Express Yourself

I often wondered, when I was little, would I always be an introvert.  I did not have the confidence to speak up. Conformity was important because I did not want to stand out. I

appreciated diversity as well as I could, considering I didn’t even know the word back then. I knew many friends were different and were picked on for those differences. I was upset by that and knew that was an injustice. But I desperately wanted to be accepted and to be so, you had to be like everyone else, or relatively close. So I tried to keep my mouth shut and fit in.

In reality, I never really was even close. I was tall, skinny and just plain different. In retrospect, so was everyone else. All kids were unusual in their own ways. With some, it was obvious, but perhaps overlooked. In others, it was extremely clear.  There were those with a lisp, a birth defect, ragged clothes, unattractive, lower IQ, etc..

How they dealt with their ‘uniqueness’ was something never discussed in youth too much. Feelings were something kept inside, at bay. The exposure made everyone feel more vulnerable and vulnerability in youth is a sensitive emotion that can destroy a life easily. So we went about lives ignoring each other’s short comings, those of us that were picked on because of ours and having to ignore the popular kids’ defects.

I am not really sure, looking back, if every imperfection was noticed by others. I just think, as a youth, we are focused heavily on each and every one. By staying quiet, I drew less attention to me and felt less of a target of ridicule. But eventually, as I aged into adulthood, I came out of my shell.  It was out of necessity.

Being a mother turned me into a mouthpiece for my children. As a single mom, if not me, who would have spoken up? When coaches were needed for my kids teams,  my hand went up. And with that involvement came confidence and growing up for me, as well as my kids. This led to me converting to an extrovert more by necessity.

There are advantages of being extroverted, I have found. I am comfortable talking to strangers and asking others about their story. Learning from others is a great way to grow. I have no problem debating, standing up for what I believe in and I quit avoiding confrontation. I enjoy public speaking which was something I use to dread.

The disadvantages are numerous also. I set myself up to be a target also for hostility. Expressing my view, when it is not the norm, makes others upset with me and wishing I would shut up.   Confronting others is often seen as being mean or argumentative because many expect everyone to conform. Conformity is over-rated. That has led to far too many problems in society today though.  Each individual should have an innate right to disagree and express it without being judged. 

One style is not better or worse between introversion or extroversion.  And some people fluctuate between the two, depending on the situation. In fact current research is now indicating most people are a combination of both.  Regardless of how you decide to categorize yourself, find a way to share your ideas and thoughts. The more everyone does, the more enriched we are as a society. Don’t wait for someone else to say what you want said.  It may never be expressed and always lay dormant.  At the very least, write it down. Expression can come from spoken word or from the written. 

Expression is a blending of your imagination and the artwork of the mind.

Dabble with a Drabble

I recently learned about drabbles, a term I had never heard before. Drabbles are short fiction stories that are exactly 100 words. It is a great test, as a writer, of the ability to use brevity of word choice and be concise. Not always is this necessary but when needed, having this skill set is advantageous. I decided to test my ability to write a drabble.

As I sat down and attempted to come up with a subject matter, no fictional ideas came to me. So much of what I write about is non-fiction. I found myself continually coming back to a story I wanted to tell. It was about another writer that has been reaching out and helping me quite a bit in becoming a better writer and more astute. I realized, it may not be categorically a ‘drabble’ but it would give me the experience and practice of writing one. Beyond that, if the story moves me, perhaps it might be more likely to move the reader. So I wrote my piece, confining myself to exactly 100 words with a beginning, a middle and an end per the requirements of a drabble.   I share it with you, my followers. 

The background story is the talented writer friend has suffered with a short coming for over a year now.  This has directly affected her ability to write. She has focused her energy instead on another gift she has which still shows her God given talent to touch others.  

Commercializing Love, My Valentine

I have always found it funny that kids give out Valentine’s Day cards. The commercial holiday about saying I love you to your significant other quickly became a marketing tool for selling cards and candy to even kids.  And parents fell for it, whole-heartedly!  What we do in the name of LOVE.

Valentine’s greetings in written form started in the 1400’s. Valentine’s Day is not just celebrated in the United States but also in Canada, the United Kingdom, Mexico, France and Australia.  All Valentine’s wishes were hand-written until the 1900’s when printing technology had developed. From then on, cards were printed.  Valentine’s Day sends the second largest volume of cards of any holiday, right behind Christmas.

