Suicide is So Often Misunderstood

I read a post on a close friend's Facebook page recently that touched my heart. It was a short but powerful post she about suicide.

Many that follow my page know that I have lost a step-son through suicide. My friend has lost a dear brother in the same way. It is a much more complex issue than what those without the experience frequently think.

Dan Bronold

Society often quickly jumps to false conclusions. In our case, we read many posts on the media page that said Dan deserved to die, good riddance. there was no human compassion, no knowledge or interest in who he was, he had not even had a trial yet, he was guilty by public opinion.  

This post by friend made bears posting here, on my blog, to the many follower. I hope it will be shared and discussed. My hope is it will enlighten those unfamiliar with the topic, reinforce what those of us know and help spread some more information that might be helpful. IT is uncomfortable to discuss but needs to be out in the open and better understood by everyone. 

When I was younger, I had a session on this topic with a group of teens through my local church. Half way through the class, several teens broke down crying, including the tough males who never seemed bothered by a thing.  Most had experienced a loss of someone in this manner.  Wrapping your head around suicide is hard, at any age.  

I have made very few edits to my friend's words only to make it pertinent to the blog, more generic to everyone.

"Can't say it enough...Many people think that a suicide attempt is a selfish move because the person just does not care about the people left behind. I can tell you that when a person gets to that point, they truly believe that their loved ones will be much better off with them gone.This is mental illness not selfishness. 

TRUTH: Depression is a terrible disease and seems relentless. A lot of us have been close to that edge, or dealt with family members in a crisis, and some have lost friends and loved ones. Let's look out for each other and stop sweeping mental illness under the rug. May I ask my family and friends wherever you might be, to kindly pass this information on and give it a moment of support to all those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just need to know that someone cares.

Do it for all of us, for nobody is immune. 

Hope to see this on the walls of Facebook, Social Media locations everywhere, all my family and friends just for moral support for myself and so many others I don't know names of, faces, circumstances. I know some will!!! I did it for a friend and you can too. No personal information needs to be shared. Thank you."

Special thank you to my dear friend for posting this on their page,as a reminder to all of the loss we suffered that is with us forever. When she shared her story, I never dreamed in just a year or so, I would be in a similar

situation but only mine would be my husband's only child, my step-son.  The scars remain and society's reaction is not what you would expect. We must be compassionate and better comprehend what is behind this. Only then can be begin to prevent it also.  Mental illness and health is not a nasty topic or a sign of weakness. 

My husband and I  started a fund at a camp for troubled youths to help prevent teens from continuing down a self-destructive path after our son's death. This Camp is Christian-based and is focused on preventing attendees from meeting a similar fate, helping them get on a path where they can reach adulthood and then not destroy their adult lives. If you choose to research it or donate it, it is listed below.  There are just too many successful stories of lives impacted to even know where to begin. 

May your eyes be open and you open someone else's eyes to the beauty of life and the outreach for those needing help! 

Midcourse Correction Challenge Camp

Attn: Dan Bronold Memorial Fund

833 E. Grand River Ave

Howell, MI 48843

For more info on Midcourse C. Camp, Click Here

Compassion for Everyone

Talking to some friends online I learned that many people like to hide their

ailments. Society puts so much pressure on everyone to be perfect that it has

become socially unacceptable to expose your flaws. Any flaws are seen as a weakness. It does not matter whether you are running for the Presidency, head of your neighborhood HOA, coaching a kid’s team or just being an in-law, the expectation is nothing less than perfect in every way.

Unfortunately, some of us are not hardwired that way. We come with not only defects of character but some physical issues as well. These are not by choice, not because of poor health and nutrition but simply it is what it is. We don’t blame our parents, pollution and society, we accept. However, those without health issues, those that profess to have it all together feel they are built without flaws. They see themselves as beautiful beings, infallible to chronic illness, mentally sound at all times and incapable of making blunders. They hold others to a much higher standard in life than they hold themselves.

The end result is a split society, those that endure challenges and those that do not.  Growth occurs to those who learn to deal with life as if they are on a sailboat having to navigate against strong winds not going in their favor.  The other parts of society, those with blinders on, go through life oblivious to others maladies. They are quick to judge, slow to respond, alienate themselves from anyone they see that has shown poor decision-making skills ever because it shows a total lack of character in them, unlike themselves.

So as we chatted yesterday, we learned that we each have survived and are surviving with several things in common. But, in sharing we helped each other grow more. One person in the conversation did not have a medical issue going on, but had a deep compassion for others. Her contribution to the conversation was just as meaningful. She experienced that we all learn from each other, and we learned from her, her heart of gold. There is no such thing as a weak link when we are sharing provided it is with an open heart and mind.

We keep our confidences quiet, mostly.  We we know when people ask how you are they really want to hear a trite answer back. All canned answers will do nicely.  We wonder why folks condemn others when they have never walked in their shoes.  We find a bit of sadness that many that suffer would feel much better if others would show abit more compassion and not use energy either avoiding them or putting them down. But, it is what it is.

At the end of the conversation, we knew it was time well-spent.  4 strangers who became lasting friends.  Caring and sharing creates understanding and bonds, when people let down the walls and truly open up.  That is supposed to be how life plays out. Imperfection is reality, anything else is fabrication.  Some people's flaws may be more obvious because of who they are, what position they have held, how they look, what they are willing to share, etc... But, everyone has these bumps, so to speak.  If you didn't, you aren't human.  Find time to be real, if not with others, with yourself. 

