the woodwork of your past. They are stepping stones for your future period. But there are also some that are the fabric of your being, those that built you up and helped you become the person you are and could have built up more, if you had stayed involved, engaged. The test of time is the ones that stuck through it all with you, helped you preserve when times were tough.  Who was and would have been there when you head was low, when you didn’t win, and still had your back?

If you find those people walk away from you without a second thought, the sadness can be painful but the reality is you gave what you had to give without conditions. And we are called to love and give without conditions. Expect nothing in return and then you are altruistic. In a perfect world, we are returned love unconditionally and friends reciprocate. We are trusted, not judged and given lead way to grow. In reality, not everyone has the ability to love or be a true friend, partner or family member for life. Growing pains may be, to some, learning the difference.

Working with someone who is quick to judgement and doesn’t appreciate your efforts is equally disheartening but par for the course of employment in today’s times. Know that the compassion comes in handy and you are the bigger person for having the strength of character to accept fate, a rejection f sorts and move beyond. Everyone doesn’t have to accept you as you are, but then again, many others will, free of their own prejudices and constraints.  Being hateful for the person that degrades you or pushes you away nets nothing but internal hatred for others or makes you no better than the person who pushes your goodness away. Rise up, take notice and move on.  

To live in peace requires an ability to let bygones be simply that, part of the fabric of your past. One must learn to let others let you go, let you be part of the fabric of their past. Even when the pain of letting go seems hard, hurtful or disloyal to you. Life is not about always winning but knowing when the ship has sailed and you are not meant to be onboard. Learn when the energy to hop on board is a sacrifice to your own inner peace.

Fighting for the right to be a part of someone’s life should not be a constant battle. We need to recognize God is who we must prove our loyalty to in the end, not to men or women on earth, not to those who betray our confidence or goodness and our faith. In the end, He will see that we receive our bountiful and the right people love us the way we were meant to be loved and received in his grace.

You are goodness,

Full of a heart of gold,

Don’t let anyone,

Turn your spirit cold.

You have a mission,

To make your life a shining light,

Others may try to cut you down,

But just hold your candle to a higher height.

Is the Friendship Real?

I use to write about friendships quite abit. Over the years I quit writing about them but have noticed, as I have aged, maybe I should more.  They change over time, as one ages. The

attitude about them changes, they become more valued, the close ones and the casual ones, less worrisome when they are, shall we say, fly by nights. As we become more confident in whom we are, our basis for a friendship becomes more grounded.

In younger years, the focus seems to be more on having a quantity of friends. When the time is right to go out, most of us literally flip thru the phone list of friends on speed dial finding someone free for the night. Anything is preferable to staying in or staying home alone.  The people with the most friends are equated with the person with the most personality, the one everyone seems to want to be around or emulate.

What is often the case, beneath the surface is this person is the one most craving the attention. This type of person has the most difficulty being alone and needs the constant affirmation from others. Do you know that there have been studies that reveal more intelligent people are introverts and prefer time alone rather than being with friends?  The theory also goes that more intelligent people are less likely to be brought down by friends and can be more focused on their career options and quality of their relationships which is why they prefer not to have a large quantity of friends.

Also when we are younger we use the term friend frivolously. There is a major difference between friend and an associate, someone we know casually, either through work, close proximity through another or social media or just hanging out with. A true friend is a reciprocal relationship.  Several studies have been done by psychology departments, cross-sectional and found people would be surprised to find the ones they think regard them as friends do not.

Thus, as we age, we become more attuned that to get a great deal out of relationship we must put energy into one. That takes time, passion and commitment. Who has the time and energy to do that with so many people?  Having fewer means having better. Work smarter rather than harder and have quality friendships. Many folks I know have better friendship relationships than family connections.

Connecting with people is wonderful and not to be discouraged. However, to retain and develop a relationship must take a commitment on both sides. Each relationship or rather friendship that is worthwhile is a slight cost to another friendship, in a sense or an addition to it if its meaningful and adding something to your life. I personally prefer those that build each other up, support each other’s diversity of ideas and create a supportive fun attitude of life. Without an undercurrent of accepting real unconditional regard and love, know that that friendship does matter but don’t short change the ones that will always carry a piece of you in their heart.  