One of the most amazing facts around the holiday in the USA is that 58 million pounds of chocolate candy are sold every Valentine’s Day week. That's a great volume of sugar making for one hyper nation!  145 million Valentine’s Day cards are bought, exchanged and mailed each year.  As of 2018, sales for jewelry are $4.7 Billion and $2 Billion on flowers. Total spend for Valentine’s Day holiday is $19.6 Billion per the National Retail Federation.  What a great deal of expense to express an emotion of LOVE. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to simply say “I love you?”

I worked in a Lingerie department years ago. Leading up to Valentine’s Day, men flocked to the department.  They all were looking for something red or an intimate sexy item.  None of them seemed to have a clue of what size their wives wore.  The cell phone images some had of their wives revealed a bad estimate on their parts.  And head shots guys are not helpful in estimating sizes for women's clothing!   We were routinely asked, based on OUR body type, what size they should buy.

This is a hard call for anyone in sales, especially when it is a gift from a husband to his wife. None of us wanted to start a World War in a home.  Hence, we usually took the same approach, suggest they estimate with a teeny bit of direction and go with the smaller of the two sizes so as to make certain all is kosher on the home front!

It was rather amusing how many of the gifts seemed to be purchased for themselves. Many men are bold shoppers and made no secret of it either. We really did not need to hear this or ANY particulars!  I am certain their significant others did not want us to as well as many were frequent shoppers with us which is why they were told to come there.

Some men brought their children in shopping with them into the lingerie department. Valentine's shopping for the sole purpose of buying pajamas or a nightgown is one thing but sexy items is another. And thong undies all lace is not something kids want to see!  Some purchases and fathers checking out items for their mommies seemed abit much for the kiddies!  To make it even more uncomfortable, some men would ask their children to help pick out item choices and it was real clear the children were not happy-campers picking out mommy’s sexy outfits or undies!

Regarding children, I still find it comical that children in grade school have to buy cute paper cards and hand them out to all their classmates. Well actually, if their parents work, which most do these days, their parents have to go pick out and buy Valentine’s cards for the kids to take to school. Many of the cards taken to school don’t even have the names of the kids in the class on the envelopes anymore, if they are placed in there. The kids find it as much of a hassle as the parents. It has become the "Total No Name Game", their first experience at "Speed Dating" and "Flash Friends." What happened to giving the cutest ones in the box to your best friends? At least keep that tradition, poor kids.

Can you believe that the kids at school are giving cards with hearts on them to the classmates they ignore, the ones they taunt and tease, and even worse yet, the ones they bully?  Wouldn’t a card saying I am sorry or I will stop be more loving and appropriate?

What’s more, the child that is harassed by other students is made to give an I LOVE you Valentine’s Day card to other kids that make his life a living hell.   What’s normal about that?  Doesn’t that give a bully another chance to knock him in the head as he walks by? How about a card that says Good luck finding true LOVE with an attitude like yours? That seems like a better card to the bullies in the class. And the mean girls, why can't the card's back say "Get out of the Dark Side."

One year I went through some of my grand-kids cards post-Valentine’s Day. Wow, you can deduct a few things looking through them. First, it’s easy to see which parents bought them last year on clearance, the characters are passé!  You have the cards with the children who write sweet little words on the back with their signature, so darling, so few.  There is that other group that at least write their name so you know who it’s from. The other group is  the lazy group, nothing there, just a blank back. No name, no shame. Parents are AOL and the kid doesn’t care about the dang cards either.  They probably feel like me about the whole card thing and are only interested in the candy at the Valentine’s Day party.

The cards manufactured for children say some real stupid things. Why can't they come up with original material after all these years? It is bad when the kids tell you that too!  The lines are right up there with the Conversation Hearts but the cards aren’t edible, unfortunately. You would be real popular in class if they were.  They’d hold that box of hearts while eating them a whole lot longer than they are ever going to hold that paper card. It’ll be pitched inside of 24 hours. But they will feel loved by all their classmates for having gotten them, right?

This tradition with passing out cards in schools for Valentine’s began in the 1930’s when cards became Mass produced. It is a waste of money for the children living in poverty and feel they have to conform. Cut back on eating to buy Valentine's, somewhere to somebody that makes sense.   Do kids in school really care about reading a whole bunch of cards? It’s hard enough to get them to read their text books.