Moments like yesterday, one conversation and the world shines a little bit brighter, not just for the four of us, but possibly, for everyone.  

Tomorrow may you start,

To find it in your heart,

Accept people for who they are,

Quit raising up the bar.

Compassion goes a long long way,

And makes our future brighter every day.

The Potential Significance of Silence

Is silence golden? Well, silence can be deafening when someone wants to speak of something that touched their life dearly and those around them do not want to listen.  If the universe intersects some people in a negative way, they would just as soon not hear the voices that need and should be heard. They would rather be shrouded in ignorance than know the truth.  This self-protection from that which is not pleasant but is someone else’s reality does more harm than good. It is a missed opportunity for growth and learning.

Everyone’s voice matters. Even those with a song that is full of sorrow deserves to be sung, deserves to be heard.  It should not fall on deaf ears; it should be listened to with compassion.  We are all called to be servants of God. Being a Christian, living in his likeness means opening ourselves up to some painful discussions now and then.

The disciplines had to be filled with grief at what they saw Jesus endure. They each had come to know him, one on one, and had some conviction he might be the chosen one.  Yet, his words were filled with not only hope but of justice. He urged others to care for their brothers.  This request involves being supportive of those in need, those hurting and those who need more than a passing glance. That, at times, could be painful and it was for the disciples.

It is unfathomable to speak of living a life of Christianity and following the Church by simply attending.  It is not enough to simply take care of your own immediate family’s needs in your home. No, God intended us to be gateways between him and others in many ways and not all ways are an easy path. Some involve sacrifice. Yet, those hurting in our country are met too quickly with condemnation for their misgivings, be it having committed a crime in their life, being abused, being disabled, or being chronically  or mentally ill. These conditions are often treated as if they are contagious.  Be wary of these folks for they will pass it on!

Steps are needed to show Christianity, not lines from the Bible nor dressing up every Sunday.  One should not speak of living a good life if that life does not involve helping others. What is good about a life that serves no one else? 

People in need deserve disciplines.  They deserve loved ones and friends that are there for them, that listen, that accept, care and respect their story.  Just because it has dips and bends along the way does not make it any less magnificent.  Listening is learning and to the other person it can be the ultimate healing.  

I suppose the end all question in this blog is are you able to be a healer?  Do you have the ability to love others unconditionally?  Can you allow others a voice to be heard without judgment on your part and gain respect for their experiences, though they are different than yours? 

Silence is not golden for a child of abuse. It is not calming either when you have been raped or no one believes you.  Someone chronically ill still needs to be heard; though their voice may be pained it still matters. And you listening has the power to help ease the pain.  Infact, listening can be one of the most uplifting things you can do for others. 

Thus, the silence resounds. It seems to be a prevailing attitude in society, even among families and friends.  People are ignored, not responded to and put by the wayside as if they are not worthy simply because their life is different. They choose to distance themselves from those with negative experiences in life and then, never have to concern themselves with being part of the solution. They are willing to accept the loss of growth because that growth will come with some pain, some tears, and some potential heartache.

Talking to several folks over the past several months has given me a great insight to others perceptions of silence.  I have seen tears, heard shouts and read profanity. All of this because of someone who endured or is enduring misfortune and the very people, family or friend they thought would be there is not. They became a non-priority. The loss of support is painful, sometimes as painful as the original issue at heart.

Know that your silence can hurt. In the worst case scenario, it can kill. You can walk away with no misgiving, no guilt, at least for the moment. But is there a price you pay, we all pay, for your silence?  Are you impeding the growth of those around you when they need you the most? Could the best lessons in life be learned through the very folks you are shutting out? I could make a case for yes, they are.  Your silence is deafening but by not listening, you are stunting your own growth.  And they, God willing, will continue to grow. 

Silence can be rigid and unforgiving and black instead of golden.  

Special thank you to a few recent friendships that had a great deal of input and influence in this blog.  You all know who you are! I am blessed to have you in my life. Those that choose to have you in theirs are as well.  Those that don't, I think we can all agree, this blog is reflective of them. 

Handicap Biases

Don’t look at me because I am different,
Don’t stare at me because I act strange,
I know that I am not like most people,
I try my hardest to fit in and change.

Years of therapy,
Of trying to fit in,
Attempts to learn simple things,
With only the love of kin.

It is not easy,
My struggles are with day to day life,
Doing what you think are easy chores,
Things like opening doors,
But my life is worth living,
And you can help,
By being willing to be more giving.

Friends are few quite,
Most folks see me as a bother.
It is easier to ignore me
Then let me ask for help with a holler.
So never does a day go by,
That I don’t pray to our Father.

See, I need His Strength,
May it shower down on me from above!
I feel alone so many times in this world,
I feel comforted just knowing of His unconditional.


I value my life,
Even at this most basic level,
I refuse to let my cross weigh me down wear,
The negative attitude is for the Devil.

You know we all have a cross to bear,
We each have challenges on our back,
Perhaps that is why we are here to serve one another,
And help keep others on track.

Are you doing that for others?
Are you watching others in need?
Are you self absorbed and
Focused only on selfish greed?

No, even you can’t get to me,
So you can stare if you must,
I will survive the burden of a handicap,
Until I return to dust.

I am here for a purpose,
If you are wise you will surely see,
That God loves all his people,
So why not reach out a hand to me?

Take my message
And share it with others.
Remember, we are all brothers.