Snapshots of Change

Changing seasons as the months go by,

Changing voices as the years can’t lie,

Changing desires as our bodies become needy,

Changing goals as our minds become greedy.

 Some of the changes we embrace are good,

Some are totally misunderstood,

As long as we get back on track,

When, in life, we fall astray,   

And continue to grow

Being humble to God in every way.

Our growth will continue until we are called to come home.

Years ago I reconnected with a dear friend of mine I had made when our children were little. We were both young married couples, part of a Catholic parish in the area. We were both highly involved, both stay-at-home moms at the time so it was a source of social involvement, giving back and showing our small children Christianity at work.  Our relationship developed into so much more than a typical friendship, more like a sisterhood. The amount of time we were together is immeasurable. We saw each other through kid’s first communions and both went through divorces. We shared quite a bit over many years of our changing philosophies towards everything including religion, faith, child-rearing, marriage and life. Oh yes, even towards ourselves as well.

Both being in unhappy marriages, I think God planned for us to meet. He gave us each other, that human connection so that we could see in each other what unconditional love felt like, the comfort of looking into someone’s eyes and knowing, no matter what you said or did, they would still love and accept you.  We both needed and deserved that in our lives.  And, honestly neither of us had that in our young marriages.  We had children who looked up to us and should have had a better example of what a healthy marriage is.  Somewhere along the line our relationship splintered when we both moved away from the area and we lost contact. 

As luck would have it, or rather as God would plan it, we reconnected several years ago at a time when, once again, we were both going thru some life changes.  Yes, she was in the process of going from empty nester with her wonderful husband and being a grandmother to a small grandbaby to adopting her oldest grandchild with her husband!  It was a lengthy troublesome heart wrenching court proceeding. It was made even more agonizing as they had been raising him since he was a small baby. At the same time we connected, I had finally put my cancer treatment behind me, noticed some long-term effects of that treatment were beginning to show but was trying to acclimate to life after cancer.  Ah, looking at a life ahead being a grandma now not fighting cancer and embracing a new future! 

Here we both were, at a crossroads of sorts, reconnected at a special time in our growth period again, as women, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and fears about where we were and what lies ahead.  We wondered aloud how best to prepare for it, what steps to take and what to simply put in God’s masterful hands. 

Life was good but naturally had some pitfalls also, new anxieties for both of us but that unconditional bond was there between us, that magic we shared. However, this time, we both had a lifetime mate, we had each found a man that provided us with what we had so longed for all those years ago. We were so happy for each other and yet realized what we had was a different dimension of our womanhood that also needs nurturing from time to time.

With time, those issues sailed away working their way through change. Her and her husband/best friend received full legal custody of their darling son with absolutely no visitation of the mother with major issues.  My life also seemed to be coasting along merrily.  We, this time, made certain, even with distance, we stayed connected feeling certain God made this re-connection for a reason, some divine plan or maybe just because it was pleasurable!

Well, just when the boat didn’t seem like it was going to rock too much anymore, a storm blew through.  It hit both of us, equally hard, but in different

ways. She lost her riches, so much financial backbone they had as a cushion to enrich their life in a few disasters was gone. And I in another horrendous experience lost what I thought was one of the richest things in my life, my relationship with my firstborn grandson, the one born within days of my cancer diagnosis.   At the same time, my trust and relationship with my daughter blew away like a flame on a candle, blown out and all the sudden it was dark never to be light anymore. 

Both of us went through major heartbreak, pain and making adjustments. These were changes thrust on us that seem harder because the older you are, change is not quite as easy but still important to undertake as it is part of learning and growing. Learning to let go of what you can’t control and moving beyond is important, even when it hurts.  Everything you do, as you age, sets an example for those younger than you, it is your legacy.  We simply must show what you can’t control you must accept and change only what you can, yourself. 