Perhaps this is why some areas are banning the celebration of Valentine's in schools. They feel the time spent is unnecessary, in states like Florida.  If it is deemed essential and American because of the message, even to children, let’s start insisting employers give employees time off of work to celebrate too. At least adults are old enough to know what love is.

And so it goes, the money we spend for Valentine's Day, for LOVE.

How Marketing 101 dictates our actions. If you look up the definition of LOVE anywhere, in the dictionary, encyclopedia or just google it, nowhere does it mention buying candy, flowers, jewelry, or sending cards. It’s just possible Valentine’s Day is sending the wrong message and that it isn’t even about the color red or a heart shape. It is entirely possible showing

LOVE is as simple as the little things you do for those that are the most important in your life even more so than what you buy and what you say. Real LOVE doesn’t have a price tag but is sweet and priceless!

I don’t despise Valentine’s Day, I have confectionery hearts in my home too!  Happy Valentine's Day to you & yours! 

Life Just Keeps Getting Better!

Birthday celebrations, oh yes,

Provide the backdrop of snapshots

Of what we were back then,

Little snots, tiny tots.

And the mirror with our friends today,

Provides a dead giveaway

We have lost some of our youthful look,

Our past grace, there is just a very small trace!

We celebrate other’s birthdays, laugh as they age,

And relish it’s not ours!

Celebrating each moment

We get to enjoy under the stars.

I hope you know I am feeling melancholy

About the days that have come and gone

So many trials and tribulations

The letters wrote starting, Dear John.

Missed opportunities for me

But I’d not change a thing

Because through it all

Faith always rings

To celebrate another year

Sometimes feels like a punch in the gut

Especially when I realize

I am doing it with a bunch of nuts!

But I remind myself that God

He always shows me the way,

People are brought together,

And some are meant to stay, to play,

And be there for my birthday!

Closet Cleansing

Cleaning out your house is like doing inventory on your mind. Over a relatively short period of time, we can easily accumulate so many items. Unlike carpetbaggers, who would refer to this this as removable baggage some would it call garbage. Perhaps it should be relegated to the curb!  And your mind, it must be routinely de-cluttered as well.

As I began a project of working from room to room cleaning out closets, I was shocked to find out how many miscellaneous ‘things’ I had. Mind you, most had very little value and were waiting for a purpose. Each one was taking up space and collectively, they were piling up needed space for either newer items or simply freedom.  In my mind, freedom is room to roam without constraints.  My closet needs room to breathe much as my mind needs room to grow.

The work of cleaning out the clutter of the house is a trip down memory lane as the items collected in one’s lifetime are all representative of some moment in time.  Each moment should have been some stepping stone to future growth, a revelation. If the possessions served no purpose, why hold on to them?  What is the point of simply hanging on to items to fill space?  My closets can only hold so much and my mind may have an unlimited amount of resources but my ability to retain it, at this age, has serious limitations. I don’t need frivolous junk floating in there. Pitch the unnecessary, unneeded, the dirty and begin anew.

Any item that was old, I evaluated. Does this bring me pleasure or pain?  Living today, in the moment is key to happiness, the present and the future. Staring in the windshield too long is a surefire way to get smashed with what’s coming up ahead. How often do we hold onto painful memories wishing they would be different and knowing they never will?  Seeing items that bring up disappointments should be considered carefully if they hold value clinging in the cobwebs or not. Just as in the mind, should your mind be filled with memories so vivid constantly that you are unable to process what is going on around you?  Should anyone from your past steal your joy today?  If the items are worrisome, get rid of them. They have served their purpose.

As my pile grew, the items I was giving away, I realized how many happy hands and faces would receive it. These would be people who would have empty closets and be grateful to fill them. The irony did not escape me that I was working on not only decluttering my house but my mind. These receivers were focused on so much smaller demands in life than I, survival. The irony of having so much is wanting so much more. Having so little entails being satisfied with so much less. Aye, we with plenty have much to learn.

And so, as my closets became more open, my mind became clearer. I realized I needed to be more committed to not hanging on to so many thoughtless items. I also recognized my desire to be less focused on the frivolous things in my life and more balanced and determined to concentrate on what matters most to me. Cleaning out cobwebs is hard work. It shouldn’t be done by the light hearted. And once done, it should undo a web of clutter in the house and mind.

Community Christmas Home Tour

The community I live in does a Christmas Home Tour every year. This is the first year I have

attended. This being my 3rd Christmas here in Florida, I admit I was excited to finally attend.

The idea of people opening their homes to let others walk through them to see their decorations for Christmas seems stressful to me. It is a great deal of work. In addition to excessive decorations, it also requires quite a bit of cleaning and planning.

It was so impressive to see the personality of each home we went through reflected in their Christmas tree, and in many cases, multiple trees. The style of decorating was as unique as the host and hostesses were and each home owner was as personable as the next. There were stories to be told about so many of the items in their homes, how they came to be, where they came from, who made them, etc...

As I toured each home, I tried to catch a few pictures here and there.  I decided, after reviewing them,  to put together a video to share some of the sights with my followers on my blog. It truly was inspiring to see their homes.

May you be inspired to open your homes and your hearts in 2019 to those you know and perhaps to even a few strangers and let your light shine in their lives.  Happy New Year!  Click for Video

A Novel Reflection for Christmas

T’was the last time A Novel Bunch met before Christmas,

All here was full of holiday cheer

As they sat around the table sharing stories

They laughed, inspired and teared.

And were reminded of all they hold dear.

At the closing of the year with our Book Club we spent quite abit of time talking about Christmas memories and what has stood out in our minds. It is always so revealing and fun to learn what each person finds as their best gift or the one that left an indelible impression on our lives.

We also shared some of our favorite holiday books and movies. With abundance to choice from, many had to pass. As other women spoke up, much agreement was heard when familiar titles were stated.

With such a positive group, it was not surprising that so many of the selections were indeed comedy selections. It sort of epitomizes this club. Though the book selections are across all genres of literary works, the heart of the personality of the women is fun-loving and easy to laughter individuals.

I complied a video to share the selections of this group, one of my favorite clubs to be a part of for sure!  This year I feel I have grown with this group and look forward to continuing this journey with them in 2019.  May you find yourself laughing at some of the selections and memories. Interspersed within the video of the choices they made. Interspersed in the video are some gifts that stood out in members’ minds in Christmas’ long past. Note, none are the high ticketed items that so many have on their wish lists but the small ones given with love. May we all be less focused on the dollar value of the gift this Christmas and more focused on the value of giving. 

Merry Christmas

Our Club's Memories in Video Format

Vacation Bliss - Friends Make it Sweeter

If I packed a body in my suitcase, it would not have been any heavier than my suitcase

was from my recent one week cruise. Yes, you read that right, one week cruise pack job by moi! Everything was in there but the kitchen sink, the puppy, and the corner drug store. Oh and dental floss. But I vow never again will I pack that much again as long as I live no matter who is on the ship!

This trip was pretty special though seeing as how it was on my Bucket List. Always have I wanted to go on a cruise with a group, preferably friends. Oh I know every cruise ship has hundreds of passengers on it but I wanted folks I knew going onto the boat. Many find it hard to believe but I can be shy, every once in a while. It is said you make lifelong friends over vacation but I have never really stayed in touch with anyone I have met over a vacation, except my first husband. Oh and I did have two children with him so I guess he did play a pretty dominate place in my life.

So the ship chosen was NCL Bliss, the largest ship they have out on the high seas.  And wow, it is an eyeful, like walking a small neighborhood on the ocean from end to end. The

first few days, it was easy to lose your bearings, especially if you are directionally

challenged like me. So much to do on that boat, if you get bored, there is only one person to blame; check out the mirror!

Being on a boat with a group of folks I really don’t hang out with that much was interesting to see how the week would play out. One of the neighbors, as we all live in an active 55+ Community, is a travel agent who planned the trip,

made the arrangements and was our Julie from the Love Boat. So wonderful how meals, shows and even extra fun things on the ship were scheduled for everyone. She left nothing to chance, planning around ports and everyone’s needs and wants. Betcha her past clients were left crying when she moved south and left her business up north. Sorry ‘bout their luck, our gain!

What a group of fun people, and competitive too!  Four folks played Laser Tag with us along with 3 other young kids and may I proudly say “We kicked butt!”  Losing by one point when one on our team had a gun not working half of the game time is not bad at all. Next game we tied!  And having a cop on the team and two vets on our team, even with three kids, we were dynamite and put SWAT teams to shame! And yes, I and one other woman even had falls to prove we were seriously into the game to win!  Don’t let it be said women are wimps!