We have heard each other’s hurts, each other’s disappointments and each other’s revelations during this time much as we did in all the other times in our lives. We will listen again when more changes come our way in the future and will gladness in our hearts knowing change is, overall good, a sign we are living one more day of God’s overall plan before he brings us both home.  Through the change, the pain, the upcoming winds of change is that pervasive knowledge that I will hold her as a very dear friend tightly, if she needs me and throw her extra oars, and she will toil my line if I need her too.  She has a lifeline and I do too in our husbands. We know we are survivors, in so many ways and stronger for having known each other and tapped into each other’s strength. 

I think many feel the same kinds of winds of change we experience throughout our life at various times, the why me, the you have got to be kidding me’s, the where is this going? But in the end, you have no choice but to button up your

bottom lip and deal with it. As another friend says, shit happens. Good relationships matter, not several, not many at all, just quality ones.  Decide where and who they are and foster those relationships!  And remember you are one of them, yourself!  Take care of you.  When a wind of change attempts to blow you over, reach for a lifeline if you need it, pray to God for added strength and remember always, someone else out in the ocean, just beyond the horizon is going through exactly the same thing.   You are and will be stronger and closer to God’s image if you grow with it!  

Get Real About Relationships

Loving somebody sometimes means letting them go. Not everyone in life is going to accept who you are, what you stand for and your character defects. But at the end of the day, some things won’t change.  And we are created uniquely for a reason. If you have to change for someone to accept you, don’t.

Too often in marriages when people marry young, they are not fully able to understand the commitment involved with forging a relationship with a lifetime mate.  They are twice as likely to end in divorce.  Interesting that Divorce360.com suggests the ideal age to wait is late twenties before taking that huge step.  Younger couples marrying can be more for reasons related more to the stage of development they are in, through no fault of their own. Thus when one changes or grows the other spouse is left in the windfall. How likely is it that two individuals will mature at the same rate?  Even if they do, often times, one looks at the other as they mature and realizes loving someone doesn’t necessarily mean they are a lifetime match.  What’s more, divorce is so easy to obtain. 

Success rates for marriages are compounded by ages, culture differences and so many other obstacles.  Dr. Phil has quoted studies that show women who have came from divorced homes are 59% more likely to divorce. If both parties have come from such a home, the rate increases to 189% per Journal of Marriage and the Family. Many between the ages of 20 and 29 believe they are looking to marry a soul mate. However, soul mates may not be the best criteria for picking a lifetime mate.  A soul mate is usually reserved for people in your life that awaken a deeper sense of purpose to your life, a deeper understanding of you.  Frequently, this encounter(s) or individuals actually leave your life, and are not permanent fixtures, such as a preacher, a teacher, or an author. This word, soul mate gets thrown around like the word love, carelessly and without really understanding what the word implies and means.

Lifetime mates are the relationships that contain mutual respect, being physically present and creating memories.  Your individuality is something that should be created and discovered by you alone. That is the piece you bring to a relationship. Too many use their marriage as one uses a co-worker, to enhance themselves. It should always be about giving and mutually building towards a common goal. It also takes work and is not something that comes easily like lust.

Relationships coming unglued is not limited to marriages, it spills over into families as well. Too many times, boundary lines are ignored and someone encroaches on another’s.  Codependency is said by some to occur to 96% of women at some point in their life. This means needs are often at the forefront of relationships. Thus, women who subscribe to co-dependent relationships can write off family when they feel there is no need for them in their life.  Once the need and attention is gone, the will to retain the relationship is too.

Friendships are easily created and disposed of with no real complications. However, if the relationship is built on the true components that make lasting relationships work; these can be some of the most committed relationships we experience as adults.  Infact, statistics show social networks,  having true friends in one’s live can improve their lifespan as high as 50%!  Grab a friend and go get lunch!

Part of the reason for the strong emphasis on friendships with experts in this area is that they tend to be built on validation of self. Friends show us we are valued, friends support our goals without any ulterior motive and to many, a great friendship is more invaluable than a family tie. It is entirely a relationship built on choice, thereby it can easily be disposed of so the work continues constantly to keep it fresh, intimate and supportive.

The magazine US News & Money, of all publications, put out on article on this topic of the need for friendships in our life. “ At the end of the day, a friend can be the emotional oasis that makes all the difference.”  Friends make you happy and way too often, families make each other sad.  Friends accept you and families are twice as likely to judge you and not accept your frailties.  This is regarding close friends, and it has been proven over and over again, they make a huge impact on our lives.  Have great friendships with even a few people and you are rewarded with living happier and healthier. 

What is surprising is that adults don’t take the skill sets they use to form mutually rewarding and satisfying friendships into the other relationships in their lives. Experts say marriages are so much happier when there is a solid foundation of friendship.  Spouses who lift each other up expounding on positives verses negatives make a union longer lasting.  Noone enjoys being put down and being labeled. 

Within families, too often bygones are not forgotten or forgiven.  Within a good friendship, there is no expectation of perfection.  Whether is it considered more hurtful when it is a family member letting you down or just pure lack of love, many families don’t believe in working things out. It has become a more disposable society we live in and it has transposed to our family unit. Divorce your spouse and cut out any family that makes you angry. The prevalence of negativity and unsupportive regard for one another is breaking families apart.

The good news is friendships, good friendships, survive the test of time and actually enhance as we age.  This is partly because we make time for those we care about, we listen with open ears and forgive them for their transgressions.  We allow them to be human. 

I suppose the take away is to evaluate what qualities you have in your best friendships.  Those are the qualities that should be mandating all of your relationships in life. If someone doesn’t accept you and treat you as a good close friend, don’t let them in your inner circle. This should be a special appointed place for few.   If they are toxic, let them go.  They will only serve to make you unhappy, unhealthy and those around you miserable.  

God intends for us to be loving and kind to each other. Some have that ability and many do not. This world is harsh, our inner relationships shouldn’t be. You are worthy of being loved and in equal standing relationships too. Let those who judge you, hurt you,  or mar you, find a way to make their own sense of peace, or not. You are responsible for yours!  

Make sure the relationships you foster are the kind that build you up and others. When your day comes to leave this earth, your legacy will be the quality of the relationships you had and not those you did not.

The Potential Significance of Silence

Is silence golden? Well, silence can be deafening when someone wants to speak of something that touched their life dearly and those around them do not want to listen.  If the universe intersects some people in a negative way, they would just as soon not hear the voices that need and should be heard. They would rather be shrouded in ignorance than know the truth.  This self-protection from that which is not pleasant but is someone else’s reality does more harm than good. It is a missed opportunity for growth and learning.

Everyone’s voice matters. Even those with a song that is full of sorrow deserves to be sung, deserves to be heard.  It should not fall on deaf ears; it should be listened to with compassion.  We are all called to be servants of God. Being a Christian, living in his likeness means opening ourselves up to some painful discussions now and then.

The disciplines had to be filled with grief at what they saw Jesus endure. They each had come to know him, one on one, and had some conviction he might be the chosen one.  Yet, his words were filled with not only hope but of justice. He urged others to care for their brothers.  This request involves being supportive of those in need, those hurting and those who need more than a passing glance. That, at times, could be painful and it was for the disciples.

It is unfathomable to speak of living a life of Christianity and following the Church by simply attending.  It is not enough to simply take care of your own immediate family’s needs in your home. No, God intended us to be gateways between him and others in many ways and not all ways are an easy path. Some involve sacrifice. Yet, those hurting in our country are met too quickly with condemnation for their misgivings, be it having committed a crime in their life, being abused, being disabled, or being chronically  or mentally ill. These conditions are often treated as if they are contagious.  Be wary of these folks for they will pass it on!

Steps are needed to show Christianity, not lines from the Bible nor dressing up every Sunday.  One should not speak of living a good life if that life does not involve helping others. What is good about a life that serves no one else? 

People in need deserve disciplines.  They deserve loved ones and friends that are there for them, that listen, that accept, care and respect their story.  Just because it has dips and bends along the way does not make it any less magnificent.  Listening is learning and to the other person it can be the ultimate healing.  

I suppose the end all question in this blog is are you able to be a healer?  Do you have the ability to love others unconditionally?  Can you allow others a voice to be heard without judgment on your part and gain respect for their experiences, though they are different than yours? 