It didn’t matter whether it was race car driving, watching Jersey Boys, dancing while music groups were playing at the Atrium, this group threw caution to the wind so I fit

right in. When they threw their hands up and said join in, I did. Life’s motto, “Live it up like each day is your last” was the mantra for the cruise for bliss on Bliss and we all did it up right and proudly.

The warmth of friendship makes the sun of the Caribbean pale in comparison. Whether on an excursion or just killing time on the ship by the pool or various activities with friends from the group, knowing each day ended with time with new friends made each day special like all of them.  And if I packed a body in a suitcase, it would certainly be, on a future vacation, one of them!

Click Here for a Video of Some Highlights

Your Inner Kid

I never get tired of seeing kids playing in the mud. See mud piles are the one thing I make

best! It is the one recipe I can’t mess up! Personally I think they even look good. And it is so refreshing to see how a child can be so content making them over and over again. They can dump them over and over again without feeling stress. Adults freak out over a pie spilling and yell nasty words. Why aren’t we more like kids?

Remember the days when making an apple pie only involved picking the apples from the tree?  Wow, the work was done by somebody else. I think we should still do that. Find one of those women on Facebook who loves posting all the recipes and lives to bake. Pick apples to our hearts delight and leave a note that says “You don’t need to thank me, just bake me!”  And don’t forget to leave your address!

Ice cream and watermelon, even as an adult we are allowed to enjoy both but not with the same gusto. We would be laughed at for spitting seeds and having contests for seeing who can spit them the farthest. Such a shame when the cost of competitiveness is nothing I do not remember one fist fight, snarly word or any bullying over watermelon seed spitting. And somehow I think if I suggested it to my female friends they would think my slice had been soaking in alcohol. And when the ice cream truck comes by, I miss screaming. I am not afraid to admit I love it and why not shout about it?  Repression is a bad thing.

The fascination with bugs, clouds, outer space and wild animals seems to fade. Why? The wonders of nature should hold our fascination always.  God’s miracles are reminders we are not in control and something is much bigger than us that is good and beautiful. For some reason we get colored and start seeing the world more musty instead of in living color. This is something that should never be lost.

Does society force you to fit in to some norm of what an adult is when in God’s eyes we are all his children? If you lived only one day, would you be concerned if the actions you took were mature enough to fit adult norms or would you just let go of expected standards and have fun?    I hope that the answer is you would seek the freedom to let your inner child shine through.

The reality is there is a way to balance being an adult and still allow your childhood to be an active part of your life. Joy is ingrained in freedom to be you and not be so caught up in fitting in and losing the ability to express yourself and discovery. You can set the stage for others to follow. If they don’t, let them wonder why you are different and live in their straight jacket of conformity of adulthood. You were, perhaps, born to make mud pies, like me!   

I Am Not my Weight

Weight follows me around the older I get. It doesn’t matter what I eat, it climbs up my legs and settles in my mid-section. I can’t shake it off no matter what I do. Ah, for the days when I was young and too skinny!  Do I want to go back?

Well, I remember getting teased as a kid for being thin as a toothpick. Hell, I could hide behind a tree trunk, a skinny one. I could be lifted overhead, parallel to the ground. I was anorexia-looking before it was cool and I wasn’t even in to fashion or ballet dancing. I was just plain active and living life to the fullest, an outside kid.

I hit my teens and realized Mother Nature is mean to girls. Hormones kick in and I am still trying to figure out what is so grand about it.  I mean really, hormonal is craving chocolate, feeling emotional and a swollen abdomen. Just what exactly about that is fun? 

We use to have to read books in school about “the upcoming change” menstruation entitled The Art of being a Women. I am still shaking my head over the word art that is not my image of art. And then there was the saying Beautiful Me! Who feels gorgeous on the rag?  Nobody I know. It is a royal pain and that has nothing to do with feeling like royalty.

Changing means weight starts coming on to your body easier and as you age, easily. Bah humbug. In a society that prides on tone thin bodies, some of us do not have the innate ability to be trim and thin for all of our lives. So we have to settle for being beautiful inside. If you could see the inside of me, God I am gorgeous!  And so are you!  Don’t be fooled by the fat rolls you see outside. Mother Nature might be tricking you, testing you to see if you can see below the skin. 

And so it goes, another year, another 5-10 pounds of discouragement or possibly adventure. I say enjoy it, live life, eat to live and don’t live to eat. Then you won’t be obsessively overweight, will be happy but not obsessed with trying to be a body you just weren’t made to be!