Silence is not golden for a child of abuse. It is not calming either when you have been raped or no one believes you.  Someone chronically ill still needs to be heard; though their voice may be pained it still matters. And you listening has the power to help ease the pain.  Infact, listening can be one of the most uplifting things you can do for others. 

Thus, the silence resounds. It seems to be a prevailing attitude in society, even among families and friends.  People are ignored, not responded to and put by the wayside as if they are not worthy simply because their life is different. They choose to distance themselves from those with negative experiences in life and then, never have to concern themselves with being part of the solution. They are willing to accept the loss of growth because that growth will come with some pain, some tears, and some potential heartache.

Talking to several folks over the past several months has given me a great insight to others perceptions of silence.  I have seen tears, heard shouts and read profanity. All of this because of someone who endured or is enduring misfortune and the very people, family or friend they thought would be there is not. They became a non-priority. The loss of support is painful, sometimes as painful as the original issue at heart.

Know that your silence can hurt. In the worst case scenario, it can kill. You can walk away with no misgiving, no guilt, at least for the moment. But is there a price you pay, we all pay, for your silence?  Are you impeding the growth of those around you when they need you the most? Could the best lessons in life be learned through the very folks you are shutting out? I could make a case for yes, they are.  Your silence is deafening but by not listening, you are stunting your own growth.  And they, God willing, will continue to grow. 

Silence can be rigid and unforgiving and black instead of golden.  

Special thank you to a few recent friendships that had a great deal of input and influence in this blog.  You all know who you are! I am blessed to have you in my life. Those that choose to have you in theirs are as well.  Those that don't, I think we can all agree, this blog is reflective of them. 

You Can Still Make Me Smile

A man is defined in life by what other people say about him. That is the theme of The Christmas Carol. His self opinion matters not if noone likes his character and what he professes to say about himself has no merit.  A indelible impression a man leaves with those behind is not how he lives on this world but how he makes others feel about being here, about their choices, their opportunities or lack of.   Did he try to help other people during the time God gave him to do so?  Was he someone who gave others guidance or try to make the world a better place in some small way?

I met a man years ago with one of those beer belly laughs.  You didn't have to know what he was laughing about to find the joke funny.  As soon as you heard the laughter from

across the room within your earshot,  you were  laughing too.  His smile was from ear to ear and it lit up the room!  He enjoyed making everyone happy, sincerely loved it. He was one of those rare individuals who knows life is short lived, make the most of the time you have here.  His smile has taught those around him all they need to know about life. Enjoy it immensely!

Funny how some folks, on the service, seem like they don't take much of anything in life seriously.  This friend is one of them.  I suppose some people who haven't taken time to get to know him may take it for granted that he takes life very light-heartedly. But don’t be fooled by a  jovial spirit and carefree candor. Sometimes these people can be the ones God has created that are testing us all.

Yes, these are the few that inside the smiles and twinkles in their eyes have the hearts of gold, the spirits that are kind and forgiving and the ability to care unconditionally.   They can be the ones that can carry a cross, fall down with it and laugh getting back up.  Oh, can you  be in a crowd, and keep moving forward with a grin inspite of being in emotional or physical pain?  Many of us cannot, preferring to shy away from others and certainly not offer hope when we are hurting ourselves.  But not this man, he finds some source from within to offer something to others in pain regardless of his load in life. 

There is nothing wrong with pulling away from others when you are hurting and needing to to take care of yourself. But it can be done to an extreme where isolation occurs and that is not healthy either. It is important to know when to ask for help from others also. The strong man, of devout faith, knows when to do this. My friend does.  He knows also to first go to God. 

When others would sit in sorrow as not having the freedom to walk as they would like, the luxury of being self-sufficient, he will not succumb to a disease. No, he pushes with what strength he has, he is a living example of a man with determination.   A strong man does what he needs to do sometimes to show the world you can still get out and be human even if it means riding in a scooter or being wheeled in a cart. On a bad day, he will stay in and be sorrowful and on an okay day, he will get out and soak up some sun and listen to laughter and inspire some others.  Being a man is giving yourself the permission to have humility when you need it and allowing other people in your life to give you gifts of service. It is also giving those that care about you the joy of seeing you alive, even if it is not in the full range of motion you once were. 

Many weak-hearted people want to give up when the going gets tough.  Living life at half-mast, when your limbs are not working well,  and pain becomes an everyday occurrence is jolting.  How do you transition nicely into this?  My friend is a living breathing role model of a man who has done just this with strength of character, compassion for others and love of life.


When I see him, I still see the comedian there. He finds humor in little things every day. He

even laughs at himself, his own frailty. He doesn't ask, nor does he want any sympathy. He does want, I think, understanding so as to widen the knowledge base of the health condition for others and for his family.  But as for him, he takes the good moments when he can get them. He loves and soaks up positive energy from where he can obtain it and still manages to give it off in so many ways, it is simply astounding.

No longer does my friend stand up to tell a joke. No longer does he walk in circles nor talk loudly as his voice is weaker.  But the strength he possesses as a man has grown tenfold over the years.  He doesn't stand in the center of the circle when activities are going on these days, preferring to sit on the outskirts now and simply observe as if he is on the sidelines of a football game. It is definitely teaching a lesson to many around him that enjoyment out of life can be from sitting back and soaking it in, you do not have to be actively on center stage.  

Some days I worry that my friend sees himself as weak when he is so strong.  God is using him and he is walking through the plan prepared just for him.  I imagine he is getting high

praise for it as I write this because I see all the signs there.  Even on his darkest days, he has the ability to be caring and compassionate towards others.  What a gift.  True to the first time I met him, he has retained his unmistakable quick witted sense of humor that can take you by surprise and leave you with that what did you say look on your face!

He is easier to overlook in a group than before but I pity the fool that does so. Simply because a man can't stand or shout does not mean he doesn't posses the richest gift we can gain from this world. Have you figured out yet what that is?

The truest testimony to a man is the value people around him place on his friendship and life. My friend is treasured by his family and loved ones; it is in his daughter’s eyes when she looks at him.  So apparent, the love in her eyes.  Everyone that knows him well cares about him. His jokes and laughs use to light me up. Now I get that from just being near him or hearing he is having a good day. I am, like so many other lives he touched,  forever changed.  

Dedicated to my dear friend John Petty.

Pet Me Friends

These past few weeks, it has been difficult to get my head around writing a blog.  I keep waiting for that divine intervention of an idea, that perfect topic to come up to expand on, one that touches my heart and soul. The only thought to write about that keeps reoccurring is one that sort of leaves me emotionally feeling paralyzed.  That immobilization scares me. It also makes it indeed a challenge to convey my thoughts in writing. 

I have reflecting, these past few weeks, on the plight of several close friends paths in life.  I have been haunted by a few unfortunate turn of events. A few friends have had things in life happen where it is as if they took an unexpected drop off of a cliff and managed to hang on a thin ledge.  They cling there, bewildered, yet full of faith.  All the while, they are questioning, where were the friends that said they would forewarn them before they got that close to the edge?  And I wonder to myself also, where were they?  Does true honesty in most friendships not exist?  Are people unwilling to share feedback if it is unfavorable?    Why do others not extend more help or ideas to do what they can to help friends succeed?  Do friends not feel, in any way, vested in their friends success?  I think we all know the answer to this. Safely guard and nurture the friends that do!!!

During this same time frame, a few other friends have had wonderful news occurring in their life.   They indeed have been blessed and are celebrating their good fortune, as they should.   I am overjoyed for them, yet saddened that life could not have met somewhere in the middle so that both friends could have had a moment of satisfaction. But life doesn't work that way. It is God’s plan, not ours.  And we all must face our dark moments to get to and appreciate the light. 

As I have silently and pensively reflected on this paradox at home, my mood has been somber.  My dog Charley can sense this easily. He feels my pain, always has.  And he feels certain the best way to help me overcome my sadness and confusion is to focus my attention on him.  That can simply be best done by petting him.  To accomplish this feat, he bothers me relentlessly by doing whatever must be done to get me to pet him. This must be quite hard on him because it entails doing actions he has long since given up, head butting me on the legs, trying to jump on my lap when I am sitting, barking at me, laying his head on my lap, etc.   He is particularly fond of making a U turn so that his rear-end is facing me so I can scratch his backside as if to say “Yes, life can be pretty smelly but you still have me.” 

 I know that things will turn around for my friends that are struggling right now and that life will make a U turn for them in the days ahead.   And those that are rejoicing, they had their moments of despair and have been justly rewarded for their struggles.   My friendship will always be steadfast for all of my dear friends.   And the friends that should matter to all of them, no matter where they reside in the journey of life, will be devout.  As one friend said recently, “It is when things aren't going well; you look around and realize who your true friends are.”  So true.

We are not in this world alone for a reason, it is definitely by design.  We need to help each other, or as Charley implies, pet each other.  So maybe my darn dog is reinforcing something critically important to me.  I am not so helpless after all in any of friends’ plights of life’s letdowns.  I am doing something.  Just being a reinforcement as a friend, an unconditional supporter, can make a huge difference.  You don’t need to put your rear in someone’s face to create a positive change, like Charley, but you can certainly nudge them and let them know you are there. 

I apologize but I must sign off now. Someone is weaving in and out of my legs, at the moment, all 105 lbs. of him.   He is letting his presence be known, much like that friend that knows you and is assured that you will always take their call when they are in need.  Well, this friend, though aggravating at times, and most assuredly getting dog hair on my pants, is taking precedence over anything at the moment.  And that, as I hope my blog has clearly stated, is what good friendships are about.  Figure out who yours are and give them prominence in your life, support them in all ways!  Charley is one of mine.............

God's Angels May Be Your Friends

Some friends come into our life and are just passing through. They are like ships that come into the harbor. You hear them in the distance, and see them through the fog. If you stand on a dock, you can get a better glimpse of their majesty and be touched for a moment in time. Then, you turn and walk away to go on with the rest of your day or your life with a wonderful memory.

Then, there are other friends, oh they are the very few and far between. These are the ones that make up friendships that are lasting, bonding, and withstand the test of time. These are the friendships that endure the test and trials of our lives. I like to think these are handpicked individuals God has interwoven into the fabric of our life knowing that, to reach our full potential, we must have these people as part of our chosen circle.

Both types of friends are indeed blessings.

Last night we gathered for a dear friend’s good bye party. A group of women that meets periodically of cancer survivors has become quite close over the years. We all met during recovery, which for anyone who has never experienced cancer, it is an ongoing process, in actuality. Patty came into all our lives seeming to be like a beautiful rose that never saw its own beauty. We immediately sensed in her a soft delicate soul, a woman with a heart of gold and spirit so vivacious that, when unleashed, we knew she would be a force to be reckoned with! Without a shadow of a doubt, not one of us ever doubted why God chose her to be a survivor! She is undeniably blessed.

When I sat down to try to write something today about Patty, words escaped me. To try to capture Patty in mere prose is impossible. She has a spirit that is uniquely Patty. She has an energy that flows out of her being and she is like a magnet that draws people near her but yet, she is the type of woman that never really seems to sense those qualities about her, always remaining humble with humility. She never really sees, either, how beautiful she looks to the rest of us gazing back at her.

Her life has forever been changed by cancer. I think it was only fitting that she is clearly seen in Martina McBride’s latest video with her husband, so the world can see what those of us that call her friend see. PattyMac is the face of women everywhere that have battled breast cancer and won. Patty is a fighter and victorious, but it is a hard won fight!

And now, with happiness and sadness, as with all changes in life, is the time for her to move on and turn the pages of her life and start a new chapter. So, with mixed feelings last night, we met Patty and her husband Paul for dinner to commemorate our wonderful friendships. She will soon leave her residence of our Volunteer state with her dear husband Paul. But, it is with sheer gladness we celebrate that God has a strong hand on her shoulder. We know His design must surely be to move our dear friend forward away from a place that brought her so much sadness and yet so much growth and understanding about life. Patty is moving out of a place of darkness, into the light of His love and He is taking her and her soul mate Paul back home. May we all learn to trust in God that the path He takes us on will surely take us where we need to go.

Some friendships last forever, some will fade away. But all will serve a purpose. The distance is far but we are always near where it counts! We love you Patty, now and ever more.